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Kyoukai Senjou no Horizon 9

Y’know what? Japan is totally SEXIST.

And by SEXIST I don’t mean SEXIEST nor EXITS which EXIST, nor do I mean TEXAS or TAXES and SAXES nor SIXES of ESSEX. I mean they have different school uniforms for girls and boys! In Canada, everybody wears the same school uniform, regardless of gender – skirts and high-heels, of course. The teacher says it’s for convenience and practicality, because apparently high-heel shoes allow you to run much faster than running shows, and skirts provide more protection against cod.

Just yesterday I was just SPRINTING down the road with a SPRITE to PRINT when suddenly, a COD fell on my skirt. Needless to say I was nonplussed as skirts give much protection against cod, and so I continued SPRITING because I was suddenly in front of my computer creating SPRITES for SPRITZERS. I had only thirty minutes to finish eight entire STRIPE plaits in front of my sewing machine, and so obviously, I worked slowly and steadily, for high-heel shows allow you to sew at a much higher speed than running shows, which are usually only TWENTY-THREE minutes long when you remove the advertisements.

Back on topic – Horizon probably has DIFFERENT school uniforms because back in the olden days, people just didn’t UNDERSTAND how skirts could STOP cod attacks BEFORE they occurred, or how high-heels could INCREASE productivity by TWENTY TIMES, especially if you wear them indoors. Even if Horizon actually occurs in the FUTURE, due to the TESTAMENT, they wish to emulate in the past. You may think I’m telling the truth but nope, the person telling the truth is Chuck Testament.

Everybody’s saying ‘man Horizon is SHALLOW shit’ or ‘man this director is CALLOW shit’ or ‘man the Pope President is HALLOW shit’, but you know what? I completely agree about one of those statements. Let’s DEAL WITH THEM in numerical order.

1. The Pope President is HALLOW shit

First of all, the Pope President is a President. ’nuff said moving on

2. Horizon is SHALLOW shit

You may THINK that it is, but it actually is! The huge debate between the TESTAMENT UNION and MUSASHI may be a METAPHOR for the GREAT RELIGIOUS WARS of the 17th century between CHRISTIANISM and CHRISTIANITY. The two sides were represented by Pro-Testa factions and Anti-Testa factions, one side which supported Chuck, and the other which supported Norris. The two were eventually reconciled at the Treaty of Westphalia, which decreed that all Chucks would be either Norrises or Testas, and that all Teslas would be simultaneously COOLED and COILED.

But that is not the POINT; neither is it the LINE, nor is it the PLANE of discussion. As you know, back in time time of Tesla, planes were not invented, and yet, in Horizon, MUSASHI is a giant PLANE floating in SPACE. Although metaphors may not be exact, the battle between TESTA’S MENS’ UNION and MUSASHI is NOTHING like the battle between CHUCKS and NORRISES. Nothing like it.

tl;dr: Horizon may seem like a great METAPHOR for some religious war, but everything about them is completely different. It just takes place in the same ‘time’ and ‘place’. Except it neither takes place in the same time (it takes place in the future) nor place (it takes place in Japan).

3. The director is CALLOW shit

You absolutely agree.

I wonder what’s wrong with that Yoshinao guy. He’s so weird that COMMIE decides to CAPITALIZE ‘We’, ‘Our’, and ‘Us’. Seeing as he neither is a teacher nor has pupils, I speculate that he is actually made of those black blobs that I forcibly BLOB into every single Horizon post on this ANIME BLOB. This is why Adele ‘returned’ those blobs to Yoshinao, because those blobs ARE Yoshinao. He, pardon me, THEY are like a HIVE MIND. This is also why he so frequently breaks out in HIVES. (He doesn’t actually break out in hives, and he’s probably immune to HIV as y’know he’s inhuman, that evil bastard.)

2. b) Horizon is SHALLOW gravements

Even if it truly were a metaphor for the GREAT THIRTY YEARS’ WAR, there is no record of any King, Queen, Ruler, Mushyruler, or Mass of Blobs that abandoned its (excuse me, THEIR) Country, Land, State, Province, Area, Territory, or Well off the Coast of Finland to save their citizens. SO WHO IS YOSHINAO SUPPOSED TO BE?! He doesn’t have any ‘real-life’ counterpart, while even Aoi Tori has a real-life counterpart – you.


Horizon is all about INNER THOUGHTS and PSYCHO-OLOGY and PSYCH-OLOLOGY and PSY-CHOLOLOLOGY, just like FUTURE DIARY, MIRAI NIKKI, FUTURE NIKKI, MIRAI DIARY, and NOT MIRAI SUENAGA who should die but she is dead. This is totally not what was promoted in the first episode, which may have lost Horizon 93% of its viewers. The second episode definitely lost Horizon 86% of the people who watched past the first episode, because what the second episode showed is neither what was promoted in the first episode nor what Horizon is actually about.

I mean, it’s not very often that somebody wins a battle through SEXUAL TITILLATION. Still internally debating whether this fanservice was necessary or not, though – however, even if someone says that it didn’t advance the story, Kimi at least demonstrated that dancing is an ART, not a… fart.

It’s been like, seventy-three months since the last ACTUAL Rewrite History, where I’d skip a post for one day and write it after writing another post on time…

tl;dr: pretty cool bro

P.S. So what’s this SONG OF PASSAGE?
P.P.S. So now they’ve spent three episodes questioning whether to save Horizon or not, but… how can they save Horizon, anyways :v
P.P.P.P.S. This is like Majikoi with the main character wanting to become KING or PRIME MINISTER or something like that
P.P.P.P.P.S. Would’ve gotten 6/10 or 7/10 but it’s only one cour long so Overall Rating: 1/10 (Horrible)

2 responses

  1. Face it Mushy!You’ll never have the opportunity to flirt with a bucket,during your pathetic mushroom life!

    2011/12/06 at 16:32

  2. Pingback: Kyoukai Senjou no Horizon 13 [Completed] « O-New