Phew! Here it is, finally, completely complete and edited and everything! Except for the images, which haven’t been modified in any way except for some resizing. So here it is, over seven thousand and five hundred words later, my twenty-eleven fall, anime, SECOND THOUGHTS! YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH *party music*
Please, don’t read this all at once. Symptoms of reading this all at once include boredom, ennui, disinterest, fatigue, indifference, apathy, lethargy, dullness, monotony, tiresomeness, and death.
Well, well, well. Turns out I couldn’t finish this in time. I’ll write the Chihayafuru, Fate/Zero, and concluding segments tomorrow.
Don’t bother reading through this mess. At the moment, it’s over 6000 words long, and, well, completely unedited – that’s right, even I haven’t read through this mess of a post. So don’t bother, and I’m not even trying to use reverse psychology on you. I’ll finish editing this tomorrow. Then, I’ll start to spam it on every single blob in the history of ever and wait did I just say blob
well here’s a blob
But at least I made a not-very-pun-thing in the title of this post! Get it? I had First Impressions, and now I have Second Thoughts! Still debating what to call the third post in this series
(the Third Coming?), cause fuck if I’m going to write 11 Half Season Reviews after being 2 months late on every single show.
Except for Horizon…»
..Uh, DF has taken its toll on me, and seeing as telling you guys how some person managed to seduce four girls in like what a week would probably make you want to punch your monitor in jealousy, let’s attempt to make some meaning out of this madness (or rather, madness out of its meaning)!
Katsuragi Keima or: How I Learned to Stop Gaming and Love Watching Litle Kdis Cry
Not even noticing Wikipe-tan in the corner there ;~;
It was yet another dark and stormy night for our protagonist, Katsuragi Keima. A pretty ordinary fellow, apart from how he spends all his time playing games in a dark room. His head-length hair reached to his head, and his fat malleus was embedded in his ear. A lone hat whipped against the air in that sad, August afternoon. His shoes fit on his foot, and his pants fit on the lower part of his body, just covering up his shallow tibialis anterior muscles.
It looks normal until you realize you’re riding a unicorn while dodging some giant spaceship lasers
The games he played were quite simple, such as this one, a very famous bullet hell by the name of “RIDE A MAGCIAL UNICRON WHILE SHOTING SPACE LASRES AT SIHPS OK”, produced by one named ‘BUN’. It is characterized by you, the player, riding a magical unicorn, while shooting space lasers at ships, out of kombat.
These games wasted much of his time.
“YUKKURI SHITTEITE NE!”
Not to mention the various other interactions of the game, particularly its very interesting fanbase.
RIDE A MAGCIAL UNICRON WHILE SHOTING SPACE LASRES AT SIHPS OK has spawned a variety of internet memes, such as the intensely popular “WATCH LITLE KDIS CRY” videos.
RIDE A MAGICAL UNICRON WHILE SHOTING SPACE LASRES AT SIHPS OK’s main antagonist is a person who will show the protagonist the power of a chef from Hell, by baking a red-white. The antagonist is quite easy to beat, once you get the hang of it.
Nevertheless, Keima cannot seem to ever beat the person who will show the protagonist the power of a chef from Hell by baking a red-white. Thus, he is reduced to merely being able to watch people record people watching WATCH LITLE KDIS CRY
One day, several years later, spurred on by the numerous appearances of WATCH LITLE KDIS CRY, Keima decides to do just that – watch ‘litle’ ‘kdis’ cry. However, to make this ‘litle’ ‘kdis’ cry, he’ll have to /make/ her cry.
Of which telling her that she does not like this place is not a viable means to secure a WATCH LITLE KDIS CRY.
He tried many things. Summoning a Black Ship did not cause her to cry, although it created substantial self-doubt among the villagers. Summoning a Fire Engine did not cause her to cry either, though someone elsie’s house consequently did not survive a raging fire due to the Fire Engine’s sudden summonings, and someone elsie definitely cried.
Nevertheless, he never gave her up, never let her down, never ran around and deserted her, but still, he couldn’t make her cry. Utterly perplexed at this impossibility, Keima heads to school, with some sort of weird octopus-eyeball-purple-rectangular-block octopus.
“I just came back from Winter Vacation and I am very excite”
He realized who he could ask for help from! His very friendly teacher was very fond of playing harmless practical jokes on people. Keima begged him to make the litle kdis cry.
The helpful teacher agreed that making litle kdis cry is a very rightful thing to do, and thus summoned a giant dragon. Unfortunately, the Blocktopus ate the dragon, and the only thing that happened was Keima watching big techres cry.
She’s more appendix-like if ya ask me
Keima had enough of this nonsense. He would deal with the situation personally. Proceeding to the liked place of the litle kdis, Keima begins his offensive.
His offensive was very offensive indeed, drawing stares and pointed fingers towards everywhere he went. His face was fearsome to all who saw it.
The seconds passed. Then the minutes. Then the hours. And the days. And the months. And the years.
Exhausted from not doing anything for several years, he activated his last resort, the only method of making that litle kdis cry.
SOOOPER SAIYAN MOOOOOOODO
But to no avail, for the litle kdis was still not there. Frustrated, broken, and starving from lack of plump helmet wine biscuits, Keima watched a bunch of weird white balls bounce around on the floor, because that’s totally relevant to our current situation and must be included in this post.
But it was relevant! For these white balls could not have possibly existed. He was hallucinating.
It was all over. After going for over 60 years without food, water, or sleep, Keima would finally collapse from exhaustion and oxygen deprivation.
His mind was not functioning anymore. His senses could not process.
He was a living zombie.
But, in the end, it was all futile. Keima’s adventurous journey into the realm of litle kdis was merely a movie.
The real Keima turned off the monitor.
It was a touching story, too touching for him to believe.
He was the litle kdis now.
And he began to cry.
Getting a bit carried away there now, are we
So, voilé, there’s this magic library whose shelves TOUCH THE SKY AND BEYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOND, and they don’t have an elevator system. They don’t have ladders. They don’t have up-down staircases. They don’t even have ramps. Not only that, but they DON’T EVEN HAVE STOOLS. AND THEY HAVE CHAIRS, BUT THEY DON’T USE THEM.
WHAT IS WITH THIS?! This is unacceptable. There is too much a high rate of injury among librarians who are trying to reach books they can’t reach, and even more by stupid weeaboos who think that someone will catch you when you start falling down with ten books in your arms will. This must. Be. Changed. The plot device is completely and utterly useless. Do you know what would work better? The librarian stands on one of those stools, but when she takes a book off the shelf, another book suddenly falls. She tries to catch the other book, which she does, followed by a slowdown of her catching the book and falling down, before getting caught.
How could Keima have planned for that? He wastes WAY too much paper if he just writes his words down like he does in the manga (especially when he’s using the same lines against 6 girls IN THE SAME DAY). These people are TOO PROFESSIONAL for us to relate to. They’re simply out of our leagues.
I have no mouth, and I must scream
And this librarian? She writes ONE HUNDRED page essays to creep out her friends on books she read twenty-four times. In a row. In under an hour. While watching TV and reading 5 other books. And while playing five games simultaneously on three different platforms. And eating popcorn.
WAIT WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT? Judging by the explanation offered later, all these girls have weird stuff (Kanon disappearing, etc.), but only /after/ an evil spirit inhabits their souls. Then, how could she have had wrote those weird essays and read so many books, before the weird spirit entered her? It could be because the spirit was just in her, all the time, but then you’d expect the evil spirit to take over her body already, right?
Then again, she could just possess some way to rewind time and write 24 100-page essays. In under the time it takes us to eat popcorn.
…TWENTY-TWO BATHTUBS FULL OF POPCORN
And all of Shiori’s reasons for books is absolutely terrible. Who needs books? Electronic books are no different from normal books (besides the fact that they waste paper). What she likes isn’t books. It’s paper and bindings. Take away the text from the books, and she won’t notice a thing. In other words, she’s a complete asshole anti-environmentalist.
Besides, any media can have just as much meaning as books. If you’ve ever read Fahrenheit 451, you’d know that the only reason other media typically don’t, is that the public doesn’t want there to be content and meaning. Doesn’t Shakespeare’s plays have just as much meaning? Isn’t a picture worth a thousand words? Doesn’t Kaminomi itself, contain decent amounts of knowledge and wisdom? Subconscious, sure, subliminal, sure, but books are no better than any other medium. Media are things to be contained in, not things that are to be contained.
“Sorry, I got distracted by that giant earthquake just now!”
Heh, it’s funny how the last episode always turns everything around. Occult Academy’s last episode was WTF, Oreimo’s last episode was WTF, SWOT’s last episode was YES IT ENDED FINALLY, and Kaminomi’s last episode was also WTF. Strange bit of patterning going on here. You’d have expected Yokkyun to appear cause she koo like that but I guess the producers were too apprehensive of everyone wanting to simultaneously punch their monitors at the same time, producing a giant soundwave that would probably wake up your parents. So, don’t punch your monitors, or else your parents will wake up. Or if you do punch them, punch them in the garage, please?
Nevertheless, the latter, penultimate and final, episodes do brilliantly use the other parts of The World God Only Knows Oratorio for quite a dramatic effect.
BUT SORRY IT’S NOT AN ORATORIO ALRIGHT KK THANKS
Not that I want to boast about my musical lexicon being sufficiently higher than the average populace (well, I do), but TWGOK’s was not even close to encompassing the scale of a full-blown oratorio. It would be better characterized as a vocal work in five parts – a recitativo introduction (secco going to accompagnato), an aria (not set in Mars), a completely un-oratorio-like percussion-based homophonic (melody-dominated, with accompanying other parts, common of most crap nowadays for people unable to properly counterpoint polyphony – though, many who don’t rely solely on some guy repeatedly hitting a big hollow cylinder for rhythmic motion utilize homophony to its full extent, particularly those in the Romantic era (Chopin’s Military Polonaise, though seemingly homorhythmic, is actually homophonic)) melody featuring broken Engrish, another pure melody line with more horrible Engrish, and…
…well, by then all semblance of religious organization breaks down. I know, I know, oratorios are generally more secularized now, but still. An oratorio is basically an opera, usually set to a religious setting, but without props, costumes, or acting. Do you see anything that remotely seems operatic in this oratorio? Are there characters? Are there clearly defined voices? Do you know what the vocalist is talking about? Does what she’s talking about matter? Does it even make sense, even when you know the lyrics?!
When one movement of a sonata could be many times longer than this entire ‘oratorio’, I don’t think it’s fit to call it as such.
Why don’t we call it something else?
Other than the points above mentioned, everything was wonderful. The story and plot were of course, better than SWOT (is that a compliment?), the animation and art was fluid enough to support Keima spinning pens – IN BOTH DIRECTIONS AT ONCE (is that a compliment?), and the music was downright horrible (is that a compliment?).
Overall Rating: 5/10 (Great)
Haqua appears? …I meant 12/10 (Just as Planned)
Nerdy guy decides to date everyone in za warudo, or else he’ll die.
Let’s go through a day in the life of Katsuragi Keima…
“SO MANY MESSAGES WHAT DO I DO?! RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAEG”
Should I make a tag for alternate stories? But I need a witty(er) name…
I also realized I didn’t watch episode four yet, or at least I don’t remember it. Oh well, all the more reason for an alternate story.
All the above are SIDNET for laziness.
Sorry, life’s been horrible, so posts reflect the state of my current spiritual health.
AKA RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAEG TOO MANY FORUMS TO READ