O-New: Now Extinct Website

O-NEB 1: The Worm Book

[Mushyhijack: This is a O-NEB; “O-New’s Endorsed Books”. I made that up on the spot so it sucks. WHATEVER.]

The Worm Book

A worm flashes across the title page. It automatically lures you towards the book. You read the authors’ names: Janet and Allan Ahlberg. You decide that you have to read this book, as both the authors’ last names begin with an “A”. A must stand for Awesome. You have no choice. You are under the spell of The Worm Book, ever since you first saw the cover.

The Worm Book is an incredibly complex book; I mean, just getting the first page open is hard. To help you, I have compiled a complicated, step-by-step walkthrough on how to get the book open.

1. The first thing you needto do is make sure you are not in a warm area. Learn that the book is made out of paper, and that if it gets too hot, the book might spontaneously combust. Remember, Safety First. Smokey the Bear says: Only you can prevent forest fires.

2.  Continuing with the theme of safety, take some gloves and put them on. After that, slowly extend your arm towards the book, making sure you don’t touch the edge of the paper. Doing so could prove fatal; do you know how many people die from paper cuts each year!?! You could BLEED to DEATH!

Moving on, to the subject of the book. Covering a variety of topics, The Worm Book is mostly fictional. However, each page provides so much humour, that it doesn’t matter. Quoting from the book, “All good worms have a beginning, a middle, and an end. Worms with two beginnings, a middle and no end are apt to injure themselves. Worms with no beginning, one middle and two ends get bored.” The book moves from topic to topic each time you flip the page, you will experience great wars all over again, explore new lands and even see the Bertram Worm Circus live!

This book is terrific. Its 118.4 centimeterscubed of paper will keep you glued to the page. It is at the kindergarten vocabulary level. The Worm Book is an epic book. You have to read it.

3 responses

  1. Oh yeah?Well I have magic resistance so “The worm book” spell is useless against me!Nah,just kidding.I may check it out once I find some spare time.

    2010/06/26 at 07:39

  2. Oh yeah, you’re a magician. >_>

    2010/06/26 at 14:02

  3. Also, it’s not in circulation anymore, one of the authors died from lung cancer

    2010/06/26 at 14:03