The Purpose of Zero
The truth is, zero has zero purpose. (Recently, zero’s purpose being within itself has caused a tear in the space time continueum of earth’s atmosphere, unleashing an army of deranged lepricons with light sabers) Some argue that Zero’s purpose is in fact to prevent anarchy in the world where as others argue that its purpose is to cause anarchy in the world.
Zero = Anarchy: Those that believe the number zero is to create anarchy amongst the world are known as Crackpots. None of their points have ever been validated, because nobody gives a damn about what a crackpot has to say. Crackpots often point out that Zero is responsible for 1000’s of suicides each year. Their research shows that these suicides are often commited by teenagers struggling with the concept of there being nothing where there once was something.
Additionally, Crackpot research shows that 21% of Zero Suicides are by middle aged women who never settled down to have children and as a result have very saggy Zeros between their legs which take on the image of a Walrus on crack. Of course, none of this research can be validated because, quite frankly, who would listen to a Crackpot? If you see one, do both it and the world a favor by killing it before it molasts a lamp without a lightbulb with the switch on. (Which nobody wants to see). The only way to kill a Crackpot is with a stake knife and chokery using an arcade token.
Zero = Peace: People that believe Zero’s purpose is to keep the peace are called Zero Peace Fanatics. The General Public has always been highly confused by this name, believing that Zero Peace Fanatics are obsessed worshipers of religious fruit and wish to rain used condems upon the earth to create global terror. (Most people ignore these accusations and simply state that Zero Peace Fanatics are ‘just a global threat.’ Zero Peace Fanatics are in fact, very peaceful people with absolutely no lives. They live at home eating jelly beans and their only social activity is getting together with penguins to have apple dunking games. What all this has to do with anything is still a mystery. The Zero Peace Fanatics hope that one day we will all find Zero in our destinies and be at peace with everything. Zero Peace Fanatics believe that Apocalypse Zero was a God-like prophet sent by a giant Zero shaped warp storm located near the ‘dwarf planet’ Pluto [AKA: Circularly challenged sphere].