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Mouretsu Pirates 17

Remember the day before yesterday, when I told you guys I’d have a surprise for you? Well, guess what?!

GUESS THE SURPRISE!!

No, the surprise isn’t having you guess the surprise; the surprise is something for you to guess. Frequent readers of O-New should know immediately. Infrequent readers of O-New should know momentarily. Non-readers of O-New shouldn’t know at all. Have a completely unrelated picture of pirates in their everyday pirate wear in my awkward attempt to show design critics that random pictures thrown into walls of text do in fact worsen the worsening reputation of O-New.

Here, I’ll let the SPIRIT of MYSTERY hang over you as you read this post. I’ll hide the answer to the surprise SOMEWHERE in these lines, so you’ll have to carefully read through the entire post to find it! HINT: the words that are ALL IN CAPS spell out a sentence! Starting from now! Not from before! ‘SPIRIT MYSTERY SOMEWHERE HINT ALL IN CAPS’ doesn’t mean anything!

Similar to O-New, Mouretsu Pirates is also getting worse and worse. Even THE narrator sounds like a dull old man. There’s no drama, not even a hint of realism left, and these girls just SURPRISE me with their decadent mutilation of ancient cultural traditions. I have never wanted to punch fictional girls in the face more than I have wanted to now. At least Show is pretty darn cool with his sunglasses.

At least Mouretsu Pirates played the lesbian part straight. Yes, that was a pun. It didn’t feel like fat neckbeard-catering yuri fanservice; it actually felt like, love or something. And then the rest of the cast came in and I realized that Mouretsu Pirates, at its core, isn’t some epic space opera or realistic drama. It IS a neckbeard-catering Japanese cartoon, for Christ’s sake. The following scene really did it for me, though; notice how the bullets pass through her body. …Yeah.

The whole Hugh and Dolittle business (yes, THAT was a pun as well) didn’t expand the anime into economic affairs, either. All Mouretsu Pirates is is some lame B-list action movie. Except no, it’s not even a movie, it’s a Japanese cartoon! THERE’s too many girly girls in Mouretsu Pirates; do girls actually act like that? No; it’s all neckbeard-catering yuri fanservice. Tell me, honestly, does any girl even like Mouretsu Pirates? In fact, does any non-neckbeard like Mouretsu Pirates?

I certainly don’t. Not anymore. Mouretsu Pirates WAS good, it had potential, but now, there’s NO more potential: nine episodes are hardly enough to do anything more than neckbeard-catering yuri fanservice. You know what? I’m not even going to talk about Mouretsu Pirates in this POST anymore. I’ve had enough of that YESTERDAY.

I expected too much from a mere anime. Perhaps I should watch LoGH; then again, why ought I watch anything? I don’t know. Maybe I’m just addicted to putting sunglasses on fictional little girls’ faces.

…Wait a minute.

Perhaps there’s a reason why this arc sucks.

What could it possibly b-ANIME ORIGINAL STORYLINE

7 responses

  1. even though the characters look 200% cooler

    they still look horrible

    2012/05/01 at 19:15

  2. this is something I can agree with

    2012/05/01 at 22:55

  3. nichdel

    The capital letters are clearly an anagram, as O-New has always been extremely punctual. WE RP AS DOORS: THESURISETHATTHERASNPTYESTEAY. Wherein the long word is the secret passcode to their door society.

    2012/05/03 at 15:22

  4. I think Pirates would be 100% improved if the Grunhilde and Gruelle wore sunglasses all the time. Just sayin.

    2012/05/03 at 15:29

  5. Actually, the secret anagram was ‘We RP as a anaesthetised hetero shorty spurt sty.’

    2012/05/03 at 23:01

  6. DON’T WORRY, I’VE GOT JUST THE SOLUTION FOR YOU

    (hint: step 1. stop watching mouretsu pirates, step 2. only read my future posts)

    Stay tuned~ :>

    2012/05/03 at 23:03

  7. Pingback: Mouretsu Pirates 26 [Completed] « O-New