O-New: Now Extinct Website

Posts tagged “Completely Unedited

Btooom! 1 [Impressions]

The joke is that there are bombs (bakudans) in a bag (bagguugug). By fusing these together we have a portmanteau: Bagudans. HA HA HA HILARIOUS

Why can’t I hold all these BAGudans?!

Status: lol Blogging


ST&RS 25

TWIST ENDING: MAHO AND AMACHI IMPREGNATED WITH ASTRAL ENERGIES. LITERALLY.

OK, so NilaiTP got a direct JP -> Eng translator, so the grammar isn’t as egregious. Would’ve been interesting to DUWANG that but they’re a decent group, so I won’t. Instead, have some diabetes

"I can see the light!"

ST&RS doesn’t bother explaining all this deus ex cause ~aliens~

~aliens~ do whatever

~aliens~

want

go away logic >:(

P.S. since amachi’s harnessing the power of PEOPLE’S HOPES AND DREAMS via email do I get the power of flare from blog comments. if I read books will I be like patchy and royal flare things/people/~aliens~

P.P.S. if your answer to any of the above questions was ‘no’ your a horibowl humen bean


Sword Art a Lion 10

WARNING: To all who appreciate Shakespeare, proper English grammar, and/or Sword Art Online, I apologize in advance for any permanent emotional/mental damage reading this post may have inflicted upon you. Serves you right for reading O-New.

A Shakespearean re-enaction, by Mushyrulez.

ACT I

SCENE I. The Headquarters of the Knights of Blood.

Enter HEATHCLIFF, KIRITO, and ASUNA

HEATHCLIFF: If thou wishes to elope with Asuna,
Be best to settle it in noble battle.
If thou succeeds, so win you her, but:
If losing thus, thou’dst join the Knights.

KIRITO: In battle fair, so let it be.
This affair, I’ll settle upon my sword.
And be not one to cry ‘Hold, hold!’

Exit HEATHCLIFF

ASUNA: Thou art dull beyond dull,
In fight with valiant Heathcliff, how dost thou
Expect a victory?
It is murder to regard such.

I don't even know what a plum-face would look like...

KIRITO: Dissolve thy fears, for fearing such,
Thy complexion approaches a plum.
A warrior shirks never the call of war,
To bait me thus Heathcliff reigns cunning,
Yet against cold steel what words can show?

ASUNA: Thy abilities extend past mortals’ reach,
But Heathcliff dost have more withal.
His shield is saintly,
His robes sacrosanct,
A Nemean beast; sees none his blood.
Alack! I mourn for thee.

KIRITO: If he merely acts the Lion,
Become it, O sword of mine.

Exeunt

Shakespeare’s rolling in his grave»


The War Draft Line 9

Propaganda, by Mushyrulez.

“You WILL join the army!”

Gary Stu Pirates’s booming voice echoed throughout the Forum. It was an open secret Caesar and the Populares were planning to invade Rome, and Pompey needed all the men he could muster. Yet, Mackenzie Ulysses Svetlana Harjot Zdrojkowski was never much for battle. A scholar at heart, he longed to let the days flow by, immersed in study of the Ancients. But war was nigh, and this was his obligation. For his people, for his country.

IT IS MY DUTY TO SHOUT LIKE AN ASSHOLE

Begrudgingly accepting a heavy nondescript chestplate from the centurion, he trudged out towards the training grounds that would be his home for the next seven months.

Sword Art of the Romans»


ST&RS 24

Mad props to NilaiTP, an Indonesian group that double-translates JP -> INDO -> ENG, for continuing with ST&RS after Clockwork Lies dropped it nine months ago (presumably either because copyright or because they realized it’d be axed). NilaiTP’s releasing the chapters weekly now, and I reasonably expect them to scanlate until the end in chapter 39.

So, knowing that I owe to you guys my ability to process this manga, the following images aren’t meant to insult your editor’s abilities. They’re just the easiest images to use.

Did I mention that ST&RS is getting axed? Yeah, they’re ending it in chapter 39. ‘Twas only a matter of time…

Transcript: "I was really helped." "No problem." "All schools in Russia are also excited."

I really WAS helped!»


Gangsta 15

KRILL TWILITES

Once there were two little boys sitting in a mansion. The first one says, “Pass the soap!” The second on says, “So moe, radio.”

It’s a pun because there are radios in the flashback and they are moe.

Gangsta’s storytelling is always awesome. If this became an anime (and as long as it’s not cancelled, I’m sure of it), the production company would only need to follow the original chapters’ scripts to a tee. Even the narration, which some people so vehemently despise, is rendered beautifully—by talking of the past during the present action, we see the consequences of history. The cruel irony of Nicolas’s blade as it cuts into peaceful demonstraters (ok, Gangsta, this is getting a bit far) juxtaposed onto Worrick cutting his steak (this is a metaphor, take notes) is… cruel irony. Furthermore, it’d be tasteless to have music playing during bloody flashbacks, and silence renders it too disturbing. A voiceover solves all of that, adds backstory, and allows unimportant yet character/setting-defining action to take place.

Rape isn’t a backstory. This is how you develop a character’s growths and motivations.

Furthermore, the constant switches between the (relatively) placid present to the not-so-halcyon past keep us wanting more flashbacks without forgetting where we actually are. Until the last chapter, the flashbacks weren’t necessarily chronological either. It’s like playing a mystery game, piecing the clues together one at a time, slowly understanding more and more of a story’s sociopolitical context.

Horizon’s extravagant flashiness isn’t world-building. This is how you build a world.


WordArt Online 8

A haiku, by Mushyrulez.

Just imagine really bad WordArt for this post and you'll be fine.

This episode sucked.
Speechless but for Comic Sans:
Fall’s WordArt Online.

P.S.
Asuna, with her
Maxed cooking skill, really is
A strong female lead.

P.P.S.
Mood change? SAO?
Have you perhaps forgotten:
Episodics suck.

P.P.P.S.
No, it’s not C-Sans.
Wanted to ‘shop it in, but
Vague joke and :effort:


World of Tawnlign 7

A testament to papers, by Mushyrulez.

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Sword Art Online is ultimately an Expressionist message of intrapersonal angst.
Associated Press, JPG File

IRVINE – The popular online entertainment game, World of Tawnlign (WoT), has been pulled from shelves in several cities across North America amid claims of sexism and related charges.

The decision was made barely a week after the ICPD filed a lawsuit against popular gaming distribution agent, GameStart, as part of an international anti-sexism directive. The decision was supported by Canada’s Standing Committee on the Status of Women (FEWO), but many video gamers were disappointed by GameStart’s actions.

“I expected more from someone like GameStart. They’re supposed to protect gamers’ rights, not kowtow to a lawsuit just to cover their own asses,” said Louisville resident Jim Johnny Jones Wednesday. “It’s just outrageous! The consequences are extraordinarily excessive. Besides, this won’t stop online stores from selling [World of Tawnlign] to us. Completely useless.”

On GameStart’s official forum (external link), users are expressing similar sentiments. From one vidjaweeblard430: “im tired of all these femanests [sic] suing so f***in indescrimenenly [sic]. im a girl and i dont see any problem with WoT. akchualy [sic] i look more smexy there then [sic] i do irl lol.”

ICPD chairperson Mackenzie Ulysses Svetlana Harjot Zdrojkowski defended their decision with a thirty-minute speech on Tuesday. “This discrimination has continued on for far too long. If we are to prevent all discrimination as our organization title goes, we must tackle this problem at its branches,” he had to say about their campaign. However, the ICPD remained silent on whether its reaction to World of Tawnlign’s avatars was appropriate.

UPDATE: Zdrojkowski e-mailed back O-New on Monday, claiming that “Any discrimination in any form based on race, creed, sex, orientation, or anything at all is completely unacceptable, no matter the severity,” and that “[The ICPD] must set an example for all to follow.”

I honestly don't understand how girls can wear those short shorts without catching a cold every week. The last time I wore shorts out of gym class was six years ago during a record heat wave.
NEWS photo, taken by Oné W. Bloggs

The ICPD lawsuit alleges that the developer of World of Tawnlign, Tempest Entertainment, Inc., purposefully “limited female player choice” by forcing them to “only wear skirts throughout the game.” Furthermore, Tempest “excludes hermaphrodites from active sexual participation” because of “arbitrary genital limits”. World of Tawnlign requires a pre-game genital scan to confirm gender, although in-game, all men have identical testicles, and all women genitalia differ only in colour.

Members of infamous ‘hack’ group LolSex claim to have found a workaround. From a blog entry (external link) dated June 24th, “It’s actually quite easy [to wear pants.] […] The exploit here deals with Steel Legplates, Dragonskin Leggings, and Worn Corduroy Pants’s internal sex modifier being unmarked for the Asuna. [Tempest Entertainment] will probably patch this up within the month, but until then, enjoy your newfound pants!” Representatives of Tempest Entertainment could not be reached for comment, but LolSex reports that “the bug still hasn’t been patched.”

The Asuna race “are the smartest sentient beings in World of Tawnlign”, says its official wiki (external link). Their diminutive stature and bitchy tsundere attitude create problems for cross-race equipment, possibly leading to LolSex’s exploit. World of Tawnlign is set in the fantasy world of Tawnlign, and takes place 250 years after the original War of Tawnlign. Players must reunite the estranged members of the legendary guild Fate’s Boundary to save Tawnlign from the five resurrected Chaos Dragons.

Look at me. Look back. The dragon is now crystals.
In-game ‘screenshot’ of the Crystal Dragon Kralkatorrik

World of Tawnlign is currently the world’s sixth most popular online video game.

Representatives of GameStart declined comment.

The Associated Press is entitled exclusively to use for re-publication of all news dispatches credited to it or not otherwise credited in this paper and all local news of spontaneous origin published herein.

Episode Notes:

Crafting:
– Does Liz have to learn how to melt iron into steel, how to balance its carbon composition, how to cast a steel alloy, how to heat the alloy, how to taper the edge, how to normalize the metal, how to anneal the blade, how to temper and coat the sword, how to attach the hilt, how to craft the pommel, how to sharpen the blade, and so on…, or does she just have to do the Virtual Reality equivalent of clicking ‘craft’? You can see the ingot literally morph into a sword (complete with hilt), but then adding all those other steps such as sharpening the final weapon seems unnecessarily complex…
– I wonder if every single combination of metal and crafting technique produces a uniquely named sword, or if only certain combinations work. An adamantine + dirt sword would be PRETTY DAMN AWESOME, but it’d take ages to name and add effects to all of them.
– Perhaps the sword name depends on the way the sword was crafted too… which would make it even more complex. There’s a reason games don’t do this, and it’s because :effort:
– My spellchecker says ‘adamantine’ should become ‘daintiness’.

Dungeons:
– How long does it take the dragon to regenerate its limbs? Or is that an entirely different dragon? How come the limited exp pool plot point from episode one is completely glossed over? Why do monsters still respawn‽
– Is the only way to get that metal from falling inside the pit, or do you get it when you kill the dragon? If you have an insanely high Persuasion stat, can you coax the poop out of the dragon? Is it possible that all monster drops are actually monster droppings? Are you sure you still want to eat that chocolate truffle?
– Are you supposed to be able to run out of that bottomless pit? For that matter, how did Kirito escape the death room where Sachi died?

Girls:
– How come everybody Kirito creates a relationship with is a girl, and how come all of them die/disappear after Kirito meets them? Where’s Klein?
– How come every girl’s hair is differently coloured? How come we’ve never seen any guy with nonstandard hair colours?
– Asuna sucks. ASSuna backwards may be ANUSsa but saying “You just want to possess her!” doesn’t make Asuna a strong female character. Being the Vice-Commander of the Knights of Blood doesn’t make Asuna a strong female character. Having permanently angry eyebrows doesn’t make Asuna a strong female character. The strongest characters aren’t strong because the author tries desperately to persuade you; they’re strong because their actions show it. Asuna’s flippancy/austerity combo doesn’t convince me that she’s a character at all. Read those posts, I can hardly say this better.
– On the other hand, moèblob Liz is almost worse but at least she’s not bipolar. Furthermore, the ending of this episode… c’mon, tell me you didn’t feel for Liz. Sword Art Online is a story of jealousy, cockblock Asuna’s woefully oblivious to Liz’s feelings, and Kirito is a humongous egotistical asshole (sorta like me, but not as cool). Were we supposed to feel that Kirito’s ‘consolation’ was enough to comfort Liz? Don’t give me those droppings


Swore Dalton Line 6

A detective mystery, by Mushyrulez.

Oné W. Bloggs’s body dropped lifelessly to the ground beneath them, a silver dagger glistening red in her back.

“Vice-Commander Mackenzie Ulysses Svetlana Harjot Zdrojkowski of the Knights of the Rhine, you handle the rest!” cried Jim Johnny Jones as he spotted a dark shadow moving in the distance. “I’m going after him!”

“Don’t!”

Of course, nobody listens to Mackenzie’s advice, and so Jim Johnny Jones sped off into the sunset, gun in hand. As he raised his monocle to steady a shot at the cloaked assassin, to his immense surprise…

…the assassin disappeared.

You can tell Kirito's Chinese because his eyes don't take up half his face

Canada’s national animal dams everything»


Sword LARPs on the Rhine 5

An experimental light novel-esque, by Mushyrulez

“We’ll lure the field boss into the village.”

“W-Wait a second. If you do that, the villagers-”

“That’s the idea. While the boss is killing NPCs, we’ll attack and destroy it.”

“NPCs aren’t just mere objects like trees or rocks. They’re-”

“Alive? Is that it? They’re just objects. They’ll simply respawn if they’re killed.”

“I can’t go along with this.”

“I, Vice-Commander Mackenzie Ulysses Svetlana Harjot Zdrojkowski of the Knights of the Rhine, am overseeing this operation. Jim Johnny Jones, you will obey my orders.”

“Man, I mean yo, what the fuck? Is there any need to LARP so seriously, dude? I mean I’ve honestly never seen somebody as retarded obsessed with decorum as you, and I’ve been involved in some pretty sick LARPing back in my day. Yo, I understand acting like some asshole commander in-character and shit but we haven’t even started the game! I mean really we’re just like scouting out venues now, not preparing to kill NPCs or whatever. You disgust me. Get out of my fucking sight.”

Made a glopping sound as...

Two years worth of drool made a glopping sound»->


Sword Mart on Limes 4

A story of maples, by Mushyrulez

“That’ll be 200,000,000 mesos, please.”

“Fuck this shit!”

Kiritoe spat on the ground. Unfortunately, MesoStory was a 2-D side-scrolling platformer, and Kiritoe pressed F6 to activate the emoticon representing ‘spitting on the ground’.

Unfortunately, MesoStory did not have such an emoticon, for it was a shitty Korean game nobody played that had horrible pixellation even though the technology exists to do otherwise. Case in point:

A picture of pixellation. A pixel of picturation.

Instead, Kiritoe spat onto his outstretched naked thigh.

…He soon realized the full ramifications of his act.

“Damn, I should probably wear some clothes now.”

In my defense it is sweltering»


Sword Farts Online 3

Sword Farts Online

A nested loop of dubious quality and dubious nestedness, by Mushyrulez

“”””Get out.”

Mackenzie Ulysses Svetlana Harjot Zdrojkowski, seated comfortably behind a large mahogany table with his legs crossed on top of it, looked up from his erotic volume – if you know what I mean.

What I mean is, he paused his reading of Sword Art Online Chapter 16.5 for two main reasons. Firstly, the work was so depressingly vapid that he couldn’t help but kick it into the incinerator conveniently glued to the ceiling, raining ashes, infernos, and fiery hell onto the poor individual underneath. Secondly, the poor individual underneath the incinerator was so distressingly constipated that he couldn’t help but ogle at the poor member, if you know what I mean.

Exhibit 1: The Onset of a Fart.

“I DON’T CARE WHAT YOU MEAN!” shouted the constipated Christian Felix Clean to the unassuming narrator sitting in the corner, talking with a monotone voice in the third person. “GET OUT OF MY FUCKING OFFICE!”

Tune in next episode for the exciting adventures of fart»


Kyoukai Senjou no Horizon II 2

Très Espagnol!

As part of a livewatch with The Classiest Anime, I skimmed the first two episodes of Kyoukai Senjou no Horizon II: Horizon in the Middle of Nowhere (II).

I say ‘skimmed’ and not ‘watched’ because frankly, the incessant chatter and my unceasingly annoying textual quips stole my attention away from the action on-screen. 80% of the blame is on me here for being annoyed by myself and annoying others with my typing. 20% of the blame goes to my parents, who parked their asses right behind my monitor and stared at it for a good ten minutes. I was not so disposed as to enlighten them to the masterpiece that is Horizon, and thus ‘watched’ half of the episode blind à la Gosick 12.

Furthermore, I arrived at the livewatch late. Forty minutes late. Thus, I missed the entirety of the first episode. In fact, I am writing this post having seen none of the first episode, having seen ten minutes of the second, and being constantly distracted on top of that.

Hurry, ZUN, indies meddle your sold wares»


Words Are Unlined 2

Words Are Unlined

A NSFW fapfic, by Mushyrulez

–INCOMING TRANSMISSION–

GOOD MORNING AGENT MACKENZIE ULYSSES SVETLANA HARJOT ZDROJKOWSKI STOP

WE HAVE RECEIVED REPORTS OF AN ENORMOUS FIVE HUNDRED POUND NECKBEARD LOSER LIVING IN HIS PARENTS BASEMENT STOP HOWEVER IT IS NOT HIS SUPERFLUITY THAT IRKS US IT IS THE HORRID FANFICTION THAT HE HAS WRITTEN THAT HAS INFECTED THE HEARTS AND MINDS OF CORRUPT JAPANESE SCHOOLGIRLS WORLDWIDE STOP AND BY WORLDWIDE I MEAN IN JAPAN STOP

THANKFULLY WE HAVE ALREADY ISSUED A RESTRAINING ORDER ON HIM INTENDED TO PROHIBIT THE CONTINUED PROPAGATION OF HIS GLOPPING PROSE STOP THESE RESTRAINING ORDERS PROHIBIT HIM FROM APPROACHING WITHIN THREE METRES OF ANY TYPEWRITER OR LINED PAPER OR ANY OTHER FORM OF ELECTRONIC OR ERECTRONIC DEVICE THAT MAY ENCOURAGE HIS WRITING STOP

THUS YOUR MISSION SHOULD YOU CHOOSE TO ACCEPT IT IS TO STOP HIM FROM WRITING THIS INSIPID FICTION IMMEDIATELY BY SPYING ON HIS PREMISES AND PROMPTLY ARRESTING HIM SHOULD YOU OBSERVE HIS INFRINGEMENT OF THE AFOREMENTIONED RESTRAINING ORDER STOP

AS ALWAYS SHOULD YOU OR ANY MEMBER OF YOUR IM FORCE BE CAUGHT OR KILLED THE SECRET ARES WILL EAT DONUTS WHILE LAUGHING ABOUT THE UNITED STATES NATIONAL DEBT STOP YOUR COMPUTER WILL SELF DESTRUCT IN FIVE SECONDS STOP GOOD LUCK AGENT MACKENZIE ULYSSES SVETLANA HARJOT ZDROJKOWSKI STOP

–TRANSMISSION END–

“Woah, what the well, man?!” screamed Agent Mackenzie Ulysses Svetlana Harjot Zdrojkowski incredulously at his computer monitor. “This computer stores the entire collection of the world’s CP!! What would happen to the economy if it were destroyed?! Wait… how can this self-destruct if this is a telegram delivered by mail? I mean, I just received the package from the mailman, and there’s nothing ins-”

It's like, a picture of light.

That’s supposed to be an explosion»


Yuru Yuri ♪♪ 01

yuruyuri_s2_01_akarin_toot_toot

“Yuru Yuri TOOT-TOOT~”

(more…)


Words Are Online 1

Words Are Online

A short story, by Mushyrulez

It was a light and sunny day. Birds chirped in the background, tweeters tweeted in Starbucks, and construction workers spread their filth throughout the great city, verdant with colour and mud and Indian curry. Mackenzie Ulysses Svetlana Harjot Zdrojkowski sat morosely in front of his computer, sulking while sucking on a lollipop. Unfortunately, even the poor lollipop recognized Mackenzie Ulysses Svetlana Harjot Zdrojkowski’s suckiness, and proceeded to fall gracefully from his lips like a bulldozer as he gaped in shock at the title plastered in front of his computer in bright, glaring Comic Sans MS.

“Dot Hack Slash Slash… Ragnarok Online?”

Two people talk about how Maplestory sucks.

‘Maplestory’ is taboo at O-New»


Ore no Kouhai ga Konna ni Kawaii Wake ga Nai 11

This Sena girl is fucking retarded.

In this chapter: QUALITY ART.

By 'quality' I mean kindergartener

Stay tuned for an exciting announcement tonight from me, and another exciting announcement sometime later from somebody else, whenever he decides to excitedly announce it.

tl;dr: filler posts


Ore no Kouhai ga Konna ni Kawaii Wake ga Nai 9

AGHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

This is the sound effect I make when I realize NOTHING HAPPENED THIS CHAPTER. AT ALL.

P.S. The art seems nice at first but all this white space, pointless dramatic speech bubbles, constant changing of nose sizes… sigh.
P.P.S. inb4 ‘lol you can’t say their art sucks because you can’t even draw!’. I say inb4 because nobody’s going to read this post, and for good reason


Jormungand 9

This is, unfortunately, the only beach scene picture that I’m willing to put in this post»


Jormungand 8

Cute armed men doing cute armed things»


Steins;Gate: Boukan no Rebellion 13

REWRITTEN POSTS YEAH~!

REWRITTEN POSTS AUH~!»


Jormungand 7

It really gets better every episode»


Jormungand 6

We are a killing team»


Gangsta 13

If I were cool and American and not Chinese, that just might be me at this moment. However, I’m not cool, not American, and I am Chinese. My brother’s American, though, so that just might be his face if he weren’t Chinese. But he is also Chinese.

I really liked this chapter, lewd fanart aside, because it had little children and little children are cute. No, I’m not a pedophile, these kids are 13 and I’m not even 5 years older than them. Some old man married a girl 97 years younger than himself. I think his name was Edgar Cullman or something like that. It was pretty sick, and sick as in ‘disgustingly perverse’, not as in ‘radically suave’.

CHILD PRAWNS AHEAD»