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2012 Winter Anime First Impressions Part One

Oh, hey. Welcome to February. Note that the first anime of this season aired nearly a month ago (Natsume, on January 3rd). Back in my day, they called me the lATEM@STER. Because I write posts. That are late. Hahaha. That’s not even a pun what am I typing

Here, read my season previews. They’re decent. And by decent I mean they’re not horrible. That is to say, they’re merely bad and/or mediocre. Just read those god-damned posts and come back here and read this god-damned post and like, just, damn yourself, god

Before anyone accuses me of espousing anime as an entertaining, interesting, and fun medium of communication, let me disclaim myself with a disclaimer that I believe fully fits the mood of this post.

[Disclaimer: ANIME SUCKS]

Highschool DxD

I was just watching my brother play Terraria when he started talking about Highschool DxD being really good. I agree with him that Highschool DxD is very good, because I agree with people who say that things are very good, especially when that person says that Sword Art Online is really good, and it turns out to be very good.

But that was two weeks ago.

I was just watching my brother eat dinner when he started talking about Highschool DxD sucking. I agree with him that Highschool DxD sucks, because I have watched Highschool DxD, and it sucks, and every sane man with a decent mind agrees that Highschool DxD sucks, even if they haven’t watched Highschool DxD, and it sucks. Which means Highschool DxD must suck.

Let’s analyse why it sucks, WITHOUT turning back to the age-old debate between ANN and MAL.

ANN: “The story follows Issei Hyōdō, a dim-witted, lecherous second-year high school student who is killed by a girl on his first date ever.”

MAL: “Issei Hyodo is your average perverted high school student whose one wish in life is to have his own harem, but he’s got to be one of the unluckiest guys around. (Source: FUNimation)”

…well.

Let’s take off half a point uh, I’d say that ‘this feels awfully familiar for some strange reason’, but if I said that, people would accuse me of copying Scamp. And that’s bad. Because I’m not copying Scamp. I’m just copying myself. Anyways, I accidentally turned back to the age-old debate between ANN and MAL, but perhaps they shall enlighten us on why this anime sucks.

For one, the main character is Issei Hyodo, a dim-witted lecherous second-year high school student who is killed by a girl on his first date ever.

Really? How much more lame could you get? I mean, there are some people who get rejected on their first date and thus decide to simultaneously pursue six other girls in the first episode, there are some people who have died due to magical girl chainsaws in the first episode, there are some people who have been run over by cars and sucked into magical mirrors in the first chapter, but has there been anybody who’s actually died in the first episode? …yeah, there have been.

So imagine my SPANISH SHOCK when I was just watching my brother watch me when he started talking about Issei Hyodo, a dim-witted lecherous second-year high school student, dying in the eleventh volume of the light novel. I agree with him that Issei Hyodo is a dim-witted lecherous second-year high school student who dies in the eleventh volume of the light novel, because ANN told me that Issei Hyodo is a dim-witted lecherous second-year high school student, especially when, uh, I don’t know how to properly end this sentence. Which means Highschool DxD must suck. I didn’t even talk about why it sucks, but it does. I’m sure you agree.

So, my conclusion.

I gave Highschool DxD a potential of 1/5.

That translates to my expecting Highschool DxD to be a 2/10.

Yeah, sorry about that. I misjudged it.

Highschool DxD Cover Rating: 0/10 (Why did I watch this?!) – One-Episode Drop

Be surprised. I’ve never given a show so low of a rating before. Maybe I’m just biased, cause y’know, I was just watching my brother watch my other brother who doesn’t exist because I only have one brother when the first brother didn’t start talking about the brother he was watching that didn’t exist. I didn’t necessarily disagree with him that the brother he wasn’t talking to was me, because disagreeing with him would imply that the brother he wasn’t talking to wasn’t me, which may or may not be false depending on whether he was simultaneously talking to both of his half-existent brothers or not, especially when he definitely wasn’t talking to the other brother that existed which wasn’t me, even though the only two brothers that exist are him and me, and he might not have been talking at all. Which must mean that he’s mean.

:(

Kill Me Baby

One day, I was just in class, when I didn’t see this girl who possibly wasn’t hot at all. Being in the doldrums and thus exceedingly bored, I possibly didn’t moan a low moan, as if a boat were loaning itself to sharks by way of mechanical digestion.

What would I have moan? Well, it’s the title of this anime.

The class may have been SPANISH SHOCK at this loan mower, that not only mows loans, but also owns koans. As I would have not specified which anime ‘this’ was referring to, it would require much enlightenment and perhaps a lightened mood in a lightened room to properly drink light wine with a light meal without becoming light-headed from spilling the foodstuff onto the darkened ground. Fortunately, I spared the class this injustice by not only not moaning ‘well, it’s the title of this anime,’ but also by not providing light wines nor light meals of eels.

It was then in anime club that I nearly came into contact with ‘well, it’s the title of this anime’, but thankfully, the anime club president was wise enough not to take off his blue jacket that wasn’t orange at all. Neither did he play Kill Me Baby in anime club, as that would have effected a row moat throughout the premises of the castle. Venice wasn’t built in a day; a row moat was merely effected in the premises of the city within the duration of a day.

If I were Sonya, not only would I not be an assassin, but I would simultaneously not be a girl. In fact, I would be Mushyrulez and definitely not Sonya at all. The mere thought is preposterous and is indeed suited to be postured before posturing posters that make about as much sense as meat grinded out of milkshake blenders.

Even MAL says it sucks: “She just wanted a hug, but she ended up with a broken neck. Isn’t it sad? No, it’s hilarious.” How does that say that MAL says it sucks? Well, it’s not the name of this anime – it’s that broken necks are not hilarious, and that even if they were hilarious, a person that only wanted a hug getting one is not hilarious. Imagine you being depressed and sad. You have nowhere to go to, all your friends and family are dead, and you just want a hug from somebody. Then, that somebody breaks your neck. Isn’t it sad? Yes, it is. It’s not hilarious.

It’s especially sad for J.C. Staff. They’re doing badly, everybody hates them, their profits are at an all-time low, and they just want to earn some cold, hard cash from unsuspecting otaku vermin. Instead, what happens? They die. But that’s just J.C. Staff being J.C. Staff (i.e. dying, sucking, being stupid).

When I was watching ‘well, it’s the title of this anime’, I was not thinking, ‘Basket Army Basket Army Basket Army‘, as I had not watched Basket Army yet. However, when I was watching Basket Army Basket Army Basket Army, I was indeed thinking, ‘well, it’s the title of this anime, well, it’s the title of this anime well, please pray tell me what’s an anime well’, as I had watched Kill Me Baby already. Kill Me Baby’s strategically random use of various foreign languages does indeed remind me of how Basket Army is completely in one language. However, while posting anything about Basket Army, it is nigh impossible to ignore the great attraction of using exotic languages to express its intimately foreign appeal. In fact, 50% of Basket Army posts are written in a language that the author of the post does not understand.

This segment seems rather ridiculous. Well, I say that it fits the OP of this anime, which is so ridiculous with its Spanish and Russian that well off the coast of Finland. Time flies like the wind; fruit flies like a banana. Kill Me Baby is trying to copy Nichijou’s, ahem, ‘success’, but it’s not random enough to be Nichijou-funny and it’s too random to be normal-funny.

You know what? Just like while writing this post, I didn’t crack a single smile while watching this anime. But it’s a comedy show! It should lend itself to cracking smiles, eggs, and my PayPal password that I forgot!

So, my conclusion.

I gave Kill Me Baby a potential of 0/5.

That translates to my expecting Kill Me Baby to be the title of this anime. I was correct in my prediction, but incorrect in my next that Kill Me Baby would be a mere 0/10.

Cause, yeah, sorry about that. I misjudged it. The art’s cute. And it gets half a bonus point for being the most faithful 4koma adaptation I’ve seen to date. Each segment of the show is actually just four panels long! …that’s not a good thing is it

Kill Me Baby Cover Rating: 1/10 (Horrible) – One-Episode Drop

The next anime on this list’s name doesn’t fare much better than Kill Me Baby. At least it’s in a language that I don’t understand, so that I can’t spend hours upon hours mulling about what the title might mean, as I can’t read the title in the first place! Or, wait, maybe I can…

Papa no Iukoto wo Kikinasai!

Papa no Iukoto wo Kikinasai!, or in English, ‘Papa, don’t cater nasal Tikis!’, is about a father. He’s a pretty cool guy, but he has one major problem:

He caters nasal Tikis.

One day, he decides to go on a trip with his wife. They die. The end.

[SPOILER ALERT]

That’s just put there to remind you that there was a spoiler in the above sentence. I hope you didn’t read the spoiler, because if you read the spoiler, you would’ve been spoiled.

Remember Kamisama Dolls, that show that aired in summer along with Kamisama no Memochou and Kaminomi no Shiru Sekai and Kamigaminami no Imanimagimak and Kamihameha no Shoryuken? Yeah, neither do I any of those shows. I’m pretty sure half of them don’t exist. But I especially don’t remember Kamisama Dolls, seeing as I watched all of one episode of it. In the episode, the protagonist is a college kid who gets drunk and suddenly, mechanical dolls burst into his room and suffocate his sister who suddenly appeared out of nowhere. I’m not sure if that’s a side-effect of getting drunk or not.

Anyways, since I didn’t watch it, I can’t tell you how the college kid acted, but I’ll assume that he acted like a college kid, and not a high school kid.

Remember [C], that show that aired in spring not along with C³ and C++ and C U L8R? Yeah, neither do I any of those shows. I’m pretty sure half of them don’t exist. But I especially don’t remember [C], seeing as I watched all of six episodes of it. In the six episodes, the protagonist is a college kid who gets sleepy and suddenly, creepy clowns burst into his room and bankrupt stock gamblers who suddenly appeared out of nowhere. I’m not sure if that’s a side-effect of getting sleepy or not.

Anyways, since I watched half of it, I can tell you how the college kid acted – he acted like a college kid. He could take care of himself, he worked hard at his job, he studied hard, he was enamoured by flat-chested under-age alien girls, and the like. Y’know. College kid behaviour.

Rmemeber Papa no Iukoto wo Kikinasai! Yeah, you probably should, because that’s what this section is about. The protagonist is a college kid who gets drunk and, wait, he doesn’t get drunk. Somebody just knocks him out. He awakens, sees a hot girl, and immediately falls in love. Meanwhile, he doesn’t study, doesn’t work, and has a sister who has three children. His sister’s going away for a vacation in heaven and leaves her children to him to take care of. Unfortunately, he walks in on her naked daughter, who decides to slap him because, uh, that’s what nieces do to uncles when they walk in on them being naked now, apparently. Oh, and then his sister dies. Forever. That’s what I meant by ‘a vacation in heaven’.

[SPOILER ALERT: HIS SISTER DIES]

Anyways, since I watched an episode of it, I can tell you how the college kid acted – he acted like a highschool kid. Not a college kid. It really shows the whole sentiment behind college when all college anime focuses on dating girls and walking in on naked nieces rather than on what college is meant to be for – studying, drinking, studying, partying, studying, drinking, studying, and partying. There’s no anime about studying, drinking, studying, nor partying (unless Hyouge Mono counts as an anime about drinking)!

What I’m trying to say is, college kids are mature, like Rintarou. They’re not so easily embarrassed, and they spent a heck of a lot of time on studying, on drinking, on partying, on working, and on studying. But every anime with college kids (with the possible exception of Steins;Gate) isn’t really about college kids. It’s about highschool kids. College and highschool are different, people! Get it into your minds! Nobody reads this blog so shouting won’t do me any good at all! I’M NOT EVEN PROPERLY SHOUTING!

So, my conclusion.

I gave Papa no Iukoto wo Kikinasai! a potential of 1/5.

That translates to my expecting the protagonist of Papa no Iukoto wo Kikinasai! to have the maturity of a college kid. Unfortunately, not only does he have the maturity of an Old-mu Shroom (PROTIP: This is a pun on OUMA SHU), but the art is paedophilic. 2-year-olds don’t look moe. They look annoying and fat. Also, they smile too much. And they don’t have hair that stretches down to their fucking waists! NOBODY has hair that stretches down to their waists!

I misjudged it. This show is so stupid so stupid so stupid so stupid even Kill Me Baby! would be arguably better if the first half of Papa no Iukoto wo Kikinasai! weren’t so heartwarming. I say heartwarming because I’m biased towards anime that actually have parents that actually do something. Too bad they died.

Papa no Iukoto wo Kikinasai! Cover Rating: 1/10 (I’d support SOPA to ban this anime) – One-Episode Drop

[SPOILER ALERT: THIS ANIME SUCKS]

Actually, that would be better rephrased as:

[SPOILER ALERT: EVERY ANIME IN THIS POST SUCKS]

But that would be too wordy. I think a better alert would be:

[SPOILER ALERT: ANIME SUCKS]

Poyopoyo Kansatsu Nikki

I mean, it means something when even fansubbers are doubting the state of the industry. Look at those four sage words on the top of the picture below. They’re wise words, eloquent words. They’re brief, succinct, and terse, written just like I like my anime (though not how I like my 2012 Winter Anime First Impressions Part One posts). Such condensation! Such abridgity! Taking together 30 years of suppressed emotion into but four words! Such wisdom!

Witness my feeble attempts to imitate the masters of this art of shortening:

[Disclaimer: ANIME SUCKS]

But anyways, about Poyopoyo Kansatsu Nikki, I believe it is all just one big elaborate scheme to teach weeaboos how to speak Japanese, because teaching weeaboos how to speak Japanese is listed as one of the Great Japanese Millennium Goals of the, uh, Millennium. The full list of the Great Japanese Millennium Goals is here:

  1. To teach weeaboos how to speak Japanese;
  2. To increase the firing rate of machine guns to twice its current rate;
  3. To loosen immigration laws and allow all weeaboos to immigrate to Japan;
  4. To develop a form of machine gun ammunition made from the remains of dead civilians;
  5. To sponsor a mega-con in a giant crater in the middle of nowhere to centralize all weeaboos in a giant crater in the middle of nowhere;
  6. To recruit, train, and allocate five thousand elite military units onto the rim of the giant crater in the middle of nowhere, armed with newly developed rapid-speed human-remains-shooting machine guns;
  7. *BOOM*! ???
  8. To strengthen Japan’s economy;
  9. To increase Japan’s lowering birth rate.

Alternatively, Poyopoyo Kansatsu Nikki could also just all be one big elaborate scheme to make people realize the benefits of being fat. Listen here children, if you’re fat, you will be able to:

  • run at lightning-fast speed
  • jump, but always fall
  • withstand insults
  • jump, but always fall
  • fly
  • be cute
  • jump, but always fall
  • defy gravity
  • keep on falling
  • run at thunder-fast speed

etc.

I don’t believe this is a good message to be spreading to children. Most, if not all of the claims above are false, as proven by SCIENCE. You want me to cite my source? Well, I got it from SCIENCE! You want an actual source? Here, here’s my cat:

I got it from Chinese school as a prize for sitting in the back and doing nothing during class. Notice how slender he is.

So, my conclusion.

I gave Poyopoyo Kansatsu Nikki a potential of 0/5.

That translates to my expecting Poyopoyo Kansatsu Nikki to be a 0/7, a 0/14, a 0/726, or a 0/3.92.

Yeah, sorry about that, cause that doesn’t mean I didn’t expect Poyopoyo Kansatsu Nikki to be a 2/10. In fact, I expected it to be a 2/10 all along. Can you really say that 0/5 doesn’t equal 2/10?

Poyopoyo Kansatsu Nikki Cover Rating: 2/10 (Stupid)Watching

I definitely wouldn’t say that Poyopoyo’s shit, though, neither would I say that Poyopoyo’s shit’s shit, even though most shit’s shit, by which I mean, all shit is shit. The problem with saying that cats’ shit smell like shit is that, although cats in real life do in fact shit, Poyopoyo obviously does not shit. If he did, he wouldn’t be nearly as round as he is.

P.S. Nyanpire sucks. I didn’t even watch Nyanpire and I know it sucks. I’m not even sure why I’m saying it sucks if I haven’t watched it, and nobody else says it sucks. What I probably meant to say was that all three-minute-long anime sucks, but actually, a better wording would be that all anime sucks. I think that is generally agreed on.

Recorder to Randoseru Do♪

I have various musical talents and passions. A musical talent I have is for attracting great attention to myself whenever I take my rented viola out of its rented case. Usually, people are in such awe of my musical ability that they swiftly exit the room. Others, who have not yet witnessed my musical prowess, fall into a state of deep shock. Even my strings teacher must polish his ears with a pair of earplugs to properly bask in my musical power.

On the other hand, a musical passion that I have is learning the recorder. I once learned how to play the recorder when I was in grade 3. I promptly forgot about how to play the recorder after the concert was over. I twice learned to play the recorder when I was in grade 4. I promptly forgot about playing the recorder after the concert was over. Finally, I learned the recorder when I was in grade 7. I didn’t forget the recorder after the concert was over, and neither did I forget how to record. Even now, I am recording my thoughts onto a weblog. What are those thoughts exactly?

The big guy in this anime feels like Tristan from Yu-Gi-Oh. Abridged. You wanted to know why this post was delayed for so long? Now you know. Wow, running through 53 lame YouTube videos has never felt la mer. Je me sens comme à la mer.

So, my conclusion.

I gave Recorder to Randoseru Do♪ a potential of 1/5.

That translates to my expecting Recorder to Randoseru Do♪ to be better than Poyopoyo Kansatsu Nikki. Which it was. Not only was Recorder better than Poyopoyo Kansatsu Nikki, but so was Randoseru, and in fact, everything between Recorder and Randoseru – that is to say, everything from Recorder to Randoseru Do♪ – was better than Poyopoyo Kansatsu Nikki.

I guess I correctly judged it.

Recorder to Randoseru Do♪ Cover Rating: 2/10 (Still Stupid)Watching

Anyways, wow, that’s been a lot of words. Take a break and then come back. Here, I’ll repeat this sentence ten times.

Anyways, wow, that’s been three thousand words. Take a break and then come back. Here, I’ll repeat this sentence nine more times so that you get the message.

Anyways, wow, that’s been three thousand and one hundred words. Take a break and then return. Here, I’ll repeat this one sentence eight more times so that you get the message.

Anyways, wow, that’s been three thousand and two hundred words. Take a break and then return. Here, I’ll repeat this one phrase seven more times so that you get the message.

Anyways, wow, that’s been three thousand and three hundred words. Take a break and then return. Watch as I repeat this one phrase six more times so that you get the message!

Anyways, wow, that’s been three thousand and four hundred words. Take a break and then return. Watch as I repeat this one phrase five more times just so that you understand the message!

Anyways, wow, that’s been three thousand and five hundred words. Take a break and then return. Watch as I repeat this one sentence four more times just so that you understand what I’m saying!

Anyways, wow, you just may have read three thousand and six hundred words. Take a break and then return. Watch as I repeat this one sentence three more times just so that you understand what I’m saying!

So, you just may have read three thousand and seven hundred words. Take a break and then return. Watch as I repeat this one sentence two more times just so that you understand what I’m saying!

So, you just may have read three thousand and eight hundred words. Take a break and then return. Watch as I repeat this one sentence one last time just so that you can sorta understand what I’m saying!

So, you just may have read three thousand and nine hundred useless words. Take a break or have a Kit-Kat™. Maybe do both.

Are you back yet from your break?

Welcome back.

Time for Part Two of my 2012 Winter Anime First Impressions Part One.

Senki Zesshou Symphogear

Did you think this being part two means that this is the better half of the season? YEAH RIGHT. Remember, this entire post is just part one of two posts. Everything in this post sucks. Including my writing. And all these anime. But the anime sucking’s a given, as you all know that all anime sucks.

Hahaha. I can just imagine your shocked little face.

Symphogear draws a strange parallel to my writing of this post. In both, the beginning is somewhat decent, but in both, everything after the beginning is crap. At the very beginning, the direction was just absolutely awesome – the feeling of the rain, the sound of the music, the squeals of the dying baby dolphins, everything just fit in perfectly. But as soon as the first person turned her face around…

…y’know, I would’ve appreciated Symphogear to live up to its expectations. To be an anime about symphony gear. An anime without people, an anime without faces, where everything is just the gentle pattering of rain on the rooftop, the flowing, melodic breeze of a flat prairie during a tornado, or maybe that tiny moment of silence before the screams start just after a nuclear warhead is dropped on an enemy encampment in Southeast China. The reason is twofold – firstly, the director really outdoes himself in directing these sorts of scenes (I’d even argue that no other director does better), and secondly, because THE ART SUCKS SHIT.

I have never before in my LIFE seen such UGLY faces in an anime produced in the TWENTY TENS, for god’s sake. We’re not living in the 1980s now! Even Yu-Gi-Oh had better art than this! Don’t even get me started on the voice actresses, either; their voices are so contrived it sounds like they’re trying to imitate trumpets in being contrived trumpets. I’d venture to make a pun between ‘contrived ‘and ‘contrabass’ but Symphogear sucks SO MUCH that i can’t even be bothered to.

The iDOLM@STER was a great success in Japan. Symphogear wanted to capitalize on that success. But the iDOLM@STER wasn’t successful because it was about idols; it was successful because, apparently, its characters were deep and stuff. What about Symphogear’s characters? You have this girl who is crying and crying and crying because her friend is dead, and ten minutes later, is in class talking to her friends about how cool the newest idol is? What the fuck? Maybe if Symphogear’s first scene wasn’t so amazing, I wouldn’t be so harsh in my criticism, but really – this anime had potential! If the entire anime were just the opening scene repeated over and over and over I wouldn’t mind because that opening scene was that awesome. But when you start going all over the place, having your main character randomly pick up little girls from the middle of nowhere, having strong female leads who are only leads because of their sexual attractiveness (why the fuck would you have to be an IDOL to fight monsters?). and having fucking pantyshots amidst shots of DEAD PEOPLE, you’re bound to create an anime that just absolutely, horrifyingly, and… uh, absolutely SUCKS. Even more than normal anime, which already sucks! That’s like sucking by 200%!

There are good gambles, and there are bad gambles. A good gamble is always betting on duke. A bad gamble is betting the future of humanity on a concert. A horrible gamble is gambling millions of dollars to produce an anime that just totally SUCKS.

The last straw was definitely the military. Remember Strike Witches? The show where there were strong female leads, who were only strong because 1) they were female 2) they were moe? That’s not how military works. Even if the only way to kill evil aliens was to put sexy girls in robots, because only girls can channel their innate sexiness into the only form of power that can pierce evil alien armour, why would they have to be so scantily clad? Why would they have to be idols? Why would they have to not wear any underwear? Why don’t they mass-produce guns that can fire female sexiness through alien armour, and distribute sexiness-firing-guns to the world’s military, instead? Why do the actual military do nothing at all?

You know what? Fuck you, anime. Fuck you and your Strike Witches and your Symphogear and your Rinne no Lagrange and your Infinite Stratos and your [insert anime about girl who kills aliens through sexiness here]. Give me a real anime, a real anime that’s about real people, who do real things. Give me an anime about the people who spent their lives researching how to channel female sexiness into a weapon to pierce alien armour. Give me an anime about the people who lost their lives testing different female sexinesses against evil aliens. Give me an anime about the people who matter, the people who make decisions, the people who do stuff, the people who MAKE STUFF HAPPEN. Fuck your soldiers. When you look back on battles, do you think of the soldiers, even if they are scantily clad sexy females? No, you don’t. You look back and remember the commanders, and the strategists, and the people who MATTER. So why would they focus on the soldiers here?

So, my conclusion.

Fuck you.

Fuck you all.

You’ve ruined anime.

For all of us.

Forever.

Senki Zesshou Symphogear Cover Rating: 2/10 (Terribad) – One-Episode Drop

Inu x Boku SS

WHO ARE YOU, HACHIKO?

This ambiguously mysteriously enigmatic phrase is uttered several times throughout the course of the episode. The funny thing is, that Hachikou was a real dog who was so faithful to his master that… HE DIDN’T EVEN NOTICE HIS MASTER DIED.

Now, let’s put that back into Inu x Boku SS context. Since the phrase is so ambiguous, mysterious, and enigmatic, it obviously is meant as foreshadowing. Thus, we can accurately predict what will happen next in Inu x Boku SS. The main character will die, and the dog character WON’T EVEN NOTICE.

Obviously, such shenanigans will never happen if the main character were male. Think about it – in every anime you’ve seen, when the male protagonist dies, do the female side characters notice? Uh, yes. That’s just logical. But in every anime you’ve seen where the female protagonist dies, does the male side character notice? Hahaha, NOPE.AVI (Madoka doesn’t count because Homura, well, isn’t male.)

Just tell me one anime where the female protagonist dies, and the male side character even REALIZES IT. Can you think of one? NOPE, cause that’s right; male side characters NEVER CARE when female protagonists die. That’s just sexist, man, and Inu x Boku SS isn’t doing much to help this sexist image of Japan. If I were a female main character and I died, I’d want the male side characters to at least notice that I’m dead. They don’t have to care that I’m dead, but they should at least notice!

Japan’s an extraordinarily rigid country. Female protagonists die on the streets by the hundreds, but all of those male side characters never notice. Fathers still regularly abuse their sons, and never take their advice, even when it’s sound. For example, recently, according to popular research, a man drove off a cliff against warnings from his son that, ‘Dad, don’t drive off a cliff first thing in the morning.’ Another, less serious example was when a man purposefully set off several hundred thousand nuclear bombs in Taiwan because they were ‘disturbing his honour’, and were ‘too noisy’, even though his son warned him multiple times that, ‘Dad, don’t set off several hundred thousand nuclear bombs in Taiwan just because they disturb your honourable sleep first thing in the morning.’ These occurrences are common-place occurrences, and occur every day, at work, at school, in homes, and on top of moon shelters.

Inu x Boku’s melodramatic dramatization of these events serve not to effect change, but to justify this patriarchal persecution. Observe the cruel treatment of this good-wishing son by his ignorant and malignant father:

Inu x Boku SS Cover Rating: 3/10 (Neutral) Two-Episode Chance

Busou Chuugakusei: Basket Army

Finally, a good anime!

Though, your definition may be different.

Definition of what? Definition of ‘good’?

No. Your definition of anime.

Basket Army is a series of five-minute long anime, with one episode releasing each month. Talk about quality.

Here, go read my post about it. I think it says a lot quand je commence à taper en français.

Busou Chuugakusei: Basket Army Cover Rating: 4/10 (Interesting)Blogging

Rinne no Lagrange

Well, I’m sure you were bored by this post. C’mon, five thousand five hundred words – that’s more words than the extended essay that I’d have to write for the Pre-International Baccalaureate program if I were accepted! I use the subjunctive mood because, heh, I doubt I’ll get in, what with my writing skills. ANYWAYS, this is the final segment of this post before you can begin to proceed to the next post (the aptly named 2012 Winter Anime First Impressions Part Two).

Even I really don’t want to bother anymore. Even the Anime Club decided not to watch this show. Not because it’s bad (notice: this is the final and thus best show in this post), but because there’s nothing to say about it!

Or maybe there is. Here, I’ll copy my notes down, raw and uncut:

– The teachers are pretty COOL, EH slaps students and not caring
– she looks like she just BEAT UP some girl and PUT HER IN HOSPITAL
– Their eyes look all over the place
– This main character is basically ‘MAIN CHARACTER THAT IS GOOD AT EVERYTHING, SMART, BEAUTIFUL, GOOD AT EVERY SPORT, STUDYING, AND HAS THE MOST FRIENDS, MOST POPULAR, and also EH pulls tennis balls out of her skirt’
– When I watch this it feels… nice, not jagged, everything flows smoothly
– Wait, is the ‘Jersey Club’ the ‘Sweats Club’ now? I thought it would at least be the ‘Sweets Club’ or something, what kind of club is this Madoka in
– So, uh, comrades of the Jersey club steal people’s clothing, wear them, and when they meet them again, strip and give their wet clothing back? COMRADES
– Lol, she may be PERFECT but she still doesn’t beat her sister
– This show is art taken to the MAX
– WAIT, WHAT THE FUCK is happening they can’t show this in anime club, almost actually exposing her vagina jesus christ
– Everything was good until that near-naked scene
– her sister is a MARINE RESEARCHER that must be CINDY CAMPBELL, nobody’s sisters are marine researchers before
– And a shower scene, y’know, sometimes fanservice is USED FOR THE PLOT: see Scamp’s post
– I mean this is artistic fanservice, and not just for titillation but I DON’T UNDERSTAND THE ART
– What the heck, she doesn’t even care when somebody just looks at her NAKED in the shower
– And Lan doesn’t even wear pants in her uniform, just panties, but WHO would design a uniform like that
– HER BIG SISTER is a COMMUNIST who ENJOYS words like ‘COMRADE’ or maybe it’s just that Commie’s subbing this
– DOn’t tell me there’s actually a world-wide Jersey/Sweats Club?
– And the jersey club are just people who always carry seven pairs of jerseys in their backpack so if they ever strip down naked to their swimsuits (which they always wear underneath) and somebody steals their clothes, they’ll still have some clothes?
– I mean, there are main characters who have no personality at all
– OH NO EVIL SPACE ALIENS that look like humans have come to EARTH from DEMETRIA and Earth is their PROMISED LAND and they can BREATHE IN SPACE and wear NORMAL UNIFORMS

– Wow, there’s a strangely weird effect about MOONWALKING on the MOON
– I think her sister is especially ‘FUCK’
– Finally a robot that’s not a mecha
– But lol, it was just reflected, that’s just cheap
– Y’know, I don’t think there were many anime with female protagonists last season, but there are so many now
– Madoka really can’t read the mood, evil aliens are about to win and she’s all nonchalant and not worrying at all, maybe she’s just shocked
– Lol ‘We’ll handle the pilothing. You just have to sit in the cockpit.’
– This is competently directed, really. You can see the balance they strike between EVERYTHING
– If their alien why would they have human structures
– Lol, it’s just a bike
– NO FUCK SHIT CRAP DARN IT’S ACTUALLY A MECHA OH MY FUCK AND IT HAS HIGH HEELS FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FOR GETTING MY HOPES UP FUCK YOU DIE DIE DIE
– FUCK I HATE YOU ALL FUCK YOU DIE JESUS CHRIST
– Robots being human is just stupid because you can do shit like kendo moves which don’t make sense since the head shouldn’t be its weak point, and if anything, the ground underneath the robot should just die
– AND FUCK THIS ED, THE HELLO! IS IN COMIC SANS
– and I mean the Ed is FLYING CHAIRS what the heck?
– Why do all lame female protagonists go ‘EHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH’, you know there are a lot of bad shows that have female protagonists: Kill Me Baby, Recorder to Randoseru Do♪, Poyopoyo Kansatsu Nikki, Rinne no Lagrange, Senki Zesshou Symphogear, perhaps Busou Chuugakusei: Basket Army, Black★Rock Shooter (TV), and Inu x Boku SS. Maybe I’m just not a girl or something because all these anime SUCK and all the anime with male protagonists don’t? Y’know I keep on saying ‘we need more anime with female protagonists’ but I think all those anime suck, so… either I’m hypocritical or there just aren’t any good anime with female protagonists
– I mean last season only had Ika Musume, tamayura, chihayafuru, last exile as anime with female leads, and 2010 spring only had mitsudomoe (which hardly counts), strike witches 2 (which hardly counts), and occult academy – MAYBE. that’s four and three (I’ll say 1 and a half cause those three hardly count), and this season has EIGHT, almost a full HALF of all halfway decent shows


“But I thought this anime was… good?”

It is. It’s good. But not much else. This opinion is COMPLETELY UNBIASED, trust me!! It’s not like I hate mecha shows with a burning passion or anything like that!! Seriously! I probably ought to catch up on the rest of this season, now…

Rinne no Lagrange Cover Rating: 4/10 (Good) Three-Episode Test

There was once a Lord, Lord Ye. Lord Ye said he liked dragons, and everybody knew that he liked dragons – he had posters of dragons, posters who posted about dragons, posts about dragons, bedposts about dragons, the whole shebang. One day, a dragon caught word that Lord Ye liked dragons. Excited, the dragon rushed into Lord Ye’s house, sure that Lord Ye would welcomingly welcome him.

Lord Ye saw the dragon, turned purple with fear, and immediately sprinted away.

This is me when an anime (or rather, eight) has a female lead. Mull about that for a while.

Now, a conclusion. This season seems to suck, judging from first impressions. However, do not fear – this is simply the sucky half of this season. Tune over to Part Two of my 2012 Winter Anime First Impressions (yes, I realized I already linked that up somewhere there) and restore your faith in anime! Because from reading this post, the only conclusion I can definitively make is:

[ANIME SUCKS]

16 responses

  1. [It’s especially sad for J.C. Staff. They’re doing badly, everybody hates them]

    I like them.Now what? /// ~Hahahahaha!

    [[SPOILER ALERT: EVERY ANIME IN THIS POST SUCKS]]

    More or less…

    I don’t know about the others,but I really don’t like Highschool DxD.When I watched some episodes I felt like I’m naked hobo and people were throwing stones at me.It was terrible…

    2012/02/03 at 02:05

  2. Noc

    I feel the exact same when it comes to all these stupid anime about moe girls who fight things. Up ’till now I’d been ignoring their existence to keep myself happy, but my rage got so bad while reading your post that I actually felt nauseous lol. I just hate them all so much! Such a waste of time and money! Even all the fan service shows that aren’t about girls fighting get on my nerves these days. My disgust might come from being female, but even as a guy I’d like to think that I’d be sick of it all by now.

    2012/02/03 at 17:09

  3. I really don’t like everything!

    What do you like about J.C. Staff?! What can you like about J.C. Staff?! You know that J.C. stands for ‘just crappiness’, right? :(

    2012/02/03 at 18:46

  4. I mean, I understand people breaking out of the ‘sexism’ of only having men fight, but when females fight, they should fight because of their own strength, not because they’re a girl! All this anime about ‘this girl is strong… because she’s a girl’ is pretty degrading imo. It’s like saying, ‘Hey, if you’re a girl, you’re only strong because you’re a girl, and not because of your own effort! Also you have to flash your panties everywhere because THIS. IS. ANIME!’

    …yeah. Maybe anime’s just too male-centric, but the female audience definitely is growing. I wonder what’ll happen in the future with this? Will the sexism be eliminated, or will it continue, catering specifically-female things to females and specifically-male things to males?

    tl;dr: we’re getting angry over foreign cartoons -_-;;

    2012/02/03 at 18:49

  5. I like them because everyone else hates them.Actually I don’t think that there is an anime stuido that I don’t like.It’s probably because I use to compare others with me.For example: J.C.Staff makes anime,people know about them and the studio gets money for that.——-I don’t do anything.People don’t know and ignore me.I get money for working in stupid places and those money barely enough for me to make a livin’.

    Oh,I can go on!People say that their animation sucks.But they CAN make something while we can’t.They work on something while we sit down and complain about shit.

    It’s not a matter of personal opinions and criticism.The true fact is that people these days are spoiled,arrogant,with no tolerance towards anything.

    2012/02/03 at 21:36

  6. Eh, your opinion, I guess. I also happen to like Horizon and not Majikoi because everybody hates Horizon and Majikoi. Yet, I still don’t like Majikoi because it sucks.

    In case your second point was intended to criticize criticism, here’s my criticism of your criticism of criticism – ignoring the ‘b-b-but I was comparing J.C. Staff to [insert better studio here]! b-baka onii-chan!’ line, even if we are inferior to them (protip: we are), that doesn’t mean that our criticisms are invalid. Politicians are generally, much smarter than we are – if they were dumber than we are, then it would be easy to become a politician, because all you have to be is smarter than the stupid politicians. Yet, because being a politician pays so well, everybody would want to become a politician, and eventually, only the smartest people would become politicians. Yet, we constantly criticize their actions. Are our criticisms invalid? No, because even if we don’t have the technical expertise, we can still see that some things most people do, and most things some people do, is stupid. As a famously crappy anime once said: “Humans are just human. They come into this world, filled with dreams, and aspirations! They want it all! And try to use the power of the universe, the Earth, and the spirits!”

    Even though I don’t have the skills to say that I can make a better anime than that, I do have the knowledge of other, better anime to say that that anime was crappy.

    tl;dr: why are so many people coming into my blog from yours :(

    2012/02/03 at 23:50

  7. [that doesn’t mean that our criticisms are invalid.]

    Yes it is!People have way too much freedom and this is not good for our society.You see,with the freedom comes the bad influence.The bad influence affects people.People become bad.Bad people do stupid things.Politicians nuke poor countries.Politicians steal from poor countries.What kind of politician are you?

    There’s no better nor crappy anime.It’s just us!We are the crap people.People should choose for themselves and not follow the ideas of the massive criticism,created by robot aliens.

    [why are so many people coming into my blog from yours ]

    I don’t know.Why did you ate all the sugar for the tea?HA!Now that’s a sticky situation!

    (I don’t know why,but I got around 350 views for my blog.Maybe it is because I told someone or some people about my blog and…yours…and Neko’s…and the other blogs and links in my…car truck…

    2012/02/04 at 00:54

  8. Who are you telling? They come like the black plague – invisible, yet always there. None of them even try to comment! They probably all think my blog sucks.

    Also: you don’t get it, anime IS aliens. Look, they’re anagrams:

    anime
    aimen
    amien
    alien

    SEE THAT? conclusive evidence, animes are aliens

    2012/02/04 at 01:09

  9. Noc

    But you see, girls generally enjoy shows with female protagonists as well as male ones, while guys usually only like the shows with male protagonists- so while there might be some sort of ‘go girl power’ train of thought when making all of these crappy shows, I think its just a thinly veiled attempt to draw boys into watching more shows about girls, thus upping the viewership count for anime overall. This might eventually backfire though, since the rest of the female viewers might end up the same as me- totally disgusted.

    But yeah- it would be really great to see an anime series where the female protagonist is depicted as strong without being subjected to the usual fanservice treatments. The only show I’ve seen like that to date is good ol’ Slayers, where the lead character was one of the strongest humans in that universe and didn’t have to flash her panties to be recognized as such. Ah, those were the days…sadly its popularity has died down now, as expected of a hardcore fantasy series. The number of viewers interested in it would never reach the same height as the mainstream shows.

    When one of my main sources of everyday entertainment goes to shit, I can’t help but be angry lol

    2012/02/04 at 03:54

  10. Then again, there are more ‘shounen shoujo’ shows, like the Prince of Tennis, that are about more athletic, masculine things (tennis), yet apparently have ‘hot guys’ that are supposed to attract girls into watching. I guess there might be ‘fanservice’ with that main character (who’s a guy) too? I just find it harder to pick out male fanservice than female fanservice, seeing as men don’t, uh, flash their underwear or take off all their clothes or anything. :|

    2012/02/04 at 04:11

  11. [They come like the black plague – invisible, yet always there.]

    MEXICANS!

    [Dat link]

    Dammit!The same idea corssed my mind as well,but I was too lazy and tired to do it.

    2012/02/04 at 11:55

  12. JESUS CHRIST I just got another wave of SEVEN HUNDRED AND SIXTY-EIGHT PEOPLE this time. Holy crap who the heck are you talking to flare

    2012/02/05 at 01:44

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