Oh hey, another Musical Monday!
Remember last Musical Monday, when I posted about Stephen Chatman’s Ginger Snaps? Neither do I! Here’s another composition that features parallel fifths like there’s no tomorrow. What’s it called?
As opposed to opposed fifths»
Welcome to another (late) Musical Monday! Today’s piece of music is titled… wait, I’ll let you guys guess…
..that’s right! It’s titled
Friday, featuring the beloved Rebecca Black Ginger Snaps, written by Stephen Chatman in his music collection, Preludes for Piano, Book 3 between 1999 and 2001. Yep, it’s a recent (21st-century!) composition, and as you’d expect from recent compositions, it defies conventions a little bit.
The fies can fence shins»
Words Are Unlined
A NSFW fapfic, by Mushyrulez
GOOD MORNING AGENT MACKENZIE ULYSSES SVETLANA HARJOT ZDROJKOWSKI STOP
WE HAVE RECEIVED REPORTS OF AN ENORMOUS FIVE HUNDRED POUND NECKBEARD LOSER LIVING IN HIS PARENTS BASEMENT STOP HOWEVER IT IS NOT HIS SUPERFLUITY THAT IRKS US IT IS THE HORRID FANFICTION THAT HE HAS WRITTEN THAT HAS INFECTED THE HEARTS AND MINDS OF CORRUPT JAPANESE SCHOOLGIRLS WORLDWIDE STOP AND BY WORLDWIDE I MEAN IN JAPAN STOP
THANKFULLY WE HAVE ALREADY ISSUED A RESTRAINING ORDER ON HIM INTENDED TO PROHIBIT THE CONTINUED PROPAGATION OF HIS GLOPPING PROSE STOP THESE RESTRAINING ORDERS PROHIBIT HIM FROM APPROACHING WITHIN THREE METRES OF ANY TYPEWRITER OR LINED PAPER OR ANY OTHER FORM OF ELECTRONIC OR ERECTRONIC DEVICE THAT MAY ENCOURAGE HIS WRITING STOP
THUS YOUR MISSION SHOULD YOU CHOOSE TO ACCEPT IT IS TO STOP HIM FROM WRITING THIS INSIPID FICTION IMMEDIATELY BY SPYING ON HIS PREMISES AND PROMPTLY ARRESTING HIM SHOULD YOU OBSERVE HIS INFRINGEMENT OF THE AFOREMENTIONED RESTRAINING ORDER STOP
AS ALWAYS SHOULD YOU OR ANY MEMBER OF YOUR IM FORCE BE CAUGHT OR KILLED THE SECRET ARES WILL EAT DONUTS WHILE LAUGHING ABOUT THE UNITED STATES NATIONAL DEBT STOP YOUR COMPUTER WILL SELF DESTRUCT IN FIVE SECONDS STOP GOOD LUCK AGENT MACKENZIE ULYSSES SVETLANA HARJOT ZDROJKOWSKI STOP
“Woah, what the well, man?!” screamed Agent Mackenzie Ulysses Svetlana Harjot Zdrojkowski incredulously at his computer monitor. “This computer stores the entire collection of the world’s CP!! What would happen to the economy if it were destroyed?! Wait… how can this self-destruct if this is a telegram delivered by mail? I mean, I just received the package from the mailman, and there’s nothing ins-”
That’s supposed to be an explosion»
Words Are Online
A short story, by Mushyrulez
It was a light and sunny day. Birds chirped in the background, tweeters tweeted in Starbucks, and construction workers spread their filth throughout the great city, verdant with colour and mud and Indian curry. Mackenzie Ulysses Svetlana Harjot Zdrojkowski sat morosely in front of his computer, sulking while sucking on a lollipop. Unfortunately, even the poor lollipop recognized Mackenzie Ulysses Svetlana Harjot Zdrojkowski’s suckiness, and proceeded to fall gracefully from his lips like a bulldozer as he gaped in shock at the title plastered in front of his computer in bright, glaring Comic Sans MS.
“Dot Hack Slash Slash… Ragnarok Online?”
‘Maplestory’ is taboo at O-New»
Is that what you guys see there! A KOKORO CONNECT OP piano transcription? With sheet music?!
BY MADOKA, IT IS!! Wow!!! Amazing!!!! I should really start watching the anime I’m going to blog this season now instead of transcribing random OPs! …really
Time to watch Naruto and One Piece»
It’s time for the long-awaited sequel to Charles-Louis Hanon’s Le Pianiste Virtuose en 60 Exercices!! Well, not really, because Le Pianiste Virtuose en 60 Exercices (The Virtuoso Pianist in 60 Exercises) doesn’t have a sequel. No, this is the sequel to my first post about the Virtuoso Pianist, and in this part, we’ll cover pianos, fingers, and not much else. If you’re reading this series for the first time, do read the first post’s introduction first. Really. Seriously. Honestly. Lie. Wait, no, it’s not a lie, it’s a -ly
We’ve moved past the Preparatory Exercises, so now, it’s time for harder exercises. In fact, you could even say they’re ‘Transcendent Exercises For Preparing The Fingers For The Virtuoso Exercises’. That’s what Hanon says. I mean, said, because he’s dead (hey, that rhymes), which means… woohoo, we’re still doing preparatory exercises…
Prepare to READ»
Welcome back to another bout of bad Engrish soramimi! Why do I say ‘bad Engrish soramimi’? Because the singer’s Engrish is bad, its inherent badness is Engrish, and my soramimi isn’t actual soramimi, it’s just a bad mondegreen. Why is it a bad mondegreen? Because the singer’s Engrish is bad.
But how can the singer’s Engrish be bad? ‘Call Me Maybe’ is an English song, sung by an English singer, right?
No, we’re not talking about ‘Call Me Maybe’… we’re talking about ‘Call Me Later’, a 1970s R&B song by FOXY.
Wait actually no that’s in English too wait that’s not right
It’s in bad Engrish when played backwards»
It’s Musical Monday, and perhaps just playing Czerny all the time has gotten a little boring for you guys. But don’t sweat, because I’ve got something much more exciting prepared, just for you: Hanon exercises, instead!
Charles-Louis Hanon’s Le Pianiste Virtuose en 60 Exercices (The Virtuoso Pianist in 60 Exercise) is an (in)famous collection of (you guessed it) 60 piano exercises, meant for developing finger and wrist strength, agility, endurance, flexbility, suppleness, you name it. Ask any piano teacher or pianist what the most useful book of exercises are for the piano, and half will probably name Hanon’s. Ask the ones that don’t what the most harmful book of exercises are for the piano, and chances are, they’ll probably all name Hanon’s.
But: you must have at least a year of keyboarding experience before starting Hanon practice. Starting it too early will a) dumb down your musical sense b) force you into amateurish hand postures and c) be impossible to play. If you’re here and want to learn how to play piano, Lypur’s ‘Learn How to Play Piano’ playlist is the perfect tutorial for you! Well, maybe it’s not perfect, and maybe it’s not for you, but do give it a shot. (Look, he’s even made a video about the Virtuoso Pianist and Erster Wiener Lehrmeister im Pianofortespiel!)
Like it or hate it, every pianist has encountered Hanon’s exercises sometime in their lifetime. Thus, in this series of posts, I’ll be venturing to play them all. Like a Pokémon master but without the Poké, without the mon, without the mast, and without the er.
Two posts ago, I began my quest. My quest to play all 100 exercises in Carl Czerny’s book of beginner piano études, Erster Wiener Lehrmeister im Pianofortespiel. What is a piano étude? Well, my previous post explains this and much less (that is to say, it does not explain much more than this), and I strongly suggest you start from the very beginning if you are trying to learn piano.
Actually, if you are trying to learn piano, I strongly suggest you do not try Czerny’s piano exercises at all. The learning curve is too steep, and without a proper piano teacher, your form and posture will be all incorrect. I do not count as a proper piano teacher because my form and posture is already incorrect and its incorrectness is already incorrigible.
This post, we’ll talk about posture, technique, and another guy, Hanon, ‘s exercises. That’s improper grammar and punctuation, but I want to pronounce ‘Hanon’ with pauses at each end, and ‘s exercises together as one word, because English is stupid and French liaisons sound really, really good. Unlike my performances of the following exercises.
Last post, I announced my great expedition to record all 100 exercises from Carl Czerny’s book of études, Erster Wiener Lehrmeister im Pianofortespiel (no, don’t ask me how to pronounce that).
This Musical Monday, you will learn about accidentals and key signatures, the qualities of an étude, and of the history behind this collection.
But without further ado, let us begin with post two (hey, that was a rhyming couplet!).
These rhymes I’ll continue, and ah-ah-ah-achooo»
I first heard of fractals when I was in sixth grade. Fractals being a relatively complex concept for grade six, my math teacher didn’t linger on it for too long, but afterwards, I did some research. That was when I discovered fractal artwork. I was immediately transfixed by the beauty that could be produced by pure mathematics. Of course, I didn’t understand any of it, and for the most part, I still don’t. I have a vague conception of what fractals are: infinitely repeating patterns. You might not think that this would make for good artwork, but it does. I’ve collected lots of fractal art pieces over the years, but have only recently begun making my own. I started experimenting with Apophysis, a fractal generator, about two months ago. Here is some of my art.
Remember when Whiners.pro commented on my horrible poetry? Don’t worry, I’m not going to torture you guys with any more of that. Instead, have something worse: pretentious poetic ‘analysis’. It’s analysis in the loosest sense since it’s more an exercise of elongation (an exercise beneficial to many organs, specifically that of the e-peen). Here, I’ll spoil you in advance: all I talk about in this essay is that people feel differently about poetry when they’re angry or sad. Or happy. Or dead. Or mushyrulez. Or mushysuckz. Hey, it’s I Say (read: essay) Wednesday, if az can post a bad school essay I’m entitled to post a bad school essay too
These bad essays have gone moldy»
Something can’t be made from nothing. So what’s it from?
Something’s from something.
Sheet music, replete with broken Unicode Arabic;
Mspaint image, replete with broken pixellated Arabic;
Finale file, replete with broken Unicode Arabic.
O-New, replete with broken news»
Alright, guys, it’s time for a new piano project!
That sentence was misleading, because it somewhat implies that I have completed older piano projects, whereas in fact, I have not completed any piano projects! Nor started any, for that matter… until now.
What is the project? The project is to play all 100 pieces in Carl Czerny’s Erster Wiener Lehrmeister im Pianofortespiel (lit. “First Viennese Masters in Piano Playing” (courtesy of Google Translate), or ‘Practical Exercises for Beginners on the Pianoforte’), Opus 599.
Projected outcome: disaster»
Prepare to be dropped by cyber entertainment on an internet-ional scale as Hentai Film-woks announces the impending upload of the synchronizing, hit space story BODACIOUS SPACE PIRATES! What happens when Teen Nerds meet Computer Programming? Find out when Director Drew Houston returns to the familiar spaces of tragedy and international depression and deftly synchronizes the not-selling DROPBOX PIRATE novels by Arash Ferdowski in a folder to become an all new 26 episode anime masterpiece, while Y Combinator’s brilliant original funding is adapted for animation by the team of Drop and Box. There’s plenty of files and history revising ahead in the most storage-y adventure epic of the year, BODACIOUS SPACE PIRATES!
Most families have porn files in their folders, but Drew is understandably shocked to learn that what his family has been hiding is more folders inside folders! And while the revelation that his late father was an accountant would have been earthshaking enough for most teenage boys, discovering that he was the employee of the notorious accountant firm Bent and Marrow will change Drew’s life forever. Because, you see, accounting is a family business, and he’s just inherited nothing at all. And his father’s former employer is quite intent on making sure Drew doesn’t care! So what’s a boy to do? Well, if you’re a high school student whose prior total storage experience has been repeatedly losing your USB, there’s really only one moral dilemma that has to be resolved: are students allowed to care about really stupid plot-lines? Get ready for internet-ional programming unlike any you’ve ever seen before as cyberspace gets downloaded by bored college students, bored high school students and the most boring person ever in BODACIOUS SPACE PIRATES!
BODACIOUS SPACE PIRATES will simulcast premier on O-New starting never at 32:00 a.m. Pacific Standard Rhymes (that’s on GM-Time). Additional digital outlets and TV broadcast will follow starting forever with DVD and Box-Ray to follow.
P.S. I’M SKIPPING SCHOOL THIS IS THE QUALITY OF POSTS YOU’LL GET
P.P.S. HAVE A COOL (read: nonsensical stream-of-consciousness mental regurgitation) AVENGERS POST TALKING ABOUT HOW IT SUCKED! actually no that’s not what I talk about I don’t even know what I talk about in that post
P.P.P.S. Charles Dickens was the father of the modern light novel INDEED. Look at this 19th century 40-year-old otamot! They’re like, J.C. Staff protagonists but three times older!
I TOLD YOU GUYS I WOULD GIVE YOU MUSIC VIDEOS
SO HERE YOU GO
VIDEOS OF MUSIC. THREE OF THEM. SCROLL DOWN.
AND OF MY HANDS, NOT MY FEET»
Once upon a time, there was a Prime Minister. His name was Jean Chrétien. He had a staff of office that indicated his high position of respect and honour. His staff was originally pretty lame when it was given to him in 1994, spitting out things like neo wrestling and oni. Suddenly, one day, in 1997, an evil wizard stole Chrétien’s staff and imbued it with magical revolutionary powers by giving it a ring with a rose crest.
HINT: THIS IS ACTUALLY A POST ABOUT ANIME»
Since 2DT’s away in Canada (WOOO!!), I guess I’ll write some shit using this random sentence generator. I’ll generate ten sentences randomly, and write three sentences of my own between each of them to try to make them make sense. Each paragraph will begin with a randomly generated sentence.
Except, wait!! 2DT just got internet. So, here’s his image and here’s mefloraine’s compilation, and, wait!! Random sentences and 2DT’s theme aren’t mutually contradictory. So, yep, I’ll still be doing the above; it’s just one extra sentence to insert, right? Can’t be too difficult…
Before you accuse me of depraved intentions, no, this is not a post dissecting the many features of the female form. Instead, it is a post about Hourou Musuko, femininity, masculinity, and gender roles in a society where a boy is not a boy and a girl is not a girl. Except when they are, of course. Now, you know that I can’t tackle serious issues like this, so I hope you guys will comment and actually discuss, y’know, real stuff, and not the shit I put into my posts. My newfound popularity (?) after a spectacular loss to Shameful Otaku Secret ought to promote this discussion. OUGHT TO.
That boy is actually SPINACH»