Creation of Zero
In the beginning there was something. That something being absolutely nothing. Therefore, Zero has existed since the beginning. Zero’s existence within a state of non-existence caused the big bang. Man began life in the ancient lands of Mesabeginia. Humans were very simple creatures with very complex psychological problems concerning the existence from non-existence that would cause religious warfare to rage on for thousands of years.
Men were very competative by nature and would often have competitions over how yellow a banana was, rock collections, and number of tetris games won. These competitions were very important to the men, however they had no way of keeping records because they were unaware of numbers.
After many great wars and complete anihalations of a variety of cultures a solution was discovered. Competative records could be kept on the amount of fingers people held up. Highly honored people known as Dumba**es would witness an important competition and keep record of the scores on their fingers. They would continue to hold their fingers up as long as the winning competitor continued to pay a weekly fee of tubby custard. Over time, each finger (and thumb) was given a name. The first finger was named One(Wan) after a very lonely Chinese virgin who lived in the mountains. Two(Tew) was named after a couple of side by side turds with faces drawn in them. Three, four, five, six were just random baby names pulled from a lottery and seven, eight, nine were chosen in rememberance of the horrible case of cannobolism when a very strange and hungry man named Seven ate an ugly woman named Nine. Ten was actually called Ben after a very famous general’s son, but Oscar Wilde changed it to Ten because Hitler kept getting laughed at trying to say, ‘I vant to drop Ben Bombs!!!’
Over time, the losers of very humilating competitions would sneak into the houses of the Dumbasses and cut off their fingers so that there would be no proof of any record. (Rather bizarly, anyone who tried to bribe between 10 000 BC and 2000 BC would burst into flames) Dumba**es who’d had their fingers cut off would often say, “I have no fingers” or “The count of my fingers is none”, but people went into a frenzy of anarchy because there could not possibly be a number for having no number. Tens of thousands of wars were fought over the holy grail which supposadly contained the almighty ‘!number without a number!’ At last an unknown man named Apocalypse Zero came along and stopped what is now known as the Apocalypse of Zero. He claimed that this number without a number was in fact, Zero (named after himself) which he stated as either the loss of everything or the gain of nothing. (Or for the mathamatically challenged: The rim of an oval next to a 1) But in all seriousness, 0 was invented in India. So yeah, thanks.