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Animanga

Had it right; cool Maou-sama 9

graph of y = |x^2|

Gotta admire dem curves.

Coolness, like having curves, is caused by creation, a conceptual cuality that only certain cool cpeople can chave. James (but not Jessie) has this cool coolness. How can you tell? Well, his sunglasses aren’t there just for show. Well, they are just for show, but like, that’s because it /shows/ you not only the reflection of her beautiful eyes but also the reflection of James’s innate coolness.

It is plainly evident that people only go to Sentucky’s to cool down with the cool cashier. I’m sick today because of allergies. I really wish it wasn’t so hot…

Then again, things get hot wherever I go, so...

Compare Emi’s tomboyish attitude to Suzuno’s polite, almost condescending femininity. While Emi shows the progressive de-sexualization of Ente Islamic society, Suzuno reflects Ente Isla’s reverse unmodernizationability due to her nonassimilation into postcolonial sexual norms. Even confronted with the harsh realities of Nihongo life, she steadfastly refuses to

wear

normal

clothes

still better than wearing no clothes

The stupid slice of life conversations in this episode, the previous episode, and the (n-2, n-3, …, n-k)th episode represents the dullness of city life compared to their previous grandeur and splendour and doors and durrs. They really ram this ennui into our face by protracting their meaningless babbles for half the episode, every episode. Not only is it audiovisual, but simultaneously sensual; often, the urge to sleep overwhelms the urge to stay awake, which gives the entire setting a dreamlike experience.

This is usually because we’re dreaming, i.e. sleeping i.e. not paying attention due to its vapid nonsense.

tl;dr: maou-sama represents the stupidity of life because holy shit is it boring


Shameless Self-Service

Hey guys. You might note that as Mushy has gotten back in gear I’ve kicked out of it. That’s not to say that I haven’t been doing anything. If you’ve missed me, you might want to check out my latest piece at Altair & Vega, Reinvention in HenNeko, or at Classy we recently posted a group fanfiction story inspired by OreImo, OreImo: The Fall of Vancouver.

Finally, I must note that this is not a farewell. I will likely write more for O-New as inspiration strikes. I’ll also participate in season previews and reviews, whenever those start happening again. As always, thanks for reading.


Hah! The Rake, You Mowed Someone 8

The rains were a drizzle on the sidewalk. Red, orange, blue; seventeen rainbow colours dotted the streets in increasingly psychedelic displays of unnatural diversity. On the top of my porch, on the top of my wall; there they lay in the mid-autumn day of mid-fall.

There lay I, musing late in the autumn day, gazing off southward. A solitary rake, leaning askew on an old yew, old as you. Perched precariously between the branches it lay and lied and lies. Lies, sharp lies, white lies, bitter lies. How can you not know, rake? How can you?

Unfortunately rakes are not cans so they can—not.

It began that day in mid-autumn, a lonely thing, leaning and leaning so far she could drop and fall forever and nobody would notice. The swirling colours blinded and dazzled, a reflection of the times to come. Broken, unwanted.

Dust in the wind.

I never wanted her. Sitting cozy at home, wending the shores of the 24 Hours, through distant rains I crossed and checked. 3-Across: Groundbreaking innovation? Womanizer.

Then she started to fall.

Then she started to winter...

Nature has no feelings. Nature does not see our sights, does not breathe our air, does not walk the stairs and talk the bears and balk at rares. In the mass of spinning leaves, my eyes reverting from the south, dropt.

The ground, incarnadine, as she dropt, all purpose-like, as if her destiny were to destroy and destruct and detonate. As she fell and flew and shattered all around her.

Hah!

The rake, you mowed someone.

Cause both lawnmowers and rakes are garden implements! Right??


Cats are a cool 猫-sama 7

You know that really cool guy you want to be when you grow up? The guy with the hair and the teeth and the lips? The guy who does all those things you’d expect really cool guys to do, and more?

Well, I think I’ve met my future.

Just try to imagine yourself 10 years in the future here. Actually, don't, the guy in the picture looks much better than that.

And the nametag?»


Cataracts Maou-sama 6

Nadie espera a la Inquisición española. And nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition to represent the Spanish Inquisition, either. Sure, they’re not actually Spanish, and they’re not actually inquiring into anything, but that’s alright…

Alternate image: All LEFT, you moron!

I think your face is all wrong»


Hack a Raccoon Maou-sama 5

Un choque español. Es la herencia de España que incluso en Japón, estas réplicas reverberan a través del espacio y el tiempo.

Observe Chiho’s state of mind. It is the province of the intellect that the prefectures of the brain know not of foreign tongues. Observe the devil hiding behind the fridge. His cool demeanour betrays his fiery heart, calmed only by the acclimatizing breeze of modern technology.

Are you trying to follow my previous instructions? Well, if you're reading this THEN YOU CAN'T OBSERVE ANYTHING. QUELLE LOSRE

Observe this arrow; click it»


Hataraku 冒什么 4

Blood-saturated cholesterol is the leading cause of blood-saturated cholera worldwide.

Blood-saturated cholesterol is the topic for this week’s conversation. Everybody understands the need to stay fit, and being an exemplar of proper eating habits, Miki-T understands this more than all. As a strict vegan, she espouses the frequent consumption of beans and other fart-inducing vegetables. As the ancient Chinese proverb goes, “Blood-saturated cholesterol is like mud-desecrated express patrols.”

冒什么 is also an ancient Chinese proverb. Literally, it transliterates to “To risk your life for the sake of retrieving a hat questions your questionable nature with questions.” Emilia risks her life when she DARES to be FAIR and to WEAR shoes that FARE quite IMPAIRED towards STAIRS. Even though the stairs keep on happening, she still trips because of guilt, fields, and acid; her new human body is weak, having seemingly forgotten all of her previous mental and physical training.

On a serious note, the whole earthquake thing was handled quite tactfully. Although I don’t have tact (people who unfollowed me on twitter know this), I somehow survive with my reputation INTACT, even if I ATTACKED the Family COMPACT.

Who really is Lucifer? Well, ask yourselves: who broke the Family Compact? That’s right… Lucifer isn’t whom you’re thinking of. In fact, the person who broke the Family Compact probably isn’t whom you’re thinking of either, because honestly, who cares? Either way, Lucifer symbolically represents the return of Louis Riel. One can REVEAL this secret UNREAL by hearing a SPIEL from MushyRIELZ:

Both Lucifer and Louis start with the same letter.

QUOD.

ERA.

DEMONSTRATUSRUSAMSMRSUARSMsuarsumsuusususmum.

tl;dr: The reason Emilia is so manly is because her GAR dad had sex with an angel. Shit, dawg.

P.S. The condom on Emilia forehead represents a condom on Emilia’s forehead.


Hat Racks 帽-sama 3

The pun is because 帽 sounds like ‘Maou’ and means ‘Hat’ in Chinese. Granted it’s not a terribly good pun, but the quality of my puns is proportional to the quality of the episode being covered; that is to say, this episode wasn’t terribly. I was terribly.

The connections this week were as deep as ever. For example, ‘Sadao’ is almost a palindrome but not quite. If it were a palindrome, it would probably become ‘Soadaos’, but Japanese people would spontaneously combust at the sight of such a monstrosity. Thus, a compromise is ‘Sadas’; however, the unfortunate comparison of Sadas to Sad-ass is quite unfortunate indeed.

Sa~tan’s transformation to super-buffness shows off the intense flexibility of non-UNISLO clothing slothing. Notice how the only rips occur at his neck and shin. This shows UNISLOthing’s Achilles’ heels: they are at disadvantages to necks and shins, and are thus con-neck-shin.

Further connections occur when we closely analyze the various character archetypes that appear:

  • Chi-chan represents annoying brats meant only for neckbeard fanservice;
  • Chi-chan’s hygienic activities while on the couch represents the squalid state of Japan’s aging toothpaste industry;
  • Emi’s initial shower scene represents annoying tsundere antics meant only for neckbeard fanservice uh, the artificial ravaging of traditional Aboriginal society by uncompromising Eurocentric social conformance;
  • The bad jokes represent bad jokes;
  • Wait, no, Chi-chan is an annoying brat meant only for neckbeard fanservice.

At least it wasn't for neckbeard-fan service

I thought the whole earthquake plot device was kinda too early, right after the nuclear plants and the recent one in China, but maybe they actually already delayed the airing of this anime (to now)… it’s also y’know the STUPIDEST POSSIBLE WAY to move a plot forward. The author probably wrote two chapters and then retconned it to add miscellaneous random earthquakes after realizing how profoundly stupid earthquakes suddenly coming out of thin air was. Really, the tone of 帽-sama is like the difference between the inside of a 帽 and the outside; one is inside the 帽 and one is outside it.

tl;dr: Japan has horrible earthquake protection training. All of those tables and everybody just stays standing like stranded stands on a strand of standings


Hate a rack Maou-sama 2

Everybody hates racks. I hate racks. I rack hats. Iran hats are alright but when it’s summer and the heat gets to your brain, sometimes, you have to settle for less.

Settling for less is the most recent lesser unsettling theme in Part-Time Job Work Lord King Demon.

We all remember the Indian Act, 1876’s effects on Canada, right? Well, that doesn’t actually matter because Ente Isla isn’t Canada and Sa~tan isn’t an Indian. No sir, he’s merely a representation of an Indian native American, excuse me. So who is Emilia?

Emilia rhymes with Ente Isla. THIS MUST MEAN SOMETHING

Emilia, like Sa~tan, is an outcast. Thrust into conforming to society’s inflexible norms, her mutual ‘alliance’ with Sa~ represents the INDIAN CONFEDERACY and their mutual support in the face of the White Man’s encroachment. Eventually, they failed because they were already croached, and as everyone knows, once croached, always encroached.

Reached roach roast»


Hataraku Maou-sama! 1

Cultural assimilation.

What is cultural assimilation? It’s a concept that many people intimately don’t give a toss about, and neither should you. Unfortunately, you’re dealing with Hataraku Maou-sama! (literal translation: ‘Demon Lord-customers work!), one of the most profoundly insightful, cultured, and reflective Chinese cartoons of April 2013.

The main character, Sa-tan (-tan is a endearing suffix in Japanese, and to pursue O-New’s policy of conservative liberalization, shall be henceforth redacted to -y, a corresponding English endearing suffix), is a stranger in a strange land. Say says yes to strangers’ strange sayings in strangeland.

To observe his gradual assimilation into strangeculture, we have three useful metrics:

1) The amount of strangespeech Say says;

2) The amount of strangegovernmentsupport Say receives;

3) And the amount of strangefood Say eats.

Strange food is actually composed mainly of strange quarks, which are like normal quarks but they're American.

Obviously, Say has been completely Americanized I mean Eurocentrized uh Japanesified ASSIMILATED. This assimilation makes Say’s ass similar to other nations’ asses.

Donkeys are actually extirpated in Ente Isla»


Fare Thee Well, Tamako

Goodbye, Tamako

It’s not where you come from.
It’s not where you’re at.
It’s where you’re going
and I am going home.

A friend of mine

We left Tamako on the precipice. Would she jump? Should she?
(more…)


Push

There comes a moment in a strong relationship where you must decide whether it is time to say goodbye. This could be before the relationship starts, at that scary time when you’re not quite sure if it’s real. It could be just before the end, when you are afraid of loss and irrationally want to cut your losses. It could be in between in a fit of jealousy or self-doubt. No matter, it is nearly inevitable. That’s the impetus of Tamako Market episode 11.

Mochizou is catatonic
(more…)


First Love, Last Love

Tamako Market is really a wonderful show. Each episode captures something so beautifully that I’m in love with life by the end. Often, as is the case with episode 9, what it captures is nostalgia.

Do you remember your first love?

Anko's First Love
(more…)


ST&RS 31

I can’t get over how their first reaction is, “HOW DO THEY KNOW SHIRAFUNE’S NAME?!?!” and not, “WHOSE SKIN ARE YOU WEARING!?!?”

Then again, even now we can’t understand other animals’ communication (maybe rats, but they’re the exception), so maybe it is a big achievement to a civilization that can create magical wasp tornadoes and TELEPATHICALLY CONTROL MIKURA’S VOICE.

public enemy number 1

I also like how the alien has a Japanese name and how its graphemes, by similarity, are phonemic and thus Japanese. This is conclusive proof that the Japanese are ACTUALLY ALIENS. They even look the same!

tl;dr: actually all of the alien’s limbs are highly sensitive penii

P.S. plot twist: the aliens are actually malevolent galactic pornographers, the true aliens who sent the kids THE POWER OF THE GALAXY was actually former prime minister Junichiro Koizumi, who remains alive on the moon even into 2034.


Winter 2013 First Impressions

Hello friends. It’s time again for our first impressions of the new season of anime. Today I will be giving my impressions, because the other O-New writers are either busy not watching anime, or not writing for O-New. I hope I can meet your expectations myself. (more…)


Maiyuu Maid Yuusha 2

Maoyuu’s entire selling point is ~economics with boobs~.

Add maids into the mix and everyone’s happy.

this is a picture of a witty line

Except, no, not really. Do maids have any significance in the situation’s context? They’re a good comparison of modern employment vs. serfdom but no, not really. Take away the maids and nothing’s left out. The maids are an accessory: nobody dislikes them, but they’re practically useless.
Similarly, all the fanservice around Maou is practically useless. Fanservice not being all ~boobs~, but also her moé attitudes towards Yuusha. Did we need that hour-long sofa scene? No. Did we need that hilariously dull body-pillow scene? No.

But they’re aesthetically pleasing. They’re the spoonful of sugar that makes the medicine go down, and the medicine is ~economix~.

Maoyuu is just a glorified economics textbook. This isn’t rocket science. Someone (can’t remember who, tell me if you remember) once said: “Spice and Wolf is about characters, with some random economics thrown in. Maoyuu is about economics, with some random characters thrown in.”

Like a textbook, the author wraps Maoyuu in bright pictures and colourful ‘real-world’ examples that drive up production costs a thousandfold. Like a textbook, Maoyuu is just a lecture transposed into another medium. Like a textbook, Maoyuu also suffers from masterful pacing: serf girl mutters, sotto voce, “You’ve never been starving, have you?” Cut to comedy music. Let’s imply that starving serfs is totally a joke! Yeah! (That said, who would want to starve half-servile labour? That’s a recipe to losing money, fast…)

Unlike a textbook, we’re not in an economics class. We don’t need to learn this. Is Maoyuu actually doing a public service? Is Maoyuu an educational anime?

Yes, yes to both. Sure, it’s patronizing 1984-ish (actually manipulating the war so that ending it will be easier?) ~COMMUNISM~ crap, but short of Moshidora, the edutainment doesn’t get much more obvious.

Maoyuu is an educational anime through and through. Nothing else.


Btooom! Manga Quarterly Review 4

Hi guys. I’m really late on this because I had this as a draft for one and a half months.

Btooom! has a manga. I’ve followed it for one and a half years.

Btooom! also has an anime. I’ve followed it for one and a half months.

Thus, if you’re following the anime, there will probably be spoilers ahead; however, this is a shounen battle manga – you know that Sakamoto’s not going to die, and spoilers shouldn’t affect you at all. Unless you’re a 14-year-old psychotic teenager with a penchant for ravishing dead bodies. In which case you might be (excusably) shocked at my profoundly astute recognition of your identity:

(That said, a 14-year-old who isn't a teenager would be quite strange...)

Teenagers AREN’T THAT SHORT»


Courage in Tamako Market 3

[MUSHYHIJACK: I have rescheduled this post to clear January 13th – February 15th of any posts. The original posting date was January 25th.]

Imagine for a moment that the simple things in life become the most difficult. Everything is turned upside down. What if it were easier to be cold and distant than to be warm and friendly? What if saying “thank you” felt unnatural and impossible?

(more…)


If Maoyuu were a JRPG 1

What will MAOU do? [FIGHT, POKéMON, BAG, RUN]

MAUO used ATTRACT! YUUSHA fell in love.

Foe YUUSHA used atTRAP! YUSHA is no longer in love! YUSHA is no longer male!

If Maoyuu were a JRPG 1 - rejection

Thanks for the image.

Imagine if Maou were a evil zombie robot demon from hell who eats babies and farts death and disease. Would Yuusha still befriend him? Would they still work together? Would people still watch it?

I mean, c’mon, honestly why did Yuusha not kill Maou the moment she declared her identity? It wasn’t her calmness or willingness to bargain—it was ~boobs~

~boobs~ saved the world.

P.S. it’d actually be pretty funny if Maou were an evil zombie robot demon and Yuusha befriended… it. +1 would kickstart


Soumoe of the Beer Halberd 6

I can’t tell whether this is mocking traditional shounen tests or what because why the hell do you need a test to enter a dormi-oh right she’s insane. and moe. the simpsons moe.

IP

Having him enter a student dorm is about the laziest way to introduce more quirky characters (cause everybody else is normal/rich and rich people aren’t fun to be around) ever. The only thing worse is if some autismal savant came into the picture and trust me that was baaaaaaaaaaaddd. d d d. d.

It’s also a convenient way to shape Megumi into becoming a childhood-friend-type, but she should have friends after three years in middle school, compared to Souma, whom nobody likes. Or licks.

if god is omnipresent then

god’s tongue

is watching

YOU

ah

P.S. I didn’t need to see that pirate picture at the end. Nor the granny flashback. At least the metaphor was a flashback and not… what it usually is ._.

P.P.S. There was relatively less fanservice here than before. I guess the shower scene was supposed to be humorous at first but now, I really don’t understand why anybody would add one except because it’s such an ingrained anime icon. It’s really just pervasive and customary toilet humour.

P.P.P.S. Souma is secretly a GT Robo. his only energy source is the souls of dead squids. when he bleeds he bleeds black ink


12 Days of Christmas—Rewritten Edition

tl;dr: I’m going to post 12 posts today.

As most of you know, O-New prides ourselves on having posted once every day for the past two-and-a-bit years. Needless to say, this is all a silly ruse. All two hundred and twenty-five of those posts were published posthumously; that is to say, I edited the publishing date so it merely /looked/ like we posted once every day for the past two-and-a-bit years.

“What’s the difference between posting extra posts in the past and scheduling them for the future?” nobody will ask their monitors. To put it simply: procrastination. We actually have a tag for my scheduled posts (nobody else’s, cause redball & co. regularly schedule their posts). There are only 37.

Unfortunately, all those were lies too. Even rewriting history wasn’t enough. We still have
2 empty days in 2010, 13 empty days in 2011, and…

93 empty days in 2012.

Find the geometric sequence!»


ST&RS 30

What a way to start off the new year! The symbolism behind rewriting a ST&RS post for New Year’s is that at O-New, the new year’s going to bring upon us the same fate as ST&RS: a slow, painful death from neglect, disinterest, and creative stagnation!

Here’s a picture of Shirafune farting.

warning: explicit sexual imagery ahead

The symbolism is that I’m an old fart»


Souma of the Food Odyssey 5

Souma is the most badass generic shounen protagonist of all time. His name really fits his stoned nature because souma sounds like soma sounds like somn- and that’s what somnifacient somnolent somnambulists do—sleep, drugs, and smoke weed every day.

seriously in every single frame he is stoned like in Brave New Soma. ten bucks says he doesn’t even know how to cook—he’s doing it all in his sleep. AND HE NEVER WOKE UP

This is how you make a protagonist. He’s not ordinary at all. Nobody can relate to his experiences. But his lower-class background appeals to everybody, and instead of being some untouchable moral model on a pedestal he’s arrogant as hell. WHICH MAKES HIM BADASS.

He’ll probably outgrow his hubris as he goes on ~an odyssey~ of food akin to Toriko’s adventures i-no

uwaan uwaaan ruuuu

P.S. his catchphrase translation makes it really lame. no scratch that the entire translation is really lame. but that only makes the story funnier—it wasn’t much!


Steins;Gate: Boukan no Rebellion 16

The timeline is still really strange in Steins;Gate. How can Rintarou get the IBN5100 if he’s already met Suzuha? Think about it:

Iimeline 1:
1975: nothing happens
2010a: Rintarou doesn’t have the IBN5100
2010b: nothing happens
2012: SERN takes over world
2038: Suzuha goes to 2010b, creating Timeline 2
20XX: world at peace

Timeline 2:
1975: nothing happens
2010a: Rintarou doesn’t have the IBN5100
2010b: Suzuha goes to 1975, creating Timeline 3
2012: SERN takes over world
2038: Suzuha goes to 2010b, creating Timeline 4 (which is the same as Timeline 2)

Timeline 3:
1975: Suzuha gets the IBN5100
2010a: Rintarou has the IBN5100
2010b: nothing happens
2012: nothing happens
2038: nothing happens
20XX: world is free

The key point is that when Suzuha goes back to the past in 2010b and in 2038, her two travels make two different timelines. The line that would lead to their success is created when she travels back to 1975. There’s no reason why her travel back to 2010b takes her to the same timeline. Then again, a story about Timeline 3 would be as boring as watching paint grow on a grassy wall, so it’s forgiven.

mudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamuda

P.S. What is Reading Steiner? If anybody stuck their memories in the time machine, they would be able to retain their memories through world lines—because it’s not their bodies travelling through time, it’s the information. If, say, Mayuri used the time machine to implant Rintarou’s future memories into herself, she’d not only travel through time, but would inherit a different identity! That would’ve been an interesting device for, say, Kokoro Connect…