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To LOVE-Ru Darkness Manga Quarterly Review

I don’t even know why I’m reading this…

The original To-LOVE-Ru ended spectacularly, if spectacularly means that it was a spectacle. And a spectacular spectacle it was, bringing new meaning to the common truism that porn is stupid, especially when it’s not porn.

There’s a reason why To-LOVE-Ru Darkness isn’t shounen-ized in Cereal Jump as its predecessor was, because I’m pretty sure magazines targeted towards twelve-year-olds aren’t pornographic.

To LOVE-Ru Darkness continues to validate many of my pornographic theories, including:

– People who draw well will fail at drawing pornography;
– People who suck at drawing will succeed at drawing pornography;
– Plot is irrelevant in pornography;
– Humour is irrelevant in pornography;
– Nobody reads lame Chinese pornographic comic books, as the entire concept is an oxymoron;
– Pornography is not the science of porno graphs;
– People who read lame Chinese pornographic comic books look like this guy:

However, all this evidence is debunked when you realize that pornography stimulates you, while real life simulates you and To LOVE-Ru Darkness occupies both of your hands, one which is repeatedly slamming itself into your face and another which is repeatedly smashing your head into the desk on that wall. Although my hands are stimulating my pain nerves on account of repeated head-to-desk/wall collisions, I believe that is not what pornography aims to do. Thusly, To LOVE-Ru Darkness cannot be considered pornography, and I must collect more data to complete my methodological survey.

Thankfully enough, Rito seems to be getting smarter, even realizing that he must be what people call fate.

Unfortunately, it seems that IQ is Fate/Zero, that is to say, Rito’s about as smart as an unborn child. In comparison, Mushyrulez/ONEHUNDRED shows that I have the intelligence of a hundred-year-old, or the intelligence on ehu ‘ndred – the intelligence on an android emu. As people cannot understand the speech of emus, a ‘sleeping’ android emu necessarily passes the Turing Test, in that people would realize that all emus are simultaneously emus and android emus. To be precise, since nobody knows that all emus are android emus, thus, all android emus are emus.

I wonder if the author is a feminist. That would explain why Rito is the only male in the story, besides this dog who is actually also not-Rito, or maybe so.

tl;dr: it’s over 9000

Hey this was actually a short post yo man

4 responses

  1. [ lame Chinese pornographic comic books ]

    But…all books in the world are lame and pornographic in some way. <__>

    2011/12/12 at 08:14

  2. But not all books in the world are Chinese!

    There’s the distinction.

    2011/12/12 at 15:23


    So that’s the thing we’re doing eh?Alright then.I’ll play along for now…

    2011/12/12 at 15:56

  4. How can you play if you’re not…

    …an actor

    hahahahahaha I am so funny /dies

    2011/12/13 at 00:15