O-New: Now Extinct Website

The Life and Times of an Intelligent Individual

I’m, uh, still setting up my computer, and I’m pretty blergh from all this, so I don’t feel like making a ‘real’ post.

Thus, I wish to present to you the inventions, life, and death of an amazing man. Check out this website, showcasing his many novel talents and brilliant sparks of genius.

He was known as an eccentric man by many of his peers. Sometimes, he ate food like a true gentleman; at others, like a barbarian. An air of mystery surrounds him, for his many experiments with immortality have us wondering just how old he might be.

Not much is known about his childhood and early life, apart from the many inventions he created as a youth. As a kid, he was particularly intelligent, solving many mathematical problems such as calculating the value of pi (a feat that could only be reproduced with the advent of the computer) and creating many other innovative contraptions. While the radio and boombox fad was just getting started, he created his own portable music player, but did not release it to the public.

We do know that as a young man, he was enlisted in the military, where his genius stood out to benefit others, creating and disseminating new type of bulletproof armour. He may not have been a young man at that time, though – we only know that his face was less creased.

However, the terrorists were not happy with him, and ordered him captured. With the help of his twin brother, he was able to fly to safety.

Many years passed while he lay low in hiding, acquiring money through a special technique he developed. After a very long time, the terrorist group was wiped out due to the severity of global warming.

He gathered his wits and released the research he had been accumulating over the years, inventing a much less resource-intensive method of space travel, and subsequently using that space travel to counteract the effects of global warming once and for all.

Considered a logical impossibility by some, a worldsaving genius by others, there is no doubt that he has been a defining emblem of our new culture.

May God be with him.

3 responses

  1. I am not a person who would normally say this but…this man is getting old.Even if he did great things,even if he was famous for a long period of time,there comes the time when he’ll have to step away from this world and leave it in the hands of 16-years-old-moe-girl-warped-inside-a-futon-believing-that-she-is–an-alien…and in the hands of other characters like her.

    2011/07/15 at 07:10

  2. that show was so crappy I didn’t even watch the first episode.

    2011/07/16 at 00:10

  3. Too much moe for you to handle eh?

    2011/07/16 at 15:13