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HELL-O: (Hourai’s Evil List of Lethargy on O-New) Awesome Weapons in Games Part 2

Another list. This part has weapons 8 and 7.

Number 8: Footwear (Mario Series)

What: Shoes. >.>

How: Gravity. >.>

Why: You can kill anything in Mario games with a jump. Except for spiky enemies and Boos.Kills bricks. Kills Goombas, smashes Koopas, kicks their shells around. Flattens buttons, somehow makes him wall jump efficiently, etc. Are those normal boots?!?

Number 7 &6: The Seeker and the Kasimov SNV-E99 (Singularity; XBox 360, PS3, PC)

The Seeker

What: The Seeker fires explosive rounds. Pity it’s not automatic. You’re probably thinking at this point: “WHAT?!?!? A LOT OF WEAPONS HAVE EXPLODERING ROUDNZ ADN U PIKKED THS SHT!?!?! ITS NOTT EVNE AUTOMATIC>!!?1!?!!1111/!?!” First of all, there is no need to think in capital letters (thanks Dave Barry for the joke) and poor spelling.

How: Play the game and you’ll eventually see it. Iunno how it works, but it has something to do with E99, which does random stuff. This random stuff includes creating the freaking Flood (y’know, from Halo), creating Time Kufc-like situations in which TIME GETS SCREWED UP AND THE FUTURE GETS CHANGED BY TIIIIIIIIME TRAVEL, and making awesome weapons.

Why: You can steer the bullets. AWESOME SAUCE. These are like horizontal PREDATOR MISSILES (YES YES YES BOOM), except you get more of them. Granted, they lack the splash damage radius of said Predators, but they remain OHKOs against regular grunts.

The Kasimov SNV-E99

What: Your (almost) standard sniper rifle. Powerful…

How: More E99 shenanigans. Otherwise your standard sniper rifle.

Why: You can SLOW TIME when you use the scope. How awesome is that? It also happens to OHKO grunts.

Ok, I put in three weapons when I said I’d put two. I lied. Sue me. More parts coming in the future.

2 responses

  1. Lol,”the boots of doom”.And of course they don’t sell them at any local shop.You MUST go to Wal mart in order to buy some…<_< And what happens when you get home and you decide to try them…Ohhhhhh they have holes,no shoe laces and of course mini mongler hiding.Way the go quality sale.

    2010/07/13 at 21:34

  2. houraiguy

    When I say “Breaks bricks”, I am referring to the fact that Mario appears to be retarded in that Peach is retarded, since retardism may or may not be spread in a way similar to that of AIDS. This is evidenced in “New Super Mario Bros. Wii”, in which 7 consecutive times Mario could have easily jumped on the airship of Bowser Jr. But he remained content to let his b _ _ _ _ be flown away by the sex-offender-appearing insane egotistical koopa sons. Thus, with Mario’s retardism at an all-time high, it seems reasonable that Mario might wear his boots on his head to break bricks. The boots teleport to his head when there are bricks above his head.

    2010/07/14 at 03:31