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Swimming

If any of you don’t know, I’m a competitive swimmer. The final meet is coming up, a variety of poems, speeches and monologues have been created to psych us up for the swim meet. Enjoy.

Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
I’m good at freestyle,
So no more 32’s.

This means no more than 31 seconds to swim 50 meters of freestyle.

My cap is Red
Your cap is Blue
I’m sure it’s for *hores
So no K for you
God made me fast
what happened to you?
i saw you dive in the water
and as u broke out
i watched you get slaughtered
because michael sinclair
beyond any doubt
had touched the wall fair
you had swam fast
but not fast enough
because you clearly now know
that his speed is no bluff
but as you came last
for the race you just lost
was one “i beat you”
so suck on my a**
I am a Kigoo
who none can surpass

My club is called the Kigoos by the way, Michael Sinclair is just a particularly fast swimmer.

V, V, I, I, K, K, I, I, N, N, G, G, S, S! WHAT DOES THAT SPELL? NOBODY CARES! Kigoos Kigoos Kigoos Kigoos Kigoos Kigoos
The Vikings are a rival team

OK EVERYONE. we are going to have a talk. it’s about swimming. you see that water? you see those swimmers racing right now? these little kids are the generation of the future, as you were when you were younger. between that time and now, we have changed. physically and mentally. we have raced a thousand races, we have swum a million miles, yet here we are still, at this same meet and you feel like you have not moved an inch from where you stood before. but do not falter. I know. We all sometimes ask ourselves: “Is this really worth it?” Is this what I really want? Everyone feels the same. Everyone has been in that position, that state of mind. We get frustrated and sad when we lose or came short of our expectations. But through hard and bitter experiences, we gradually better. By going through those hard times, finishing those sets and races, we become FASTER. Look back and reflect on your past. If you didn’t try as hard as you did, if you didn’t go to as many practices as you did, if you did not unwillingly go through that stage of pain, would you be as fast or as confident as you are now? There always comes a time when that improvement, that speed is not nearly enough and our competition is much faster than us. We will wonder if we should just sit back and watch in sadness as our hard work is put to shame. That would be one of the paths we could take. BUT IF WE REALLY WANT IT AND WE WORK VERY HARD FOR IT….our efforts, our sweat, our pain, our suffering will pay off in the end. And if you still do not come first, if that medal you have been aiming for is grasped by someone else, remember one thing: you have tried your best. and NO I will not say that that was the best you could do, but it is the best for NOW. And if you still feel like your efforts are still not worth it, you are wrong.

I am the youngest in division 4. That does not stop me from swimming fast though. I am a good swimmer, I will go to provincials. Currently, there are some swimmers stopping me from doing so. Those particular swimmers can either fu**ing die in a well off the coast of Finland or they can watch as swim faster than them. One of these swimmers doesn’t swim much with our group. If he were to go into the “A” relay, we would be slower. Why? It’s because it is the team spirit that bonds us and propels us to swim faster. If I was to swim with somebody I hardly knew, I wouldn’t swim fast. Eric, Mark, Frankie, Ryan, Matthew, Brandon, Silas and Delbert are real Kigoos. They actually train with me and the team, I know them. They are people I can trust.

The following speech may contain certain profanity. Viewer discretion is advised.

hi guyz. im in div 4 but im like u noe a year olda than all of you so ur kinda all like OMFG IM RACING A GRADE 8?! DUDE WTF (*^&^%^&&(*!! but get used to it cuz IMMA PWN U IN … BREASTROKE YAAAH! imma beat frankie and place 1st in our region even if hes a better sprinter than i am that doesnt stop me from beatin him. i dont wanna go to provincials feelin like a fucking loser thinking that *oh im only here cuz frankie cant come to provincials. hes waaay faster than me.* i wanna be going to kamloops feelin proud of myself. fastest in FRASER SOUTH. at provincials i will beat roderick, kenneth, and daniel and be 3rd in the province. even if i am technically slower than all of them i will work harder and eventually beat them in finals. i will get a medal but even if i dont ill leave the pool feeling all PROUD and shit cuz i did my best. FUCK BEING SLOW, FUCK CRAMPS, FUCK ACHES, FUCK SORES IN THE MORNING WHEN U WAKE UP. I DONT NEED U. GTFO.

right nao i might not even be in provincial finals. even though i hate to admit i will do badly in regionals. i havent had a chance yet to swim 100 breast this weekend and this may become my undoing DUN DUN DUN. BUT STILL FRANKIE WILL NOT BEAT ME. HIS BEST TIME MAY BUT IF HE CANNOT SWIM HIS BEST TIME…THEN ITS BULL. we dont need no other DAVID DO here. be consistent with ur times. i dont wanna race u thinking im so fast yay im beating frankie. if i look up at that fucking clock and it says i have anything slower than 1:20 ill SPAZZ OUT LIKE A FUCKING (*&*(@q&#(*@&)#e!!!

personly i believe that i have no right going to provincials coming anything worse than first. 200 IM? 50 fly? FUCK THOSE EVENTS. BREASTSTROKE FOR LIFE BITCHEZZZ! haha but seriously (the above). i noe i suck at free. thanks guys. i was never a freestyler and ive always been sorta like the 3rd wheel in a free relay. BUT SHIT. my spots not gonna be takin without us fightin. we r gonna go to provincials. cuz thats JUST HOW OUR SHIT ROLLS BITCHEZZZ

TO ALL MOTHAFITCHES: if ur not gonna work hard and ur even gonna try hard and ur thinking of going to provincials instead of someone who frickin EARNED HIS SPOT THERE for going to HARD PRACTICES, NOT SO SATISFYING MEETS and shit. forget it. i would forgive u mudafkers if u did try hard. if uve ever been dqed for a stupid reason. if u ever left a race feeling like god just picked u out of the crowd and shat on u. if u ever fucking felt like dying after a race. if uve ever felt like all ur work was meaningless. if uve ever had to keep ur head up even through the disappointment. BUT NOOOO U HAVENT. SO FUCK U. UP THE ASS. NO PROTECTION FO U BITCHES. WE GONNA SHITKICK PPL IN OUR WAY. THATS JUST HOW WE ROLL :)

WHEN WE STEP ON THAT HOLY LAND, THE SMALL RECTANGULAR SPACE IN FRONT OF THE VOLUNTEER TIMERS, BEFORE THE BLOCKS, OVERLOOKING THE OVER-CHLORINATED WATERS WE WILL BE AFRAID. BUT WE WILL NOT RUN FOR WE ARE KIGOOS. THERE ARE MANY WHO LOOK AT US AND FEEL DISDAIN. OMG ITS ANOTHER KIGOOS TEAM I HATE THEM…NOT!!! KIGOOS ARE FUCKING AWESOME. WHEN WE STEP ON THOSE BLOCKS. WE WILL REWRITE HISTORY. OUR OPPONENTS ANCESTORS WILL ROLL IN THEIR GRAVES CUZ WHEN WE FUCKING FIRE OUR EPIC LAZERS AND PWN EVERYBODY, WE WILL BE THE WINNING TEAM. NO MAN OR SILAS, BRANDON, FRANKIE, DELBERT, ERIC, RYAN, CHRIS, MATTHEW, OR MARK WILL EVER BE THE SAME. FOR EVERY SQUARE INCH OF WATER WE MOVE IS ANOTHER STEP TO WINNING AT PROVINCIALS. RAAAAAHHHH!!!

WE WILL PWN.! >:D

David is a kid that doesn’t come to any practices, he just shows up and gets a fast time because he trains with another team. Because of that, the relays now have to be moved around. All twelve of us who train hard are pissed at him. So yeah…

2 responses

  1. flaredarknight

    Well,this is super fun.But…I can’t swim.:D :D

    2010/08/03 at 19:32

  2. Well, neither can I :D

    2010/08/03 at 23:47