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Buyuden Manga Quarterly Review

Blargh, behold blog’s brand-new blurb – boring book beginning by ‘B’…

But why do so many recent MQRs begin with B?

We may never know. As a good friend of mine used to say to me…

So it’s a pretty long story, but it’s more interesting than the manga I’m quarterly reviewing, so I’ll say it.

One day, my friend and I were walking back home from school, because I totally don’t bus home or anything stupid like that. He was a pretty cool guy – he was a black belt in karate, a master in tie one do, and a 5th dan in Matsushita. Obviously, he was pretty good at fighting.

Anyways, we were walking home that day, and I had my iPood out because I totally have money to buy an iPood. You see, they released this new App called the ‘FUCK’ – the ‘Fantastic Ultimate musiC player… K’. As you expect from its title, it plays out fantastic ultimate music, and since the music was so awesome and fantastic, I had to play it.

So here we were, walking home that day, listening to the fantastic ultimate music on my iPood, when suddenly fifty gangsters from our local middle school came to fight.

This would be very scary except they’re middle schoolers, and that’s not very scary.

My friend decided to dispose of them, but the fantastic ultimate music was ruining his battle tempo – one of the gangsters even managed to touch him. An eye for an eye – my friend kicked him in that spot people aren’t supposed to touch in public.

However, the fantastic ultimate music was seriously getting on his nerves, so he yelled at me ‘SHUT UP THE FUCK!’

It was then that I realized I was in a dream, because a) I bus home b) Nobody can be a 5th dan in Matsushita c) I won’t ever get an iPood or any music player even if I get three trillion dollars from the Financial District in Midas Money d) There will never be an app called the ‘fantastic ultimate music player k’ e) Why would fifty middle schoolers become gangsters and attack us f) I DON’T HAVE (m)ANY FRIENDS

One day, Take Isamu comes home from kindergarten and tells his mother: “Mommy, mommy! Today at school we said the alphabet! I could go all the way to X, and everybody else stopped at P!”

“Very good, Isamu,” said his mother. “That’s because you’re a violist.”

The next day, Isamu comes home from kindergarten and tells his mother: “Mommy, mommy! Today at school we counted numbers! I could go all the way to ten, and everybody else stopped at seven!”

“Very good, Isamu,” said his mother. “That’s because you’re a violist.”

The day after that, Isamu comes home from kindergarten and tells his mother: “Mommy, mommy! Today at school we measured our heights! And I was the tallest person in my class! Is this because I’m a violist?”

“No, Isamu,” said his mother.

“That’s because you’re twenty-six years old.”

Octopus onomatopoeia

Anyways, Take Isamu is a sixth grader and he’s FILTHY RICH. He’s SO RICH that he has an iPood to listen to and romantically pursues WOMEN THREE TIMES AS OLD AS HE IS. In fact I’ll bet you he’s 50% CREAM, that’s how RICH he is.

He’s also EXTREMELY SMART, being able to recite the ALPHABET from AY to ZED, and being able to COUNT from ONE to TEN.

Because of this, he thinks himself to be PRETTY COOL and AWESOME, being both ATHLETIC and INTELLIGENT, which makes him an ELITIST ASSHOLE. According to him, there are TWO types of people in this world – the stupid ones and the smart ones. He’s the only smart person he knows.

One day, Isamu comes home from school and tells his mother he can say the entire alphabet is ATTACKED by MIDDLE SCHOOLERS. Suddenly, Kaname Moka appears and beats the middle schoolers up with her BOXING SKILLS. Her dad was a boxer and thus she started boxing when she was TWO. Did I say Kaname Moka? Whoops.

Isamu is SHOCKED by this TURN of EVENTS and realizes that there are THREE types of people – the normal ones, the stupid ones, and the smart ones, and that he’s actually EXTREMELY STUPID. Moka goes away because Isamu is a stupid one, so he vows to learn BOXING because that will help him romantically pursue WOMEN THREE TIMES AS OLD AS wait a minute

They start TRAINING together, when suddenly Moka’s hair colour changes twice an EVIL middle schooler, KASUGA, wants to become a LOLICON. Isamu FIGHTS against him but fails because Kasuga knows CAR A TEA. However, BOXING is MUCH MORE EFFECTIVE than CAR A TEA, as evidenced by RELIABLE SOURCES.

For people who are having trouble with understanding the MULTITUDE of capital sentences in this post, just imagine I’m talking. Capitally.

The translation of this manga is so horrible I don’t even SHUT UP THE FUCK. If Pocari Sweet is sweet then what does Pocari Sweat taste like?! It’s stupid how young people in manga are getting younger and younger – before it was like 25 year olds, and then 20, then 17/18, then 15, for a while 13, and now there are like 10-year-olds being the stars of manga. It’s really, really creepy to think that ten-year-olds are currently doing stuff like BOXING, being ELITIST, having CELLPHONES (seriously, I feel like an oldfag now), and romantically pursuing WOMEN THREE TIMES THEIR AGE.

That’s not the end of this manga yet, because finally, a basketball player who loves bullying bullies, Hoshi Hyouma, decides to join their boxing… group-thing, too. Since all shounen manga need at least three main characters to be successful, the author ends the volume/quarter at this.

He also shows us that TRUE MEN have A LOT OF MUSCLE. Like, A LOT. That’s how Hyouma is SO STRONG – because he has SO MUCH MUSCLE.

The author, Mitsuda Takuya (whose mentor wrote Sayonara, Zetsubou-Sensei) wrote Major, a manga with more than 700 chapters, which ran for a stunning SIXTEEN years. The manga covers the life of a baseball player from his pre-school years all the way until his world cup career.

With such an incredible accomplishment, I wonder if Mitsuda is going to do the same with Buyuden – make Isamu into the world’s best boxer or something. I wonder if Mitsuda boxes/baseballs to understand how these things work. It’d seem very unlikely for an artist, but anybody can be an artist, right?

Buyuden seems to be pretty sexist, even with an extremely powerful female lead. Undoubtedly this manga will ultimately be about Isamu being the best in the world – after all, that’s why he’s the main character, right? He may not be a good main character because of his elitism, but he seems to have overcome at least a bit of that. It’s all because of his parents, I tell you – when you have Asian parents that force you to be the best at everything, you can’t help but be elitist. Except for me because I’m better than them

Also most protagonists don’t do these things

Sigh… I don’t know if the author intended it, but these elementary schoolers. Why do elementary schoolers have an INTERNET BOARD? Sixth graders don’t even KNOW what an ‘in turn het’ is! Isamu’s a fucking sixth grader, sixth graders don’t CARE about their ‘images’. If he really thinks that he’s so much better than everybody else, why would he care what everybody else thinks about him? After all, if he really believes that he won’t see most of the people in his school ever again, people who think badly of him won’t MATTER later in life!

Pride is a sin, alright? And it’s on our school objectives to have pride orz

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