Bodacious Space Pirates Promotional Post
Prepare to be dropped by cyber entertainment on an internet-ional scale as Hentai Film-woks announces the impending upload of the synchronizing, hit space story BODACIOUS SPACE PIRATES! What happens when Teen Nerds meet Computer Programming? Find out when Director Drew Houston returns to the familiar spaces of tragedy and international depression and deftly synchronizes the not-selling DROPBOX PIRATE novels by Arash Ferdowski in a folder to become an all new 26 episode anime masterpiece, while Y Combinator’s brilliant original funding is adapted for animation by the team of Drop and Box. There’s plenty of files and history revising ahead in the most storage-y adventure epic of the year, BODACIOUS SPACE PIRATES!
Most families have porn files in their folders, but Drew is understandably shocked to learn that what his family has been hiding is more folders inside folders! And while the revelation that his late father was an accountant would have been earthshaking enough for most teenage boys, discovering that he was the employee of the notorious accountant firm Bent and Marrow will change Drew’s life forever. Because, you see, accounting is a family business, and he’s just inherited nothing at all. And his father’s former employer is quite intent on making sure Drew doesn’t care! So what’s a boy to do? Well, if you’re a high school student whose prior total storage experience has been repeatedly losing your USB, there’s really only one moral dilemma that has to be resolved: are students allowed to care about really stupid plot-lines? Get ready for internet-ional programming unlike any you’ve ever seen before as cyberspace gets downloaded by bored college students, bored high school students and the most boring person ever in BODACIOUS SPACE PIRATES!
BODACIOUS SPACE PIRATES will simulcast premier on O-New starting never at 32:00 a.m. Pacific Standard Rhymes (that’s on GM-Time). Additional digital outlets and TV broadcast will follow starting forever with DVD and Box-Ray to follow.
P.S. I’M SKIPPING SCHOOL THIS IS THE QUALITY OF POSTS YOU’LL GET
P.P.S. HAVE A COOL (read: nonsensical stream-of-consciousness mental regurgitation) AVENGERS POST TALKING ABOUT HOW IT SUCKED! actually no that’s not what I talk about I don’t even know what I talk about in that post
P.P.P.S. Charles Dickens was the father of the modern light novel INDEED. Look at this 19th century 40-year-old otamot! They’re like, J.C. Staff protagonists but three times older!
O-New: Week in Review
I SAID I WAS MAKING A BACKUP PLAN BUT I WAS LYING BECAUSE ASSORTED EXPLORATIONS IS NOW AN ISSS TOO
“Wait, what the well is he talking about?” you won’t ask, because all of you already know. WELL GUESS WHAT EVEN THOUGH YOU’RE ALL ALREADY COGNIZANT OF THIS HUMILIATING SITUATION I’LL SHOUT IT IN YOUR COLLECTIVE FACES ONCE MORE:
O-New (that’s this ISSS, the coolest ISSS on the ‘net), is in a monumental tournament against every single ISSS (information sharing and storate ‘site) in the UNIVERSE. Too bad there’s only two; O-New and Eye Sedso, some kind of sick Rie Kugimiya porn cult. Thus, we are pitted against these ignominious perverts (even though only one person authors Eye Sedso) in the final match of the year.
AND THEN ASSORTEX COMES IN
AND RUINS EVERYTHING
tl;dr: it’s been a tough week for az and me; sleeping on the couch and doing nothing at all is really exhausting! You see… it’s really quite strenuous doing nothing all day, so once a week I write a post that sums up all the previous seventeen weeks’ posts in true o-new fashion: by writing them.
Unfortunately, the only two half-decent posts written within the previous seventeen weeks were this appalling performance of three Satie masterpieces and this analysis of The Right Honourable Joseph Jacques Jean Chrétien’s Rie Kugimiya porn collection.
And now, I’ve got some piano recital nonsense coming up, so if you’ll excuse me, NO MORE ELOQUENT POSTS FOR THE NEXT SEVENTEEN WEEKS
Steins;Gate: Boukan no Rebellion 12.5
Well, in the selfsame spirit of rewriting posts and moping about our lack of posts we’ve been undergoing all week, I suppose it’s time for a repeat of our previous Steins;Gate: Boukan no Rebellion post: a post… about anime/manga posts! You could even say that it’s a meta post!!!
But wait! I’ll also talk about Steins;Gate: Boukan no Rebellion. For one line: ‘Wow that Rounders girl is fucking retarded for somebody born in 2020. lern2assassinate.”
Avengers of O-New: Some Non-Anime Post
That’s right. Take the capital letters of that title, and what do you get?
AON’S NAP.
Wait, no, that’s not right. That sounds too much like ‘K-On’ to be on a blog like O-New, which is entirely safe-for-moè-haters and quite dangerous to moè. Take out the N, O-New’s supposed to be Onew anyways (but it isn’t, because Onew sucks.)
AO: SNAP.
…Oh snap. Time for an editorial post.
Mouretsu Pirates 19
There’s been few O-New posts lately.
So what’s a guy to do? Well, if you’re a high school student whose prior total literary experience has blogging a really crappy show about vapid braindead high school teenagers, there’s really only one moral dilemma that has to be resolved: are bloggers allowed to wear really short mini-skirts? Get ready for internetwork buccaneering unlike any you’ve ever seen before as the posts get delayed by laziness, boredom, and the sexiest words ever in BODACIOUS SPACE BLOGGERS!
…well, sorry, because a) that was the actual post b) Mouretsu Pirates is neither sexy nor bodacious c) my words are never sexy and d) this won’t be a Mouretsu Pirates post and e) this dearth of posts is due to various factors in my life such as nothing, laziness, nothing, laziness, and some Chinese school talent show competition that I’m apparently participating in. It is also due to various factors in my laziness such as reading this hyper-cool webcomic (that is literally hyper cool and avoids all tropes like the plague, the poop, and the protagonist) and this super-cool webcomic (that is literally super cool and avoids all Touhou canon like the poison, the pee, and the principal).
Les Gymnopédies
I TOLD YOU GUYS I WOULD GIVE YOU MUSIC VIDEOS
SO HERE YOU GO
VIDEOS OF MUSIC. THREE OF THEM. SCROLL DOWN.
O-REW 12: Eye Sedso
Glo should go low.
Why?
Because Eye Sedso…
…
…
…is the worst ISSS on the planet.
Seeing Seattle’s Seas
Yep. Seattle. Again.
It’s a vacation post. Expect pretty pictures. Prepare for letdown. (HINT: The link in the above paragraph actually contains PRETTY PICTURES!!) Death of my life, it’s my character to only take ugly pictures
Another New International Information Sharing and Storage Site Tournament
It is motherfucking on. O-New’s now an ISSS and there are only two ISSSs, so we’re eligible to participate in the finals.
(Voting starts whenever we pull a poll up. Voting hasn’t started yet!! So in the meantime…)
Strange Brains Ferment Sex Like Pickles; another Fridge Magnet Fiction Friday writing prompt, courtesy of 2DT and Pierre-Yves Bouthyette.
Gangsta 13
If I were cool and American and not Chinese, that just might be me at this moment. However, I’m not cool, not American, and I am Chinese. My brother’s American, though, so that just might be his face if he weren’t Chinese. But he is also Chinese.
I really liked this chapter, lewd fanart aside, because it had little children and little children are cute. No, I’m not a pedophile, these kids are 13 and I’m not even 5 years older than them. Some old man married a girl 97 years younger than himself. I think his name was Edgar Cullman or something like that. It was pretty sick, and sick as in ‘disgustingly perverse’, not as in ‘radically suave’.
The Staff of Joseph Jacques Jean Chrétien PC OM CC QC
Once upon a time, there was a Prime Minister. His name was Jean Chrétien. He had a staff of office that indicated his high position of respect and honour. His staff was originally pretty lame when it was given to him in 1994, spitting out things like neo wrestling and oni. Suddenly, one day, in 1997, an evil wizard stole Chrétien’s staff and imbued it with magical revolutionary powers by giving it a ring with a rose crest.
Dropquest 2012, Mother’s Day, and Recent Lack of Posts
So.
Az many of you may have noticed (yes, that was unintentional, but I intentionally left it there), there have been no posts for the past four days. As O-New’s strict posting protocol calls for at least one post to be published every single day – a protocol we have been diligently following for the past two-and-a-half years – this is, of course, quite reprehensible.
So, we’ll make up for it by posting four posts now. Here’s our excuse of why there was such a hiatus…
Mouretsu Pirates 18
They did, indeed.
I HAVE LOST ALL POSTING MOTIVATION and feel so tired it’s not even funny, even though I just took a nap. Seriously. This will be a post filled with faggotry, incoherence, and trite nonsense. Want to see a glimpse into the great(ly stupid) Mushyrulez’s mind as he rambles on about foreign cartoons? Well, look no further, because hopefully this will be the first and last post that does such a thing…
Steins;Gate: Boukan no Rebellion 12
OK, everybody. This will be a serious post, for once. The tone and atmosphere of the manga demands one. Look at these photo-realistic photographs. How much more solemn can one become?
RRR Manga Quarterly Review 7
Even though today’s a Professional Development Day (read: no school), I still didn’t make a post! So have this post that isn’t really a post! I’ll make it into a real post later today! Or tomorrow! Or next week! Probably next month or next year, though… I’m sure you guys are excited!
A Two-Feet Long Diary: Month 4
Today, we’ll talk about… more feet! This NarcissisticCube fellow recently subscribed to my YouTube channel, and is now the first subscriber to my YouTube channel since I started uploading videos of my feet! What I’m saying is, only one person wants to see videos of feet but I’M UPLOADING THEM ANYWAYS BECAUSE I HAVE NOTHING ELSE TO POST ABOUT
Gangsta 12
I’m heading off to Seattle again. Expect pictures when I return. Until then, az will run the show!! Have fun. Here’s a picture of my face, sighing because I’m sick. Of you.
Have some much needed backstory, in one paragraph.
May the Fourth Be With You
Yes, I know. The pun doesn’t even make sense, because y’know, it’s actually May 6th right now and I’m lying to you guys about this post date. But guess what, O-New TRANSCENDS time and space, and I can post bad puns ANYWHERE, ANYTIME I want to. DEAL WITH IT
In this post which is not about anime nor manga and is instead about the life of the most boring person to ever walk the earth, I will talk about:
- May the Fourth
- How I’ve Only Watched the First Episode of Star Wars
- Dropbox Contests
- Cinco de Mayo
- Birthday Presents
- How I’m Not a Nerd Because I Don’t Play Video Games
- How I Learned to Love the Aniblog Tourney
- Flower Pictures
- Your Face
- Outdoor Track Meets
- Your Mother’s Face
Rest assured, I will touch upon every single one of those topics, and in that order!!
Another Birthday
No, this isn’t a post on Another anime. I haven’t watched Another anime. I haven’t watched any anime this season but Mouretsu Pirates, and I hadn’t watched any anime last season but Mouretsu Pirates and Black★Rock Shooter (TV). Yeah. Gotta work on my priorities a bit.
But for now, here’s a post celebrating me inching one year closer to my inevitable death. Congratulations, I’m now older than 26.3% of the world’s population and 18.2% of Canada’s population.
I know that I’ve never shown my face online before, but just this once, I’ll show you guys what I look like in real life:
Yes, I am black. Yes, I am naked. Yes, this is the only post for today because I’m an egotistical bastard. Yes, you can look at yesterday’s post which actually contains three new posts (in links) for you to read. Yes, I’m going to sleep.
P.S. No, I’m not black.
Mouretsu Pirates 17
Remember the day before yesterday, when I told you guys I’d have a surprise for you? Well, guess what?!
GUESS THE SURPRISE!!
No, the surprise isn’t having you guess the surprise; the surprise is something for you to guess. Frequent readers of O-New should know immediately. Infrequent readers of O-New should know momentarily. Non-readers of O-New shouldn’t know at all. Have a completely unrelated picture of pirates in their everyday pirate wear in my awkward attempt to show design critics that random pictures thrown into walls of text do in fact worsen the worsening reputation of O-New.
A Filler Post 24
Welp, I think I’ll be staying in bed suffering from sickness for the duration of tomorrow. So there’s no post.
BUT WAIT! We’ve got a SURPRISE waiting just for you!! And no, it’s not that O-New will have lost 50% of its new subscribers due to the declining quality of posts; it’s EVEN BETTER!!! Stay tuned…
Steins;Gate: Boukan no Rebellion 11
Argh, so I’ve got allergies, and I’m feeling pretty allergic right now. I’ll probably even skip Chinese school tomorrow. Have a picture of my face. Sweating. From being allergic to allergies. (DISCLAIMER: I’m not actually that fat.)
Do you know what else sweats? Mushrooms. Look at our updated Fanart page with updated fan art that isn’t fan art but it’s updated. There is a sweaty mushroom on the top. It is a mushroom and it sweats. Just like me. I’m allergic to mushrooms.
In other page-related nonsense, look at our updated ANIBLOG BETTING Round 1 page with updated ANIBLOG BETTING that isn’t Round 2 but it’s updated. There are betters at the top. They are betting and they better bet. Just unlike me. I’m allergic to betting. If you want to join, join NOW and IMMEDIATELY: also, if you’ve already joined, you can now ALTER what KIND of FAKE MONEY you are betting for. I’m not confident that the exchange rate of nondescript pieces of pony innards to Midas Money is exactly one-to-one but this entire ANIBLOG BETTING thing is all guesswork.
In other post-related nonsense, look at az’s updated Jormungand 3 post with updated Jormungand 3 that isn’t Jormugand 2 but it’s updated. There is an image on the top. It is an image and it Jormungand is pronounced ‘Your Mom Gand’. Just like me. My name is actually ‘Your Mom Gand’.
In final Steins;Gate-Boukan-no-Rebellion-Chapter-Eleven-related nonsense, Daru’s a pretty cool guy, but the anticipated drama about him being Suzuha’s father (with him accessing the time machine with his fingerprints etc.) completely falls apart when we already know. Whoops, forgot to put a [SPOILER ALERT] there. It is a spoiler and it spoils. Just like mushrooms. I’m allergic to mushrooms.
P.S. Yes, predederva did in fact bet with himself. He lost. But he also won. Simultaneously.
Ore no Kouhai ga Konna ni Kawaii Wake ga Nai 8
Yeah, that’s my reaction to this manga. It’s basically porn, but more exploitative, more offending, more perverse, and more meaningless. I don’t think people can even treat this as porn. There’s nothing appealing about this manga at all.
Various Visitors' Voices