Kyoukai Senjou no Horizon 10

I recently caught a fever and/or flu compounded with a cold and/or cough and was stuck in a perpetual state of horrendous mental torture, physical discomfort, and emotional pain for approximately eighteen years and thirty-seven days, which resulted in the eventual lateness of this post. I apologize, profusely, for not finishing my homework on time.

Apparently, Mr. Usely was so irritated by my absence that he decided not to give out report cards. Hmm.

In other life-related news, I used to pride myself on my skill at moving small figurines on a wooden board. Being presumptuous in my ability, I challenged a freshman to a d-d-d-d-d-d-d-duel. Unfortunately, my opponent moves figurines with THE BIG GUYS, that is to say, he plays at actual tournaments. Compared to I, who only ever b-b-b-b-b-b-b-battles people with malformed hands so as to be unable to properly move said figurines, he was a BIG GUY. Thus, needless to say, I backed away with all the swiftness of a dying squirrel.

My sadness would have been unchallenged if not for an event that occurred while I was indulging in my favourite pastime – moving small graphics on a projection of a wooden board on a glowing rectangular screen. ’twas then that I received a most peculiar challenge from a BIG GUY, who was actually a SMALL GUY of whom I was his SENPAI. Thusly was my sadness unchallenged, for it was with great shame that I would be less proficient at the art of graphics-moving than one with less years than I.

tl;dr: I suck at chess

Last episode, I wondered how Aoi Tori would ‘Tori Aoi’ (if you get what I mean, wink wink) the Testament Union to release Horizon. Turns out that the issue was resolved, as HoriZUN drank himself to death amidst a hell of bullets, blood, beer, and ben-to. I guess they weren’t able to go to Pluto after all. Poor dog.

I guess it’s a smart idea to let a bunch of kids lead a thousand men to attack an enemy because that’s what Musashi decided to do. By a thousand I mean five hundred and by five hundred I mean three hundred, which isn’t much compared to the enemy’s eight hundred men. I guess it’s also a smart idea to guard a weapon that could cause the apocalypse with eight hundred men. Maybe the other thirty thousand reserves decided it was a waste of time? I mean, all the apocalypse would do is cause, y’know, everybody to die. No big deal.

In other news, Adele faces gender identity disorder at her physical resemblance to Honda Masazumi after stunning remarks from Aoi Tori.

Of course, Tori was referring to her glasses, which were ‘a nice, flat wall’ to protect her eyes from her eyebrows, which grow on her hair.

I don’t understand Tercio. Can’t someone just kill the unprotected snipers at each corner, and then fire arrows/guns like silly at the rest of the people from a distance? The snipers don’t have any shields, so killing the snipers will be easy. The rest of the Tercio are pikemen, and don’t have any ranged attacks, which means that eventually, shooting them from a distance will result in all of their deaths.

What would make far more sense is two (or seven) layers of pikemen on the OUTSIDE, with ten million ranged units in the middle. Why the fuck would you put ranged units IN FRONT of your mêlée units?! I’ve had it with Horizon’s logic! Why can’t the Testament Union (or, for that matter, Soul Society) kill Horizon earlier?! Where is Renji, and WHERE’S HASSAN!!? WHY IS PERSONA’S HEAD A BUCKET??????/////?????/////?//?///???/??//???///??????/?/??//??//???/??/?/?/?/???//?/???!

In stark contrast to the rest of Horizon’s anachronisms, the battles actually make sense. Their tactics aren’t 20th-century tactics of heavy artillery, guerilla warfare, or hit and runs. They’re 17th-century tactics – things like having three ranks of soldiers, one which shields, and two which rotate in to attack. Things like splitting groups up into two sections, or creating an impenetrable line of shields.

But why don’t they implement modern warfare strategies? They have the technology. Simply adding a few mines under their feet would change the mode of battle beautifully. Or hiding archers in the trees surrounding the area. Thus, this is all intentional and for effect – even now, people are still holding to the Testament, which undoubtedly decreed that everybody must fight according to 17th-century tactics.

Will that change, now that the Testament is useless?

In other news, Tori admires Horizon’s voluptuous figure.

Of course, Tori was referring to her figures of speech.

HAH

HAHA