O-New: Now Extinct Website

Gaming

Goblin Christmas

Goblin Christmas is the wonderful time of the year when a vile force of darkness arrives. All the good little dwarves stay underground while Goblin Claus leaves his treats in the trap-lined entrance to the fortress.

In the morning, when the all-clear is sounded, everyone rushes to the entryway, and gathers up the Goblinite for melting and the silk socks for decorating the magma fireplace.”

It would’ve been such a merry day…

…if I had raised the upper fortress bridge in time.

This nurse actually killed a goblin crossbowman when none of my regulars did, though...

Three words: too much eggnog»


Hourai Is A Stubborn Twat

alternate title: “Hourai Attempts To Guide Readers Through Dark Souls: Prepare To Die Edition But Does It Very Poorly”

This is Hourai, and he is A Twat.

In this adventure, he opens up Dark Souls.exe…

…and is immediately assaulted by the devil itself.

This is an unexpected jump in difficulty, but, then again, the game is Dark Souls. However, through a clever exploit, he is able to escape the clutches of Satan.
{You need a Games For Windows Live profile to save in Dark Souls, however, you don’t actually need a Windows Live account. When it asks you to make a new profile, you can make an offline profile instead, although this will prevent you from doing anything online. For the purposes of not getting our butts handed to us by invading spirits, we will play offline.}

Descend into madness»


Answering John Sato’s pressing questions

redball: Do you know why you’re here?

Az: No.

redball: I think you do. But I’ll help you out. You were named. Your buddy John Sato ratted you out. We already heard the story from him. We know what’s going down. Now, you can cooperate with us and this will be easy, or you can do this the hard way.

Az:

redball: Fine. Listen, I know you think I’m the bad guy here, but really I just want to get this over with. I have a family to get back to. Let’s just get this under way. Mr. Sato already gave us the goods, but I’m going to ask you some questions anyway. Before we begin, I’m going to read you your rights and tell you how this works.

  • You have the right to follow the rule of fives. You are allowed to ask 5 questions, after which you can tag up to 5 bloggers by hyper-linking to their blog; 5 questions because it’s not too many to flood another blogger and occupy too much of his/her time, but yet a large enough number to ask your most important questions, and 5 bloggers to avoid spamming. Hence, prioritize your questions, and who you wish to ask!
  • Those tagged are presumed innocent until proven guilty, but nonetheless are obliged to answer the questions in a blog post, and after which, they are entitled to create their own 5 questions and tag 5 other bloggers, so on and so forth. You must answer your own 5 questions as well. You are allowed to tag the person that tagged you in the first place. Also, copy and paste this section on your blog so others can understand how the game goes.
  • You have the right to remain silent. In the case where a blogger strongly refuses to answer a question, he/she must instead post a nice anime image, wallpaper or cosplay picture, et cetera in response to that question.
  • You have the right to an attorney. To make things interesting, a blogger can include wildcards in his/her 5 questions by placing an asterisk, (*), after which those tagged are obliged to reveal something interesting about themselves that others did not previously know. There is no limit to the number of asterisks one can place (which means there can be up to 5 wildcard questions).
  • I’m asking the questions around here, but anyone is free to start the game; you don’t necessarily need someone to tag you. Just create your 5 questions and tag your 5 people of choice. However, the catch is that you must answer your own 5 questions as well.
  • We ain’t got all day. To potentially prevent an endless game, this round of games will end on the 8th September 2012, 12pm JST (GMT +9). After which, no more bloggers can tag others to answer their questions.

You got that, kid?

Az:

redball: Good. Let’s get started.

(more…)


Steins;Gate: Boukan no Rebellion 10

Rushing off to some Churchill thing to select courses now. Please be patient, boys are now EASTER LONG WEEKEND YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH your post’ll come later…

…but who said it would be about Steins;Gate?

Actually, I did»


How To Break Your Keyboard!

Full title: How To Break Your Keyboard Without Lessons In Several Easy Steps In Half The Time Of The Leading Keyboard-Dismantlement Booklet!!: Premium Gold Platinum Silver Edition (50% Off! Clearance Sale): As Seen On TV*

*No.


only 5 easy payments of $99.99 to the power of 99

In this handy DIY from guest writer Houraiguy, “we” disprove the myth that keyboards are HARD to break! You, too, can smash your typing equipment with A Few Easy Steps in our book(let), “A Few Easy Steps”.

“Let’s” “Get” “Started” “!”»


On the Subject of Cooperative Multiplayer Gaming

(Where there are teams, so will there be enemies.)

I like to think there’s a sort of equilibrium to the internet, or indeed, everything. I’m not going as far to say that there’s some sort of SHADOW HOURAI who goes around making usernames like :.:XxShAd0wH0uR4ixX:.: (this breaks all the tenets of my personal Guideline of Username Creation, btw) who is the Exact Opposite of me and gose aronud misplelign evarything and put1ng r4nd0m numb3r5 in his words and blogs (and by that same token, miraculously have the perseverance and will to blog on daily basis, GASP). However, I would say that as there will be people, in Minecraft, for example, with the divine* patience to build goddarn slot machines WITH REDSTONE, so will there be griefers with the demonic patience to destroy those slot machines (which wouldn’t take very long, so forget I said that and instead substitute “slot machines” for “1:5 scale Great Wall of China”).

In short, everyone on the internet is a jerk, unless they’re not.

(more…)


O-NEG 15: Hell

The game is not, verbatim, called “hell”.

However, the game is, verbatim, “hell”.

(more…)


O-NEG 14: CellCraft

You craft phones»


O-REW 5: Kongregate

Kong, Greg ate»


A Generic Super Smash Bros. Brawl Review with A Generic Title (O-NEG 12)

DISCLAIMER: The following contains mentions of really old games. Or maybe not that old. But still. You may suffer from severe pangs of extreme boredom. I can’t think of anything else. Please see your physician if symptoms persist. I mean, symptom.

I understand that the game Super Smash Bros. Brawl was released a WHOLE THREE AND A QUARTER YEARS AGO GOLLY THAT’S SO !#@$#^%&^ OLD.

But it’s still awesome»


Meet The Ling (for lack of a better title)

[Trumpet fanfare plays]

I haven’t posted in a long time, so this is really awkward.

In any case, I have randomly decided to write a quick (which is pretty much going to doom me to take at least 2 hours to write this post !!@#$) post on something random!

When I say “something random”, that means I don’t know what the topic is. Yet.

[Brief intermission.  Hourai gets something for brainstorming (coffee milk).]

Because Mushz is doing anime/manga posts mainly, it looks like I will have to do gaming.

NO-IT’S-NOT-BLACK-OPS-GET-OFF-ME-YOU-TROLLS-AND-KEEP-THOSE-FLAMETHROWERS-AWAY-FROM-ME

So, I’ve not been posting here for like, what, a century, so for no good reason, I present a random post on Starcraft 2.

Of course, this is about the ladder and multiplayer. In single player, Terran is overpowered. They have cheats, for example. Also, they have Odin.

Alright: We present: Starcraft 2: Wings of Liberty: Unit Overview: Zerg: The Zergling. If you have any ideas on how to stuff some more colons into the previous sentence, keep them to yourself. I don’t need them.


I drew this with GIMP. Time taken: ~1 hour. I KNOW IT’S CRAPPY SHUT UP ABOUT THAT I’M NOT A PROFESSIONAL BLARGH.

The zergling is a little speedy cockroach-like thing the approximately length of a car. Since, however, Starcraft 2 is somewhat out of scale (I mean come on a cattlebruiser is only about the size of 16 marines), they’re really small little buggers that are the Tier 1 unit for good ‘ol Zerg.

Appearance

A bug. Cockroach-like. Four-legged, like every other ground unit of the Zerg. Usually brown.

Tactical Applications

Zerglings/lings are pretty fast, cheap, and easy to mass produce. Investing in the upgrade “Metabolic Boost” gives them wings (similar effect as Red Bull; give you wings, but you still can’t fly) and ridonculous speed, making it easier to form surrounds, etc. “Adrenal Glands” grants 20% faster attack speed (only accessable at Hive tech), making Zerglings less like cannon fodder.

Speedlings (lings with Metabolic) make excellent scouts (base scouting), harassment units (pretty good against harvesters), and provide a quickly-reinforcing unit that can quickly take the opportunity to harass a mineral line when the opposing army is out of position and just as quickly retreat with minimal losses.

They are an excellent choice to hold the Xel’naga watch towers with.

With the Burrow upgrade, you can place one at potential expansion site to deny enemies the opportunity to expand. They can aslo be used when burrowed as minor scouts.

Weaknesses

Zerglings only have 35 hp and no base armour, making them incredibly squishy bastards. As such, many units counter them well. With the Roach and the Hydra, the main three Zerg ground units are all somewhat countered by splash damage.

Zerglings are weak against Hellions, which have that extra damage to Light units in addition to the Infernal Pre-Igniter upgrade (+10 damage to Light units) and splash damage in a line. Note that Zerglings can easily overwhelm any lone “counter” unit if said unit is not properly supported.

Zerglings are also quickly roasted to death by Colossi, which are somewhat vulnerable like the Hellions as well.

Roaches fare fairly well against them, having that base armour of 1.

Infestors can use the spell “Fungal Growth” to reduce Zerglings to 1-2 health while immobilizing them for four seconds, allowing ranged units to wreck havok on the lings.

Since lings are melee units, Sentry Forcefields can trap lings while letting Stalkers and Colossi have fun picking away at the trapped units.

A Zealot can fight off around four lings (depends on upgrades and use of proper micro). While lings can decimate lone Marines, grouped-up gunmen can mow down lings with ease, denying them surrounds and also gaining the use of Stimpacks (temporary bonus attack speed and movement speed with the use of drugs, costing health) and Combat Shield (+10 health).

Strengths

Lings can easily kill off any isolated units, especially if they are able to surround said unit. A fair amount of lings tend to die while doing this, but the cost is usually worth it.

Lings are the most common Zerg counter to Immortals, other than Mutalisks and Brood Lords. They are not considered Armoured, reducing damage taken from the Immortals, their attacks are don’t do enough damage to be affected by Hardened Shields, and they murder them with ease upon achieving that all-important surround.

Lings can also easily wreck Thors, Siege Tanks, and Colossi. Note that the Ultralisk is not easily killed by Zerglings, having the ability to obtain ridiculous amounts of armour (up to 6 armour, almost completely nullifying unupgraded ling attacks), a melee attack, 400 health, and splash damage.

Two lings are produced by one larva for 50 minerals. The fact that it is extremely easy to mass produce these buggers is offset by the fact that they are, again, squishy little bastards, with 35 health (this is the least amount of health held by any unit in the game, except for the Changeling).

Notes

Zerglings may morph into Banelings after the Baneling Nest has morphed in. This will cost 25 minerals and 25 vespene gas per Zergling morphed and takes about 17 seconds.

Zerglings are commonly used in the omnipresent Zerg Rush, a process wherein the Zerg player goes “all-in”, screwing his mining over to try to end the game as early as possible. The Zerg player builds a Spawning Pool (the pre-requisite building required to mutate Zerglings) as early as possible, hoping to overwhelm the opponent with 6 or more lings before the opponent has a sizable defense force/any defense at all. The Zerg Rush is also referred to as the 6 Pool, 6 supply being the earliest possible time that Zerg may build anything (the Pool).

People will often be pissed as !#$% after being beaten by the 6 Pool.

6 Pool-ers may sometimes be bad sports and swear at people who manage to defeat them (especially through an unothodox method), despite the 6 Pooler opening up with the Zerg Rush.

Successful Zerg rushers have been known to follow up their victory with “KEKEKE” (more KE’s can be added).


Green Globs of Goo: Corrosive Banelings and Why They’re Winning

The Baneling is a kick-ass sac of CFA (Corrosive… Acid) with legs.

This Zerg unit morphs from the Zergling, which was essentially described earlier as a cockroach with rabies. This was a very brief, yet rather accurate description of the Ling. Also, I never actually said that.

(You must have the Baneling Nest to morph these bad boys out.)

They see me rollin’»


SC2 Basic Mechanics Review

Due to the fact that many people sadly do not watch either HuskyStarcraft or HDstarcraft, it is possible that said people will probably not be able to understand me whilst I ramble on about minerals and vespene gas and whatnot.

So, a short review of the basic mechanics»


O-NEG 13: Road of the Dead

Drive On»


Animal Crossing: the True Story

Picture from site.

Play the audio for the full experience.

And, just a warning, don’t read this at night.

http://lparchive.org/Animal-Crossing/


Hurr I suck at dedication+AHAHAHAHA BLACK OPS I HAVE A PREORDER

So like, I obviously fail at dedication, and I haven’t made a post in like a year or something. After much time, I finished all possible games that I would like to play, and exhausted the manga that I actually want to read. Thus, I’m coming back to O-New, (Like for real this time. If you don’t think I will, then just comment cuz I actually need to know if people read this stuff) and for today, Ima posting about something that I actually like, which is BLACK OPS HURRRRRRRRRRR

——IMAGE REMOVED DUE TO FUCKING JERKS NOT LETTING US HOTLINK——–

DO YOU KNOW WHY ITS GONNA BE AWESOME? Cuz you can paint your face to look like the Joker. No actually, it’s because the pre-orders have already exceeded Modern Warfare 2’s record



 

WHY SO SERIOU- nvm

 

Obviously, no one cares about campaign or co-op (honestly who buys a FPS just for campaign?) Therefore, it’ll all be on multiplayer.

The one thing about multiplayer this time around are WAGER matches. Wager Matches are four different type of gameplay modes, that involve you cashing in your money (now they use money for stuff) and if you get in the top 3 score, you’ll get more money. The Wager Matches are Gun Game, in which you start with a .44 Magnum, and for every kill, move to the next weapon (in this case, the second weapon after you get a kill would be Dual-Wield Makarovs) all the way to the Ballistic Knife. There is also Sharpshooter, which is everyone has the same weapon for 45 seconds, and then all of them are switched for a new weapon. In addition, every kill you get will get you a new perk, while you lose all of them when you die. Next, there is One in the Chamber, which is the only thing everyone has is a pistol and a knife. Every player starts with one bullet, and once they use it, they mus resort to melee. For every kill you get, you get one bullet. Lastly, there is Sticks and Stones. Your weapon choices are a tomahawk, a ballistic knife, and a explosive crossbow. Have fun.

One thing about Black Ops you have to know are the customization options. Firstly, you can customize your red dot sight reticule to a whole bunch of different ways.

 

You can also change it to other stuff, like a skull

 

In addition, you can totally customize your emblem into these completely bizarre…emblems.

 

Many people suggested putting a sword at a suggestive place on a guy...

 

In addition, the killstreaks have some pretty awesome editions, like this

 

WHO LET THE DOGS OUT? (who, who, whowho)

 

Besides the rabid dogs, (notice the emblem in the top right corner. A billion people suggested putting the sword at…nvm) For killstreaks, you have now a RC car that is armed with an explosive, RC rockets, and more.

Last but not least, we have theater mode. The people at Treyarch are all like “Hurr it’s for watching particle effects.” No, it’s for banning boosters, cuz now you have evidence, what with a camera monitoring everyone’s movement in every single match they play. :D You can stalk people and ban them. 10/10 just for that.

 

Most people will be following other things than a RC rocket...

 

Otherwise, that’s Black Ops to you, and remember kids, watch out for scary people online, cuz you never what will…

 

OMFG WTF BBQ?

 


5 Games on Kongregate You Should Play: OR: Advertisement

[MUSHYHIJACK: Also guiz, happy October the first :V]

I have previously listed several other Kongregate games in O-NEGs and other game-related posts; these should be included in the list, but they’ren’t (That should be proper grammar, “they aren’t”, lol)

And yes, this is kinda an ad. And these games aren’t strictly limited to Kong.

BUT STILL! IT’S WORKING FOR YOU FOR EVERY SECOND! IF YOU NEED ENTERTAINMENT BY SOME CHANCE! YEAH……….

Portal The Flash Version

Achievement Unlocked (and 2)

This is the Only Level (and Too)

Boxhead 2Play Rooms

Kongai

5. Boxhead 2Play Rooms, by SeanCooper

This is a game with an “unique” art style, where “unique” means “interesting” in the same way a cabbage turnip tomato bittermelon onion tea is interesting. As said in the title, everything has a box for a head*, and there are Rooms and this game can be played by Two Players (not a common feature). So the title doesn’t lie (+1 star). It lists pretty much everything in the game (+0.5 stars)**. And, although there are only 10 weapons, they are vertasile versatile and fun. Really fun. (+1 star)

How To Play This Game: Mode 1

“Single Player Mode”/”Cooperative Mode”

This mode allows you to choose from 18 maps to Battle The Evil Zombie Infestation with Guns and Fun.

Each map is a white, boxy area with several red boxes in it. These red boxes will provide ammunition and health when picked up (e.g. trampled by boxy shoes). Health will not be provided when  your health is full, but ammunition may be provided to weapons with full ammunition. Red boxes will routinely respawn after being flattened, always appearing in the spot it was before (respawn times of about a minute).

At the beginning of the game (level 1), you will only be provided with a Pistol, which has infinite ammo. To unlock new things, one must kill zombies to gain Rewards as the following system dictates.

When a undead is killed, your Combo increases. Over time (and actually pretty quickly), your Combo will fall, one multiplier at a time. (The higher the combo, the faster it’ll fall.) By reaching certain levels of Combo, the player character gains improvements to his current weapons (ammunition count, damage, range) as well as New Weapons. You will not lose an upgrade if your Combo falls below the Combo that was required to unlock the upgrade.

Death marks the end of the game.

Co-op mode is slightly different from the Single Player mode. The game will only end when both (remember: 2Play, not 19846931Play) players hath perisheth. :/ Players will respawn after about 15-30 seconds of time of death (with only a Pistol :/), provided the other player manages to stay alive for this duration. Also, there are three optional features of this game (turning off any of these only merits the loss of your ability to submit High Score).

1. Demons.
2. Collisions.
3. Friendly Fire.

The Friendly Fire feature allows both the ability to be run over by your partner’s Rockets/Shotgun spamming and the ability to be killed by your own explosions (Charge Packs, Rocket Launchers, Barrels, Claymores/Mines)

The Collision feature allows you to walk through the undead army (I think) as well as Fake Walls, a type of wall placed by the player (destructable).

Demons are the other enemy of 2Play. These enemies are greatly distinguishable from their zombie underlings in that they hold several characteristics:

1. They can instantly vaporise your Fake Walls.
2. They can shoot FIREBALLS (will only shoot when a player is within a certain radius; also, these fireballs will set off Barrels, damage Fake Walls, damage You, and damage zombies (two hit kill).
3. They are red.

So we see that the demons are actually quite easy to distinguish from zombies. :/

Another miscellaneous bonus of 2Play is the customizable controls. Uncommon and minor as this is, it’s still pretty helpful. Also, you can choose to skip ahead several levels for convenience’s sake (starting from these levels, your player is granted several weapons and some Combo)

“Death Match Mode”

As this is a 2Play game, it is fitting to have a competitive battle mode. Here, all upgrades are initially unlocked and no zombies spawn whatsoever. Players may choose to wall off and barrellify the map as they so please, and it is worth noting that players have low amounts of health (Rockets = instant kill, Uzi = two-hit kill, Shotgun = two-hit kill, etc. Only the Pistol really does any mediocre damage.) This is ridonculously fun for some reason. No online fighting D:

4. This Is The Only Level & This Is The Only Level TOO*** by jmbt02

TITOL and TITOLTOO both revolve around the same concept: Do crap with an elephant to Finish The Level, of which there is only one (Again, the title tells the truth! GASP.). It is worth noting that there are Stages, which basically replaced the concept of levels in these games. TITOLTOO is a fair amount harder than TITOL, be warned. YOU WILL RACK YOUR BRAINS. Also, the “Blind, Deaf, and Dumb” level was kinda vague. It has something to do with “deaf”, hinty hint. There are 30 levels stages in each. Enjoy the wobbly elephant. Also, the wagon means WASD.

Fun: It racks your brains without damaging them (e.g. making you smarter, like games such as “Mario Math” or “Mastur Cheef Does Long Division” would do). 1337.

Music: TITOLTOO has the best music in a game ever, excludes Touhou. Accordions. F. T. W.

Gameplay: Find the gimmick to the level stage. Exit the level. Avoid the spikes. Panic when necessary. Don’t be afraid to go to the main menu; the game autosaves. Simple. Easy. Fun.

3. Kongai by Kongregate

Indeed, this game is exclusive to the site that it’s made by. Go Greg. Anyway, this is the only multiplayer game on this list, mostly because I find Elements has too much luck and Platform Racing 2 has too much lag.

Kongai is like Pokemon. Except you don’t have to deal with all that type effectivity doohickey and doodads.

Here is the game explained in a nutshell.

Kongai In A Nutshell (With Pictures To Go With The Words)


Kongai is, sadly, turn-based, but this does not mean it is like Pokemon (ohwaitdidIsayitwaslikePokemonbefore?ohsh*tIthinkIdid). It’s fun. Dang. I can’t describe it. It’s like Elements, but with more Pokemon, but no RPG parts, and collectibles. Part of the fun is the Items.

The items, as shown by an absence in the above diagram, are a crapload of stuff you can equip onto your characters. This makes for a lot of fun times, because free choice is entertaining (to a point). Mindreader’s Chalice or Healing Salve or Origami Crane or Null Matrix or Hero’s Flagon or Knight’s Emblem or Ring of Curses or Blood Vial or Necronomic Tome or WHATEVER stuff there is. Basically, you can equip your characters with one of 11 choices.

Also psychology and guessing are a major factor.

Yeah, I give up on describing Kongai. It’s fun.

2. Portal, the Flash Version

It’s Portal basically, only in 2-d.

1. Epic Battle Fantasy 3

It’s not just a continuous string of battles like the last two. ITS AN RPG. AND IT’S AWESOME.

I refuse, in the name of sloth, to say anything more.

*If it has a head.
**Short of the weapons.
***Not a typo. Yes, TOO. It’s a pun that I can tolerate. Amazing.


YA SUCK AT TYPING

(Also known as TA PI GAME)

Alright, I got bored today, and this is ta outcome after some 5 minutes.

:V Have fun.

Download Link (as much as ya want it ta, it’s not a virus – trust me)

Oh, and first person ta discover all ta quirks to ta file gets nothing. But just a note out there that there are quirks in it :V

EDIT: Just noticed, for ta last question I didn’t round up pi to ta last digit, so it’s technically incorrect. OH WELL DERP DE DERP :V


Arbitrary Definition: “Super Mario Galaxy”

-in progress-

Super Mario Galaxy. Sooooooooooooooooooooo-per Mah-ri-o Gal-axe-ee. (P. N.) “Super Mario Galaxy” refers to the commonplace Wii title of 2000-something (2006? 05?) in which a certain ubiquitous plumber goes off on a certain ubiquitous journey to rescue a certain ubiquitous (PROFANITY) from a certain ubiquitous turtle with an awesome shell. This particular installation in the “Mario” series differs from several other mainstream parts of said series in that it occurs in the evil depths of F(PROFANITY)ING SPACE, au contraire a la shitfeste, pardon moi Francais. This particular alien concept differs from most of these previous shitfestes (continue to pardon moi Francais: gain three Player and three Bomb, resets score and dooms thoust to est Bad Ending; ignore poor Francais: continue reading) in that one must deal with the constraints of 3-D platforming, a concept encountered only in Super Paper Mario, Super Mario Sunshine, Super Mario 64, Super Papier Mache Mario, Super Mario Darkness, Super Mario 65, Super Cellophane Mario, Super Mario Moonshine Drinking Contest Hur Hur Hurrrr, Super Mario 9001, Super Doot Mario, Super Super Super Super Mario Super The MovieGame, etc. Thus doing the “goomba hop” no longer translates to a bloody goomba-gut fest in which the player holds down the “jump” button while a consecutive line of spawning goombas emerge from a spawning warp pipe installed in the F(PROFANITY)ING side of the earthen wall to the right-wards side of the screen until said player reaches 99 lives and/or player runs out of time but rather transforms itself in to a Mario-gut fest with Mario consistently running into Goombas, a process not at all prevented by the poor implementation of the camera system. Nintendo, you a JERKKKKK

Super Mario Galaxy’s main story launches off with the entirely unpredictable opening in which a [Rude cross between the words "Bee" and "Ostrich"] of a Princess gets KIDNAPPERED by a Bowser the 108,489,139,047th. Bowser the one hundred and eight billion four hundred and eighty nine million one hundred thirty nine thousand and forty seventh differs from his 108,489,139,046 predecessors in that he chooses to employ a F(PROFANITYYYYYYYYY)ING fleet of FLYING-[Profane word here roughly translates to "Pair of Buttocks, singular form"] SAUCERS WITH

LAZZZZZZZ

ZZZZZZZ

ZZZZZZZ

ZZZZZZZ

ZZZZZZZ

LAZYBOY RECLINERS attack Mushroom Kingdom. The (aliens?) recline in their LaZBoy [Profane word here translates to "Doots"] and bombard the M.Kingdom with large sound waves (See Heli Attack 3, “Soundwaave”.) in the shape of ZZZZZZs

ZZZZZZZ

ZZZZZZZ

ZZZZZZZ

ZZZZZZZ

LAZZZZZERS which then continue to separate the castle of said ["Female Dog"] before shooting huge ["Buttocks"] chains into the nice circle around the castle which was conveniently made by said lazers going “LAAAAZER” into the ground to make the nice circle around the castle which was conveniently made by said lazers going “LAAAAZER” into the ground to make the nice circle around the castle which was conveniently made by said lazers going “LAAAAZER” into the ground to make the nice circle, etc. until said castle is airlifted UP UP AND AWAY (insert manic drug-induced spree here- otherwise begin marathon of “Death Dice Overdose” :/)

Somehow, while UFOs coast away into the DEEP DARK SKY, Mario gets ON THE CASTLE AND DOESN’T FALL OFF. A few seconds after the previous statement no longer becomes true, Mario gets BLASTED OFF THE CASTLE AND SOMEHOW FALLS OFF BECAUSE HE GOT BLASTED OFF THE CASTLE BY AN ANGRY TURTLETHING WITH A BLUE ROBETHING AND A WANDTHING. MARIO FAINTED! DOO DOO DOO DOOOOOOO (ominous theme ensues).

After his untimely demise, the player discovers that Mario did not in fact come to an untimely demise, which is a pity because it would have been interesting to see Mario slowly be pulled into the evil gravity of THE EARTH and then transform into a freaking comet thing while burning to a CRISP HAHAHAHAHAHA (Sadism leveled up! DOOODODOODOODODODOOOOOOOO!)

…Anyway, for some unknown reason, Mario is ALIVE and DID NOT burn up into a crisp. He is met by a BUNNY who leads him to another 2 BUNNIES who then decide to play tricks with Mario’s mind by screwing up the climactic fun of the situation by playing HIDE AND SEEK. Several captive bunnies later, a hax cutscene unfolds containing explicit content. This is marked as “explicit” as the ridiculousness of the situation in said cutscene will most likely SHRIVEL YOUR BRAIN because of the genericness.

Skipping several minutes later, Mario enters a “dome”. The dome promptly explodes because said “Terrace” seriously dislikes colour red. Darn. Mario is not affected and dome promptly regenerates 0.1 seconds later. Black “Luma” begins lecture. Mario gets headache. MARIO SMASH. Mario points at a blue “sling” star. Mario floats. Mario sees a galaxy. Mario shoots himself into: GOOD EGG GAAAALAXY.

Very small black fine print: “Goomba infestation currently in progress”

After seeing the words, “WELCOME TO THE GALAXY”, Mario immediately embarks on a HEROIC ADVENTURE SPANNING YELLOW SPINNY THINGS until HE REACHES THE BOSS. This turns out to be a walking egg. Mario pisses off said egg of doom by smashing into it. Egg gets mad. Mad egg is MAD. MAD MAD MAD, the egg goes and subsequently evolves into a “DINO PIRANHA” thing and goes rampaging around the small planet hunting down a Mario, who spins into it round, sphere tail thing which, after several subsequent attempts, causes the thing to suffocate and explode into a power star. Mario continues to collect power stars until he has 120 of them. Then a Luigi comes out of nowhere and has to collect the same 120 stars. Again. After that, both plumbers must overcome teh evil easiness hardness of the world of GRANDMASTER GALAXY or something like that. Hurrah?

Then the game has no more playability…

[The article ends here.]


A Few Idiotic Thoughts About Super Mario Galaxy; Noone Cares Obviously (This Includes Somebody And Nobody -.-)

Super Mario Galaxy is a game, unlike Wii Sports, which may or may not be a demon in disguise  :O

The reason that SMG (OLOL?) is a game, unlike W(insert three letters here that create an insult, namely U, S, and S)Sports, is that it can be generally more or less agreed that it is a game through a variety of traits held by other “games” and also a lack of traits shared in the only non-game I know, a.k.a. WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE Sports.

Game Trait 1: Plotline. SMG’s Plotline goes something like this, for all of you people who are not up to date with Ninny-tendo games and/or are people who behead others who mention any Nintendo-associated words, as shown below:

King You: Ahem. *Reading the charges* As recorded in this document, you said the word “Mario” in my presence three days ago. Do you admit to this crime?

Person 1: What do you mean? I never mentioned Mario in your pre… waitaminuteohfu-

Royal Executioner: *beheads Person 1*

King You: Next on our list of [:<AP{W{:A?F?JWA] charges, we have you, Mister I. D. Iot. You have been accused of uttering the word “Luigi” on Royal Grounds.

Mister I. D. Iot: What? I never said “Luigi” on-

Royal Executioner: *beheads Mr. I. D. Iot*

King You: Next…

Returning to the sacred (read: trashed) plotline of SMG, THE PRINCESS THAT APPEARS IN PRETTY MUCH EVERY MARIO GAME GETS STOLEN BY THE MONSTER THAT APPEARS IN PRETTY MUCH EVERY MARIO GAME RIGHT IN FRONT OF MARIO’S EYES AND MARIO GOES OFF TO SAVE THE UBIQUITOUS PRINCESS BY GOING TO THE UBIQUITOUS MONSTER’S HUUUUUUUGE CASTLE (Where the heck does Bowser get the funding to build his castles? O.o) WHICH IS ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS REALLY FAR FROM WHERE MARIO STARTS FROM. The main difference from the SMG plot and pretty much every other plot (Luigi’s Mansion had a different plot, admittedly, but that was a Luigi game, not a Mario game) is that 1. it takes place/in OUTER SPACE/IN YOUR FACE/NAO WASTE MY SPACE RACE, DISGRACE AND WASTE OF SPACE, I’LL FACE YOU WITH A MACE IN A GIANT SUITCASE/etc. (Yes, there are space races in SMG. And they MOSTLY are not particularly fun.), and 2. you are able to fly to galaxies, in which “fly” refers to being launched several thousand lightyears via star-shaped object that is orange. Wii Sports does not have a plotline. This may be good in some circumstances due to the fact that the Mario plotline is somewhat similar to the Touhou one (Mario: Get Peach, Touhou: Fix Unprecendented Serious Affair), but OTHERWISE IT SUCKS.

Game Trait #2: A Large Array Of Unlockables And Secrets

Wii Sports had exactly 15 unlockables, if you count the “pro” status an unlockable (it unlocked a higher difficulty 0_0), and they were not exactly difficult to achieve, barring the pro statuses. In SMG:

  1. Every galaxy, minus the starting two galaxies, must be unlocked,
  2. Once a galaxy is unlocked, there is only one mission available at the time (other missions are unlocked by completing the previous mission)
  3. After getting every star, beating Bowser again, rescuing Peach, and sitting through the cutscenes and the credits (120 stars is a lot, the credits are long, blahblahblah), you unlock LUIGI’S CAMPAIGN. This is the same as the regular campaign except Luigi is slightly faster than Mario (‘Eeeere we go!), slightly higher-jumping, and has sliding issues. And after you finish another 120 stars as Luigi boy, you unlock ANOTHER galaxy for both Mario and Luigi, which has (drum rollorollorolloroll…) -DUN DUN DUN (Zelda tune for opening an important chest)- one star each. Apparently, it’s hard, but I have only 108-ish stars as Mario :/

Game Trait #3: Controls Of Not Sucking So Much

SMG’s controls are fairly natural. Wii Sports are not so natural.

AND NOW TO THE THOUGHTS OF IDIOCY

IMHO: Hardest Boss In SMG: Bowser (Center Of The Universe)

Before mentioning all the goody-goody-gumdrops stuff in this category, I would to note two things:

First: A boss, in most games, is a boss that actually has a lifebar (in at least a few video games, this bar is not present amongst common enemies); usually this bar is 1. red, and 2. longer than yours (In Touhou, you don’t really have a lifebar…). Also, the boss is usually defeated through the exploitation of a weakness that it has, the boss attacks in patterns, and the weak point is a part of these patterns. Note that the weakness is not so much a weakness than a flaw in the boss’s defenses, as bosses are usually invulnerable to anything but attacks to it’s defense flaw; a “flaw” is more accurate than a “weak point” due to the fact that bosses usually take many exploitations of these flaws to actually be defeated (Nintendo games are the exception, not the rule: most Ninny-tendo bosses take ONLY THREE EXPLOITS).

Second: Most say that Bouldergeist (Ghostly Galaxy) is the STRONGEST (No, Cirno, you (9)), but I personally found that the final fight with Bowser was the difficult boss fight (One: you don’t care about my opinion. Two: I finished the Daredevil run in like three tries.).

[Must replay this level to refresh my memory, will update later]

IMHO: Easiest Boss In SMG: Topmaniac (Battlerock Galaxy)

This guy is almost as wimpy as Petey Piranha (in the first galaxy), but for variety’s sake, it’ll be Topmaniac of the Topman Tribe. T-Man looks like a UFO.

Basically, T-Man has RAZOR SHARP EDGES. His only attack is a slow dash that is no faster than his regular movement speed (he leans forward and makes pretty sparks appear on the metal floor). If you touch his sides, you’ll take DAMAGE, a BAD THING that causes GLOBAL WARMING (joking; it actually, in heavy doses, causes Mario to have what looks like a migraine). So what can we DO? Hmm. T-Man appears to have a VULNERABLE, FLASHING RED SPOT on his HEAD, which unlike other bosses in SMG with head vulnerabilities, is not incredibly high off of the ground. What will Mario do?

—–

[     Fight    ]  [     Bag    ]

[Plumbers]  [     Run   ]

Bag: You have no items!

Run: You can’t run from a trainer battle!

Plumbers: You have no other Plumbermon!

Fight: [     Spin    ]  [   Jump   ]

[Run Into]  [Sepukku]

Mario used Spin! But it failed!

Mari used Run Into! But it failed!

Mario used Sepukku! Mario fainted!

-RESTART-

What shall Mario do? Say “Jump”, kiddies! *pause*

Mario used Jump! It was super effective!

—–

After Mario does a jump and lands on T-Man’s head, T-Man retracts his sharp spikes and turns very docile. As the arena is surrounded by a ring of electric wire, Mario only has to spin T-Man into the wire! (T-Man does recover after a fair amount of time if he is not zapped.)

“BZZ-ZZ-ZZ-ZZZ-ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ-T!” goes T-Man. T-Man jumps and lands in the center and releases three yellow, small tops. These tops, encountered earlier in the level, cannot directly do damage to you (…), but when they dash at you, they bump you backwards and stun you for like 1.5 seconds. They are killed by spins. T-Man, after his first round of electric therapy, does not change. Mario does some more jump-and-spinning, and T-Man gets his next round of zapping. This time, T-Man DOES NOT CHANGE HIS TACTICS AT ALL, but he releases RED, MEDIUM TOPS. These tops can also not do damage to you unless you jump on them, in which case you will take damage because of the fact that they have a spike on their heads. After doing the smack-on-the-head-and-zap-you-dead routine for the third time to T-Man, he blows up and releases A POWER STAR, which ends the level. Wimp.

IMHO: Most Obnoxious Level In The Whole _ _ _ _ ing Game Of SMG: Mario/Luigi Meets Luigi (Toy Time Galaxy: Purple Comet)

This is, IMH(and biased)O, the evilest level in SMG. Let me describe it.

This map is a remake of the Toy Time 2nd mission (Mario/Luigi Meets Mario), in which you are walking around on a huge, pixelated Mario made out of fairly large squares of lava (red pixels), disappearing tiles (green pixels), and rotating tiles (yellow). Mario/Luigi basically just runs around the “planet” of himself/his brother picking up 5 silver stars, making a power star, which ends all your troubles for the stage :D

In this stage, you are forced to pick up 100 out of 150 purple coins, most of which are inconveniently placed. The tiles have been changed slightly, as well. Instead of having the lava for red, which allowed you to bounce around with a flaming pair of pants multiple times, the lava is changed with what apparently is floating antimatter. Upon touching antimatter (note that this antimatter is acting more like quicksand), you drown in anitmatter. And on top of it all, you have a time limit that doesn’t happen to be very generous. To recap: about 1/3 of the tiles (green) disappear, and then you fall into a black hole if you don’t move quickly (usually to an adjacent green tile), which kills you. Another 1/3 of the tiles cannot be stepped on at all (purple), and will kill you, and the other tiles are yellow tiles that SLOOOOOOOOOOOOWLY turn and are very hard to stay on. In other words, hell. On a Luigi. IN OUTER SPACE! (I haven’t finished it yet >.<)

IMHO: Easiest Level In SMG: Painting The Planet Yellow (Flipswitch Galaxy)

Easy peasy. With some planning and the ability to jump, you basically walk on all the blue tiles, turning them yellow. Done quickly, it takes about 2 minutes or less. Note that there are spiked platforms, electric fences, and an shockwave generating robot. However, the planet is pretty small, and the galaxy has an exact, grand total of one planet and one power star. Note that the electric fences are easily jumped, the spiked platforms pause frequently, and the shockwave generator also makes waves that are easy to hop. Also, there are two coins on the planet, which heal health. Easy star.

A Note About Comets

All the major galaxies (having 3 main missions, two comet missions, and one or two secret missions) can be visited by “Prankster Comets” after progressing to a certain point in the game. There are 5 types of comets, most of them obnoxious.

  • Cosmic Comet: On the given galaxy, you race a Cosmic Mario to the star on a map. Usually there are no enemies. This is obnoxious due to the fact that you must perform almost perfectly to beat Mr. Cosmic, which is hard. Also, Cosmic boy is about the same speed as you, so catching up is very hard. Annoying.
  • Speedy Comet: On this galaxy with this comet, you have a time limit to finish the mission. This isn’t usually that annoying, but I HATE TIME LIMITS D:<
  • Daredevil Comet: This entails that you must complete a portion of a mission in the galaxy (usually a boss) with a maximum health of exactly 1. You cannot extend your health with a life mushroom, nor are there any coins to boost it up. This is very tense and is not recommended as a substitute for yoga.
  • Fast Foe Comet: The least annoying of the comets; all enemies move faster. Like Daredevil Comets, this only affects a specific portion of a mission.
  • Purple Comet: A display of the developer’s lack of creativity at creating comet names, the purple comet is one of the two comet missions for every major galaxy. Basically, you collect 100 purple coins hidden everywhere on the map. Sometimes there will be a time limit or extra coins. These rank just below Cosmic Comets in terms of evil. These comets are unlocked by completing the mission “Gateway’s Purple Coins”. Finding every coin requires a very accurate knowledge of where all the secrets on each planet are, which is precisely why IT IS OBNOXIOUS.

And thus ends this post.


E3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

E3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That’s the best thing that’s happened recently, unless you count the fact that Mushy and I are going to start to anipost on the summer season of anime.

Anyways, the gamers at E3 showed us some pretty neat stuff. I own a Playstation 3, so I didn’t really pay any attention to Halo Reach. Hey, don’t hate. Halo Reach must be good. Anyways, I focused pretty much on Guerilla and Hideo Kojima, and a little of Gran Turismo 5, since I need at least one good racing game.  Oh yeah, and I glanced at the Playstaion Move, since it looked…well…like a black stick with a ball on top.

^What can I say? What? It’s just a black stick with a colourful ball on top. >_> (No pun intended. Seriously. No pun intended)

Unfortunately, the Metal Gear Solid Rising trailer didn’t offer as much as I had hoped for. Then again, they’re working on Peace Walker right now, so you can’t really blame them. The great thing is Xbox people can taste how badass Metal Gear Solid is, because its coming out on Xbox too.

http://e3.gamespot.com/video/6265460/

OMG Raiden’s so badass…it’s interesting how much his…er…”badassness” evolves throughout the series. In MGS2, he’s pathetic. In MGS4, he’s a badass cyborg ninja that kicks frigging ass. Now in this one, he’s the protagonist, and he’s badass. He’s so badass that Hideo Kojima decided to switch from “Tactical Espionage Action” to “Lightning Bolt Action”, obviously because Raiden means lightning in Japanese or something.

For Guerilla, they showcased the future of Sergeant Sevchenko and his sidekick person, Rico. (No it’s not another Ratchet and Clank. >_> That game fails in my opinion) Alright, so because they killed Scolar Visari, they gained EXP, and is now able to use Close Quarter Combat. It’s so effing awesome, because it’s the first time you get to actually do something besides whack the enemy with the frigging butt of your gun. >_> Anyways, you can follow-up attack (SUPA COMBO) and finish him however bloodly you like. You can break their neck (classical), Falcon Punch (OH YEAH!), kick him off the side of a building (FALCON KICK!), and if you’re good enough, jump on top of them and stab a knife through their knife and twist it through their brain (oolala).  Obviously, this is a pretty good game. Hopefully, Guerilla has fixed those annoying glitchs in when you hit a checkpoint, you freeze and it breaks the mood.

http://www.killzone.com/kz3/hub.html

FRIGGING JETPACK ENEMIES FTW TAKE THAT WORLD!

A lot of people are gonna go “Oh, what about Kinect? It’s like the best thing in the world.” Kinect doesn’t make much sense. First of all, you can’t play shooters, because you don’t have a controller. (Unless they can track movement as small as a finger…no that’s impossible) And if they do introduce a controller, then what was the point of saying “NO CONTROLLERS”??? What no controller means is that you’re stuck with playing games that aren’t as hardcore as you would like. However, I admit, I would love to test out what I’ve learned in Martial Arts on that stupid dummy in that fighting game. Kick his stupid faic and his voice that goes “Sooooooo, back for more already?” like a stereotypical bad Asian kung fu warlord. >_>

For Gran Turismo 5, it looks pretty badass for a racing game, but all racing games look the same pretty much. But whatever. I’m prioritizing Killzone 3 above anything, so meh.

Anyways, good for those E3 game producers, and I’ll churn out a review as soon as I get my hands on a good game. (Though I’ll do a review on Killzone 2 first, even though it’s old. But hey, Killzone 3’s coming out, so I might as well refresh your memories. Same applies for Metal Gear Solid 4. ITS FRIGGING AWESOME THE GAME ALONE IS A REASON TO GET A PLAYSTATION 3 GET IT NAOZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ)


Some Gaming Post

[MUSHYHIJACK: This is actually a gaming post :P]

This is a filler, because the people of O-New don’t have much to say. However, there are a few discussion topics, so yeah that’s good I guess.

Alright so if any of you remember Arbiter and the Chief, season four is coming out on Youtube soon, so hooray for Jon and Microsoft Sam and Microsoft Mike!

Hard to believe, but the origin of the rotflcopter that goes SOI SOI SOI SOI SOI SOI is from Arby n’ the Chief. The rotflcopter that doesn’t go SOI SOI SOI is from WoW.

In addition, Killzone 3 is coming out, and as I mentioned I’m a fan obviously. They uploaded a gameplay video, and like OMG you can like just jump up and stab the Helghast in the faic with a knife, and then break their neck. That’s like so badass like for a shooter. :D

http://www.killzone.com/kz3/hub.html

LOL Jetpacks are awesome.

Next on our list, we have the FIFA WORLD CUP starting. Thus, everyone’s going to be cheering for a bunch of different teams. I personally like Argentina, but w/e you guys can like comment and debate and flame each other. >_>

[MUSHYHIJACK: Well obviously the national democratic communist socialist united state-federation of the commonwealth of Antarctica is going to win…

^ Also, Dead Frontier 3D demo is out, but only to those stupid cash-paying n00bs. It’s just dead frontier 2D, with better graphics. Honestly I don’t get what’s all the fuss with it… I was seriously expecting a vertical view, where you could choose which part of the zombie to shoot, and the zombie isn’t just one dot, but actually something you can see. But no, AdminPwn’s too nooby to code like that. No offense.]


Heroes of Gaia 3

…That’s right.

Because I’ve been stressed enough with schoolwork, MapleStory, extracurricular work, MapleStory, forums, and MapleStory, I have decided to quite Heroes of Gaia…

…Thanks for all of you who joined the guild, x1ky2k. The guild will now be turned over to Gota, who is… awesome. I’ll leave all the organizing up to her (him?).

…It’s been nice, but I got the badge, and, well, I farm for badges. If there wasn’t a limit, I’d prolly keep on playing until my eyes died out, but I just have too much work (and it’s getting suspicious anyways)….

…So yeah. Thanks for joining and boosting us up to one of the top 35 guilds in Pandora; keep up the good work, and… well, separate the guilds when you need to :P Don’t say I didn’t tell you…!

…Goodbye.

(Oh, and check this blog out often, subscribe to my twitter, or add me as a friend on Kong… I’m not going to be inactive, just quitting HoG, that’s all).


Heroes of Gaia 2

…It’s #SuicideSaturday, but I survived. Woohoo, chinese essay on anything you want. Chose to write about the possible practical benefits of having an increased understanding in the fields of quantum physics, and how those benefits can be utilized to increase the possibility and practicality of creating a permanent human colony outside of Earth, including the possibility of terraforming a planet, such as Mars.

…@_@

And about HoG -

I used to play it, way back in December or something, when it first came out. Made a guild back then, x2ky2k, which was mildly successful. Rank 26 or something (out of liek, 1000 guilds). Then I quit, cause the game sucked.

Badges are out now, and thus I’m gonna play it again. This time, the guild is x1ky2k due to my new location.

3 hours have passed since I’ve made the guild.

We now have 13 members.

We had 10 members last time in the old guild.

…Anyways, links:

http://ow.ly/1oQDS

^ Politics. >_<

http://ow.ly/1oPSM

^ More politics. >_<

…I promise to add content later…