Maji de Watashi ni Koi Shinasai! 3

[This post is safe for work, I swear!]

Back when I was young, we took no heed of All Hallow’s Eve, for we lived in the Glorious Middle Kingdom, which did not tolerate superstitious nonsense. Furthermore, we had no time for petty celebrations, as we were quite occupied with prodding the undersides of retired professors with the blunt end of our limbs and relocating the components of concrete buildings to more useful endeavours – including but not limited to use in paving wheat fields, in reinforcing leather shoes, and as a nutritious iron-rich dietary supplement.

Thus, I was not pleasantly surprised when a most distasteful noise manifested itself through my ear-phones. I commenced the morning as usual, running 50 kilometres in the forest, barefoot, to find a suitable tree to cut down and heat breakfast (several recently caught anchovies) with. However, as I sat down to my calculator and ran Goggle’s Internetwork Finder (Navigator? Explorer? The name escapes me), this vile cackling was heard. Originally, I suspected it may have been from Your Tube or Goggle Feed-Reader (Goggle Feed-Eater is a far more sensible name). However, even after exiting those programs, the noise continued. Thus, I concluded that it was emanating from Goggle Internetwork Finder itself. Shikata ga nai; and so, I properly disposed of my ear-phones in the newspaper recycling bin.

However, let us not delay with childish reminiscences and malevolent ‘tricks’, and proceed to the thrust of this article, which is on ‘Magic Oil’. I specifically respect Yamato’s straightforwardness in expressing to Miyako exactly what he thinks.

I wrote the above sentence in Goggle’s Translation, revealing that Yamato did tell Miyako the following, in no uncertain terms: “A PC Game! Fuck you, Miyako, you fucking crazy stalker bitch!” Perhaps the translators of this episode of Magic Oil, ‘An Odomo’ purposefully kept it fixed, so children can view Magic Oil without fear of corruption. Magic Oil does target children as their focal audience, and An Odomo would not ruin such an innocent, heart-warming presentation with several strong words.

There are elements of this episode that caused significant strife. Cookie’s voice is not one to be heard by mortal ears. I daresay it is contrary to the songs of the Sirens of Homer’s imagination – one would flee far away upon witnessing such an atrocity, never to return. Similarly, Yamato’s treatment of his hermit crabs felt unnecessary. He was unabashedly straightforward with his rejection of Miyako, yet, so deceitful regarding the true objects of his affection. True men do not falter – they explicitly reveal their passions! Yamato should directly admit his deviant sexual practices to everyone involved.

These points do not matter in the face of true chivalry. Yamato demonstrates himself as a true warrior, one who will firmly uphold the traditional values of bravery, manliness, and wit. Similarly, the two women who were the focus of this episode (namely, Miyako and Mayucchi) manifest the true spirit that women should have, including obedience, tolerance, self-sacrifice, and servitude. Furthermore, Mayucchi is adept in the only field women can possibly be useful in, the art of cooking. However, her sense of situation is clearly lacking – Yamato would not consume the animal he holds so dear – but that is an unavoidable aspect of being a woman. Similarly, Miyako was tormented by suffering as a child, but once again, that is unavoidable. She was particularly blessed that Yamato saved her, though, reflecting back, any man could do the same. Miyako definitely owes her life and sexual services to Yamato, although Yamato was right in rejecting her – Miyako shows no talent in the culinary arts. For what use is a woman who does not cook?

In conclusion, I desire to comment on the state of modern society’s women. These beasts take showers for minutes on end. Water should not simply be taken for granted. Although Mayucchi may display herself a decent chef, her womanly antics must surely drain the wallet of her breadwinner husband. Must they all use so much water?! Back when I was young, we bathed with our clothes on in the frozen rivers. It was dangerous, as the rivers would sometimes freeze over, trapping one or a half dozen of us, who invariably died from boredom and lack of food. The few who raised cattle had the luxury of rendering their fat to produce a crude soap-like form, but only women should clean their bodies, as a woman without a clean body is unfit for a real man.

Postscript: For those wondering as to Cookie’s true sex. It is female, for obvious reasons listed above.