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Hourai Is A Stubborn Twat

alternate title: “Hourai Attempts To Guide Readers Through Dark Souls: Prepare To Die Edition But Does It Very Poorly”

This is Hourai, and he is A Twat.

In this adventure, he opens up Dark Souls.exe…

…and is immediately assaulted by the devil itself.

This is an unexpected jump in difficulty, but, then again, the game is Dark Souls. However, through a clever exploit, he is able to escape the clutches of Satan.
{You need a Games For Windows Live profile to save in Dark Souls, however, you don’t actually need a Windows Live account. When it asks you to make a new profile, you can make an offline profile instead, although this will prevent you from doing anything online. For the purposes of not getting our butts handed to us by invading spirits, we will play offline.}

Descend into madness»


How To Break Your Keyboard!

Full title: How To Break Your Keyboard Without Lessons In Several Easy Steps In Half The Time Of The Leading Keyboard-Dismantlement Booklet!!: Premium Gold Platinum Silver Edition (50% Off! Clearance Sale): As Seen On TV*

*No.


only 5 easy payments of $99.99 to the power of 99

In this handy DIY from guest writer Houraiguy, “we” disprove the myth that keyboards are HARD to break! You, too, can smash your typing equipment with A Few Easy Steps in our book(let), “A Few Easy Steps”.

“Let’s” “Get” “Started” “!”»


On the Subject of Cooperative Multiplayer Gaming

(Where there are teams, so will there be enemies.)

I like to think there’s a sort of equilibrium to the internet, or indeed, everything. I’m not going as far to say that there’s some sort of SHADOW HOURAI who goes around making usernames like :.:XxShAd0wH0uR4ixX:.: (this breaks all the tenets of my personal Guideline of Username Creation, btw) who is the Exact Opposite of me and gose aronud misplelign evarything and put1ng r4nd0m numb3r5 in his words and blogs (and by that same token, miraculously have the perseverance and will to blog on daily basis, GASP). However, I would say that as there will be people, in Minecraft, for example, with the divine* patience to build goddarn slot machines WITH REDSTONE, so will there be griefers with the demonic patience to destroy those slot machines (which wouldn’t take very long, so forget I said that and instead substitute “slot machines” for “1:5 scale Great Wall of China”).

In short, everyone on the internet is a jerk, unless they’re not.

(more…)


O-NEG 15: Hell

The game is not, verbatim, called “hell”.

However, the game is, verbatim, “hell”.

(more…)


A Generic Super Smash Bros. Brawl Review with A Generic Title (O-NEG 12)

DISCLAIMER: The following contains mentions of really old games. Or maybe not that old. But still. You may suffer from severe pangs of extreme boredom. I can’t think of anything else. Please see your physician if symptoms persist. I mean, symptom.

I understand that the game Super Smash Bros. Brawl was released a WHOLE THREE AND A QUARTER YEARS AGO GOLLY THAT’S SO !#@$#^%&^ OLD.

But it’s still awesome»


Meet The Ling (for lack of a better title)

[Trumpet fanfare plays]

I haven’t posted in a long time, so this is really awkward.

In any case, I have randomly decided to write a quick (which is pretty much going to doom me to take at least 2 hours to write this post !!@#$) post on something random!

When I say “something random”, that means I don’t know what the topic is. Yet.

[Brief intermission.  Hourai gets something for brainstorming (coffee milk).]

Because Mushz is doing anime/manga posts mainly, it looks like I will have to do gaming.

NO-IT’S-NOT-BLACK-OPS-GET-OFF-ME-YOU-TROLLS-AND-KEEP-THOSE-FLAMETHROWERS-AWAY-FROM-ME

So, I’ve not been posting here for like, what, a century, so for no good reason, I present a random post on Starcraft 2.

Of course, this is about the ladder and multiplayer. In single player, Terran is overpowered. They have cheats, for example. Also, they have Odin.

Alright: We present: Starcraft 2: Wings of Liberty: Unit Overview: Zerg: The Zergling. If you have any ideas on how to stuff some more colons into the previous sentence, keep them to yourself. I don’t need them.


I drew this with GIMP. Time taken: ~1 hour. I KNOW IT’S CRAPPY SHUT UP ABOUT THAT I’M NOT A PROFESSIONAL BLARGH.

The zergling is a little speedy cockroach-like thing the approximately length of a car. Since, however, Starcraft 2 is somewhat out of scale (I mean come on a cattlebruiser is only about the size of 16 marines), they’re really small little buggers that are the Tier 1 unit for good ‘ol Zerg.

Appearance

A bug. Cockroach-like. Four-legged, like every other ground unit of the Zerg. Usually brown.

Tactical Applications

Zerglings/lings are pretty fast, cheap, and easy to mass produce. Investing in the upgrade “Metabolic Boost” gives them wings (similar effect as Red Bull; give you wings, but you still can’t fly) and ridonculous speed, making it easier to form surrounds, etc. “Adrenal Glands” grants 20% faster attack speed (only accessable at Hive tech), making Zerglings less like cannon fodder.

Speedlings (lings with Metabolic) make excellent scouts (base scouting), harassment units (pretty good against harvesters), and provide a quickly-reinforcing unit that can quickly take the opportunity to harass a mineral line when the opposing army is out of position and just as quickly retreat with minimal losses.

They are an excellent choice to hold the Xel’naga watch towers with.

With the Burrow upgrade, you can place one at potential expansion site to deny enemies the opportunity to expand. They can aslo be used when burrowed as minor scouts.

Weaknesses

Zerglings only have 35 hp and no base armour, making them incredibly squishy bastards. As such, many units counter them well. With the Roach and the Hydra, the main three Zerg ground units are all somewhat countered by splash damage.

Zerglings are weak against Hellions, which have that extra damage to Light units in addition to the Infernal Pre-Igniter upgrade (+10 damage to Light units) and splash damage in a line. Note that Zerglings can easily overwhelm any lone “counter” unit if said unit is not properly supported.

Zerglings are also quickly roasted to death by Colossi, which are somewhat vulnerable like the Hellions as well.

Roaches fare fairly well against them, having that base armour of 1.

Infestors can use the spell “Fungal Growth” to reduce Zerglings to 1-2 health while immobilizing them for four seconds, allowing ranged units to wreck havok on the lings.

Since lings are melee units, Sentry Forcefields can trap lings while letting Stalkers and Colossi have fun picking away at the trapped units.

A Zealot can fight off around four lings (depends on upgrades and use of proper micro). While lings can decimate lone Marines, grouped-up gunmen can mow down lings with ease, denying them surrounds and also gaining the use of Stimpacks (temporary bonus attack speed and movement speed with the use of drugs, costing health) and Combat Shield (+10 health).

Strengths

Lings can easily kill off any isolated units, especially if they are able to surround said unit. A fair amount of lings tend to die while doing this, but the cost is usually worth it.

Lings are the most common Zerg counter to Immortals, other than Mutalisks and Brood Lords. They are not considered Armoured, reducing damage taken from the Immortals, their attacks are don’t do enough damage to be affected by Hardened Shields, and they murder them with ease upon achieving that all-important surround.

Lings can also easily wreck Thors, Siege Tanks, and Colossi. Note that the Ultralisk is not easily killed by Zerglings, having the ability to obtain ridiculous amounts of armour (up to 6 armour, almost completely nullifying unupgraded ling attacks), a melee attack, 400 health, and splash damage.

Two lings are produced by one larva for 50 minerals. The fact that it is extremely easy to mass produce these buggers is offset by the fact that they are, again, squishy little bastards, with 35 health (this is the least amount of health held by any unit in the game, except for the Changeling).

Notes

Zerglings may morph into Banelings after the Baneling Nest has morphed in. This will cost 25 minerals and 25 vespene gas per Zergling morphed and takes about 17 seconds.

Zerglings are commonly used in the omnipresent Zerg Rush, a process wherein the Zerg player goes “all-in”, screwing his mining over to try to end the game as early as possible. The Zerg player builds a Spawning Pool (the pre-requisite building required to mutate Zerglings) as early as possible, hoping to overwhelm the opponent with 6 or more lings before the opponent has a sizable defense force/any defense at all. The Zerg Rush is also referred to as the 6 Pool, 6 supply being the earliest possible time that Zerg may build anything (the Pool).

People will often be pissed as !#$% after being beaten by the 6 Pool.

6 Pool-ers may sometimes be bad sports and swear at people who manage to defeat them (especially through an unothodox method), despite the 6 Pooler opening up with the Zerg Rush.

Successful Zerg rushers have been known to follow up their victory with “KEKEKE” (more KE’s can be added).


Green Globs of Goo: Corrosive Banelings and Why They’re Winning

The Baneling is a kick-ass sac of CFA (Corrosive… Acid) with legs.

This Zerg unit morphs from the Zergling, which was essentially described earlier as a cockroach with rabies. This was a very brief, yet rather accurate description of the Ling. Also, I never actually said that.

(You must have the Baneling Nest to morph these bad boys out.)

They see me rollin’»