O-New: Now Extinct Website

Single Hell, Single Hell, for Two Years (and Counting)

Yep, I’ve been single.

For two years now.

Exactly two years.

Apart from those few kids who wrote some posts last last summer.

And houraiguy, of course, but as he says:

“””O-New is a very unteamlike blog.”””

But it’s been two years of posting one post, every day, without pause. This is my 670th post.

It’s been tough, and I can’t hold on much longer.

So, we’re looking for YOU.

To write for O-NEW.

I really can’t find anything to say in this post. We’re (I’m) looking for writers of any ability, any age, any gender, any sexual orientation, any writing style, any topic, and any sentient race of animals provided that said sentient race of animals is both humanoid and human. If you are a plant, a fungus, or a fungi, apply as well! Simply through the act of applying, you demonstrate your ability to write for this blog.

Who cares if you suck at writing? Who cares if you just can’t read! Who cares if you ‘re not exciting?! Well, neither am I, you see. Nobody will try to apply! Nobody will read this post! Yes, this news does make me cry… but at least you can boast. About what? About the pride of writing for O-NEW. As long as you applied, we’ll gladly accept you! By we’ll I mean I and FUCK RHYMING I HATE RHYMING JESUS CHRIST RHYMING SHOULD DIE.

But seriously. Benefits of writing for O-NEW include nothing, but we won’t force you to write a set number of posts every week or something. You can write about WHATEVER you want, WHENEVER you want, with WHOMEVER you want, HOWEVER you want, WHEREVER you want, but WHYEVER would you want to write for O-NEW in the first place?!

Anyways, now for a change of pace. why is this post late? Why is this post an exact copy of the previous version of yesterday’s Valentine’s Day post? Why would it be better to put ‘Single Hell’ on this post instead of on yesterday’s Valentine’s Day post? Why am I still asking these questions, knowing that if anybody chooses to respond, they will respond after this post is completed, and thus responding will serve no purpose?

Well, you see. I BACKED my back when I was playing volleyball and doing the limbo. First, I did the limbo, which stretched my back. Then I played volleyball backwards and almost did a reverse German suplex, except when you do a reverse German suplex, you’re smashing somebody’s face into the ground while looking cool, not breaking your back and looking stupid.

Granted, my back’s not actually broken. It just hurts a bit. But being the hypochondriac that I am, I’m getting my back checked because my back pains are BACK. Hahaha. Those were the back pains BACK last summer when I was preparing to go BACK to school. HahahaBACKhaha. Anyways, I’m going to go to the chiropractor right now, and after that, going straight to my piano lessons, so… that’s why this post is late. Now that I’m BACK from the chiropractor and playing BACH at my piano lessons, I’ve found out that, whoops, my back is actually broken.

I waited for an entire hour at the chiropractor’s waiting room until the chiropractor came into chiropract my back. He used his hands and cracked my back BACK in place. The entire procedure took thirty seconds. It hurt approximately thirty times more than the pain I received when I did the limbo and almost did a reverse german suplex by breaking my back.

tl;dr: this is why so many posts are two sentences long and late. So apply TODAY and write like the WAY my mother would PRAY my chiropractor to SAY. Just talk to me THROUGH the comment-box QUEUE and since applications will be FEW, we’ll definitely accept YOU!

So write for O-NEW.

Today.

Now.

Yesterday.

Two years ago.

7 responses

  1. Yi

    Getting more writers is totally the new cool thing! Good luck~ ^ ^

    2012/02/16 at 20:29

  2. I’LL NEED MORE LUCK THAN JUST GOOD LUCK

    I NEED LIKE

    TWELVE THOUSAND TIMES THE LUCK OF THE LUCKIEST PERSON IN THE WORLD

    2012/02/16 at 20:46

  3. Don’t worry bro

    2012/02/17 at 01:50

  4. why are you not, like dead

    2012/02/17 at 07:20

  5. lalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalala

    2012/02/23 at 02:18

  6. go away

    2012/02/23 at 02:55

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