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The Staff of Joseph Jacques Jean Chrétien PC OM CC QC

Once upon a time, there was a Prime Minister. His name was Jean Chrétien. He had a staff of office that indicated his high position of respect and honour. His staff was originally pretty lame when it was given to him in 1994, spitting out things like neo wrestling and oni. Suddenly, one day, in 1997, an evil wizard stole Chrétien’s staff and imbued it with magical revolutionary powers by giving it a ring with a rose crest.

Although Chrétien mobilized the Royal Canadian Mounted Police and personally administrated a Shawinigan Handshake to the offender in question, the staff became quite awe-inspiring, churning out perfect students, family heirloom mechas, lords of nightmares, gods of mathematics, magical relics, tsunderes, starships, and world conquerors all before the turn of the third millennium.

Chrétien’s staff was impractically impressive for the next few years. Gods of death, unexplained sudden long-term overseas family trips to work for NASA that left their eight-year-old child living alone in Japan, magicians’ guilds, rapping dogs, apprentice season fairies, porn, romance, and of course, abstract talking cats called ‘otou-san’.

Eventually, Chrétien started neglecting his legislative duties to pursue his passion of making things with his staff. After his defeat in the 2003 federal elections, his staff created SEVEN separate objects in one year: a college, romance, bureaus of magic, phantom beast aliens, essences of warriors of the three kingdoms era of ancient china fighting high school turf wars, papermasters who are masters of paper, and mushroom eggplants.

Unfortunately for Chrétien, the following years had a sharp decline on the creativity of his staff. His staff was losing power; the wizard had only imbued enough creativity to last ten years, at most. Nevertheless, as Chrétien’s polishing skills became greater and greater, his staff’s inventions became more and more polished. These included short homeroom teachers, giant floating cities, sacred magical arrows, magical girls, reverse vampires, worst student councils, Rie Kugimiyas, more starships, more romance, nothing at all, seven satellites, rescue helicopters for the JASDF, more Rie Kugimiyas, supernatural psychics, children becoming adults and adults becoming children, more more romance, and of course, shameless promotional advertisements.

Classical musical porn, loli porn, refrigerator porn, Rie Kugimiya porn, more Rie Kugimiya porn, ninja porn, dating simulation porn, necrophilia, MMORPG adventurers porn, even more Rie Kugimiya porn, not RIe Kugimiya porn, retarded amounts of Rie Kugimiya porn, and finally, more classical music porn. It was now 2007, and the staff’s creativity had run out. All it made now was porn. But Chrétien fed it more and more raw ingredients, and in the three following years, the staff regurgitated romantic porn, romantic cockblocking, 1925 girls’ baseball porn, more MMORPG adventurers porn, nonexistent porn, more not Rie Kugimiya porn, lesbian porn, maid fetish porn, even more classical music porn, porn targetted at little girls, REALLY REALLY BAD 2/10 HORRIBLE PORN, manga-drawing porn, even more not Rie Kugimiya porn, perverse youkai porn, detective porn, REALLY REALLY BAD 2/10 HORRIBLE PORN THAT’S EVEN WORSE THAN THE HORRIBLE PORN BEFORE, even even even even odd even oddly evenly odd amounts of Rie Kugimiya porn, REALLY REALLY BAD 2/10 HORRIBLE PORN THAT’S EVEN WORSE THAN THE HORIBLE PORNS BEFORE, elitist porn, gay porn, mangas drawing porn, and RIE MOTHERFUCKING KUGIMIYA HOW MUCH MORE RIE KUGIMIYA PORN COMES OUT OF THIS STUPID FUCKING STAFF

Now, this year, the staff just keeps on going. Once the respectable possession of a honourable man, Jean Chrétien’s staff has degenerated into producing/preparing to produce, in this year alone, more elitist porn, porn that makes me want to kill myself, alien porn, porn drawing mangas, super hyped up porn, and of course, even more Rie Kugimiya porn.

This is the story of Jean Chrétien’s staff.

This is the story of J.C. Staff.

8 responses

  1. tl;dr JC Staff is shit?

    2012/05/16 at 01:26

  2. Jay

    Um, no?

    2012/05/16 at 03:59

  3. …and then there was the “Yes,Prisoner” which you promised to play.But you didn’t.Bastard.

    2012/05/16 at 13:28

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  6. No, Prisoner

    2012/05/31 at 05:51

  7. Um, yes! :D

    2012/05/31 at 05:51

  8. shit: Staff of JC is tl;dr

    2012/05/31 at 05:52