So it’s been two years, two years since I made the first post on this blog that I didn’t delete.
Y’know, today isn’t really a special day. I could’ve made that post on the 12th or the 14th. I could’ve not written that post at all. Why do I have a post that says nothing but ‘this is the first post on my blog’, anyways? The only date that’s actually a proper anniversary for O-New would be on February 15th, which signalled the beginning of publishing one post in a day, every day, for two years. But it’s not February 15th yet, I haven’t celebrated enough anniversaries, and WordPress even had the generosity to give me an annual report, so here we are.
It’s been two years, seven hundred and fifty one posts, and almost exactly one hundred thousand views. No, seriously. Look at this:
But there’s a problem.
Nobody actually reads this blog.
Sure, there are a hundred thousand views, but more than three-quarters of those views are Google Image searches for ‘pedo bear’, ‘pedo bär‘, and ‘over 9000’, and more than three-quarters of the other views are Google Web searches for ‘pedo bear’, ‘over 9000’, and ‘encrypted_search_terms’, which I assume means ‘pedo bär’ in Googlish.
We have about a total of four regular readers, and one of them is myself. Perhaps there are more lurkers, but definitely not many. I actually met a lurker on YouTube once. I thought he was a pretty cool guy, eh reads O-New and all that, and commented that he thought some (read: most) of my posts are too childish. That’s the kind of comments we want on this blog! Not that I’ll stop posting so childishly after that comment, but if he never told me that, I might never have realized that my posts were too childish! Mr. YouTube-guy, you’re still here, right? No? Well, I can’t tell, because you never comment on this blog! :(
And that’s a problem that we’ll rectify. New Year’s Resolution and all that. You can have more than one, right? I’ll still try to go to Anime Club more. But more than that, we’ll improve O-New! We’ll write one post, every day, but more than that! We’ll reach out to more visitors, more viewers, more commentors, more subscribers, more regulars, and perhaps even more writers! We probably actually won’t write more than one post every day even though I said that we’d write more than one post every day! We’ll spam ourselves around with blatant advertisements in every anime blog in existence and even several non-anime blogs in existence! We’ll enter the Aniblog Tourney that we /just/ missed entering two years ago (actually, if I tried to apply two years ago, I’d definitely be refused entry), and we won’t get knocked off in the first round! We’ll finally register O-New into Anime Nano, because apparently more people read your posts if you register your blog into Anime Nano, and we haven’t registered O-New into Anime Nano yet because O-NEW ISN’T AN ANIME BLOG! I don’t even know why I’m saying ‘we’ when I’m the only one who really writes anything! O-New is a team blog! Here, I’ll let houraiguy speak so that I’m justified in using the plural pronoun:
“””O-New is a very unteamlike blog.”””
And there it is! Straight from the mouth of the ‘guy himself. And with triple quotes, too! Don’t you just love how WordPress parses those quotes?!
Anyways, we’ll get a new design, too! I mean, look at Daifuuku! Anime Blog (Personally, I think the ‘Anime Blog’ part of ‘Daifuuku! Anime Blog’ is not as O-rigiNal a namE for a Website as O-NEW. Did you see how I hid that in the previous sentence? Probably not. Also, O-NEW doesn’t stand for something like ‘Original… (Inter)Net… Entertainment… Anime’ because that’s O-NEA, not O-NEW. O-New doesn’t stand for anything. It’s not an acronym), with their fancy stats and colourful charts and sparkling banners and troupes of employee tropes and all that… and now look at my blog. Can’t you help but feel a little bit sad at its dull dreariness? Can’t you help but feel a little bit lost at how misappropriately I placed those parentheses? Can’t you help but feel a bit little agnry at how well me spelling and grammer our? You probably can’t because you’re not me, but at least you guys can empathize with my top post being an IMAGE that was STOLEN from somebody else WITHOUT CREDIT, that I DIDN’T EVEN WRITE! Pedo_bear_trap_The_Best_of_Pedo_Bear-s630x654-42701 is the top post on my blog, with EIGHT THOUSAND and NINETY views. What the hell is a s630x654-42701?! And then the next two are ALSO those STUPID memes, with 3106 views and 2337 views respectively. NOBODY ACTUALLY COMES HERE TO READ WRITING! They come here to see pedo bear. And pedo bear they’ve got.
But that DOESN’T MATTER. Why? Because my blog… has no content but pedo bärs. It has no matter. :(
I mean, it was BESIDE THE POINT, just like everything else, because nothing goes beside a point if this blog… has no point… :(
But let’s PUT THAT BEHIND US, right behind this bit of text… yeah, look at that dull blank white background of blank whiteness behind this text… :(
Now, MOVING ON, beyond this blog, because I’m abandoning this blog and moving on… /emperorj
(No, I’m not actually abandoning this blog.)
Well, that’s it. What else do I write here?
At the end, it’s been a nice two years. Well, maybe not. I don’t live in France, so my two years were hardly Nice. But that’s not three years. And as everybody knows, simply making seven hundred and fifty one posts in two years isn’t enough for a blog to survive. It has to hit three years (personally, I think that post is overrated, but everybody has to link to it so that’s what I’m doing right now). In fact, hitting two years is when a blog dies. Usually. But I’m not /actually/ going to hit two years of straight-up blogging until next month. Which I’ll hit. Next month. For a dollar.
Or nothing at all, because that’s what I’ve gotten out of this. I think houraiguy can agree. Yeah. The end. Goodbye already. blah blah blah what did you want cake or something, did you think I had enough time to surf on childish image websites to find a picture of cake? yeah fuck you bye