O-REW 9: Loli Salad

Were you expecting a post? Hahaha, THERE IS NONE. There would be, if I had more than 2 minutes to write something today, but I don’t because I’m going away for the rest of today to do suspicious secretive things that Mushyrulez would do. There also would be, if you applied to write for O-New, in which case, your post would be here, and not this post which IS NOT A POST because it has no content.

ts;dr: Loli Salad is about salads. Of lolis. EXCEPT IT DOESN’T. I started reading Loli Salad expecting to find SALADS of LOLICONS, because I’m secretly an FBI agent (like all anibloggers on the Internet) who wants to arrest as many lolicons as possible. Instead, I get a blog… about MUSIC. Who even LIKES music, anyways?! C’mon, music?!

You’d think that after eight O-REW‘s, I’d have gotten the hang of this already, but nope. Let’s just make this short and bitter, because by Madoka I hate sweet stuff. It rots my sweet tooth. Sweet Tooth and Hella Gums

Anyways, Loli Salad is a blog, just like Baka-Raptor. Why am I reviewing a blog instead of, say, a USEFUL website like learn.dvorak.nl? Well, Loli Salad is one of the few blogs out there that has O-NEW on their blogroll. DAMN RIGHT, Loli Salad has US, O-NEW on their blogroll!! There are only, like, five sites in the UNIVERSE that have O-New on their blogroll. If you’re reading this post right now and thinking, “Gee whiz, I’d really love to have this Mushyrulez faggot write an O-REW on my blog,” all you have to do is add O-NEW to your blogroll!!! Exclamation marks!!

You must be scrolling down Loli Salad’s right sidebar and wondering, “Where the well is O-New?! I see no O-New on their blogroll!” It’s under the ‘Bros’ section of the ‘Links’ section of the ‘Sidebar’ on the ‘Website’ on the ‘Internet’ out in ‘Space’. Why? Because I am as charitable as a Big Brother, and so, obviously, many consider me their Big Brother.

I keep on saying ‘they’ and ‘their’ and ‘there’ and ‘they’re’ towards Loli Salad’s authors, but WOAH, SHOCK!! Loli Salad only has ONE AUTHOR!! Fang-tan is the despotic ruler of Loli Salad, who engages in many evil acts such as tanning her fangs. That’s just, like, creepy. Who tans their fangs? Who has tangs in the first place?! Some people have fangs, sure, but what’s a tang?!??

Nevertheless, one must begrudgingly respect Loli Salad, as it has a far greater readership than whatever backwoods blog you poor fellas may write for, unless you’re Baka-Raptor, in which case Loli Salad may not have a far greater readership than whatever blog Baka-Raptor writes for. Loli Salad was founded in 2007; in other words, over forty-thousand hours ago. Similarly, it has a spate of active viewers, with over 25 people voting on their latest poll. If I created a poll here in O-New, less than ten people would vote. Even if all regular viewers to O-New decided to vote that day (not gonna happen), our numbers won’t exceed half the numbers of the minimum number of voters who voted at Loli Salad. Which is why we don’t do polls here. If we did, I’d be heartbroken. Flare and the others would probably just be slightly bemused at my incredulity. That was a bad choice of words.

You still don’t know what Loli Salad is about, do you? Were you expecting it be about a salad of lolis? Were you expecting some tasteless child pornography there, hmmm? Well, YOU’RE WRONG because CHILD PORNOGRAPHY IS ILLEGAL. >:|

Instead, apparently, I guess Loli Salad’s a music review site now or something. They review music. I keep on saying ‘they’ even though, as I said, they only have one writer – but there I go again with the they. It’s Fri-they, Fri-they, Fri-they, ohhh (no, it’s not.)

So. Umm. Yeah. That’s it. Nice review, eh? Let’s go up for an old-fashioned summary because I just know how you love those things. You, singular, not plural, because there’s only one person reading this post, and that’s me.

• Loli Salad is a blog about music;
• It also sometimes talks about anime;
• There’s only one author;
• They have me on their blogroll.

Sums up the site pretty nicely, eh? Az sum guba. *watches as flare’s brain explodes in shame and sadness*