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Posts tagged “Anime

Had it right; cool Maou-sama 9

graph of y = |x^2|

Gotta admire dem curves.

Coolness, like having curves, is caused by creation, a conceptual cuality that only certain cool cpeople can chave. James (but not Jessie) has this cool coolness. How can you tell? Well, his sunglasses aren’t there just for show. Well, they are just for show, but like, that’s because it /shows/ you not only the reflection of her beautiful eyes but also the reflection of James’s innate coolness.

It is plainly evident that people only go to Sentucky’s to cool down with the cool cashier. I’m sick today because of allergies. I really wish it wasn’t so hot…

Then again, things get hot wherever I go, so...

Compare Emi’s tomboyish attitude to Suzuno’s polite, almost condescending femininity. While Emi shows the progressive de-sexualization of Ente Islamic society, Suzuno reflects Ente Isla’s reverse unmodernizationability due to her nonassimilation into postcolonial sexual norms. Even confronted with the harsh realities of Nihongo life, she steadfastly refuses to

wear

normal

clothes

still better than wearing no clothes

The stupid slice of life conversations in this episode, the previous episode, and the (n-2, n-3, …, n-k)th episode represents the dullness of city life compared to their previous grandeur and splendour and doors and durrs. They really ram this ennui into our face by protracting their meaningless babbles for half the episode, every episode. Not only is it audiovisual, but simultaneously sensual; often, the urge to sleep overwhelms the urge to stay awake, which gives the entire setting a dreamlike experience.

This is usually because we’re dreaming, i.e. sleeping i.e. not paying attention due to its vapid nonsense.

tl;dr: maou-sama represents the stupidity of life because holy shit is it boring


Hah! The Rake, You Mowed Someone 8

The rains were a drizzle on the sidewalk. Red, orange, blue; seventeen rainbow colours dotted the streets in increasingly psychedelic displays of unnatural diversity. On the top of my porch, on the top of my wall; there they lay in the mid-autumn day of mid-fall.

There lay I, musing late in the autumn day, gazing off southward. A solitary rake, leaning askew on an old yew, old as you. Perched precariously between the branches it lay and lied and lies. Lies, sharp lies, white lies, bitter lies. How can you not know, rake? How can you?

Unfortunately rakes are not cans so they can—not.

It began that day in mid-autumn, a lonely thing, leaning and leaning so far she could drop and fall forever and nobody would notice. The swirling colours blinded and dazzled, a reflection of the times to come. Broken, unwanted.

Dust in the wind.

I never wanted her. Sitting cozy at home, wending the shores of the 24 Hours, through distant rains I crossed and checked. 3-Across: Groundbreaking innovation? Womanizer.

Then she started to fall.

Then she started to winter...

Nature has no feelings. Nature does not see our sights, does not breathe our air, does not walk the stairs and talk the bears and balk at rares. In the mass of spinning leaves, my eyes reverting from the south, dropt.

The ground, incarnadine, as she dropt, all purpose-like, as if her destiny were to destroy and destruct and detonate. As she fell and flew and shattered all around her.

Hah!

The rake, you mowed someone.

Cause both lawnmowers and rakes are garden implements! Right??


Cats are a cool 猫-sama 7

You know that really cool guy you want to be when you grow up? The guy with the hair and the teeth and the lips? The guy who does all those things you’d expect really cool guys to do, and more?

Well, I think I’ve met my future.

Just try to imagine yourself 10 years in the future here. Actually, don't, the guy in the picture looks much better than that.

And the nametag?»


Cataracts Maou-sama 6

Nadie espera a la Inquisición española. And nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition to represent the Spanish Inquisition, either. Sure, they’re not actually Spanish, and they’re not actually inquiring into anything, but that’s alright…

Alternate image: All LEFT, you moron!

I think your face is all wrong»


Hack a Raccoon Maou-sama 5

Un choque español. Es la herencia de España que incluso en Japón, estas réplicas reverberan a través del espacio y el tiempo.

Observe Chiho’s state of mind. It is the province of the intellect that the prefectures of the brain know not of foreign tongues. Observe the devil hiding behind the fridge. His cool demeanour betrays his fiery heart, calmed only by the acclimatizing breeze of modern technology.

Are you trying to follow my previous instructions? Well, if you're reading this THEN YOU CAN'T OBSERVE ANYTHING. QUELLE LOSRE

Observe this arrow; click it»


Hataraku 冒什么 4

Blood-saturated cholesterol is the leading cause of blood-saturated cholera worldwide.

Blood-saturated cholesterol is the topic for this week’s conversation. Everybody understands the need to stay fit, and being an exemplar of proper eating habits, Miki-T understands this more than all. As a strict vegan, she espouses the frequent consumption of beans and other fart-inducing vegetables. As the ancient Chinese proverb goes, “Blood-saturated cholesterol is like mud-desecrated express patrols.”

冒什么 is also an ancient Chinese proverb. Literally, it transliterates to “To risk your life for the sake of retrieving a hat questions your questionable nature with questions.” Emilia risks her life when she DARES to be FAIR and to WEAR shoes that FARE quite IMPAIRED towards STAIRS. Even though the stairs keep on happening, she still trips because of guilt, fields, and acid; her new human body is weak, having seemingly forgotten all of her previous mental and physical training.

On a serious note, the whole earthquake thing was handled quite tactfully. Although I don’t have tact (people who unfollowed me on twitter know this), I somehow survive with my reputation INTACT, even if I ATTACKED the Family COMPACT.

Who really is Lucifer? Well, ask yourselves: who broke the Family Compact? That’s right… Lucifer isn’t whom you’re thinking of. In fact, the person who broke the Family Compact probably isn’t whom you’re thinking of either, because honestly, who cares? Either way, Lucifer symbolically represents the return of Louis Riel. One can REVEAL this secret UNREAL by hearing a SPIEL from MushyRIELZ:

Both Lucifer and Louis start with the same letter.

QUOD.

ERA.

DEMONSTRATUSRUSAMSMRSUARSMsuarsumsuusususmum.

tl;dr: The reason Emilia is so manly is because her GAR dad had sex with an angel. Shit, dawg.

P.S. The condom on Emilia forehead represents a condom on Emilia’s forehead.


Hat Racks 帽-sama 3

The pun is because 帽 sounds like ‘Maou’ and means ‘Hat’ in Chinese. Granted it’s not a terribly good pun, but the quality of my puns is proportional to the quality of the episode being covered; that is to say, this episode wasn’t terribly. I was terribly.

The connections this week were as deep as ever. For example, ‘Sadao’ is almost a palindrome but not quite. If it were a palindrome, it would probably become ‘Soadaos’, but Japanese people would spontaneously combust at the sight of such a monstrosity. Thus, a compromise is ‘Sadas’; however, the unfortunate comparison of Sadas to Sad-ass is quite unfortunate indeed.

Sa~tan’s transformation to super-buffness shows off the intense flexibility of non-UNISLO clothing slothing. Notice how the only rips occur at his neck and shin. This shows UNISLOthing’s Achilles’ heels: they are at disadvantages to necks and shins, and are thus con-neck-shin.

Further connections occur when we closely analyze the various character archetypes that appear:

  • Chi-chan represents annoying brats meant only for neckbeard fanservice;
  • Chi-chan’s hygienic activities while on the couch represents the squalid state of Japan’s aging toothpaste industry;
  • Emi’s initial shower scene represents annoying tsundere antics meant only for neckbeard fanservice uh, the artificial ravaging of traditional Aboriginal society by uncompromising Eurocentric social conformance;
  • The bad jokes represent bad jokes;
  • Wait, no, Chi-chan is an annoying brat meant only for neckbeard fanservice.

At least it wasn't for neckbeard-fan service

I thought the whole earthquake plot device was kinda too early, right after the nuclear plants and the recent one in China, but maybe they actually already delayed the airing of this anime (to now)… it’s also y’know the STUPIDEST POSSIBLE WAY to move a plot forward. The author probably wrote two chapters and then retconned it to add miscellaneous random earthquakes after realizing how profoundly stupid earthquakes suddenly coming out of thin air was. Really, the tone of 帽-sama is like the difference between the inside of a 帽 and the outside; one is inside the 帽 and one is outside it.

tl;dr: Japan has horrible earthquake protection training. All of those tables and everybody just stays standing like stranded stands on a strand of standings


Hate a rack Maou-sama 2

Everybody hates racks. I hate racks. I rack hats. Iran hats are alright but when it’s summer and the heat gets to your brain, sometimes, you have to settle for less.

Settling for less is the most recent lesser unsettling theme in Part-Time Job Work Lord King Demon.

We all remember the Indian Act, 1876’s effects on Canada, right? Well, that doesn’t actually matter because Ente Isla isn’t Canada and Sa~tan isn’t an Indian. No sir, he’s merely a representation of an Indian native American, excuse me. So who is Emilia?

Emilia rhymes with Ente Isla. THIS MUST MEAN SOMETHING

Emilia, like Sa~tan, is an outcast. Thrust into conforming to society’s inflexible norms, her mutual ‘alliance’ with Sa~ represents the INDIAN CONFEDERACY and their mutual support in the face of the White Man’s encroachment. Eventually, they failed because they were already croached, and as everyone knows, once croached, always encroached.

Reached roach roast»


Hataraku Maou-sama! 1

Cultural assimilation.

What is cultural assimilation? It’s a concept that many people intimately don’t give a toss about, and neither should you. Unfortunately, you’re dealing with Hataraku Maou-sama! (literal translation: ‘Demon Lord-customers work!), one of the most profoundly insightful, cultured, and reflective Chinese cartoons of April 2013.

The main character, Sa-tan (-tan is a endearing suffix in Japanese, and to pursue O-New’s policy of conservative liberalization, shall be henceforth redacted to -y, a corresponding English endearing suffix), is a stranger in a strange land. Say says yes to strangers’ strange sayings in strangeland.

To observe his gradual assimilation into strangeculture, we have three useful metrics:

1) The amount of strangespeech Say says;

2) The amount of strangegovernmentsupport Say receives;

3) And the amount of strangefood Say eats.

Strange food is actually composed mainly of strange quarks, which are like normal quarks but they're American.

Obviously, Say has been completely Americanized I mean Eurocentrized uh Japanesified ASSIMILATED. This assimilation makes Say’s ass similar to other nations’ asses.

Donkeys are actually extirpated in Ente Isla»


Maiyuu Maid Yuusha 2

Maoyuu’s entire selling point is ~economics with boobs~.

Add maids into the mix and everyone’s happy.

this is a picture of a witty line

Except, no, not really. Do maids have any significance in the situation’s context? They’re a good comparison of modern employment vs. serfdom but no, not really. Take away the maids and nothing’s left out. The maids are an accessory: nobody dislikes them, but they’re practically useless.
Similarly, all the fanservice around Maou is practically useless. Fanservice not being all ~boobs~, but also her moé attitudes towards Yuusha. Did we need that hour-long sofa scene? No. Did we need that hilariously dull body-pillow scene? No.

But they’re aesthetically pleasing. They’re the spoonful of sugar that makes the medicine go down, and the medicine is ~economix~.

Maoyuu is just a glorified economics textbook. This isn’t rocket science. Someone (can’t remember who, tell me if you remember) once said: “Spice and Wolf is about characters, with some random economics thrown in. Maoyuu is about economics, with some random characters thrown in.”

Like a textbook, the author wraps Maoyuu in bright pictures and colourful ‘real-world’ examples that drive up production costs a thousandfold. Like a textbook, Maoyuu is just a lecture transposed into another medium. Like a textbook, Maoyuu also suffers from masterful pacing: serf girl mutters, sotto voce, “You’ve never been starving, have you?” Cut to comedy music. Let’s imply that starving serfs is totally a joke! Yeah! (That said, who would want to starve half-servile labour? That’s a recipe to losing money, fast…)

Unlike a textbook, we’re not in an economics class. We don’t need to learn this. Is Maoyuu actually doing a public service? Is Maoyuu an educational anime?

Yes, yes to both. Sure, it’s patronizing 1984-ish (actually manipulating the war so that ending it will be easier?) ~COMMUNISM~ crap, but short of Moshidora, the edutainment doesn’t get much more obvious.

Maoyuu is an educational anime through and through. Nothing else.


Courage in Tamako Market 3

[MUSHYHIJACK: I have rescheduled this post to clear January 13th – February 15th of any posts. The original posting date was January 25th.]

Imagine for a moment that the simple things in life become the most difficult. Everything is turned upside down. What if it were easier to be cold and distant than to be warm and friendly? What if saying “thank you” felt unnatural and impossible?

(more…)


Btooom! 5

Himiko’s voice actress sounds like she hasn’t slept for three days and just wants to get this over with so that she can go home. People don’t shout like that, OK.

Imagine what the English dub would sound like.

P.S. ‘rape’ doesn’t count as character development sorry

P.P.S. no she just said ‘get away from me’ in japanese mr. yuu kenot sbeek so shud ab

P.P.P.S. sena, blonde, boobs, etc.


Btooom! 4

since himiko’s not in this episode have an obligatory half-naked guy

how do these people procreate

p.s. fourteen-year-olds aren’t that short, though some may be that smart and psychotic

p.p.s. i was wondering if they would wear the same clothes forever, but the kits all have different things – sunscreen, flashlights, pots (for instant noodles), extra shirts, etc. maybe there’ll be big kits with water purifiers, fishing rods, and matches, or kits with y’know REPLACEMENT BIMs

p.p.p.s. four months in the future: everybody runs out of BIMs, guy with survival knife wins because nobody else has anything sharp


Btooom! 3

Presented without comment.

Not sure how sonar/radar works when you’re in a dense jungle… do radio waves go through trees?


Btooom! 1 [Impressions]

The joke is that there are bombs (bakudans) in a bag (bagguugug). By fusing these together we have a portmanteau: Bagudans. HA HA HA HILARIOUS

Why can’t I hold all these BAGudans?!

Status: lol Blogging


Commando Flare busting the little busters

Alright…

The first episode of “Little Busters” came out.

…and I watched it.

For those of you who don’t know, the “Little busters” anime is ab adaptation of KEY’s game “Little Busters”.It’s a game where you do stuff and shit,but that doesn’t matter right now.This is a post about the ANIME!

I thought about posting images from the episode…

…no.It’s a terrible idea…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

OH MAN,ANIME!OH MAN,LITTLE BUSTERS SO GOOD!I JUST LOVE ANIME ABOUT HIGH SCHOOLERS WITH DIFFERENT COLORED HAIRS DOING RANDOM STUFF,WITH A BIT OF HIGH QUALITY HUMOR TO SPICE THINGS UP AND OF COURSE

OF COURSE

BAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSEEEEEEEEEEEEBAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLL!

YOU JUST CAN’T SAY “NO!’ TO BASEBALL!

OMG THE MALE CHARACTERS ARE SO COOL!THEY FIGHT AND SHIT.SO AWESOME!THEY ARE PART OF THE LITTLE BUSTERS-A GROUP THAT BUSTS STUFF!{there is also a girl in the group.Later more girls join the group <?>}

SO LIKE,THEY GO TO SCHOOL…THEY DO SCHOOL RELATED STUFF THERE…LIKE FIGHTING…AND…GIRLS SAVING CATS AND KICKING SHIT AROUND!YOU KNOW THAT AN ANIME IS GOOD WHEN A GIRL GETS ANGRY AND START KICKING SHIT AROUND!

OH GOD THAT RIN…BEST CHARACTER EVER.BEST LITTLE BUSTER!I’LL BUST HER UP SO HARD!

[also,flashbacks][also,the art of wasp extermination]

…AND THEN…THEY DECIDE TO START PLAYING BASEBALL…CUZ BASEBALL MAKES YOUR LIFE MEANINGFUL…BUT…THEY NEED GIRLS…BECAUSE…IT’S WRONG IF THERE ARE MORE MALES THAN FEMALES IN A TEAM…

…RIN MIGHT GET…”BUSTED!”OH HAHAHAHAHAHAHA,THAT WAS LITTLE BUSTERS HUMOR!!!

[then stuff happens and more stuff happens and yeah]

…AND THERE’S THAT SILLY GIRL AT THE END OF THE EPISODE,WHO TRIES TO HIDE ON THE ROOF OT THE SCHOOL BUILDING WITH A LOT OF CANDY!OH HO HO HO HO HO!I AM WILLING TO BUST HER UP AND HER CANDY AS WELL!SUCH A CLEVER IDEA FOR A CHARACTER!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Score 10/10

Busting anime!CAN’T WAIT FOR MORE!

You should bust this anime too!It’s so freakin’ bustable!

———————————————————————————————————————————————————-

[I’m sorry,but I didn’t like it.I would like to mention something good about but…I don’t know.Feel free to help me out with this one.]

{The opening-It’s pretty fine actually,but one opening does not make an Anime}


Worse Larks Online 11

A modern epistolary article, by Mushyrulez.

Dr. Christian F. Clean
Argus Entertainment
666 Gr Ave.
Hell’s Gate, BC

April 1st, 2022

Mr. Mackenzie U. S. H. Zdrojkowski
555 Park St.
Vancouver, BC

Dear End-User Customer:

I am pleased to inform you that your application to be a Beta Tester for Sword Art Online has been approved by our customer services department. This letter summarizes your responsibilities in the implementation of this Beta Test. Attached please find the detailed Terms and Conditions of this Agreement. By creating an account for Sword Art Online, you accept these Terms and Conditions.

As a Beta Tester for Sword Art Online, you will:

1. Participate in Sword Art Online for a minimum of twenty (20) hours every week;
2. Agree to submit all physical/emotional usage statistics to Argus Entertainment, Inc.;
3. Actively search for ‘bugs’ existing in the Beta implementation of Sword Art Online;
4. Swear complete secrecy on all aspects of the Beta Implementation of Sword Art Online;

Argus Entertainment, Inc. waives responsibility for all nervous damage caused by the Beta Implementation of Argus Entertainment, Inc.’s revolutionary NerveGear™ product. By accepting the Terms and Conditions attached, you permanently suspend all prospective emotional damage lawsuits that may be caused by your imminent death by electromagnetic combustion. Argus Entertainment, Inc. permanently reserves all rights related to this Beta Implementation of Sword Art Online.

Sincerely yours,

Christian Felix Clean

There's only one 'i' in 'Yui'!

[BUG REPORT #000023]

SUBMITTER: mzdrojkowski1
DATE: 20220402204022
VERSION: SAO0.000.092b
SUMMARY: Sword Art Online is not letting me be a moè girl with only one eyeball.
DESCRIPTION: I really want to be a moè girl with only one eyeball.
STATUS: WONTFIX
REPLY: You are a fucking retard.

I want to be a moè ball with only one girl»


Sword Art a Lion 10

WARNING: To all who appreciate Shakespeare, proper English grammar, and/or Sword Art Online, I apologize in advance for any permanent emotional/mental damage reading this post may have inflicted upon you. Serves you right for reading O-New.

A Shakespearean re-enaction, by Mushyrulez.

ACT I

SCENE I. The Headquarters of the Knights of Blood.

Enter HEATHCLIFF, KIRITO, and ASUNA

HEATHCLIFF: If thou wishes to elope with Asuna,
Be best to settle it in noble battle.
If thou succeeds, so win you her, but:
If losing thus, thou’dst join the Knights.

KIRITO: In battle fair, so let it be.
This affair, I’ll settle upon my sword.
And be not one to cry ‘Hold, hold!’

Exit HEATHCLIFF

ASUNA: Thou art dull beyond dull,
In fight with valiant Heathcliff, how dost thou
Expect a victory?
It is murder to regard such.

I don't even know what a plum-face would look like...

KIRITO: Dissolve thy fears, for fearing such,
Thy complexion approaches a plum.
A warrior shirks never the call of war,
To bait me thus Heathcliff reigns cunning,
Yet against cold steel what words can show?

ASUNA: Thy abilities extend past mortals’ reach,
But Heathcliff dost have more withal.
His shield is saintly,
His robes sacrosanct,
A Nemean beast; sees none his blood.
Alack! I mourn for thee.

KIRITO: If he merely acts the Lion,
Become it, O sword of mine.

Exeunt

Shakespeare’s rolling in his grave»


The War Draft Line 9

Propaganda, by Mushyrulez.

“You WILL join the army!”

Gary Stu Pirates’s booming voice echoed throughout the Forum. It was an open secret Caesar and the Populares were planning to invade Rome, and Pompey needed all the men he could muster. Yet, Mackenzie Ulysses Svetlana Harjot Zdrojkowski was never much for battle. A scholar at heart, he longed to let the days flow by, immersed in study of the Ancients. But war was nigh, and this was his obligation. For his people, for his country.

IT IS MY DUTY TO SHOUT LIKE AN ASSHOLE

Begrudgingly accepting a heavy nondescript chestplate from the centurion, he trudged out towards the training grounds that would be his home for the next seven months.

Sword Art of the Romans»


WordArt Online 8

A haiku, by Mushyrulez.

Just imagine really bad WordArt for this post and you'll be fine.

This episode sucked.
Speechless but for Comic Sans:
Fall’s WordArt Online.

P.S.
Asuna, with her
Maxed cooking skill, really is
A strong female lead.

P.P.S.
Mood change? SAO?
Have you perhaps forgotten:
Episodics suck.

P.P.P.S.
No, it’s not C-Sans.
Wanted to ‘shop it in, but
Vague joke and :effort:


World of Tawnlign 7

A testament to papers, by Mushyrulez.

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Sword Art Online is ultimately an Expressionist message of intrapersonal angst.
Associated Press, JPG File

IRVINE – The popular online entertainment game, World of Tawnlign (WoT), has been pulled from shelves in several cities across North America amid claims of sexism and related charges.

The decision was made barely a week after the ICPD filed a lawsuit against popular gaming distribution agent, GameStart, as part of an international anti-sexism directive. The decision was supported by Canada’s Standing Committee on the Status of Women (FEWO), but many video gamers were disappointed by GameStart’s actions.

“I expected more from someone like GameStart. They’re supposed to protect gamers’ rights, not kowtow to a lawsuit just to cover their own asses,” said Louisville resident Jim Johnny Jones Wednesday. “It’s just outrageous! The consequences are extraordinarily excessive. Besides, this won’t stop online stores from selling [World of Tawnlign] to us. Completely useless.”

On GameStart’s official forum (external link), users are expressing similar sentiments. From one vidjaweeblard430: “im tired of all these femanests [sic] suing so f***in indescrimenenly [sic]. im a girl and i dont see any problem with WoT. akchualy [sic] i look more smexy there then [sic] i do irl lol.”

ICPD chairperson Mackenzie Ulysses Svetlana Harjot Zdrojkowski defended their decision with a thirty-minute speech on Tuesday. “This discrimination has continued on for far too long. If we are to prevent all discrimination as our organization title goes, we must tackle this problem at its branches,” he had to say about their campaign. However, the ICPD remained silent on whether its reaction to World of Tawnlign’s avatars was appropriate.

UPDATE: Zdrojkowski e-mailed back O-New on Monday, claiming that “Any discrimination in any form based on race, creed, sex, orientation, or anything at all is completely unacceptable, no matter the severity,” and that “[The ICPD] must set an example for all to follow.”

I honestly don't understand how girls can wear those short shorts without catching a cold every week. The last time I wore shorts out of gym class was six years ago during a record heat wave.
NEWS photo, taken by Oné W. Bloggs

The ICPD lawsuit alleges that the developer of World of Tawnlign, Tempest Entertainment, Inc., purposefully “limited female player choice” by forcing them to “only wear skirts throughout the game.” Furthermore, Tempest “excludes hermaphrodites from active sexual participation” because of “arbitrary genital limits”. World of Tawnlign requires a pre-game genital scan to confirm gender, although in-game, all men have identical testicles, and all women genitalia differ only in colour.

Members of infamous ‘hack’ group LolSex claim to have found a workaround. From a blog entry (external link) dated June 24th, “It’s actually quite easy [to wear pants.] […] The exploit here deals with Steel Legplates, Dragonskin Leggings, and Worn Corduroy Pants’s internal sex modifier being unmarked for the Asuna. [Tempest Entertainment] will probably patch this up within the month, but until then, enjoy your newfound pants!” Representatives of Tempest Entertainment could not be reached for comment, but LolSex reports that “the bug still hasn’t been patched.”

The Asuna race “are the smartest sentient beings in World of Tawnlign”, says its official wiki (external link). Their diminutive stature and bitchy tsundere attitude create problems for cross-race equipment, possibly leading to LolSex’s exploit. World of Tawnlign is set in the fantasy world of Tawnlign, and takes place 250 years after the original War of Tawnlign. Players must reunite the estranged members of the legendary guild Fate’s Boundary to save Tawnlign from the five resurrected Chaos Dragons.

Look at me. Look back. The dragon is now crystals.
In-game ‘screenshot’ of the Crystal Dragon Kralkatorrik

World of Tawnlign is currently the world’s sixth most popular online video game.

Representatives of GameStart declined comment.

The Associated Press is entitled exclusively to use for re-publication of all news dispatches credited to it or not otherwise credited in this paper and all local news of spontaneous origin published herein.

Episode Notes:

Crafting:
– Does Liz have to learn how to melt iron into steel, how to balance its carbon composition, how to cast a steel alloy, how to heat the alloy, how to taper the edge, how to normalize the metal, how to anneal the blade, how to temper and coat the sword, how to attach the hilt, how to craft the pommel, how to sharpen the blade, and so on…, or does she just have to do the Virtual Reality equivalent of clicking ‘craft’? You can see the ingot literally morph into a sword (complete with hilt), but then adding all those other steps such as sharpening the final weapon seems unnecessarily complex…
– I wonder if every single combination of metal and crafting technique produces a uniquely named sword, or if only certain combinations work. An adamantine + dirt sword would be PRETTY DAMN AWESOME, but it’d take ages to name and add effects to all of them.
– Perhaps the sword name depends on the way the sword was crafted too… which would make it even more complex. There’s a reason games don’t do this, and it’s because :effort:
– My spellchecker says ‘adamantine’ should become ‘daintiness’.

Dungeons:
– How long does it take the dragon to regenerate its limbs? Or is that an entirely different dragon? How come the limited exp pool plot point from episode one is completely glossed over? Why do monsters still respawn‽
– Is the only way to get that metal from falling inside the pit, or do you get it when you kill the dragon? If you have an insanely high Persuasion stat, can you coax the poop out of the dragon? Is it possible that all monster drops are actually monster droppings? Are you sure you still want to eat that chocolate truffle?
– Are you supposed to be able to run out of that bottomless pit? For that matter, how did Kirito escape the death room where Sachi died?

Girls:
– How come everybody Kirito creates a relationship with is a girl, and how come all of them die/disappear after Kirito meets them? Where’s Klein?
– How come every girl’s hair is differently coloured? How come we’ve never seen any guy with nonstandard hair colours?
– Asuna sucks. ASSuna backwards may be ANUSsa but saying “You just want to possess her!” doesn’t make Asuna a strong female character. Being the Vice-Commander of the Knights of Blood doesn’t make Asuna a strong female character. Having permanently angry eyebrows doesn’t make Asuna a strong female character. The strongest characters aren’t strong because the author tries desperately to persuade you; they’re strong because their actions show it. Asuna’s flippancy/austerity combo doesn’t convince me that she’s a character at all. Read those posts, I can hardly say this better.
– On the other hand, moèblob Liz is almost worse but at least she’s not bipolar. Furthermore, the ending of this episode… c’mon, tell me you didn’t feel for Liz. Sword Art Online is a story of jealousy, cockblock Asuna’s woefully oblivious to Liz’s feelings, and Kirito is a humongous egotistical asshole (sorta like me, but not as cool). Were we supposed to feel that Kirito’s ‘consolation’ was enough to comfort Liz? Don’t give me those droppings


Swore Dalton Line 6

A detective mystery, by Mushyrulez.

Oné W. Bloggs’s body dropped lifelessly to the ground beneath them, a silver dagger glistening red in her back.

“Vice-Commander Mackenzie Ulysses Svetlana Harjot Zdrojkowski of the Knights of the Rhine, you handle the rest!” cried Jim Johnny Jones as he spotted a dark shadow moving in the distance. “I’m going after him!”

“Don’t!”

Of course, nobody listens to Mackenzie’s advice, and so Jim Johnny Jones sped off into the sunset, gun in hand. As he raised his monocle to steady a shot at the cloaked assassin, to his immense surprise…

…the assassin disappeared.

You can tell Kirito's Chinese because his eyes don't take up half his face

Canada’s national animal dams everything»


Sword LARPs on the Rhine 5

An experimental light novel-esque, by Mushyrulez

“We’ll lure the field boss into the village.”

“W-Wait a second. If you do that, the villagers-”

“That’s the idea. While the boss is killing NPCs, we’ll attack and destroy it.”

“NPCs aren’t just mere objects like trees or rocks. They’re-”

“Alive? Is that it? They’re just objects. They’ll simply respawn if they’re killed.”

“I can’t go along with this.”

“I, Vice-Commander Mackenzie Ulysses Svetlana Harjot Zdrojkowski of the Knights of the Rhine, am overseeing this operation. Jim Johnny Jones, you will obey my orders.”

“Man, I mean yo, what the fuck? Is there any need to LARP so seriously, dude? I mean I’ve honestly never seen somebody as retarded obsessed with decorum as you, and I’ve been involved in some pretty sick LARPing back in my day. Yo, I understand acting like some asshole commander in-character and shit but we haven’t even started the game! I mean really we’re just like scouting out venues now, not preparing to kill NPCs or whatever. You disgust me. Get out of my fucking sight.”

Made a glopping sound as...

Two years worth of drool made a glopping sound»->


Sword Mart on Limes 4

A story of maples, by Mushyrulez

“That’ll be 200,000,000 mesos, please.”

“Fuck this shit!”

Kiritoe spat on the ground. Unfortunately, MesoStory was a 2-D side-scrolling platformer, and Kiritoe pressed F6 to activate the emoticon representing ‘spitting on the ground’.

Unfortunately, MesoStory did not have such an emoticon, for it was a shitty Korean game nobody played that had horrible pixellation even though the technology exists to do otherwise. Case in point:

A picture of pixellation. A pixel of picturation.

Instead, Kiritoe spat onto his outstretched naked thigh.

…He soon realized the full ramifications of his act.

“Damn, I should probably wear some clothes now.”

In my defense it is sweltering»