Kyoukai Senjou no Horizon II 2
As part of a livewatch with The Classiest Anime, I skimmed the first two episodes of Kyoukai Senjou no Horizon II: Horizon in the Middle of Nowhere (II).
I say ‘skimmed’ and not ‘watched’ because frankly, the incessant chatter and my unceasingly annoying textual quips stole my attention away from the action on-screen. 80% of the blame is on me here for being annoyed by myself and annoying others with my typing. 20% of the blame goes to my parents, who parked their asses right behind my monitor and stared at it for a good ten minutes. I was not so disposed as to enlighten them to the masterpiece that is Horizon, and thus ‘watched’ half of the episode blind à la Gosick 12.
Furthermore, I arrived at the livewatch late. Forty minutes late. Thus, I missed the entirety of the first episode. In fact, I am writing this post having seen none of the first episode, having seen ten minutes of the second, and being constantly distracted on top of that.
“Wait!”, nobody says (because nobody reads O-New), “If you’ve missed half the episode, how did you take screenshots?”
A sagacious query. I distracted myself with thoughts of bemused wonderment during my viewing of Horizon, and indeed was unable to grab suitable screenshots during the livewatch. Thus, to preserve absolute objectivity and foresight in the following analysis, these screenshots were taken in intervals of approximately 241.67 seconds, exactly one-sixth the length of the episode in question.
Nevertheless, none of this will detract me from penning a most brilliant analysis of Kyoukai Senjou no Horizon II’s brilliant use of sexual imagery and metaphor to convey a truly idiosyncratic satire of modern fanservice anime. You will note that I have, indeed, not only seen, but have also extensively scrutinized the entire first season of Horizon – all 13 episodes of it.
Thus, I am in a position of expertise and prudence that few occupy.
With these preparatory observations out of the way, let us continue with our analysis.
However, firstly, we must describe the situation at hand in detail, handedly. Handily, we handed out hands handed by Frederic Hand’s hands’ hand by hand to ranch hands’ hands on the right hand of the road, handed in by Jamie Hand’s handing off to a wild round of hands. ‘Hand’ is now starting to look like h-and. If ’1 + 1′ can be read as ‘one and one’, then ‘R+’ can be read as ‘R and’, and ‘H and’ would be ‘H+’, which is like hentai but more wanton.
It is a hand that strikes the centres of our collective attention, and it is a hand that ‘accidentally’ drops a letter into the enfolding bosom of an alluring maiden. Unfortunately, the alluring maiden’s bust is more of a sculptural bust than a woman’s bust: that is to say, her boobs look like they’ve been shined with shoe polish.
It is not a single, possibly perverse exception. No, the norm in Horizon is to have shiny boobs. What could be the reason for this discrepancy between our modern forms of relative chastity and Horizon’s shameless voluptuousness?
England is to blame.
By my reckoning, Aspida Philargia is no mere Armament of Deadly Sin. No: it’s actually more than a mere Armament of Deadly Sin. It’s an Armament of Deadly LUST. You see, Aspida Philargia is redundant Latin for ‘Ass Enlargement, Penis Enlargement’. It’s redundant because the first word, Aspida, directly transliterates to Ass, Pe(nis), and 大 (dà), the Chinese word for ‘large’. Furthermore, Philargia is composed of two roots, the stems of which became the modern ‘phallus’ (from phila) and ‘large’ (from largia).
In fact, Aspida Philargia inflicts a disease upon all of Horizon’s female characters so that their boobs shine, and all of Horizon’s male characters so that they have an intense desire to strip naked. Or at least, this is my well-researched and founded scientific opinion on the matter, having not perceived the full explanations myself.
Perhaps I was, as they say, ‘right on the mark’?
tl;dr: no seriously I don’t remember anything in this episode except for the letter-retrieving (i.e. boob-grabbing) section and, y’know, why not make a post. and also I have no idea what aspida philargia does, I probably missed its introduction and the fight scenes too
P.S. Yes, I did write this post before I wrote my episode 1 impressions. Yes, I wrote this post on July 25th and not July 15th. I just like messing around with time, alright? It makes me feel powerful and strong and not weak! ;w;
P.P.S. No, I haven’t written my episode 1 impressions yet… that’s because I haven’t watched episode 1 yet…
P.P.P.S. That woman during the letter-seeking fiasco was probably awake the whole time… and ENJOYED IT!! >:o
P.P.P.P.S. HORIZON IS GENUINELY INTERESTING OK *pout* >:|