O-REW 8: Baka-Raptor
[Note: Why is this O-REW 8 when the previous O-REW seemed to be O-REW 6? Well, I manipulated the boundaries of time and space to rewrite a post from a year ago, and that’s O-REW 7, which nobody (well, maybe four people) has read yet. So go read it!]
Yes, all the recent posts are random and stupid posts. But I can’t post anything else! The only other things I can post are anime posts, manga posts, anime half season reviews, and manga quarterly reviews. However:
– I can’t post anime posts because I can’t watch any anime in the Winter season without finishing my Winter Season Preview, and Hyouge Mono’s next episode is not out;
– I can’t post manga posts because ST&RS and Ore no Kouhai are not out;
– I can’t post anime half season reviews because I can’t watch any anime in the Fall season without finishing my Fall Third Review;
– I can post manga quarterly reviews, but they take too long to get ready.
Thus, all these posts are just stalling until I finally finish my Winter Preview or Fall Reviews. Which won’t happen anytime soon.
Anyways, as you may have noticed, all of my recent posts have many things that don’t actually deal with the subject of the post – whether it’s about Portal 2, Katawa Shoujo, Chinese school, or
feminist conspiracies. Thus, I have resolved to resolve this error in this post, which is coincidentally neither about resolving errors nor about resolving to resolve errors. Instead, it is about Baka-Raptor, known to most of the English-speaking world as ‘Baka-Raptor’.
You may ask, ‘How is this post resolving the error if you are busy talking about the posts you’re not posting and about resolving to resolve the error instead of resolving the error by not resolving to resolve the error?’ I may not answer.
As everybody knows, I only add people to my Links section if I have written an O-REW about them, and I only write O-REWs about people who have me on their blogroll. Unfortunately, the only person who has me on their blogroll in my Links section is Michael James Williams. As you can see (if you clicked the link), my previous posts went on in even more tangents than my current posts – and those tangents are not even tangential to the metaphorical circle around the original topic of the post that didn’t even exist! Thus, even if this post does not actually talk about Baka-Raptor, at least the lines have something to do with the circumference of the circle about this post that does not exist.
There are a total of two people who have me on their blogrolls – Michael James Williams, and Baka-Raptor. There may (not) be others, but I don’t check every blog in the Internet’s blogrolls to see whether I’m on there or not. I wasn’t checking Baka-Raptor’s blogroll to see whether I was on there or not, either. I was just scrolling down on his front page like a general scroller of front pages, when suddenly – SPANISH SHOCK – I found that O-New was on his blogroll. Obviously, this was a massive scam to rob me of my senses and the census of a person, but I could not see it then as I was robbed of my senses, and proceeded to not see that O-New was on his blogroll until a day later, when I was just scrolling down on his front page like a general scroller of front pages, when suddenly – SPANISH SHOCK – I found that O-New was on his blogroll. Obviously, this was a massive scam to rob me of my senses and the census of a person, but I could not see it then as I was robbed of my senses, and proceeded to not see that O-New was on his blogroll until a day later, when I was just scrolling down on his front page like a general scroller of front pages, when suddenly – SPANISH SHOCK – I found that O-New was on his blogroll. Obviously, this was a massive scam to rob me of my senses and the census of a person, but I could not see it then as I was robbed of my senses, and proceeded to not see that O-New was on his blogroll until a day later, when I was just scrolling down on his front page like a general scroller of front pages, when suddenly – SPANISH SHOCK – I found that O-New was on his blogroll. I was not so sure that this was a massive scam to rob me of my senses and the lenses of my contacts, but I couldn’t reach my contacts because Gmail changed its layout and I didn’t know where I was. I was certainly not in the park just strolling along scrolling on people’s strollers like a general prolific pedophilic person, trust me on that if not on everything else.
This post is becoming into a bit of a text wall. However, that does not matter, as long as the metaphorical wall touches the circumference of the parallelogram that similarly doesn’t exist. Unfortunately, it doesn’t, so I shall continue talking about Baka-Raptor.
The name of his blog is also the name of the person writing the blog. Imagine if I changed this blog’s name to ‘Mushyrulez’. Instead of parsing Mushyrulez as ‘a person named ‘Mushy’, who ‘rules’ the world with a lizzzzzp’, they would parse Mushyrulez as ‘a blog about ‘rules’, a noun, which are ‘mushy’, an adjective’, and fail to notice my lizzzzzzzzzzp at all. I do not wizh to emphasize my lizp, az I am not a bee, but zometimez, it iz impozzible. zzzzzzz *dozes off*
This obviously says something about the person in question. God help him, because even if I knew what he was questioned for (which I don’t), I’m not a lawyer, and can hardly help him in any way. Baka-Raptor is an outrageously courageous man. He says whatever the hell he wants to say, whether it’s the outer circle of hell or the innermost parallelogram (as mentioned before, not only do both not exist, but bees have small brainz, and cannot add four, zo a bee four makez no zenze). In this respect, for he is well-respected by wells in the Sahara desert, the Antarctic desert, and off the coast of Finland, he is similar to flomu, except he isn’t, for flomu is far less manly than Baka-Raptor will ever be.
What is a flomu? One must ask this question before Two asks the second question, Three asks the third question, Bob asks the second question again, and so forth. A flomu radiates un-manliness. It’s a portmanteau of ‘flower’ and ‘lamu’, which is itself a disgusting mélange of ‘lame’ and ‘ubiquitous’. Meanwhile, a Baka-Raptor radiates radiation. It’s is a contraction of it is, and Baka-Raptor’s a portmanteau of several different words, in order: bacon, athletes, asking questions is bad, chicken drumsticks, and pterosaur. When you mash these manly words together, you get ‘bath-tub ducks’. Hmm, something’s not right is not right… I better fix up something’s not right before his not right breaks or something or something’s gonna kill me.
Here, I’ll show you some of the posts that Baka-Raptor writes. Here’s a good example of one of my favourite ones. Notice the pure minimalism and his sleek choice of words, managing to invoke over five minutes and thirty-two seconds of content in less than two paragraphs of text. No other blog can do the same. In fact, many do quite the opposite. But not mine, oh no – you’ll notice that all my posts take just the right amount of text to convey my sentiments about any subject matter.
Finally, after these short words of introduction, it’s time to move on to my actual post about Baka-Raptor. As the introduction to the post is already almost half the length in words as the introduction to Horizon is in pages, the actual post, as you may imagine, is imaginatively long, and requires that I host on another website. A good friend of mine has allowed me to post it on his blog, imaginatively titled ‘the Archaic Archives of Archival Archie’s Archives’, so read it all here. That’s all, folks!
P.S. I really don’t have anything better to post, and Baka-Raptor’s site really is awesome.
P.P.S. I would’ve finished my Winter Season Preview today if my brother hadn’t been playing Portal 2 the entire time, hereby forcing me to watch because my computer probably can’t run Portal 2, and this is my only chance to do anything Portal 2-related. Portal 2’s a nice game. I’d write an O-NEG on it, but my O-NEG-writing skills are woefully poor. So are my O-REW writing skills. And my O-NEB writing skills. But my V-NEW writing skills are decent! Just like Baka-Raptor!
P.P.P.S. This is a nudge for houraiguy to write an O-NEG on Portal 2, but if he doesn’t have it then TOO BAD HAHAHAHAHAHAHA SORRY ABOUT THAT MATE
tl;dr: I think Baka-Raptor is a pretty cool raptor. Eh raptors and doesn’t afraid of anything