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2012 Winter Anime Part One

In which I continue writing about anime even though nobody needs to read my posts to know what’s airing, especially since most things are already aired. OH WELL

I say 2012 Winter Anime Part One because I changed the 2011 Winter tags to 2012 Winter, and the 2010 Winter tags to 2011 Winter. ‘Wait,’ you might think, ‘What’s wrong with 2010 Winter?’ Nothing, which is why I changed the title of this post from 2011 Winter Anime to 2012 Winter Anime Part One.

Everybody knows that Winter is the last season of the year, right? Too bad it isn’t in the strange world of anime, where it’s actually the first season of the year. Actually, I was lying about that changing thing. My 2011 Winter Preview is still my 2010 Winter Preview. But now I don’t actually have a post called 2011 Winter Anime, because the Winter of 2011 is this Winter, but in anime, this Winter is the Winter of 2012… what I’m trying to say is, it’s Part One because I’m splitting this post into three parts. Hooray!

Hopefully this Winter will be better than last Winter, where there were a grand total of two good shows (Madoka and Level E). *shudder*

Anyways, it’s just gonna be business as usual. Except I’ve got an hour to write this post. Half an hour. Ten minutes. Oh who cares I’ll just publish it now and edit other stuff out later nobody saw that right

Information courtesy (though without their permission) of Random Curiosity, Emory Anime Club, METANORN, Sea Slugs! Anime Blog, Star Crossed Anime Blog, and UK Anime, by Hanners from Hanners’ Anime ‘Blog. Yes, one day I’ll stop referencing these exact same people every single season and do my own research for once but that day’s not today and it’s not a day anytime within the next five to nineteen years. I promise~! wait that’s a bad thing huh what

Also, here’s the chart, courtesy of @cowboybibimbop.

Danball Senki W

Back in Spring, Danball Senki aired. Back in Spring, my amateurish, contemptuous, and prejudiced mind dismissed it as ‘an advertisement anime alliteration’.

This was a mistake.

I blame MAL. Look at what MAL says: “In 2046, a revolutionary 80% shock-absorbing reinforced cardboard has been devel-”

Woah, woah, woah. Wait right there. This anime is about 80% shock-absorbing reinforced cardboard. REINFORCED CARDBOARD. Who would want to watch an anime about -pfft- CARDBOARD?!

This was a mistake.

I should’ve looked at ANN. Look at what ANN says: “Ban and his friends are dragged into a corporation war that spreads all the way up to the highest political positions of power in Japan.”

Woah, woah, WOAH! Holy shit, corporation wars! Political positions of power! A protagonist whose name is ‘Ban’! Danball Senki is what we’ve ALL been waiting for.

ANN gets a point! ANN 01 – MAL 00. It’s already obvious that ANN is superior than MAL in terms of making awesome shows seem awesome.

Unfortunately, neither MAL nor ANN has any information about Danball Senki W, and as of this post, I am somehow the ONLY writer in the entire English-speaking WORLD that even MENTIONS Danball Senki W in his Winter Preview post. Why all the hate? Where’s the love? Why do people watch Mobile Suit Gundam AGE when you have the exact same thing here in Danball Senki, except cooler? Seriously guys, give it a try!

tl;dr: an advertisement anime alliteration

Danball Senki scenes (even the producers of Danball Senki W don’t care about Danball Senki W enough to make a trailer)

Potential: 0/5 (I’d give it a chance if I had any chances to give… and if anybody were translating it. Too bad~!)

Oh my God, drawing these images is tiring. Except I’ve drawn a total of one image so far. Which was a picture of cardboard. A picture that I didn’t even take.

Smile Precure!

Let’s keep this short:

Smile Precure is an anime about cuteness, catered towards little girls. The end.

Not many people talk about Smile Precure, but unlike Danball Senki, which is actually cool, Precure deserves its hate. I don’t even know WHY they hate it so much and it actually looks like a good show but I completely agree. Precure sucks.

The second end.

SMILE PRECURE TRAILER aww that video’s private here’s the real Smile Precure Trailer

Potential: -1/5 (I’d give it a chance but never mind)

Tantei Opera Milky Holmes Dai 2 Maku

I guess ANN has a fetish with not offering information or something because they just love to do that. So does MAL. Because I know nothing about this series, other than it apparently being ‘deep parody’ and containing ‘tea parrots’.

Back in Fall, last Fall, which was last last Fall, Tantei Opera Milky Holmes aired. Back in Autumn, last Autumn, which was last last Autumn, Shinrei Tantei Yakumo aired. I could not choose between one tantei and another taibei or aunt wei or tanned eye or whatever, but I did choose between one tantei and the other tantei by choosing to watch Thing Rye Tanned Eye Yuck Emo instead of Auntie Opera Milky Holmes.

Here was my remark towards the latter; ‘Seriously, J.C. Staff, stop making so many random crap.’

Seriously, J.C. Staff, stop making so many random crap. I don’t want your deeper oldies or beef perogies. Now I only want you gone.

Trailer (warning: erect nipples)

Potential: 1/5 (I’d give it a chance if I saw the first season… guess what?! I haven’t. I guess my rating is unfair. I also gave Madoka a potential of 1/5. Actually, I didn’t even give it a potential, because it had no potential. I guess I was wrong.)

But now, there’s finally a show that I’ve actually watched the prequel to in Amagami SS+ plus! Except, huh, I haven’t watched the prequel to it because I dropped it four episodes in.

Amagami SS+ plus

Hear that? What did I do to this show? I, that’s right, DROPPED it, and it still has the NERVE to SHOW UP AGAIN? What blatant INSOLENCE is this? This is HERESY! They’re just trying to make FUN of me for getting the bad end, and only the bad end no matter how many times I replay Katawa Shoujo! You know, I NEVER LIKED THAT GAME ANYWAYS. It sucks AMAGAMI. I don’t even know what amagami is but it sounds DISGUSTING and that’s what Katawa Shoujo SUCKS. DISGUSTING STUFF.

Next time you try to pull this kind of SHIT on me I’ll be all up your ASS because, uh, it’s hard to put shit on me if I’m not under your ass. Believe me. I’ve tried. Don’t try it again. And you’ve already written Amagami SS+. See that plus sign there? So do I. So WHY DO YOU TELL US THAT IT’S AN AMAGAMI+ PLUS? Nobody codes using SEE+ PLUS, they code using C++. Amagami + what? That’s not the actual question, though. The real question is, Amagami + plus what?

Promotional Video (don’t ask me what the difference between a PV and a trailer is, even if I knew I couldn’t tell you because I don’t know)

Potential: 1/5 (I’d watch it but NO, NO I WON’T, THESE FUCKERS ARE JUST FUCKING WITH ME, THEY THINK THEY CAN DO THIS KIND OF SHIT AND GET AWAY WITH IT?! DIE IN A WELL OFF THE COAST OF FINLAND AND TAKE ALL YOUR KATAWA SHOUJO AND AMAGAMI AND WHATEVER AMALGAMATIONS OF CATS AND WASHROOM JOES WITH YOU!!)

New Prince of Tennis

Have you ever read Eyeshield 21? Or RRR? They’re sports manga.

There are many sports manga. There’s sports manga about football, basketball, soccer, wrestling, Go, karate, Karuta, track and field, tennis and Chinese chess.

There’s also sports manga about boxing.

Contrary to its title, New Prince of Tennis is actually not about being a prince. Rather, it’s about boxes – boxes and boxes. Kinda like boxing boxes, except they’re written on. The score is written in boxes. Except it isn’t, because they’re playing tennis.

Many people have heard of the Prince of Tennis. However, what they have failed to hear is that the Prince of Tennis isn’t actually a Prince. The True Prince of Tennis lives in Arabia. I have sketched him above. He spoke to me once, in my dream. He told me I was the star, and then proceeded to whack me in the face with a baseball bat – not a tennis racket.

Only watch the Prince of Tennis II if you are comfortable with scenarios such as playing tennis. For those of us who’d rather not play tennis, this show is to be avoided.

Commercial (warning: sweaty balls)

Potential: 2/5 (I’m biased because I have balls and I don’t want these people hitting nor serving them.)

Zero no Tsukaima F

So, apparently, Zero no Tsukaima is like any other J.C. Staff show. But better. Which doesn’t say much, because, as you know, every J.C. Staff show sucks. I have proof – it’s right there in the Official J.C. Staff Manual for Producing High-Quality Anime. In other words, Zero no Tsukaima equally sucks.

Let’s see what the Official J.C. Staff Checklist for Producing High-Quality Shit says about Zero no Tsukaima:

Item 1: Otamot with his own harem and special characteristic that doesn’t actually give him any character. Check!
Item 2: Mainish characters:
Item 2a) Tsundere heroine. Check!
Item 2b) Childhood friend… nope. Probably not, seeing as the main character was, uh, teleported to another dimension. Alone. Without his childhood friend. If he had any. If he had a childhood friend he certainly didn’t have a good childhood friend, because he doesn’t even think about his childhood friend that he doesn’t have.
Item 2c) Scheming loli. …Probably there!
Item 2d) Perverted best friend that gets no ladies. Yeah, probably too. Or it’s the main character. Probably the main character. Yeah.
Item 2e) A sent pie in the ‘__ council’/’__ club’. Uh, wait, what?

Yeah, I think the Official J.C. Staff Checklist for Producing Low-Quality Japanimation wasn’t well thought out. What the heck is a ‘sent pie’? If you say it many times fast it sounds like you’re saying ‘paisenpaisenpaisen’, but nobody knows what a paisen is, either.

Anyways, opinion around Zero no Tsukaima is mixed; some say that it’s the first Shana clone, with the otamot even voiced by the voicer of Shana’s otamot, and the tsundere heroine even voiced by the voicer of Shana’s Shana. It probably is. They then go onto say that it’s bad, because Shana clones are bad and if Zero no Tsukaima didn’t exist, maybe J.C. Staff wouldn’t make Shana clones. On the other hand, others argue that Shana clones are good, and because Zero no Tsukaima existed, J.C. Staff made Shana clones.

Whatever your opinion is, I don’t care.

Promotional Video (warning: lame song)

tl;dr: Zero no Tsukaima F gets a Zero out of Five, which is equivalent to an F. That’s why it has that title.

Potential: 2/5 (Not 1/5 because J.C. Staff’s art is still pretty damn good. Though seriously, J.C. Staff, stop making so many random crap. I still want you gone. Go die. In a well. Off the coast of Finland. Or the coast of Halkeginia. Whatever suits your dress.)

Some may say that I’m being a bit too harsh today. Well, you’re perfectly incorrect because guess what? I’m only being a /little/ bit too harsh today.

The next show up, in English, is ‘Natsume’s Book of Friends.’

Natsume: “Well, it’s a book of my friends’ faces…

…it’s my facebook.”

Natsume Yuujinchou Shi

What did I write in my 2011 Summer post, when this first aired?

‘This guy can see spirits, for two seasons now.’

Well, I guess that wasn’t when this first aired. That was when this third aired.

Now it’s going to fourth air, for the first time! Alternatively, this is the second time it’s second aired, or maybe the third time it’s first aired! In fact, why not just AIR THIS ANIME OUT TO DRY because there’s no way I’m going through three seasons now to catch up with this show, as good as people may call it. I’m being GENEROUS with my 3/5, because if I weren’t generous, I’d give this, like, a 0/300. Maybe a 300/0. Wait, that’s a good mark, a -300/0 would be more precise. Yes, let’s give it that… BUT I’M A GENEROUS GUY and just a little bit too harsh SO

Trailer (challenge: find the naruto)

But seriously, for Natsume, if you watch it, you’ll either love it or hate it. There is no middle ground. It’s a 0/5 or a 6/5.

BUT SINCE I HAVEN’T WATCHED IT I CAN REACH A COMPROMISE and thus 3/5. MAKES SENSE RIGHT

Potential: 3/5 (I have no idea what this is about. Thanks a lot. Aunt Anna Annie Ann.)

(P.S. Actually, nobody hates Natsume. Not even Scamp.)

Aquarion Evol

I shall continue to compare MAL and ANN’s entries, even though it is obvious that ANN is superior.

MAL: “The story will take place 12,000 years after the first Aquarion television series at a city modeled after Hong Kong.”

Well, surprisingly, MAL’s makes sense. Unfortunately, nobody knows what this first Aquarion television series is, and nobody knows what this story that will take place is, either. So I guess it doesn’t make sense, because the entire paragraph could be summarized as: ‘The setting is Hong Kong.’ Unfortunately, Hong Kong isn’t likely to be a model city twelve thousand years later, so MAL’s entry doesn’t actually tell us anything, just like this post.

ANN: 12,000 years have passed in this world, the story of Apollon and Sylvie have become a children’s story called “Skies Of Aquaria”. The “Abductors” Invaders from Altea come to Earth wi-

hold on hold on HOLD ON SHUT UP I’M TALKING TO SOMEBODY ON THIS PHONE CAN’T YOU SEE JESUS CHRIST JUST SHUT UP ALREADY alright what were you saying again

-th only one purpose, they invade to harvest humans. DAEVA the Aquaria Academy exists to train men and women to use Aquaria, but they cannot ever merge because of Guize stones, these block an “unholy union” be-

hold on hold on HOLD ON. Alright, let’s see what we can understand from this entry:

1. 12,000 years have passed in this world.

Unfortunately, we do not know what world is this world, and 12,000 years have passed since what? This sentence could be simplified as, ‘12,000 years.’

2. The story of Apollon and Sylvie have become a children’s story called ‘Skies Of Aquaria”.

Unfortunately, we do not know who Apollon is. We do not know who Sylvie is, either. We do not know what an Aquaria is, too. So, what this sentence is trying to say is, ‘The story has become a children’s story.’

3. The “Abductors” Invaders from Altea came to Earth with only one purpose, they invade to harvest humans.

Unfortunately, we do not know who these “Abductors” Invaders are, and neither do we know why they are not quoted as the “Abductors Invaders”, the Abductors “Invaders”, nor simply the Abductors Invaders. Careful readers will, however, notice a resemblance in initial letters to ‘Artificial Intelligence’. We do not know what Altea is, nor how Altea is pronounced (El-tee, el-tee-a, or ‘ah-luh-tuh-ay’?), so, to avoid ambiguity, the proper rewording is, ‘There is only one purpose, to harvest humans.’

4. DAEVA the Aquaria Academy exists to train men and women to use Aquaria, but they cannot ever merge because of Guize stones, these block an “unholy union” etc. etc. etc.

Unfortunately, we do not know what DAEVA is, nor do we know what DAEVA stands for. Does it mean ‘dude, albert’s eyes vanished in ashes’, ‘dogs and elphants are very atheist’, or ‘do all evil venerate antichrist’? The best choice is to omit DAEVA altogether. The Aquaria Academy is DAEVA, and with DAEVA omitted, the Aquaria Academy, whatever it is, can hardly exist. As the Aquaria Academy is unexplained, Aquaria is meaningless, and must be cut out.

With these changes, ANN’s summary becomes, ‘The story of 12,000 years has become a children’s story. It has only one purpose, to harvest humans to train, but they cannot ever merge because of Guize stones, these block an “unholy union”.

Yeah, makes lots of sense doesn’t it. I think MAL wins this round.

MAL 01 – ANN 01. They’re still going at it! Who will win?! Find out in the next edition of 2012 Winter Anime!!

Trailer (warning: mechas)

Potential: 4/5 (I have no idea what this is about. Thanks a lot, ANN.)

Mobile Suit Gundam Seed HD Remaster

Wait, so let me get this straight.

This isn’t a new anime, but it’s just broadcasting the old Gundam Seed… in HD?

Uh… well, Gundam AGE is my first step into the Gundam franchise, so I don’t know if going straight into Gundam Seed is the best idea. Probably not. But I’ll see, because if I can’t ever admit that I haven’t watched Gundam Se-*audience throws stones*

PV2 (warning: PV2 stands for potassium vanadide)
(warning 2: putting potassium vanadide in your hydrochloric acid doesn’t make it drinkable)
(warning 3: even if it did PV2 doesn’t actually stand for potassium vanadide. yes, I was lying)
(warning 4: i warned you bro, three times)

Potential: 4/5 (I think everybody thinks like I think: that everybody thinks Gundam Seed can think in its quality, methinks.)

Nisemonogatari

And here’s the final show. Yes, I have not finished writing this post. But now I have.

Nisemonogatari is the sequel to Bakemonogatari, a clever pun on ‘bakemono’, which means ‘idiot-thing’ in Japanese, and ‘nogatari’, which means ‘disco boogie’ in Japanese. Put together, Bakemonogatari literally means, ‘idiot-thing-disco-boogie’. Because Bakemonogatari is such a long title, some prefer to abbreviate it as simply ‘itdb’.

Nisemonogatari is a clever pun on ‘nisemo’, which means ‘Nicean’ (people who live in Nice, France) in Japanese, ‘monogate’, which means ‘two fences’ in Japanese, and Atari, the video game company. Put together, Nisemonogatari literally means, ‘two-Nicean-video-game-company-fences’. Because Nisemonogatari is such a long title, some prefer to abbreviate it as simply ‘2nvgcf’, but nobody seems to remember the correct order of the letters.

Apparently, I’ve heard it’s really good.

Unfortunately, I haven’t watched Bakemonogatari, and watching idiot-things disco-boogie is not at the top of my priorities at the moment. Neither do I wish to view the adventures and misadventures of two Nicean video game company fences, as interesting as a fence’s life can be. (hint: I don’t think a fence’s life can be very interesting.) But I heard it’s really good. From reliable sources. Who don’t watch anime.

Yeah I’m good at this research thing

Trailer (warning: shaft)

Potential: 5/5 (I’d give it a chance if I saw the first season… guess what?! I haven’t. I guess my rating is unfair. I also gave Fractale a potential of 5/5. Actually, I didn’t even give it a potential, because I thought it had too much potential. I guess I was wrong.)

…And that’s the problem with this season.

There are so many SEQUELS!! Worse yet, I haven’t even WATCHED any of the things these things are sequelling! I’ve watched none of Prince of Tennis, none of Milky Holmes, none of any of the seasons of Natsume, none of Aquarion, none of any of the Precure!s, three episodes of Amagami SS before dropping it like a brick wall drops down in a forest without making three farting noises, none of (yes, kill me now) Gundam Seed, nor any of Gundam at all but six episodes of Gundam AGE, none of Danball Senki, none of Zero no Tsukaima 1, none of Zero no Tsukaima 2, none of Zero no Tsukaima A, nor of Zero no Tsukaima B and Zero no Tsukaima C and Zero no Tsukaima 3 and whatever. Also (kill me again), but I’ve watched none of Bakemonogatari.

I guess I’m not watching anything this season. Aw shucks.

Part Two and Part Three of this 2012 Winter Season Preview. (They’re both links, click them!)

12 responses

  1. So where did the “Moe” tried to touch you?Come on…Show us on this doll the place.You don’t need to be shy!We are all trying to help you…

    2012/01/11 at 09:46

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