O-New: Now Extinct Website

ST&RS 30

What a way to start off the new year! The symbolism behind rewriting a ST&RS post for New Year’s is that at O-New, the new year’s going to bring upon us the same fate as ST&RS: a slow, painful death from neglect, disinterest, and creative stagnation!

Here’s a picture of Shirafune farting.

warning: explicit sexual imagery ahead

When you start anything, you always keep in mind three things:

a) what you’re writing about
b) whom you’re writing for
b) what you’re writing about
c) why you’re writing it
c) what you’re writing about

I never keep these three things in mind when I write O-New posts, which is why nobody reads our site. Neither does the author of ST&RS. At the beginning, disbelief-suspending alien messages aside, ST&RS was very hard science. Normal space operas skip the training scenes and daily life; ST&RS didn’t, emphasizing its down-to-earth realism.

Then magical shining lights came in. And then actual aliens. And then Shirafune somehow miraculously escaping a catastrophic faux pas from sheer luck alone. If you can’t even do the OK sign in some countries ON EARTH, how do you know a handshake doesn’t mean ‘fuck you’ to an ALIEN?! There’s a reason why unknown customs and behaviours are ALIEN.

This is a picture of a handshake.

More importantly, imagine yourself as them.

You’re on Mars.

You’re in a giant alien tower.

You find that the tower has normal earth pressure.

You have enough oxygen in your suit to last you ten days.

DO YOU TAKE YOUR HELMET OFF?

¡sǝʎ sı ɹǝʍsuɐ ǝɥʇ

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