I HAVE BIG GUN
I TOOK IT FROM MY L-
I’m sorry. I couldn’t help myself by referencing the show that I’m going to be comparing Jormungand to several times throughout its run, even in this very post.
In actual fact, this show is actually fundamentally different from Black Lagoon, and I think I’m going to be spending most of this post explaining why this is. Wow.
OK, call me crazy, but what if?
So, I’m putting Black Lagoon’s plotline into Durarara; meaning the story will seem more Durarara then Black Lagoon. Here goes some major mindfuck.
Format is “Durarara!! Character”/”Black Lagoon Character”; and one person can be different people. Rock/Mikado is different from Rock/Erika; Erika and Mikado are merely played simultaneously as Rock. When the plot needs to, something like Anri/Revy can switch to Anri/Balalaika. Killed also merely means “won’t appear significantly again” (cause you know people don’t die in DRRR, and in Lagoon… well… they do).
Mikado/Rock leaves his home, Japan, to live in Ikebukuro/Roanapur. As he wanders around, he meets some people; Kyohei/Dutch, Saburo/Benny, and… Erika/Rock and Walker/Benny.
Anyways, the Kidnappers/Military corner Rio/Rock, but Celty/Revy kills them. Mikado/Rock then meets with Masaomi/Balalaika who introduce (time-warp time, this gets teleported to the future where you actually do know these people) Shizuo/Roberta, Simon/Bai-Ji Shin, and Izaya/Balalaika.
Rio/Rock becomes emo and decides to commit suicide, which Izaya/Balalaika encourages. But Celty/Revy “saves” him/her, and thus Rio/Rock gets forgotten and disappears (becoming Mikado/Rock).
Mikado/Rock asks Kyohei/Dutch about the Hotel Moscow/Dollars but Kyohei/Dutch tell him it’s too dangerous to mess around. Izaya/Balalaika attacks Luak/those annoying girls, and then kill Chin/some gang members.
Celty/Revy and Shinra/Rock remember their “past” when… well, nothing much is revealed about Rock and Revy’s past in Black Lagoon, so… stuff happens.
Anri/Balalaika talks about Mika/Ratchman and stuff happen. Seiji/Sir Alfred does stuff, so MORE STUFF HAPPEN.
Kadota’s gang/Lagoon Company rescues Kaztano/The Twelve Knights Led by Brunhilda.
OK, now here’s some more timebending; imagine that the German-submarine arc extends till episode 12. Then imagine that Roberta’s arc is now. So it is: Shizuo/Roberta reveals that while s/he was young, s/he kept on breaking his bones by throwing refrigerators at random people/assassinated people because she was a terrorist. Eventually, s/he came to be employed by Tom the debt collector/Diego Jose San Fernando Lovelace the… person. Shizuo/Roberta thinks about his brother/noone at all, Kasuka/noone.
Celty/Revy talks to Shinra/Rock about her head/money in Shinra’s house/the submarine.
Mika/Ratchman realizes that Seiji/Alfred is sending her/him to her/his death, and well… the Seiji arc is too creepy to even be transposed, so we’ll leave it as “both of them are never heard of again”, cause DRRR doesn’t really give them any significance later. Seiji/submarine arc is now over.
Celty/Revy is chased by Kinnosuke/the Protectors of the Islamic Front. Nevertheless, she eventually loses them/BLOWS ALL OF THEIR HEADS OFF. Celty/Revy is then asked to pick up Shingen/the briefcase and take him/it to Shinra/the CIA, which she does.
The Slasher/Gretel attacks a bunch of people. Mikado/Rock is worried because The Slasher is targeting Dollars/Hotel Moscow.
Shuji/Hänsel tries to attack Anri/Balalaika but is killed by Kyohei’s Gang/Lagoon Company (Hotel Moscow).
Anri/Revy is visited by The Slasher/Gretel, who is revealed as Haruna. Haruna/Gretel then chases Takashi/Eda, and Anri/Revy is forced to reveal herself as the slasher/put Haruna/Gretel on the Black Lagoon.
Anri/Balalaika reveals that she’s the real “Slasher”, and kill Haruna/Gretel.
Masaomi’s past really has no place in Black Lagoon either, so I’m just going to stop trying. But Saki is Janet, and it somewhat fits; there’s this girl, people want to attack her for money, and she gets severely injured/survives without a scratch. Anyways Greenback Jane’s arc is over in one paragraph of discussion :/
Anri/Balalaika finds out that Masaomi/Balalaika’s the leader of… wait, they’re the same person
Finally we come to the last arcs, the climaxes (or in the case of DRRR, anticlimax) – Fujiyama Gansta Paradise.
Masaomi/Tsugio tries to find out who the Dollars/Hotel Moscow are (doing), and Izaya/Balalaika reveals that the leader of the Dollars is Mikado/they will do ANYTHING TO SECURE PROFITS. Noone/Tsugio then dies.
Nevertheless Takeguchi/Laptev dies because of the Yellow Scarves/Washimine Group. Horoda/Chaka then kidnap Anri/Yukio. However, some Dollars Members/Revy and Ginji get her back. Mikado/Yukio then disbands the Dollars/Washimine Group.
Shizuo gets shot but nobody cares about that
Masaomi/Rock tries to tell the Yellow Scarves/Hotel Moscow to stop attacking the Washimine Group/Dollars, but Horoda/Balalaika holds him at gunpoint. He is finally saved when Anri and Mikado burst through the door/HE SAYS SOMETHING FREAKING WITTY.
Horoda/Ginji “runs away” but a bunch of people/Revy kill him.
Character List 1:
(Black Lagoon = Durarara, chronologically)
The Black Lagoon Arc:
Roanapur = Ikebukuro
Rock = Mikado, Erika, Rio, Shinra, Masaomi
Revy = Celty, Anri, Dollars Member, “a bunch of people”
Dutch = Kyohei
Benny = Saburo, Walker
Lagoon Company = Kyohei’s Gang
Hotel Moscow = Dollars, Yellow Scarves
Balalaika = Masaomi, Izaya, Anri, Horoda
Military = Kidnappers
Chin = Gang Members
Luak = Annoying Girls
Die Rückkehr des Adlers Arc:
The Twelve Knights Led by Brunhilda = Kaztano
Ratchman = Mika
Sir Alfred = Seiji
Calm Down, Two Men Arc:
Eda = Takashi
Roberta = Shizuo
Lock’n Load Revolution Arc:
Bai Ji-Shin = Simon
The Protectors of the Islamic Front = Kinnosuke
The Briefcase with Information about The Protectors of the Islamic Front = Shingen
The Vampire Twins Comen Arc:
Hänsel (formerly Gretel, but gets killed as Hänsel) = Shuji
Gretel (formerly Hänsel, but gets killed as Gretel) = The Slasher (Haruna)
Greenback Jane Arc:
Janet = Saki
Washimine Group = Yellow Scarves, Dollars
Tsugio = Masaomi, Nonexistent
Ginji = Horoda, Dollars Member
Yukio = Anri, Mikado
Chaka = Horoda
Laptev = Takeguchi
Nonexistent = Kasuka, Namie, Tom, Blue Squares, Dennis, Shiki, Hashim, Hiroshi, Kanazawa, Isaac, Miria, Ruri, Ran, Green Squarves
Character List 2:
(Durarara = Black Lagoon, chronologically)
Exit 1 Episode:
Ikebukuro = Roanapur
Mikado = Rock, Yukio
Masaomi = Rock, Balalaika, Tsugio
Kyohei = Dutch
Saburo = Benny
Walker = Benny
Erika = Rock
Kyohei’s Gang = Black Lagoon
Kidnappers = Military
Rio = Rock
Simon = Bai-Ji Shin
Shizuo = Roberta
Celty = Revy
Mika = Ratchman
Dollars = Hotel Moscow, Washimine Group
Highly Unpredictable Arc:
Seiji = Sir Alfred
Izaya = Balalaika
Anri = Revy, Balalaika, Yukio
Annoying Girls = Luak
Gang Members = Chin
Utterly Alone Arc:
Shinra = Rock
Shingen = The Briefcase with Information about The Protectors of the Islamic Front
Takashi = Eda
Yellow Scarves = Hotel Moscow, Washimine Group
Kaztano = The Twelve Knights Led by Brunhilda
Takeguchi = Laptev
A Sudden Turn Arc:
Kinnosuke = The Protectors of the Islamic Front
The Slasher (Haruna) = Gretel (formerly Hänsel, but gets killed as Gretel)
Shuji = Hänsel (formerly Gretel, but gets killed as Hänsel)
Saki = Janet
Horoda = Balalaika, Ginji, Chaka
Dollars Member = Revy, Ginji
“a bunch of people” = Revy
Nonexistent = Kageyama, Wentzel, Matsuda, Speilberger, Gruppenführer, Fritz, Yolanda, Watsup, Garcia, Hong Kong Triad, Masahiro, Shenhua, Leigharch, Ibraha, Abrego, Verrochio, Rowan, Russel, Frederica, Claude, Rotton, Tsugio, Boris, Columbian Cartel, Rico, Bao, Yoshida, Diego, The Captain, Extra Order Company, Shane
…So there’s the plotline! There’s bound to be holes and errors in it, so comment below if stuff seems weird (’cause I suck at proofreading). Gonna add more information later, but for now… be confused. :3
So, uh, first an announcement: YuChoy was supposed to blog HotD, so he’s taking over that series now. Which leaves me with the other badass series this summer; BLACK LAGOON.
Unfortunately, BLACK LAGOON is actually BLACK LAGOON 2: ROBERTA’S BLOOOOOOOOOOOOD TRAIL, so I’m finishing BLACK LAGOON and BLACK LAGOON: THE SECOND BARRAGE.
Actually, I’ve finished BLACK LAGOON through daily 3-hour marathons. So here it is; an anime half season review.
Episode 6 starts off with Rock and Revy RUNNING ERRANDS.
They first go talk to this STRONGLY-PIMP-LOOKING-LIKE AFRO-DUDE about BEER.
Next is Balalaika about… well, right now they’re looking at a computer screen. Guess what they’re looking at.
They then visit a CHURCH.
Where they buy ROCKET LAUNCHERS.
The church apparently deals in drugs and arms trades, and because they’re religious they can MOVE AROUND without people SHOOTING THEM TO DEATH. Anyways, Rock manages to talk about TEA for so long that the CHURCH NUNS give them A ROCKET LAUNCHER and a bunch of other stuff.
Rock and Revy then have a big, useless argument about ideologies, until the police come and arrest them.
Rock then engages in CHILD ABDUCTION, abducting GARCIA Lovelace who is the only son of one of South America’s MOST POWERFUL families. The COLOMBIA CARTEL tried to RANSOM GARCIA but his father, DIEGO wouldn’t let that happen. So, the CARTEL is forced to give GARCIA to the BLACK LAGOON.
GARCIA hopes that his maid, ROBERTA, will save him ’cause she’s cool. But obviously that’s impossible ’cause maids don’t throw knives and stop time.
Nevertheless as the Lagoon heads into the YELLOW FLAG to drink BEER and YELLOW FLAGS, a maid is there with an umbrella and a suitcase, with the Columbian Cartel surrounding her.
Roberta reveals that the umbrella is actually a SPAS-12 Shotgun, and proceeds to decimate the members of the Cartel with the shotgun, her bulletproof suitcase as protection, and a machine gun and grenade launcher inside the suitcase. Garcia jumps up to tell her to stop, but Revy holds a gun to his head. Revy and Roberta then proceed to fight, leading to a grenade giving Revy a concussion. The Lagoon retreats, as the Head of the Columbian Cartel reveal that she’s an ex-FARC guerilla-assassin and an internationally wanted criminal. Roberta drops grenades onto the ground, steals a car, and proceeds to chase the fleeing Lagoon Company.
Hotel Moscow decides to join the fight and assembles a squad to aid Lagoon.
Meanwhile, Roberta manages to reach over and almost grab Dutch out of his car ’cause she’s THAT STRONG. Fortunately Dutch shot her radiator, so her car… dies.
Benny decides to drive through the small alleyways, but Rock says that going full speed on the main road would be best, as well as faster.
Even so, Roberta takes another car, drives off a roof, and crashes into the Lagoon’s car, head-on.
Roberta’s car crashes into the wall but the Lagoon’s car still works, so they head off. BUT ROBERTA RUNS, WHILE WEARING HIGH HEELS, AND CATCHES UP TO THEIR CAR. She takes a TRENCH KNIFE and SPIKED BRASS KNUCKLES and CLIMBS ONTO THE BACK OF THEIR CAR.
Roberta takes out a pair of SISTEMA COLT MODEL 1927S and starts SHOOTING AT THE CAR. Eventually, they reach a dead end and crash into one of those cargo-container things.
ROBERTA IS STILL ALIVE.
But Revy wakes up, so they start fightin’.
BUT IT KILLS LIKE EVERYTHING. As they’re about to kill each other…
Nevertheless, they still want to kill each other so they fight bare-handed, which concludes in a draw.
Next would be episode 11. An epic HONG KONG guy named MR. JACKIE CHAN (well, it’s actually BAI JI-SHIN CHANG), the BOSS of the ROANAPUR TRIAD, reveals that someone BOMBED HIS OFFICE. CHAN has epic PAPERS that he got from some STUPID GUY, and so people want those PAPERS.”]
AND SO THOSE PEOPLE STORM THE BUILDING BUT MR. CHAN IS AN EXPERT IN GUN FU
The papers are to the CIA, and concern a TERRORIST ISLAMIC GROUP, the PROTECTORS OF THE ISLAMIC FRONT.
They take the papers on the BLACK LAGOON but are pursued, so Rock and Revy go down to land. Takenaka MASAHIRO, a LEADER of the terrorist group, poses as their driver and take ROCK hostage, WITH THE BRIEFCASE.
Revy is saved by SHENHUA, a STEREOTYPE assassin and her getaway driver, Leigharch.
Rock and Masahiro talk about stupid stuff, while Masahiro’s comrade, IBRAHA, wants to torture Rock. Masahiro said to wait ’till tomorrow, and finds that the briefcase is empty.
Shenhua and Revy RAID THE CAMP and the group sends VEHICLES AFTER THEM
But they destroy them all. Ibraha wants to send everyone to retrieve the documents but Masahiro knows that that’ll be suicide, so he shoots Ibraha to death.
Revy delivers the documents to the CIA and they leave in a HELICOPTER
Concluding BLACK LAGOON.
Well, what can I say.
It’s badassery to the most badass degree possible. I’m definitely looking forward to finishing the next two seasons of this.
But even so, there’s little semblance of plot; Black Lagoon starts with introducing people, then introducing more people with some action (first “arc”). Then more people, some backstory, more action (neo-Nazi “arc”). Even more people, even more backstory, even more action (Roberta “arc”). Finally, an immense amount of people, an infodump of backstory, and a hell ton of action (terrorist “arc”). We’re introduced to people who might become an important role in future plotlines (such as Balalaika). Or, those who we’ll never, ever, see again, even in flashbacks (such as Ratchman). And we have no idea who we won’t see ever again. I, for one, didn’t expect Bao (owner of the Yellow Flag) to be seen ever again, but he’s obviously there for comedic foil.
Inside the arcs, the plots are brilliant and well-conducted. There aren’t many info dumps, and the ones that there are are so stupid that you don’t need to know about them. The scenes are, for the most part, realistic.
The main problem I have (plot aside) would still be how they manage to shoot so many times and not get hit. The gangsters have ASSAULT RIFLES while they have PISTOLS, and they still beat up a couple dozen of them WITHOUT GETTING SHOT AT, EVEN ONCE. They WALK through hallways without being shot. Either this is some way to not make the characters anti-climatically die, or those people suck A LOT at shooting. THEY HAVE SNIPERS WHO CAN’T SHOOT. Just about the only success they’ve had was the guy with the RPG firing at Lagoon and Chan. AND EVEN THAT DID ABSOLUTELY NO DAMAGE AT ALL.
Yes, it’s brilliant; but Black Lagoon honestly doesn’t seem much beyond “shoot, shoot, shoot, introduce badass dude, shoot, introduce sucky guy, shoot, shoot, kill sucky guy, repeat”. Plot’s jumpy and discontinuous, and there’s no “ARE THEY GOING TO SURVIVE?!” sense around me cause I know, they can’t get hit. And when they do get hit by a bullet, they shrug it off like Shizuo.
Overall Rating: 6/10 (Amazing)
Add more plot, more realism; and this will have all the ingredients to become a masterpiece.