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Kyoukai Senjou no Horizon 8

For a REFRESHING change in POSTING STYLE, I shall separate this post into THREE HALVES – that is to say, this post will be ONE AND A HALF times longer than it usually is, as there are THREE HALVES in this post. Ha. Ha. Half.

Half 1: Have a Hassle

I just personally insulted an Onew (the singer-guy who is stealing every single search result for ‘O-New’) fan prawpr with speiling cannadan gramer and. I’m not actually sure how I did it, but I /think/ it went something like this:

[Onew fan follows me. She has two hundred tweets, fifty followers, and is following one thousand people.]

Onew fan: “Hello. I am a half-Japanese female who has recently immigrated to Britain, and am also a SHINee [Onew’s band name] fan. Would you please follow me back? I would appreciate the extra attention.”
Me: “are u a onew fan to”
Onew fan: “Yes, I am. I particularly enjoy his music. Are you also a fan of Korean pop music?”
Me: “no i hate all onew fans”
Onew fan: “Well, simply because you hate all Onew fans does not mean that you must be mean to all of them. You cannot say such vile words.”
Me: “im ‘murican kay i’ve fredom of speech. also i sugest u talk in propre english, if u keep talking like that ur english will becum relleh bad. juts for praktise you no cause u just come to britan rite”
Onew fan: “Do not tell me what I can or I cannot say! You are not my mother.”

Me: “well y r u folowing me anyway”

[Onew fan blocks me.]

tl;dr: MAN I HATE ALL ONEW FANS THEY SEARCH FOR ONEW AND NONE OF THEM GET TO MY BLOG GRRRRRR
ONE DAY
O-NEW will SURPASS ONEW

ONE DAY

P.S. If you are that girl, I hope you aren’t actually insulted. If you are… uh… you’re beyond hope, because as far as I can remember, I have never incited any DORAMA, even when I wanted to. :L this is a bad thing

Half 2: Half-Lifes

I just personally spoke to an anime club president (the senior-guy who is presiding over every single anime club in my school) with my mouth. I’m not actually sure how I did it, but I /think/ it went something like this:

[I follow anime club president. He has a blue jacket, a blue jacket, and is wearing a blue jacket.]

I: “Hey hey hey hey hey HEY hey hey hey HEY DUDE YO MAN. I got a GREAT IDEA of what to WATCH NEXT in an-an-an-an-ani-ani-anim [rhymes with time] club!”
President: “Sure, what is it?”
I: “Well, you see, you should watch kyo-kyo-KYOUKAI sen-sen-SENJOU no-no-ho-ho-ho-ho-HORIZON, episode FIVE!”
President: “Ah, ‘Horizon’, eh?”

[President looks up into the sky, a wistful expression on his face like he’s already seen all thirteen episodes of Horizon and is now rewatching it for the twelfth time. Except there is no sky because we’re in a school, and he hasn’t watched a single episode of it because anime club presidents only watch the first episode of one show every season.]

President: “You know, that’s not such a good show.”
I: “Yeah yeah yeah yeah YEAH yeah yeah YEAH but Episode five is AWESOME and you should watch it when you get home.”
President: “Alright, I’ll do that.”

[Anime club president goes home and doesn’t watch KYOUKAI SENJOU NO HORIZON episode 5.]

tl;dr: MAN ANIME CLUB IS STUPID I’M TOTALLY NEVER GOING THERE AGAIN GRRRRRRRRRRRRR
ONE DAY
EVERYONE WILL WATCH HORIZON

ONE DAY

P.S. If you are that anime club president, I hope you’re actually insulted. If you aren’t… uh… go watch Horizon episode 5 anyways, because as far as I’m concerned, everybody in the entire world should watch that episode. :L this is a bad thing

Half 3: I don’t even HALF any more puns so I’ll just repeat old ones

How come the only people participating in these debates are from class THREE-PLUM?! What about class THREE-BAMBOO or class THREE-DEE or CLASS THREE-DRIVERSLICENSE? Or is class three-plum a special class for all sorts of gifted individuals, such as Aoi Tori, who looks so indistinguishably like a PLUM?

Compared to Mage Yecoy, where nothing really happens, a TONNE of stuff happens EVERY EPISODE of Horizon. Sure, the first episode was unnecessary (I mean, you have this MECHA DRAGON who doesn’t want to use his SHINTO WEAPON in the first episode because it’s THAT POWERFUL, and now, he uses it… and is utterly defeated), but everything after that is just CRAMMED with enough information for THREE episodes! I say three episodes because that’s how many times I rewatch EVERY SINGLE EPISODE of Horizon.

I felt pretty dumb when the Tres España were all like “Well, she’s saying that because of this, and this is true because of that, and you are stupid and wouldn’t understand this if we didn’t explain so we’re explaining it to you,” but then I realized that if they didn’t explain it to me I wouldn’t understand anything that was happening.

To be honest though, their arguments didn’t seem as COOL as they may have thought. I mean, if they want to prevent apocalypse, why don’t they all work together? Why doesn’t the Far East bargain with the Pope President (sorry, that should be MISTER SIR POPE PRESIDENT) to release Horizon in exchange for the Far East’s deference to Testament Union authority? Why does MISTER SIR POPE PRESIDENT talk to teenagers instead of to Sakai (the principal of Musashi Ariadust Academy). Who the hell REPRESENTS the Testament Union, anyways? WHAT IS THE TESTAMENT UNION?!

Tori’s a skilled orator, but his ONLY means of debate is creating straw men for Honda Masazumi to easily knock down. Or are those actually Honda Masazumi’s original debate points? Did Tori steal her debate notes?! WHAT A POLITICIAN, THAT TORI

Trust me – debate is NEVER this interesting. It’s mostly ‘uh, I think this is good’, ‘no, that is bad because of this’, ‘ok I agree with you it’s bad you win let’s beat up caterpillars now’. Still, I had to appreciate the exciting, unexpected leaps of logic Horizon makes, both in this episode and the last. Infusing both with lively battle scenes does balance the show rather nicely – the director isn’t that HORRIBLE HORRIBLE person everybody claimed in the first few episodes.

However, the music direction is ARGH! Why would you put that sparkly music in a show BEFORE an OP, especially when you know that it CAN’T FADE? Instead of only using it at the most dramatic parts, why would you repeat the MOST EMOTIONAL track you have EVERY SINGLE EPISODE?! The soundtrack isn’t bad or anything, but the use of it… it’s like the music was composed by a professional composer who quit halfway through, and instead of delegating music placement responsibility to the director, they decided to let a foot-movement animator choose where to put the music. Granted, the animator used a GREAT VARIETY of techniques to bring the music in and out such as fading the volume in, fading the volume out, and… fading the volume in… and fading the volume out. WAIT A MINUTE

tl;dr: Horizon’s still awesome but you’re creepy ok go away now please don’t tell me you read this post you creeper

Bonus Half: A Half-y ending

I just personally appealed to a mass of Wikipedia (which is online encyclopidia like uncycyloped) readers with an oversized banner advertisement. I’m not actually sure how I did it, but I think it went like this:

[Money doesn’t follow me. It has much worth, much power, and is worth a lot.]

Willy James: “WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!”
Jilly Wames: “WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMM!”
Jilles Wamey: “WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”
Lesly Mawie: “LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL!”
Georges Du Laponcteur: “This is relevant.”

[Money follows me.]

tl;dr: MAN I LOVE MONEY
ONE DAY
PEOPLE WILL GIVE MONEY ME

ONE DAY

P.S. If you are Willy Jales I hope you’re not Wile E. Coyote.

P.P.S. WHAT THE HECK DOES PTOLEMAIC THEORY DO is that even a special magical attack move
besides I thought he was GALILEO
Galileo DOESN’T BELIEVE in PTOLEMAIC THEORY

3 responses

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