GBA: Great Begger Anastasius
Sorry guys; still working on my preview, so here’s a short post for today.
AND THAT’S RIGHT it’s time for yet another episode of STUPIDEAS, where stupid ideas come to die!
Today, our newest idea is courtesy of ME, the great MUSHYRULEZ, who is also your MC, your host, your broadcaster, your journalist, and not at all your friend. At all. Unless you write a post. gosh darn it houraiguy
Once upon a time, there was a boy. He was a young boy, as all young boys and normal boys were – young. But suddenly, he dropped out of high school and he was not so young and boyish anymore. In fact, he was an old, twenty-year-old man. His name was…
He had no job because he dropped out of high school and nobody wanted anybody who didn’t even have a master’s degree. He had no money because he accidentally threw all his money to homeless people, and he didn’t believe in bank accounts and debit cards. He had no kids because he had no wife, and he had no wife because he had no girlfriend, and he had no girlfriend because he had no life, and he had no life because he dropped out of high school. Nobody knows why he dropped out of high school, perhaps he’ll die.
One day, Anastasius decides to beg for money. At first, he only gets a couple of dimes and a quarter, but he doesn’t give up. He begs and begs and begs until all the other beggars on the street are jealous of his success. A total amateur beggar, out-begging the masters of the trade? How could this be?!
Well, it was quite obvious how not obvious this was. For Anastasius, through his accidental donations of money to thousands of beggars across the city, learned all facets and secrets of the craft from the great master beggars themselves. Armed with his enlightened knowledge, Anastasius quickly sweeps the city’s above-ground begging society into a turmoil, making over twenty dollars on his first day of begging.
Great Beggar Anastasius will be a manga, and each chapter, Anastasius will demonstrate a new way to beg – through acrobatics, weeping over dead children, violin-playing, weeping over dead chickens, offering to code for 2 cents, weeping over dead handkerchiefs, and the like. At the end, his daily revenue will be like the monthly views on this blog – always increasing. Except for this month. :(
Eventually, other beggars engage in begging fights with Anastasius, competitive duels in which each beggar tries to out-beg the other. They sit on opposite ends of a street and the beggar who begs more money wins. Some beggars even try cheating to win against Anastasius, by taking money from other beggars that they later return to their friends. Since they can get an infinite amount of these loans, they’ll obviously win most begging-fights – but not against Anastasius, who doesn’t even need to cheat to beg more money. The secret beggar chiefs get agitated as Anastasius ruins the fragile balance of the begging society, and a great political begging battle begins, from the depths of the sea to the highs of the sky.
Months later, it’s not just the city that’s rattled. The whole country, and even the entire world has experienced a revolution in begging, gradually turning begging into a profitable, esteemed, and even fashionable career. The world government wants to shut all begging down, but Anastasius flies over to the world government assembly in his private plane (for now, he gets over ten thousand dollars a day, even when he’s not begging) to beg. After a fierce battle, he succeeds in begging the government not only to lift their restrictive restrictions on begging, but also to give him even more money.
Years later, things are dwindling down for the rest of the beggars as they move on with their newfound wealth to become established, productive citizens of society. The world poverty rate is at a record low 0.1% because all the beggars got jobs, but Anastasius is still begging. In fact, he’s the last beggar left. The citizens have nowhere to donate their money because there are no more beggars, so everybody gives their money to Anastasius, even flying specifically to his house to shove three dollars down his chimney. Because so many people try to give money to Anastasius, several hundred people are heavily wounded trying to pile money into his $100,000,000 estate every single day. In fact, many people break into his house while he’s sleeping so that they can shove money into his socks, shirt, and underwear because there’s nowhere else to put it. The top hackers in the world are hacking into his house’s world-class high-end security (co-ordinated by the United States Department of Defense) so that everybody else can break into his house to give him money.
Anastasius is tired of it all.
He stops begging, and with all the wealth that he has accumulated, becomes a blogger instead.
Unfortunately, not only does nobody read his blog, but his funds quickly dwindle down due to oppressive new taxes. With no job, no money, and no life, he soon dies of starvation, finally losing his life once more.
They call him…
P.S. he still doesn’t have a wife