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Mouretsu Pirates 5

Hey guys! I’m a person who (self admittedly) hasn’t even viewed the majority of the material they’re bashing! And I’ll prove it, by publishing the next Mouretsu Pirates post… THREE DAYS BEFORE IT AIRS. I wish I’d did this with Ore no Kouhai or Horizon or something, but I’ve written enough Kurimagane Posts (that were written before I viewed the majority of the material) to compensate for that.

Anyways, look forward to it~

But for now, I’m going to be bashing Mouretsu Pirates after having viewed the episode. Problem is, I can’t even bash Mouretsu Pirates, because there’s nothing to bash! Except for Marika. But I’ve already done that. I knew I should’ve blogged Highschool DxD or something, but I’m already so late into this season that I can’t even watch those bad shows because of limited time. :(

Here, I’ll start harping on gravity this post, then. I think it’ll be an occasion that’s especially…


Anyways, as you can see by the above image, there’s clearly gravity on board the Odette II. Why? Well, for one, it’s a big-ass ship, it’s like 100 times the length of the smaller Space Federation military ships. Furthermore, it’s cylindrical for a reason – it obviously spins to provide centrifugal force, forcing objects to the rim of the spaceship and simulating light gravity. The only way to create stronger gravity is by spinning the outside faster, which is done either by, uh, spinning the outside at a faster rate, or by increasing the size of the ship, and spinning the outside at the same rate. In fact, huge, miles-long ships like Gundam AGE’s Nora spin at an exceptionally slow rate, but the outside (relative to some fixed point in space) is actually spinning quite fast – just like how the Earth spins at a slow rate (24 hours just to spin around once? I can spin around five times in a second!) but spins quite fast (>1600km/h at the equator).

What I’m saying is – Odette II has gravity at the rim.

The centre of Odette II doesn’t spin as much as the rim, so there’s no centrifugal force there – and thus, no gravity. The centre’s probably the ‘hallway’, where everybody floats to and from their rooms. Next to the centre are probably bedrooms, where people can sleep while strapped down into beds, or in sleeping bags glued to the floor or something, so that zero gravity isn’t a problem. Then, on the rim are the offices, the infirmary, the lunch room, the break room, the party room, and all that. But what about the control centre? The control centre is too big and spherical to be on the rim of the Odette II. It’s probably at the very top, near where the masts are. But wait! The control centre is too small to provide centrifugal force! Even if it did have centrifugal force, everybody would be pulled towards the sides of the room! And it obviously doesn’t have gravity, seeing as Marika just floated for two minutes while talking about strategy there.

What I’m saying is – the control centre of the Odette II doesn’t have gravity.

…so how are they pulled down into their seats? Why don’t their hair go all over the place? And most of all…

…why are they wearing miniskirts?

Other than that, the physics seem to be pretty cool. I’m not a physics guy (ask flomu for that). I didn’t even know that centrifugal force wasn’t a force, but have since been enlightened that indeed, centrifugal force is not a force, and would be better referred to as simply ‘centrifugal’. I’m more of a common guy. A guy with common sense is what I mean. And common sense can do a lot these days, especially with uncommon anime. Anime without common sense is what I mean.

For one, why is it better to be closer to the sun in space combat? Does the sun even effect the battle at all? Sure, it gives you extra energy, but does extra solar energy matter in battle? It’ll hardly interfere with radar and the like, and nobody uses optical sights. For two, how is travelling on the WRONG SIDE OF A PLANET within the error margin of a flight plan?! That’s like, several tens of thousands of kilometres of discrepancy. Of of of.

For three, why does morning/midnight matter? When the girls are all, ‘HEY GUYS gonna happen in MIDNIGHT instead of MORNING’, they’re obviously insinuating (behold: oxymorons) that there’s a difference between the two. What difference? They can easily alter their sleep schedules so that morning and midnight are switched. It’s like being in an airplane – you don’t know whether it’s morning or midnight outside the airplane if all the windows are closed and you’re too lazy to check your watch. Neither does it matter if it’s morning or midnight outside, since you’re in the plane and not outside. If you’re in space, who cares if it’s morning or midnight on Earth! The sun will keep shining, the planets will keep spinning, and I’ll keep writing lame posts.

For four, how would they calculate morning/midnight, anyways? What’s the chance that the Sea of the Morningstar’s rotation speed is the same as Earth’s; exactly 24 hours? Maybe 24-hours is just a standard; maybe days on the Sea of the Morningstar are 36 hours long, but everybody spends it in 12-hour periods. Who knows? Certainly not the producers of Mouretsu Pirates, with their current track record of miniskirts and track suits and their one-track mind of tracking trackers and y’know


dammy systems

I never understood erectronic warfare. Maybe I’m just a DAMMY or something. Firstly, why can’t you just block all connections to your ship to avoid ceding control? Secondly, if you couldn’t block connections to your ship for whatever reason, why can’t you just shut down your computers, like what Lightning 11 did? Then, erectronic warfare’s a non-issue. Thirdly, erectronic warfare is about hacking – what can non-hackers do? I understand that the vice-president’s a hacker, so that makes sense. What about the crew of the Lightning 11? If they wanted to start warring erectronically, they must have a competent hacker on board, right? So why couldn’t he pierce a generic anti-virus program? If not even trained hackers can defeat simple, commercially available anti-virus programs… what’s the point of having hackers in the first place? Then again, the Odette II is indeed a military-grade pirate ship; their erectronic warfare systems are probably stronger than the general generic anti-virus system. Thanks to Joojoobees for pointing that out; the thought just never crossed my mind :(

Fourthly, what’s with all of the lame poems? Are they sending poems back and forth while waging erectronic warfare? Is defeating people with poems the true thrust of erectronic warfare? Or is everybody just Japanese (yep, that Jenny Dolittle girl, native Japanese girl there)? I’d like to see the history of Mouretsu Pirates; how the war 120 years ago ‘unexpectedly ended’ (according to the first episode’s opening narration), how the first explorers came into the heavens, how the first faster-than-light communications were developed, and how Japan apparently took over the world and forced everybody to speak Japanese, but retain their non-Japanese names. Which, uh, makes lots of sense! Y’know. Those Japanese.

Fifthly, why would anybody bother computing a ‘map’ of invaded ‘areas’ in erectronic warfare? It makes it seem like a game, not like real hacking. Real hacking is boring shit that nobody wants to do because a) it’s boring b) it’s shit c) did I mention that it’s boring? Real hacking is about cracking a password and changing one thing in the enemy’s data, then creeping out unnoticed. It’s not ‘HEY I TOOK OVER THIS PART OF YOUR SHIP AND IT’S DISPLAYED AS A MAP ON MY SCREEN’. Why is the map a ship with masts, anyways? It’s not like each mast symbolizes a different part of the ship. There’s only one central computer in the ship anyways; how do you assess how much the enemy has ‘invaded’ your one computer? (If there were multiple computers, they could make their computers stand-alone and thus not be affected by erectronic warfare at all, but they don’t do that – thus, there has to be only one computer).

tl;dr: erectronic warfare is serious business

P.S. The funny part is, erectronic warfare did nothing at all. I like how Marika just basically said, ‘screw technology!’ and used the sun to, uh, blind her opponent? :/ they could just switch to infrared and target the place where all the sunlight is being reflected off of… and besides, why couldn’t their infrared sensors sense the engines in the Odette II (if their engines weren’t on, the girls would freeze to death)?

“Damn! You were supposed to use your eye? I knew I was doing it wrong!” *pulls foot out of targeting scope*

P.P.S. @ELX, since you don’t have an e-mail or site to contact you by, and since infesting other people’s blogs with counter-arguments is apparently considered impolite, especially if there is no argument in the first place and it was all just a misunderstanding, and also since I’m too much of a pussy to bring this up to Enzo himself directly because a) I’m too much of a pussy b) I don’t own any dogs c) I’m not a Tasmanian dust bunny, I’d just like to point out to you two things:

A census taker in the 1100s does not know that around half of all Asians are male. To prove that around half of all Asians are male, you’d have to
take a full census of every single Asian and see if they’re male or not – impossible in the 12th century. After all, a simple sample semple somple sumple approach wouldn’t work. Say you took a sample of 2,000,000 Asians, and found that exactly 1,000,000 were male. From this, you could guess that half of all Asians are male – but wait! What if Asia’s population was 10,000,000, and the other 8,000,000 Asians were female? Then, only one-tenth of all Asians are male! Clearly, simply taking a random sample of people isn’t enough to prove that half of all Asians are indeed male! You have to take a census of every single Asian to be able to prove that!

That was two things, right? It was one thing? Well, I’m bad at counting. You know me. No, you don’t. If you followed my blog, you would know me. Then, you can tell me how I (self-admittedly) haven’t even viewed the majority of the material I’m bashing. I’m not sure whether that refers to my posts on Majikoi/Horizon/Ben-To/Mouretsu Pirates/Ore no Kouhai/Black Rock Shooter or my posts on anime in general. I think it’s my posts on anime in general. As you all know, I hate anime because it sucks, and it sucks because I hate it.

P.P.P.S. Seriously though, I really did word that comment badly. I guess it’s all about the mood you feel when writing a comment, and the mood they feel when reading a comment. If you’re feeling angry while writing something, no matter how hard you try to feel content, your writing will still feel angry. If you’re feeling exuberant when writing something, no matter how hard you try to feel sad, your writing will still feel exuberant. If they’re feeling depressed while reading something, no matter how hard they try, they’ll read the comment as being dejected whining. If they’re feeling furious while reading something, no matter how hard they try, they’ll read the comment as being caustic criticism. Wording also makes a the difference! ‘I desperately think that Mouretsu Pirates is an enthusiastic anime,’ is completely different from ‘I enthusiastically think that Mouretsu Pirates is a desparate anime’, which is completely different from ‘Ducks and geese don’t mix together like mooses don’t.’ The funny thing is that mooses isn’t a word. Neither is ‘desparate’. Why my spellchecker didn’t catch ‘desparate’, I will never know.

tl;dr: internet misunderstandings: SERIOUS BUSINESS

P.P.P.P.S. God how many tl;drs and P.S.s did I write? Anyways, notice how Marika says ‘Mother’ at the end, instead of ‘Ririka-san’. THIS IS IMPORTANT SOMEHOW, I DON’T KNOW HOW BUT I KNOW IT. QUOTE ME ON THIS

plea s.

8 responses

  1. [Tag:Images]

    Sure is Captain Potato in here. <_<

    2012/02/08 at 01:11

  2. Hi, my name is ‘whoops I forgot to watch the episode before I bashed this material’

    2012/02/08 at 03:43

  3. Don’t worry. All your questions will be answered… in a very round-about way.

    2012/02/09 at 12:43


    I just can’t figure out what it was a pun about

    A wise quote: “Everything in life is a pun. You just need to find it.”

    2012/02/10 at 01:54

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