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Mayo Chiki Half Season Review

[Here’s a Highschool of the Dead Review because I was too lazy to finish watching it… last year. >_> Before you immediately disregard it as a lame review, I actually talk about how HotD was GOOD and the action in HotD was as bad as its fanservice.]

Other things aren’t as good, though the action is just as bad as its mayonnaise.

Let’s start with plot.

THE PLOT MAKES MAYOSENSE

You’ll notice that was a carefully structured pun on ‘mayo’ and ‘没有’ sounding exactly the same (in Mandarin Chinese), and 没有 means ‘without’, so THE PLOT IS WITHOUT SENSE

OK time for Mandarin jokes because THAT’S THE COOL THING TO DO and FLOMU WON’T UNDERSTAND, WHAT A STUPID

Compared to 你吃脚 (Nichijou), 妈要吃起 Mayonnaise is much more mayonnaise. Unfortunately, there is no mayonnaise in my house anymore so she’ll have to use salad dressing instead.

By mayonnaise, I don’t mean without sense, as Nichijou makes a lot less sense than Mayonnaise – while Nichijou has stupid random things like deer wrestling, I-Go Soccer, natural mohawks, and roll cake arms, Mayonnaise has oil and egg yolk. Would you rather eat Mayonnaise or feet? Pardon me, I’m Canadian – would you rather eat Mayonnaise or metres?

The humour of Mayonnaise is planned in advance, similar to how making Mayonnaise requires hard work and effort, while making feet is the same as making a baby, as feet are usually attached to people who have feet, who were made by two persons who definitely did not plan to have feet in advance. I mean, look at how much sense this mayos:

At least the main character’s hair is blue. I mean, at least the main character is a 车气 – that is to say, he’s a… backwards car. A racs draw kcab, if you will – it’s like a normal cab, but you draw it and it races. Since Mayonnaise doesn’t have a plot (I’d imagine an anime based on the plot of Mayonnaise to be rather FARMLAND), the story is more about the relationships between the oil and egg yolk.

Of course, to develop the relationships, you need time and emulsification, which sounds suspiciously like ’emo-sification’. And you’re right, the female mains really are rather emo, which means that the main character can easily score points on a BASKETBALL. I’d imagine it’d be hard to play basketball if it was covered in mayonnaise – shooting would be relatively easy, but dribbling would be ten amounts of hard.

I’m not even going to say any characters’ names because names are pointless. There’s the blue-haired main character, the orange-haired trap, and the pink-haired bread-girl. I think that’s all the characters in mayonnaise. You can obviously see the resemblance to real mayonnaise – the main character is the oil because he’s so slick, the trap is the egg yolk because you think an egg is white but it’s actually YELLOW, I mean what a trap, and the bread-girl is the lemon juice because it just works like that. It’s 13:37 right now pst. If I don’t capitalize PST, it sounds like I’m telling you guys a secret or something, so I’ll capitalize PST so I get more money to buy lemon juice because really, why would bread be a lemon juice?

Actually, there’s also that black haired side-character who appears in like only 6 episodes and she’s sour so I guess she’s the lemon juice because wow what a stupid character.

Also the main character has a sister who’s mentally unstable because her mother accidentally let go and dropped her on her head.

I really don’t get why Japanese schools in anime are all like this – there’s virtually no teachers, nobody ever does homework, clubs are the only important part of school, the student council is somehow more powerful than the principal, and people run cafés at all school festivals because that’s a cool thing to do. We don’t even HAVE school festivals in Vancouver cause we’re too warm, brotherly, and have too many Chinese immigrants here (bonus points if you spot the pun and aren’t flomu because he isn’t warm or brotherly. Flomu sounds like the name of an ECTOPLASM if you ask me). Of course, in real life, Japanese schools are probably the same as American schools, except more Japanese, just as how American schools are the same as Japanese schools, except more American, and how Canadian schools are too s-cool for you

Of course, all slice of life shows have to have a super evil antagonist, which in this case happens to be a crowd of rabid fangirls. Why are they antagonists? Because they do not support the protagonist’s brilliant plan to cheat on three girls simultaneously (and his own sister too). God knows why you would want to cheat on three girls simultaneously but that’s all part of the mystery of how people invented mayonnaise (I mean, did somebody accidentally eat a raw egg yolk and want to drink water because that’s what you do after accidentally eating a raw egg yolk, but accidentally drank oil mixed with lemon juice instead? And then ate a sandwich and found that it tasted good? Not likely). The person who invented century egg was also pretty adventurous, eating raw eggs that were covered in fucking limestone. He was also probably…

…an ass.

[laughter]


“I’m really surfing porn sites and collecting porn photos using the porn search engine.”

I really don’t understand why egg yolks keep their hair long. Actually, that’s pretty disgusting. It’d be better if egg yolks had no hair. Y’know, when you’re trying to act as a boy (which is what the trap is trying to do), shouldn’t you cut your hair down to boy-hair-lengths? Actually, is she even a trap? I mean, a trap is a cute (i.e. feminine) girl who’s actually a boy, right? A reverse trap would be a hot (i.e. masculine) boy who’s actually a girl, right? So what’s a feminine boy who’s actually a girl? A feminine reverse trap? A female trap? The egg yolks are actually pretty stupid, but I realized something – not all egg yolks are stupid!! We usually think that, say, fish are stupid, since we’re able to catch and eat them, right? However, there are some fish that we don’t catch and eat. Why? Because those are the smart fish!! Likewise, there are smart egg yolks, and those are the egg yolks that don’t get trapped in mayonnaise.

Needless to say, this egg yolk is not a smart egg yolk. I wonder if that’s some sort of sexual innuendo, but I don’t want to imagine what it could mean.

I mean, why does she get to wear a butler uniform to school, instead of, y’know, a school uniform? It’s like SHE BOUGHT THE SCHOOL OR SOMETHING (been there, done that). She isn’t even a proper butler, as butler who are scared of blades are not BLACK BUTLERS

THAT WAS A HORRIBLE ANIME I WATCHED LIKE THREE EPISODES and then I didn’t bother to download the rest so I dropped it

:(

Her voice actress is quite proficient at trapping, though – she manages to act passably as a Hideyoshi when acting as a Hideyoshi. HOWEVER, SINCE HIDEYOSHI IS AN ACTOR, YOU MUST SAMURAI THE MAYONNAISE


Related: THIS IS THE MAY-OÉ-NNAISEST CHARACTER IN THE ENTIRE SHOW

What the fuck is a sheep ticket? Sheep are hairy and I don’t want sheep in my mayonnaise, which I actually don’t have (my mom is sad). I guess sheep tickets make you…

ticklish.

Is public highschool mandatory in Japan (bread-girl threatened to quit, so it can’t be…), or does the sour person just want to mess around with people? I really doubt they /have/ to go to public highschool, as they’ve got such a huge amount of money – hiring private tutors would be much better, right? And evil lemon juice like her shouldn’t be included in society, they’re better off having no social life. She is an evil lemon

What’s the point of wearing red contacts? Everybody seems to have red eyes now (not just me, though it’s my sclera that’s red because of POPPED BLOOD VESSELS from BANGING MY HEAD TOO MUCH due to my stupidity rather than my iris being red because I DID A PROJECT ON THIS LAST YEAR THERE’S PROBABLY A POST ABOUT IT and it was actually last last year… I think) – Shion, evil lemon, uh… and some person from Yuru Yuri. Yeah. Who even SELLS red contacts

Why is it that all the main characters of harems are so ‘pure’ – e.g. Rito, Junichi or whatever from Amagami SS which I also dropped since I didn’t bother writing a half season review about that a year after it aired (rhyming like a thyme), while all the people who never get girls are so lecherous – Sanji and Onizuka come to mind. Why is it also that the main characters of harems are so sexist? The otamot (really, he is just an otamot, even if he’s good at… cooking instant ramen and sewing) firmly insists that men have to be manly and protect women, even though the trap is obviously stronger than he is. There’s absolutely no need to make her emotionally weak just so that the otamot can ‘protect’ her or something (the same with his sister, who completely collapsed when the otamot did) – and notice how his emotions never falter, and he never gives up in a fight. It’s things like this that make society sexist, not things like rape or lower paychecks – if we want a completely fair society, we’d need to restructure all of these shows so that it wasn’t so stereotypical to males and females. Yet, it also shows what our society thinks about sexism that shows like these get the highest revenues…

Oh yes, now that plot is finished, moving on to the music and art. The art is good. The music is good.

Uh, elaborating: The show obviously focuses on art, and not plot, so the art is good. The music only really plays when there’s no humour or dialogue – compared to that one Gosick episode, it’s a lot more lively and musical, but compared to Nichijou, it’s surprisingly bland. Yet, if you understand the Japanese, it isn’t – the humour more than makes up for the lack of music, so this design decision is especially well-thought. Times without humour need music to keep the mood, and times with humour don’t need music, or it’d ruin the joke.

tl;dr: is trap x otamot yaoi? And is otamot’s sister x trap yuri? Or is HIDEYOSHI SAMURAI 什么外

GET OUT OF HERE FOREIGNER

also flomu sucks

obligatory mayonnaise here: mayonnaise

2 responses

  1. what is this

    watch some good anime please (日常)

    2011/09/04 at 18:26

  2. THAT WAS THE FIRST HALF SEASON REVIEW I WROTE THIS SEASON

    THERE’S A REASON THIS HALF SEASON REVIEW IS SO LATE

    2011/09/04 at 21:48