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A Two-Feet Long Diary: Month 6

Aw yeah, look at my sweet frog pajamas. They’re like hakase’s pajamas except 1) hakase doesn’t have frog pajamas 2) that’s a sweater 3) those are feet 4) IT’S TIME FOR A FEET VIDEO AGAIN

After three posts and six months, I think I finally realized that I’m not going anywhere with this project. That was a pun because to go anywhere, you have to walk, and to walk, you have to have a) really strong arms or b) feet. I don’t have really strong arms. My weak arms have been passed down the Ulez line for generations! (Note: my last name isn’t actually Ulez. Ulez is my first name.)

So, I didn’t post anything for month 5, as my feet haven’t progressed at all. So, instead of just stretching them, I think it’s time to do something productive with my feet: picking erasers off the floor! You can’t imagine how much time I lose from slowly bending over and picking fallen erasers off the floor (hint: it’s more than a second and less than a minute every month), and with my feet, I speed up my eraser-picking ability by almost negative three seconds!

(Yes, it’s actually slower than me picking them up by hand.)

I probably won’t post anything next month, either. But things that I post’ll be more fun, like these videos, now. It’s like an obstacle course, or something! Except there aren’t any obstacles! And there’s no course!

The first thing I grab, the piece of tissue paper, is supposed to test if I can grab things like paper that fall on the ground. My right foot can (somewhat reliably), but my left foot fails on this test.

The second thing I grab, the eraser, tests my toes’ flexibility, to see if they can bend enough to grasp a small object. This is pretty easy, and I can pick things up like that with minimal effort, but they fall out easily (as you’d expect, since I can’t curl my toes in to stop them from falling. A more solid way of picking things up is between the toes, and I’ll have to work on being able to spread my toes like that.

The final thing I grab are socks. This is because every day, I wear socks. Some days, I take socks off. One day, I will be able to take all my socks off with only my feet. Yeah. Really. (It’s actually pretty easy when you try, just use your other big toe to ‘scrape’ the sock off your ankle, and then step on the front of the sock and pull backwards. Hopefully, my socks won’t stretch too much.)

Plans for tests next next month: pen(cil) picking, door-opening, nose-picking, sock-taking-off… -ing.

P.S. I found out that all my dislikes on my feet videos were from three disgruntled Brazilians. huehue

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