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Mouretsu Pirates 11

It’s time for MUSHY’S SEMI-WEEKLY ANIME POST! It’s time to GET YA GUNS ON, because we’re BLASTING OFF for a journey into CYBERSPACE!!

I liked this episode.

You are now thinking, “WOAH! BUT HE HATED LAST EPISODE! WHAT A STUPID TSUNDERE!”. Let me correct you: a) I am not stupid, b) I am not a tsundere, c) I did not hate last episode, and d) You did not think, “WOAH! BUT HE HATED LAST EPISODE! WHAT A STUPID TSUNDERE!”.

I merely wanted to point out some of the flaws in Mouretsu Pirates’s logic, especially around space travel. Here, sorted by ability to be explained, A Numerical List!

  1. Why can the Bentenmaru withstand faster-than-light travel? (Possible Explanation: why can a car withstand 30km/h travel? I don’t know why I even asked myself this question…)
  2. Why can they hold holographic messages when holograms are projected by light shining onto the object, yet their hands are not covering the light?? (Possible Explanation: that’s not a hologram, you retard! I mean, me retard!)
  3. Why is there lightning in outer space if lightning is a current of charged particles travelling through a dense medium and there are no dense media in outer space? (Possible Explanation: that’s not lightning, me retard! Ooga booga me retard.)
  4. Why is the space so purple if, well, space is black? (Possible Explanation: the Bentenmaru’s monitors and windows don’t see only in the visible spectrum, but the whole electromagnetic spectrum, false-coloured to show which radiation is visible, which is infrared, which are gamma rays, etc.)
  5. Why are there clouds in outer space if there’s, well, there’s no clouds in outer space? (Possible Explanation: that’s not clouds, that’s space radiation seen when passing by it at close to the speed of light, causing it to be massively blue-shifted. Except, wait, it’s red-shifted as it moves towards us, which doesn’t make sense even if they weren’t clouds!!)

  6. Princess Gruier is starting to have some doubts about Mouretsu Pirates’s logic! Let’s go on one step further phenomena which can’t be as easily explained!

  7. How can the Bentenmaru detect weapons being fired if they travel faster-than-light? If a faster-than-light truck crashed into you, you’d only see the truck in front of you /after/ it crashed into you… (Possible Explanation: their radar also travels faster-than-light – if a massive weapon can travel faster-than-light, massless electromagnetic radiation should travel even faster than that, and so the radar bounces back and tells the crew that the weapon is on its way.)
  8. The Queen Serendipity, Serenity’s first spaceship, was somehow lost for (presumably) thousands of years, never to be found by the Serenity government; yet, Marika and the Bentenmaru find the ship within a year (or even a month?!); (Possible Explanation: the Serenity government didn’t care, or because the Serenity government is actually already on the ship, and already controls its actions in some sort of weird political charade. There might currently be a Serenity civil war, and the rebelling faction has control of the Queen Serendipity, skilfully evading Serenity’s capture but accepting Bentenmaru as a possible ally.)
  9. How can Serenity be an unmodified planet if it has earthling trees, lakes, water, atmosphere, climate, and clouds? How can we not have run into some silicon-based or arsenic-based planet yet? (Possible Explanation: well, nobody would want to colonize a silicon-based or arsenic-based planet, so obviously, the only planets humans live on are carbon/oxygen-based ones. Luck of the draw? Perhaps Serenity is the only Earth-like planet in the entire Galactic Empire…)
  10. The Queen Serendipity does not have an FTL drive, yet, it can warp through space-time; (Possible Explanation: somebody (Serenity government/rebels?) installed an FTL drive on it after it became a ghost ship.)
  11. How can you not defeat an enemy ship merely by sending thousands of heat-seeking faster-than-light advanced missiles at them? (Possible Explanation: missiles? in 30XX? Hahahahahahah-)
  12. How does faster-than-light travel even work?! (Click the link for details; Possible Explanation is in a reply to the comment, thanks Passerby~!)
  13. How is there gravity in the Bentenmaru anyways when it’s not even rotating? (Possible Explanation: SCIENCE has created ADVANCED GRAVITY PADS that INDUCE MASS in the rim of the ship through EXOTIC GRAVITONS that force its passengers to fall towards the ‘ground’. No, I don’t know what I’m talking about. Alternatively: everyone’s a robot and the floor is magnetized.)

  14. Yes, now it’s starting to get simply ~shocking~. However, all the previous are still easily explained. Let’s move on to the cream of the crop – questions that fundamentally don’t make any physical, logical, emotional, or spiritual sense. I have six spiritual senses

  15. The crew members cover a card table with a trap tarp/tablecloth. They also tie down floating objects to the wall. But wait – there’s gravity on the Bentenmaru, so nothing should be floating, and what would a tablecloth do against SPATIAL DISTORTION?! (Possible Explanation: spatial distortion doesn’t affect cloth, because cloth is simply ~magical~)
  16. Kane remarks at the beginning that Marika’s café is quite anachronistic, without androids and shit. Why are there no androids and shit on the Bentenmaru? (Possible Explanation: they flush all of the shit out into space.)
  17. As I said last post, something travelling at faster-than-light (a tachyon) will seem to come out of nowhere like the space-warping ships of Mouretsu Pirates; however, you’ll see the tail end of it trailing to catch up all at once as the light particles reach your eye, and then separate into two separate ships, just like how a sonic boom will reach your ear. Yet, in Mouretsu Pirates, the ships just vanish into nothingness?? (Possible Explanation: WARP ZONE!)
  18. Why are the passengers of the Bentenmaru not deformed by faster-than-light travel (see: Hitchhiker’s Guide) when the ENTIRE FUCKING HALLS are?!
  19. Finally, the most important question of them all. How do you do a curtsey WEARING A MINISKIRT?! (Impossible Explanation)
  20. Bonus Question! How does Gruier compress her hair into those little strands when she has a full head of it?! (Possible Explanation: she’s a cancer patient and perpetually wears a wig. Possible Explanation 2: self-defence, that hair is strong, flexible, dense, heavy, and sharp as fuck.)

So, that was a lot of questions. Let’s summarize them:

Q: Why do I not understand what’s happening?
A: I’m an idiot.

Q: How can this happen?
A: Science.

Q: What is happening?
A: It doesn’t actually matter. The only thing that matters in Mouretsu Pirates is the plot – not the plot devices.

Some say that Mouretsu Pirates is hard science fiction. I beg to differ – how is any of this hard at all? As you can see, I like my hard science fiction hard. Wait, that’s not what I mean by that, don’t cut me off n-

The next item on our agenda of critiques – Marika. Actually, this isn’t a critique. This is a pointing-out of how ~excellent~ Mouretsu Pirates deals with things. Like Kane, in this horrible, horrible post by Shinmaru. It’s horrible because the sunglasses are just, like, FLOATING on his face. I guess that makes sense in zero gravity, but as I said, there’s gravity on this ship, so why the sunglasses are floating is beyond me.

Marika is awesome. She’s the driving force behind this entire show. She’s probably the deepest character this season, with a stunning FOUR layers of personality!! Let’s see what I mean by that…

One’s first impression of Marika is that of a bumbling idiot. While everyone else around her are dead serious about everything, everything about seriousness, or dead, she’s just SO EASYGOING! She even admits, herself, that she’s a little air-headed. This is an interesting choice of protagonist, having an unreliable narrator. I already wrote a post about this layer (search for ‘protagonist’ in the post), so I won’t bother delving into this too… DEEPLY. Heh.

One’s second impression of Marika is that, well, she’s faking it. Somebody who admits to being an airhead can’t really be an airhead. She’s faking everything, just like Ryuugamine in Durarara!! (who knew that he was so BADASS at the end?!). And it’s completely possible – look at how Ryuugamine pulled it off. More details here (search ‘protagonist’ to get to the relevant section), and we’ll be moving on.

One’s third impression of Marika is that although she’s faking being an airhead, she’s not actually a genius. This is the point I want to dwell the most on. She felt great.

Half of all posts I’ve read out there talk about how smart Marika is, how she’s fit to be a captain, how she just knows everything, but WAIT. Really? Some persons are already expressing doubts about a high schooler being so proficient at this art. And indeed they ought to – watch closely.

What happens every time Marika ‘makes’ a ‘decision’?

The crew members chuckle.

Why do they chuckle?

Because it’s not actually Marika’s ‘decision’. The crew members chuckle because they’ve successfully bred Marika into ‘making’ those decisions; decisions that were already made long beforehand. These were decisions the crew members slowly injected into Marika’s brain, with constant lessons, drills, and practice. This whole mission is nothing more than a training voyage for Marika. Marika’s decisions are all by-the-book – literally, since there actually is a book of how to properly operate a pirating business. I’ll bet the book actually does say, ‘if your ship is being attacked from all directions by an elite interstellar military, run away.’ These decisions are all pretty simple ones.

However, when a rip appears in space-time? Obviously, beginners wouldn’t know how to deal with that, and the pirating manual probably doesn’t tell you how to deal with space-time distortions. So what did Marika do?


Absolutely nothing.

She sat there, stunned by fear, and whereas before, the crew members all waited for Marika’s ‘decisions’ before doing anything, this time, they just made their own decisions, entirely ignoring Marika’s ignorant pleas. They didn’t even turn to look at Marika – there was no need, since she’s just an apprentice. And Marika, even after she overcame the initial shock, all of her decisions were pointless ones, even ones that were detrimental to the ship’s safety. When the real emergency comes, there’s all pretences are thrown away; Marika’s just a little girl, after all.

That’s three layers. What about the fourth one?

This is a more optimistic one – that Marika really is fit to be a great pirate captain, the first female pirate captain since BLASTER RIRIKA. This is my hope that after enough emergencies, situations, and incidents, Marika will hone her instincts and intellect to the point where in a larger emergency, when the crew becomes paralysed by shock and fear, she can use her innate leadership and talent to lead them to safety.

And since Mouretsu Pirates is an anime, this is what will happen. This is what must happen! Marika has already grown through the first two stages; as a character, she’s developed even more than Rintarou has in these first 12 episodes. Nevertheless, admit it – right now, Marika is little more than a little girl.

Meanwhile, as Joojoobees has pointed out in his post, the crew members appear! Hoorah! We already saw two of them before, Mario and Luigi, guarding the Princess during her rendezvous with Yotof Sif Shideux, her ROYAL BUTLER the Grand Chamberlain of the Privy Council. HOWEVER – these crew members are so woefully neglected (and sexist with their blue and pink spacesuits)! What do they even do? As a captain, it should be Marika’s responsibility to take care of her crew members; yet, she doesn’t even meet with them! They’re like the members of Guild in Angel Beats!, the people who provided the elite SSS with the means to continue fighting – but who Otonashii never helped achieve ascension. Initially, I thought they were merely cargo loaders, hired at various planets to load and unload cargo from the ship; but they’re actually full-time employees, so… why the disdain?!

P.S. BLASTER RIRIKA used to be BADASS, but then JAPANESE SEXISM came over and forced her to stay at home and cook for her only daughter. B(

P.P.S. Serendipity and serenity are completely different concepts; however, one must’ve been pretty lucky to discover a habitable planet that also had Terran crops and animals on it :P

P.P.P.S. I want Episode 9’s nice ED back! Maybe it was like, Horizon’s second ED or something, and it’ll never come back, ever again ;-;

P.P.P.P.S. What the well is subspace?

6 responses

  1. more pixels

    2012/03/21 at 04:48

  2. more tsupirates

    2012/03/21 at 16:53

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