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Arbitrary Definition: “Mario” IN HD

In HD. Inn Aych-Dee (adj.) As in, lots of talking.

Mario. Mah-ri-o (p. n.) “Mario” is a word used in conjunction with the existence of a particular plumber who enjoys wearing red-hued garments or large overalls and dealing out justice to the evil scum that clogs up pipes, most notably toilet pipes. This (“) dictionary (“) assumes this confidently, going on the fact that Mario is a plumber, and that plumbers clean pipes with their trusty plumber plungers, and that in the junior editor’s experience, the only pipe that seriously needs unclogging is the toilet pipe. “Mario”, in conjunction with the word “game(s)”, can also refer to a (series of) game(s) in which the aforementioned character goes all “Terminator” or,  in other circles, “Mokou” (Mokou is just SLIGHTLY more evil than Youmu <.>) on a variety of evil characters, most of them being turtles or mushrooms. As Mushy, the senior editor of this dictionary, likes mushrooms, and the junior editor says, quote on quote,

“I LIKE TURTLES”

this is occasionally seen as BLOODY GRAPHIC VIOLENCE by several members of the gaming community (See The Armory: Mario’s Feet on IGN). The aforementioned plumber, in these games, does not seem to actually do any plumbing in this game; if you think about this, this is odd; why else would you put a freaking plumber into a game; I mean you could totally go for a prince or say a junior editor; and instead of this weird-sounding name like “Mario”, you could very possibly change it to something more fancy, such as “Houraiguy” or “Houraiguy”; and instead of having ABSOLUTELY NO [action that main character does for his main job, which is not saving princesses D:<], the main character could actually do his job, which would be to DELETE THE HECK OUT OF paragraphs like these;

for;

having;

too;

many;

semi-colons. :P

At this point, several readers of the Encyclopedia Arbitraria et Stupidia et Onewica may question the use of the occupation “junior editor”, seeing that this occupation would not exactly “fit the bill” in many readers’ minds. However, the direct lack of an abundance of occupations where the, to be somewhat direct/blunt, repeated SQUASHING and FLATTENING of various animated mushrooms with tusks and over-sized eyes as well as the kicking of various rainbow-coloured shells belonging to frightened bipedal turtles that, as of late, perform a jig right out of the blue, means that frankly any occupation is open for this position. If the Terminator had gone “You must beh TURMINAYTED” and flew thirty bajillion feet up in the air before zooming down at speeds in excess of 31415926 bajillion kilometres a second to “TURMINAYT” its target, then the Terminator, as a job, would be choice for this job, seeing as the junior editor would rather not induce the wrath of demented dive-bombing steel hunks with red eyes.

In early installations of so-called “Mario” games, the plumber from a place known as the “Mushroom Kingdom”. Why Mario is not plumbing happily in some godforsaken corner of this area is unclear. If we study the storyline, a typical and generally unvarying thing amongst these “games”, it seems that a “Princess Peach” has been kidnapped by the “evil” Bowser. This may help clear up the question of how why Mario was chasing Princess Peach. Perhaps Mario had a relationship with the Princess. It is becoming, with increasing amounts of confirmation by renowned “scientists” (A.K.A Junior editors Me, Myself, I, and Houraiguy), that a possible alternate theory may have been the cause of all this “OH SH*T THE PRINCESS-A CAN STOLERD-A BY A BIG TURTLE WITH SPIKES NOW I HAVE TO RUN-A AFTER THE PRINCESS-A”. This theory is as follows:

“Mario, using the more illegal services of Princess Peach, is behind on his payments to her for her services. After the Princess is dragged away by the spikey turtle, Mario futilely hopes to be redeemed from his debts. After 7 mysterious AND TOTALLY NOT AT ALL REPETITIVE NO NOT AT ALL cryptic messages from mushroom-headed beings with short legs and blue shirts in several Evil Turtle TM castles and a CONFRONTATION with the TURTLE OF SPIKEY DOOM, Mario thinks, stupidly, that the Princess will eradicate his debts to her. She doesn’t. Then, two seconds after the Princess arrives back in her castle, she is stolen by a clone of the EVIL SPIKEY TURTLE. Repeat.”

After the robbery of his Princess, the plumber of Kingdom Hearts a la Mushroom sets off on a JOURNEY. This plumber, in addition to having unprotected *** episodes, also takes drugs. Along his journey to slide down about 30 flagpoles, he encounters four different types of drugs. The first one of these drugs is a large mushroom the size of Mario. This mushroom, when taken, appears to act like instant steroids, doubling his height. The second drug, which oddly only seems to appear when the plumber is at a “two head proportion” (See: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-D1Gr7fM_2w), creates a puffball explosion in which the plumber’s colour palette appears to have been swapped. The third type of drug is a bouncing star. You can tell this star is a “good” guy because it is running away from Mario, who is obviously bad. Another sneaky sign of the drugginess of this star is that is bouncing. This strar will never stop bouncing unless it falls down a pit or is eaten by Mario, who then turns into a Shiny Mario, who is then sought after eagerly by Ash Ketchum, or at least until Mario stops shining ten seconds later. Oddly, whilst the plumber of sparkly overalls bounces off to the next flagpole/toad with the message of “YOU PRINCESS IS OVAR THAIR HUR HUR GO AHED”, he tends to fall in bottomless pits increasingly often, probably because Shiny Mario is increasingly cocky during the duration of this drug. A final drug is another member of the “OH SHOOT MARIO IS COMING TO EAT ME RUN AWAYYY –omnomnommed” family, the One Upius Mushroomius Fungus Thingamajigger. This mushroom seems to carry the detrimental message of “GET A LIFE, MARIO”, or so it’s oddly green soul claims (“1UP”).

At this point, it seems like a good idea to note that Mario, unlike most proper plumbers, uses two sorts of weapons. Unlike conventional Italian plumbers, who would normally attack bipedal mushrooms and turtles with colourful language, chlorela infected waters, and their Trusty Plunger Of Emptying That Toilet Pipe TM, Mario primarily uses a pair of boots and a pair of gloves. These boots must be the same as the ones used by Link (See: “Link”), as few other objects would allow the user to flatten a mushroom with legs into a brown/blue blur with the only memento of this evil gore fest being a white series of letters/numbers rising from where the mushroom once stood, presumably the soul of the “Goomba”. Oddly, these “souls” seem to be either a multiple of 100 or the message “1UP“. Goombas, therefore the Junior Editor concludes, must be weird.

After conquering a number of these enemies, the plumber inevitably stumbles into a grand castle with a lot of white bricks. After dodging a number of fatal oranges smudges, the plumber will always encounter Bowser, who can only be defeated by touching an axe-like lever that causes the bridge, in a Megaman-like effect, disappear into what was thought to be a pit of lava, but has now been revealed to be a portal to the next castle, where Bowser waits through several levels, randomly breathing fiery smudges of doom across his next castle while trying  not to touch the axe-lever.

For more information, see the “Super Mario Galaxy” entry.

Discussion Questions

1. Why is Mario’s mustache so dumb-looking? Cite examples.

2. Why does Bowser want Princess Peach? Is he under her debt too? Explain.

3. Isn’t Lakitu a freaking annoying *******************? Why or why not?


Monochrome Pictures: Series 1

Ohheyyesthisishouraiguydoingapostwithprettymuchnomeaningatall

Not based on a true story.



Continue #3

Someone set us up the bomb

This is what happens when you have no bombs to be “set us upped


HELL-O: (Hourai’s Evil List of Lethargy on O-New) Awesome Weapons in Games Part 4

I’m running out of ideas~  ‘~’

THIS IS THE LAST PART OF THIS LIST HAHAHAHAHA I WILL BE FREED FROM THE PUNY SHACKLES OF RESPONSIBILITY

Number 3: The Black Hole Generator (HeliAttack 3; PC (Flash))

What: This huge-*** gun does not shoot bullets. It does not shoot missiles, bullets, lasers, boomerang blades, corrosive goo, sparks, or shotgun shells. No. See “Why”.

How: Something along the lines of what makes pretty much every freaking gun work. HAXSHENANIGANSANDEVERYTHING. Who really cares, though? IT’S AWESOME.

Why: It shoots black holes. This is no microscopic LHC black hole producer. This makes BLACK HOLES. This kills anything on screen. Excludes you. Screen shake added! This black hole is like 5 yous tall. IT RIPS THROUGH HELICOPTERS LIKE BUTTER KNIFES THROUGH BUTTER.

SON OF A BLEEPING BLEEP FEST

Actually, the BHG does not create all the bullets, arrows, or grenades in that picture. Those were there just for show. The ominous black shadows in the middle of all this is a BLACK HOLE that will ABSORB all those loverly things into it, thus removing all the lag. The arrows specifically prove that that guy is EIRIN

Numeros 2: The Experimental MIRV (Fallout 3; PC, XBox 360, PS3)

Yeah, we already did a post with a weapon from FO3.

[grand, epic speech]

TO HELL WITH RULES

FOR TONIGHT I MAKE AN EXCEPTION TO REPETITION RESTRICTIONS

TONIGHT, SPARTANS, WE DINE IN HELL IN THIS HELL-O WHILE EATING JELL-O

[/idiocy]

Because this is awesome. Also, to hell with the “Why:” and “What:” and “How:” columns.

Earlier in this game, you will occasionally find a “Fat Man” off somewhat tough enemies. Remember Hiroshima? Yes, references are great UNLESS THEY’RE HISTORICAL in which case [hyena] THEY’RE HYSTERICAL [/squeaking]. Even earlier from that point, you will notice items referred to as “Mini-Nukes”. Also, these items are quizzically organized in the “Ammunition” category. You may, at this point, wonder what these ammunition items are for, excluding selling (these are rare and sell for a LOT). That is where the Fat Man does. It shoots these mini-nukes. To hell with this “mini-” prefix, these things make pretty big explodershuns. AND THEY HURT. The only problems with M-Ns:

1. They are rare,

2. They can hurt you with their insane splash radii, and

3. They are not as big as the nuke in Megaton, which is taller AND fatter than YOU (you can’t get fat >.>).

Because of 1., M-Ns run out quickly.

And then the E-MIRV comes in.

The E-MIRV is not so mere as to be able to be found off mere mortal enemies. No, you must (practically) go through HELL (not the Deathclaw Sanctuary, where you can find medic power armour) to find 5 “Keller Family Transcripts”, and then venture through this weird building for a long time until you reach a freaking terminal that will only let you past with the passwords in the transcripts… AND THEN YOU FINALLY GET THE MIRV (with bonus nukes!)

What is different from the Fat Man and the Experimental MIRV? For a start, the E-MIRV is more powerful. How art thissa a-being a-possible-a? After all, the Fat Man shoots a NUKE. Hint: Shotgun rain with radioactive properties.

This is no mere shotgun that fires a petty 3, 4, 5, 6, or 3.1415926535… bullets. No. This fires 1 WHOLE MINI-NUKE.

…Of course, we were talking about the Fat Man back there. The MIRV shoots 8 nukes. HECK YEAH. You have like a 50% percent chance of killing yourself every time you fire the [PROFANITY]ing weapon, just because of splash. Awesome sauce is awesome, shotguns, and Experimental MIRVs. I’m sure the only thing it CAN’T take out in one shot is Liberty Prime >.>

Number 1

Drumrolllllllllllllllllll

Dramatic pause

Imperial March music here

Number 1: The Smash Ball (Super Smash Bros. Brawl; Wii)

Yes, you’re prolly thinking about how a glowy orb not much bigger than Sonic’s oversized, bobblehead-esque head can be better than

  • The Rock-It Launcher (#10)
  • The Last Word Spellcards (#9)
  • Mario’s Boots (#8) (These might have been higher up if not for the fact that they didn’t have spikes)
  • The Seeker (#7)
  • The Kasimov SNV-E99 (#6)
  • The Chandelier of Awesome (#5) (Also want spikes for this one)
  • The Portal Gun (#4)
  • The Black Hole Generator
  • The Experimental MIRV

But it is. Because it’s

  • A pair of gloves with magic pixie dust (Mario)
  • A forcefield (Luigi)
  • A pair of drums (Donkey Kong)
  • Three tanks (Fox, Falco, Wolf)
  • A electric field of hell (Pikachu)
  • An upgraded laser cannon (Samus)
  • Poke-Steroids (Short-Term) (Jigglypuff)
  • Mutation (Temporary) (Ganondorf)
  • Power Level Over 9000-ers (Lucario)
  • A Jetpack (Diddy Kong)
  • Dragon Drugs (Yoshi)
  • A racing vehicle (Blue Falcon, GO!) (Capt. Falcon)
  • A mob (King Dedede)
  • A suit of armour (Zero Suit Samus)
  • More Steroids (Longer Lasting!) (Bowser)
  • A set of ink blobs (Mr. Game and Watch)
  • A critical hit (Marth)
  • A flaming sword (Ike)
  • A Helicopter (AC 130?) with a Grenade Launcher (Snake)
  • A Pokemon Rare Candy Bundle (three quintillion, ten quadrillion, three hundred eighty five trillion, twenty-eight billion, four hundred ninety-five million, eight hundred seventy-four thousand seven hundred fifty-one Rare Candies rolled into one! *Temporary Effects) (Pokemon Trainer)
  • Two Bows with A Light Arrow For Each One (Zelda and Sheik)
  • A rocket ship (Olimar)
  • 7 “Chaos Emeralds” (Sonic, you jerk)

Etc, etc. Course, them’s not the REAL names, but STILL.

I mean, that thing is all of those things. Most notably the tanks.]

And that is an incentive of awesome.

HELL-O FINISH


HELL-O: (Hourai’s Evil List of Lethargy on O-New) Awesome Weapons in Games Part 3

A highly flawed list; Part 3

Number 5: The Chandelier (You Have To Burn The Rope; PC (Flash))

What: A chandelier. Yellow. Has candles. One Hit KO’s all enemies*.

How: A relative of Mario’s shoes. Unleash the power** of this weapon through the obtaining of an unknown*** tube-like object of dark beige hue with Oxygen wasting properties****. In addition to acquiring the sacred***** object of power**, another mysterious requirement must be fulfilled before the absolute, deadly surge of power from this annihilator. Many efforts from renowned****** archaeologists have merited the discovery of a cryptic message detailing supposedly detailing the wonders of this weapon of mass destruction. Advanced******* expert******** cryptologists********* are hard at work, striving to decode the language of this message. Theories of how the Chandelier works********** have arisen recently with the finding of the message.

Why: Credits song is better than Still Alive.

*: Or enemy. **: Damage currently undefined. Order now! ***: The fire on the wall. ****: The torch which the fire on the wall is on. *****: Only sacred to worshippers of Chandelierism. ******: Not necessarily renowned. *******: Not necessarily advanced. ********: Not necessarily experts. *********: A.k.a potheads. **********: Gravity.

Number 4: The… (Uh…) Whatchamacallit… Thingamajig…? (Portal; XBox 360)

Er… what was it called again? Ummm… (*checks Google*)

What: The WCMCITAMJ, better known as the ASHPD, from the [handspasm]AKJFGHALFGUHAFVB A8G8RG;afaY8EWAGRY ARSDGU9430T GA9ERI;df’aGF IJVAHJJBVDAFN[>.<]VIDAJOSJDIVADH[/handspasm]science laboratory*, is able to make wormholes from here to there. While not exactly able to (gore-filled moment with livid description), it has proven among the best in destroying cameras**.

How: Shenanigans. Hacks. No idea.

Why: You can teleport with this thing. If you had a knife, you could just portal behind your target and start shanking. Also, you can pick up really heavy cubes with this thing.

*: Aperture Science Laboratories. **: There’s an XBox achievement for destroying every camera on every level. A camera gets destroyed by being shot by one of your portals.

Still more s**t is a-coming.


HELL-O: (Hourai’s Evil List of Lethargy on O-New) Awesome Weapons in Games Part 2

Another list. This part has weapons 8 and 7.

Number 8: Footwear (Mario Series)

What: Shoes. >.>

How: Gravity. >.>

Why: You can kill anything in Mario games with a jump. Except for spiky enemies and Boos.Kills bricks. Kills Goombas, smashes Koopas, kicks their shells around. Flattens buttons, somehow makes him wall jump efficiently, etc. Are those normal boots?!?

Number 7 &6: The Seeker and the Kasimov SNV-E99 (Singularity; XBox 360, PS3, PC)

The Seeker

What: The Seeker fires explosive rounds. Pity it’s not automatic. You’re probably thinking at this point: “WHAT?!?!? A LOT OF WEAPONS HAVE EXPLODERING ROUDNZ ADN U PIKKED THS SHT!?!?! ITS NOTT EVNE AUTOMATIC>!!?1!?!!1111/!?!” First of all, there is no need to think in capital letters (thanks Dave Barry for the joke) and poor spelling.

How: Play the game and you’ll eventually see it. Iunno how it works, but it has something to do with E99, which does random stuff. This random stuff includes creating the freaking Flood (y’know, from Halo), creating Time Kufc-like situations in which TIME GETS SCREWED UP AND THE FUTURE GETS CHANGED BY TIIIIIIIIME TRAVEL, and making awesome weapons.

Why: You can steer the bullets. AWESOME SAUCE. These are like horizontal PREDATOR MISSILES (YES YES YES BOOM), except you get more of them. Granted, they lack the splash damage radius of said Predators, but they remain OHKOs against regular grunts.

The Kasimov SNV-E99

What: Your (almost) standard sniper rifle. Powerful…

How: More E99 shenanigans. Otherwise your standard sniper rifle.

Why: You can SLOW TIME when you use the scope. How awesome is that? It also happens to OHKO grunts.

Ok, I put in three weapons when I said I’d put two. I lied. Sue me. More parts coming in the future.


HELL-O: (Hourai’s Evil List of Lethargy on O-New) Awesome Weapons in Games Part 1

Because I like making up abbreviations, this is a “HELL-O”. I was thinking “HELL”, but this, and possible other installments may not fully pertain to elements of Subterranean Animism or Phantasmagoria of Flower View or [Big Word] of  the [Obscure Adjective], etc.

As mentioned in the title that happens to be in font upwards of twice the size of this font, this HELL-O is about Awesome Weaponry. By the way, this is a top ten. Awesomeness is not necessarily judged by destructive power. Also, as I have not played every game in existence, there will be better weapons. Also, I am aware that people will not agree with me on all counts.

Number 10: The Rock-It Launcher (Fallout 3; PC, Xbox 360, PS3)

What: The Rock-It Launcher is not a rocket launcher. It is a miscellaneous-junk-that-is-otherwise-useless launcher. The RIL can be loaded with any items in the “Miscellaneous” category of your inventory. Items shot can be picked up, and will arc.

How: Various schematics (four or five of them) for this awesome weapon can be found throughout Washington, D.C. You can buy one of these schematics from Moira Brown in Megaton, although it might cost you a fair amount of caps. You can do this even if you blow up Megaton, because Moira Brown will STILL BE ALIVE, although she’ll be a ghoul.

Why: The creativity of this weapon is above and beyond. It also provides the developer with an excuse to create the ability to pick up random crap and SHOOT IT AT A FOREIGN HEAD IN VATS. For awesomeness, I personally think that death by high-speed teddy bear would really suck, because those hurt. Or plunger. Or garden gnome… I was personally thinking of shooting one of those conductors, or maybe those pilot lights…

Number ⑨: Last Word Spell Cards (Touhou Project 8: Imperishable Night [Touhou Eiyashou]; PC)

What: Danmakudanmakudanmakudanmakudanmakudanmaku. Times THREE HUNDRED OR MORE. One-hit KO danmaku! OH YEAH! Aside from that, Last Word spell cards can only be played in Spell Practice mode. There is a spellcard for each character (includes Ex-Keine).

How: Unlockable by completing certain criteria. Only 5-6 are easy to unlock, and none of them are too easy at all to dodge.

Why: I can’t beat any of the 4 that I’ve unlocked: Unseasonal Bug Storm (Wriggle), Blind Nightbird (Mystia), Emperor of the East (Keine), and Lunatic Red Eyes (Reisen). Mostly because I suck.

I’ll present number 8 and 7 in Part 2.


Death Note-Native Faith Re-subbed: An Insane Commentary

YouTube – Death Note- Native Faith Re-Subbed

Above is the link to the video of this.

Lyrics (or something) in normal type, notes in italics.

Notes: First of all, Native Faith is an AWESOME SONG.

Second of all, Native Faith has no lyrics. These subtitles are already on the video, and are not accurate translations of the scene. In other words, THEY ARE FAKE. And they are funny. Also, read this post before listening to/watching the video.

Thirdly, and lastly, this scene is from (I think) the Death Note anime series, in the final confrontation between Near and Light.

“>:(” symbolizes a line said angrily.

~~~Video Start!~~~

0:00 Light: You are an idiot! Now stop! (Pic 1.) Light begins shouting in tune with the musical chords. Here the music starts.

0:12 Matsuda: What did I do? The scene at this point suggests “You BLEEP” rather than this line. Matsuda looks pissed. A set of repeated frames of Light getting shot with blood squirting out of him ensues. Light stumbles backwards a lot to the tune while being shot by Matsuda, who is wielding a revolver. A comment notes that “Light thought his Hitbox would be smaller ^^” (Sculvide). Another comment notes “Light should go to RPGs, since he has infinite HP apparently” (bast963).

0:18 M: hesitant Epic win? Matsuda is staring at his hands.

0:19 L: “>:(” Matsuda, you’re not epic at all! I think Matsuda is an epic-er name than Light, actually.

0:21 L: “>:(” You’re dumb~Then why the heck is he the one with the revolver?!?

0:22 L: and retarded!

0:25 L: Show them Matsuda, how I’m the smart one~

0:27 L: by singing along to my insane (Here, the Japanese words in the background go something like “Soak soak soak” as a scene of a pissed Light shouting replays for each “soak” >.>) random song! Random: Check. Insane: Check. Singing… No. How is singing gonna do anything? Words followed up by more random gunshots from Matsuda. The bullets sound like tranquilizer darts making “tchoonoises, btw.

0:33 L: (Right before this, Light says something in Japanese that sounds like “NOOOO”) Matsuda, why aren’t you singing!?! Keep not singing, Matsuda.

0:36 L: I just want to make this video really appealing~ Wait, what? You’re making a video!?!? How can this be possib- Naw, must be another one of his “just as planneds”.While we’re add it, add some more danmaku in the video, and put some of the Moon and some of Hell and the Netherworld and Higanbana fields

0:39 L: So, so, sing the song, before I get mad! (Each “so” has more of the shouting face clip) Jeez, why does this sound LIKE BLACKMAIL

0:41 M: I don’t care… (holding revolver tensely) Woot Apathy. Go shoot him like three bazillion more times, and start now, ’cause it takes that many shots to take him out.

0:42 “*Unnecessary Insanity*” Basically Light getting shot many, many times, then Light doing a manic laugh many, many times, then more shooting, and then laughing… until he somehow falls on what looks like this huge water balloon, popping it. HAHAHAHAHAHA MATSUDA YOU ARE UNDER MY CONTROL: FINISH LIGHT OFF AND GET ME SOME COOKIES

0:52 L: What, the heck? I just need more time! You’ll just spend it procrastinating

0:56 L: So stop shooting me, and let me sing!

0:59 M: Why should I? (<- surprised face. Sounds more like “Light-kun!”)

1:00 L: Matsuda, you don’t need to understand~ I just need to sing… Need or want? Do you even know the difference?!? Here; Yuyuko WANTS YGFC (Yuyuko’s Gensokyo Fried Chicken: 100% Mystia), while Yuyuko… er… NEEDS YGFC. (…)

1:03 “*Matsuda sings*” Basically some clips of the camera quickly zooming in on Matsuda’s face while he holds the revolver. Weird high-pitched noises. Light gets shot (once).

1:06 L: Okay, seriously! (These are the same Japanese words that are heard when he says “You are an idiot! Now stop!” Also, the first word is baka. It sounds like “BAKAAARAIYOHHHHH“.)

1:08 M: What? whowhatwherewhenhow?whatisthisIdon’teven

1:09 L: Just shut up! (Light throws his arms up as a gesture. The Japanese words here are “BAKAAARAIYOHHHHH”.)

1:12 M: You think you’re so good at singing,~but you’re not! (Matsuda is speaking in a demented voice, reminds you of Gollum/Smeagol. Looks evil, sounds evil, hands are trembling, etc.) Matsuda has a point here :T

1:14 More singing. Light gets shot

1:18 L: Mikami, help me, I need to make a duet! (Light is on the floor, bleeding. He sounds like he’s dying. Good riddance?) NOOOOOO NOT MORE INHUMAN SCREECHING (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gHqWmohdP18)

1:23 Mikami: As you wish Master!

1:25 L: Near, it’s my win. (Light sounds calm.) NIMW makes a good abbreviation. NIMWIT is better, though (Near, It’s My Win, Ignorant Toyperson)

1:26 “*Commits suicide*” It seems to be Light, but Light isn’t dead yet. The only explanation is that he drank some Hourai Elixir, which would explain why he’s survived upwards of 35 shots to his chest now… The figure “committing suicide” is screaming and leaking a lot of blood :/

1:28 L: You stupid retard! (Some more “BAKAAARAIYOHHHHH“)

1:29 L: I’m confused! (?_?)

1:30 Mi: No need for that to happen Master! He’s writing in a notebook, presumably the DARTH NOTE. ImeanDeathNoteofcourseIdohehehehehdon’tkillmenowfanboys

1:32 L: Near, it’s my win…

1:34 Mi: Just revive yourself Mikami! (??????????>_<??????????)

1:36 L: …What the?… (A hand, most likely Ryuk’s, writes a name in a blank page.)

1:38 L: You! YOU JUST WROTE “NOOB”! (“BAKAAARAIYOHHHHH” returns. Light looks startled.) HAHAHAHAHA YOU BE A NOOB >:D Also, this is the funniest phrase in the video :D

1:40 Light is on the floor. He’s spazzing and rolling over it. He also sound like a dying donkey. That fits. Then more shooting.

1:52 L: Crap! (It sounds more like “NOOOO”)

1:53 L: I’m so startled… [noone] will sing! (Light is on the ground)

1:56 ?: This is all stupid, I just need some time to write…

2:00 L: Impossible! Don’t you understand what this means to me?!!? (Angry faic is the Light.)

2:05 L: Maybe… I can survive!~ This line, with the next line, is more or less actually one phrase, but is so awesome that it needs two lines, get ready!

2:08 L: By going EXTREME!!! wewtz

2:11 L: Near, it’s impossible for you to understand what I’m singing… (Light sounds calm)

2:16 L: What the crap?!@!

2:18 “*headbang*” Light headbangs his head against a wall. ‘Nuff said. Third funniest part, after the EXTREME part. I like the nice sounds made by the wall.

2:23 Near: Hmph, something I’d expect from an oaf. What next? Exactly.

2:29 L: You are such a traitor!

2:32 Shuichi Aizawa: You donkey… stop kicking your legs like that…

2:37 M: NO! (A new season of Matsuda Sings returns, now on @ 9:00) More shooting. GAH

2:43 L: Matsuda, you are such a…~Light falls on the water balloon again.

2:43 L: …whatever…

2:46 M: I guess I’ll have to end it here! (Mad face.) LIGHT FINALLY DIES AT 2:50 AFTER AT LEAST 45 SHOTS

So… yeah. An awesome song, with nice animations, with a good anime, and very funny subtitles means epic W.I.N.

WATCH THIS VIDEO.


A Few Idiotic Thoughts About Super Mario Galaxy; Noone Cares Obviously (This Includes Somebody And Nobody -.-)

Super Mario Galaxy is a game, unlike Wii Sports, which may or may not be a demon in disguise  :O

The reason that SMG (OLOL?) is a game, unlike W(insert three letters here that create an insult, namely U, S, and S)Sports, is that it can be generally more or less agreed that it is a game through a variety of traits held by other “games” and also a lack of traits shared in the only non-game I know, a.k.a. WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE Sports.

Game Trait 1: Plotline. SMG’s Plotline goes something like this, for all of you people who are not up to date with Ninny-tendo games and/or are people who behead others who mention any Nintendo-associated words, as shown below:

King You: Ahem. *Reading the charges* As recorded in this document, you said the word “Mario” in my presence three days ago. Do you admit to this crime?

Person 1: What do you mean? I never mentioned Mario in your pre… waitaminuteohfu-

Royal Executioner: *beheads Person 1*

King You: Next on our list of [:<AP{W{:A?F?JWA] charges, we have you, Mister I. D. Iot. You have been accused of uttering the word “Luigi” on Royal Grounds.

Mister I. D. Iot: What? I never said “Luigi” on-

Royal Executioner: *beheads Mr. I. D. Iot*

King You: Next…

Returning to the sacred (read: trashed) plotline of SMG, THE PRINCESS THAT APPEARS IN PRETTY MUCH EVERY MARIO GAME GETS STOLEN BY THE MONSTER THAT APPEARS IN PRETTY MUCH EVERY MARIO GAME RIGHT IN FRONT OF MARIO’S EYES AND MARIO GOES OFF TO SAVE THE UBIQUITOUS PRINCESS BY GOING TO THE UBIQUITOUS MONSTER’S HUUUUUUUGE CASTLE (Where the heck does Bowser get the funding to build his castles? O.o) WHICH IS ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS REALLY FAR FROM WHERE MARIO STARTS FROM. The main difference from the SMG plot and pretty much every other plot (Luigi’s Mansion had a different plot, admittedly, but that was a Luigi game, not a Mario game) is that 1. it takes place/in OUTER SPACE/IN YOUR FACE/NAO WASTE MY SPACE RACE, DISGRACE AND WASTE OF SPACE, I’LL FACE YOU WITH A MACE IN A GIANT SUITCASE/etc. (Yes, there are space races in SMG. And they MOSTLY are not particularly fun.), and 2. you are able to fly to galaxies, in which “fly” refers to being launched several thousand lightyears via star-shaped object that is orange. Wii Sports does not have a plotline. This may be good in some circumstances due to the fact that the Mario plotline is somewhat similar to the Touhou one (Mario: Get Peach, Touhou: Fix Unprecendented Serious Affair), but OTHERWISE IT SUCKS.

Game Trait #2: A Large Array Of Unlockables And Secrets

Wii Sports had exactly 15 unlockables, if you count the “pro” status an unlockable (it unlocked a higher difficulty 0_0), and they were not exactly difficult to achieve, barring the pro statuses. In SMG:

  1. Every galaxy, minus the starting two galaxies, must be unlocked,
  2. Once a galaxy is unlocked, there is only one mission available at the time (other missions are unlocked by completing the previous mission)
  3. After getting every star, beating Bowser again, rescuing Peach, and sitting through the cutscenes and the credits (120 stars is a lot, the credits are long, blahblahblah), you unlock LUIGI’S CAMPAIGN. This is the same as the regular campaign except Luigi is slightly faster than Mario (‘Eeeere we go!), slightly higher-jumping, and has sliding issues. And after you finish another 120 stars as Luigi boy, you unlock ANOTHER galaxy for both Mario and Luigi, which has (drum rollorollorolloroll…) -DUN DUN DUN (Zelda tune for opening an important chest)- one star each. Apparently, it’s hard, but I have only 108-ish stars as Mario :/

Game Trait #3: Controls Of Not Sucking So Much

SMG’s controls are fairly natural. Wii Sports are not so natural.

AND NOW TO THE THOUGHTS OF IDIOCY

IMHO: Hardest Boss In SMG: Bowser (Center Of The Universe)

Before mentioning all the goody-goody-gumdrops stuff in this category, I would to note two things:

First: A boss, in most games, is a boss that actually has a lifebar (in at least a few video games, this bar is not present amongst common enemies); usually this bar is 1. red, and 2. longer than yours (In Touhou, you don’t really have a lifebar…). Also, the boss is usually defeated through the exploitation of a weakness that it has, the boss attacks in patterns, and the weak point is a part of these patterns. Note that the weakness is not so much a weakness than a flaw in the boss’s defenses, as bosses are usually invulnerable to anything but attacks to it’s defense flaw; a “flaw” is more accurate than a “weak point” due to the fact that bosses usually take many exploitations of these flaws to actually be defeated (Nintendo games are the exception, not the rule: most Ninny-tendo bosses take ONLY THREE EXPLOITS).

Second: Most say that Bouldergeist (Ghostly Galaxy) is the STRONGEST (No, Cirno, you (9)), but I personally found that the final fight with Bowser was the difficult boss fight (One: you don’t care about my opinion. Two: I finished the Daredevil run in like three tries.).

[Must replay this level to refresh my memory, will update later]

IMHO: Easiest Boss In SMG: Topmaniac (Battlerock Galaxy)

This guy is almost as wimpy as Petey Piranha (in the first galaxy), but for variety’s sake, it’ll be Topmaniac of the Topman Tribe. T-Man looks like a UFO.

Basically, T-Man has RAZOR SHARP EDGES. His only attack is a slow dash that is no faster than his regular movement speed (he leans forward and makes pretty sparks appear on the metal floor). If you touch his sides, you’ll take DAMAGE, a BAD THING that causes GLOBAL WARMING (joking; it actually, in heavy doses, causes Mario to have what looks like a migraine). So what can we DO? Hmm. T-Man appears to have a VULNERABLE, FLASHING RED SPOT on his HEAD, which unlike other bosses in SMG with head vulnerabilities, is not incredibly high off of the ground. What will Mario do?

—–

[     Fight    ]  [     Bag    ]

[Plumbers]  [     Run   ]

Bag: You have no items!

Run: You can’t run from a trainer battle!

Plumbers: You have no other Plumbermon!

Fight: [     Spin    ]  [   Jump   ]

[Run Into]  [Sepukku]

Mario used Spin! But it failed!

Mari used Run Into! But it failed!

Mario used Sepukku! Mario fainted!

-RESTART-

What shall Mario do? Say “Jump”, kiddies! *pause*

Mario used Jump! It was super effective!

—–

After Mario does a jump and lands on T-Man’s head, T-Man retracts his sharp spikes and turns very docile. As the arena is surrounded by a ring of electric wire, Mario only has to spin T-Man into the wire! (T-Man does recover after a fair amount of time if he is not zapped.)

“BZZ-ZZ-ZZ-ZZZ-ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ-T!” goes T-Man. T-Man jumps and lands in the center and releases three yellow, small tops. These tops, encountered earlier in the level, cannot directly do damage to you (…), but when they dash at you, they bump you backwards and stun you for like 1.5 seconds. They are killed by spins. T-Man, after his first round of electric therapy, does not change. Mario does some more jump-and-spinning, and T-Man gets his next round of zapping. This time, T-Man DOES NOT CHANGE HIS TACTICS AT ALL, but he releases RED, MEDIUM TOPS. These tops can also not do damage to you unless you jump on them, in which case you will take damage because of the fact that they have a spike on their heads. After doing the smack-on-the-head-and-zap-you-dead routine for the third time to T-Man, he blows up and releases A POWER STAR, which ends the level. Wimp.

IMHO: Most Obnoxious Level In The Whole _ _ _ _ ing Game Of SMG: Mario/Luigi Meets Luigi (Toy Time Galaxy: Purple Comet)

This is, IMH(and biased)O, the evilest level in SMG. Let me describe it.

This map is a remake of the Toy Time 2nd mission (Mario/Luigi Meets Mario), in which you are walking around on a huge, pixelated Mario made out of fairly large squares of lava (red pixels), disappearing tiles (green pixels), and rotating tiles (yellow). Mario/Luigi basically just runs around the “planet” of himself/his brother picking up 5 silver stars, making a power star, which ends all your troubles for the stage :D

In this stage, you are forced to pick up 100 out of 150 purple coins, most of which are inconveniently placed. The tiles have been changed slightly, as well. Instead of having the lava for red, which allowed you to bounce around with a flaming pair of pants multiple times, the lava is changed with what apparently is floating antimatter. Upon touching antimatter (note that this antimatter is acting more like quicksand), you drown in anitmatter. And on top of it all, you have a time limit that doesn’t happen to be very generous. To recap: about 1/3 of the tiles (green) disappear, and then you fall into a black hole if you don’t move quickly (usually to an adjacent green tile), which kills you. Another 1/3 of the tiles cannot be stepped on at all (purple), and will kill you, and the other tiles are yellow tiles that SLOOOOOOOOOOOOWLY turn and are very hard to stay on. In other words, hell. On a Luigi. IN OUTER SPACE! (I haven’t finished it yet >.<)

IMHO: Easiest Level In SMG: Painting The Planet Yellow (Flipswitch Galaxy)

Easy peasy. With some planning and the ability to jump, you basically walk on all the blue tiles, turning them yellow. Done quickly, it takes about 2 minutes or less. Note that there are spiked platforms, electric fences, and an shockwave generating robot. However, the planet is pretty small, and the galaxy has an exact, grand total of one planet and one power star. Note that the electric fences are easily jumped, the spiked platforms pause frequently, and the shockwave generator also makes waves that are easy to hop. Also, there are two coins on the planet, which heal health. Easy star.

A Note About Comets

All the major galaxies (having 3 main missions, two comet missions, and one or two secret missions) can be visited by “Prankster Comets” after progressing to a certain point in the game. There are 5 types of comets, most of them obnoxious.

  • Cosmic Comet: On the given galaxy, you race a Cosmic Mario to the star on a map. Usually there are no enemies. This is obnoxious due to the fact that you must perform almost perfectly to beat Mr. Cosmic, which is hard. Also, Cosmic boy is about the same speed as you, so catching up is very hard. Annoying.
  • Speedy Comet: On this galaxy with this comet, you have a time limit to finish the mission. This isn’t usually that annoying, but I HATE TIME LIMITS D:<
  • Daredevil Comet: This entails that you must complete a portion of a mission in the galaxy (usually a boss) with a maximum health of exactly 1. You cannot extend your health with a life mushroom, nor are there any coins to boost it up. This is very tense and is not recommended as a substitute for yoga.
  • Fast Foe Comet: The least annoying of the comets; all enemies move faster. Like Daredevil Comets, this only affects a specific portion of a mission.
  • Purple Comet: A display of the developer’s lack of creativity at creating comet names, the purple comet is one of the two comet missions for every major galaxy. Basically, you collect 100 purple coins hidden everywhere on the map. Sometimes there will be a time limit or extra coins. These rank just below Cosmic Comets in terms of evil. These comets are unlocked by completing the mission “Gateway’s Purple Coins”. Finding every coin requires a very accurate knowledge of where all the secrets on each planet are, which is precisely why IT IS OBNOXIOUS.

And thus ends this post.


V-NEW 2: SSoHPKC’s Videos

http://www.youtube.com/user/SSoHPKC

As it happens, I really enjoy watching videos of video game walkthroughs, mostly made by the guy above.

Obviously, this is a review, so I have review his on his walkthroughs and stuff.

SSoH does a good job of finishing a game, but he (apparently) suffers from three major problems: a) dislike of finding secrets (I love secrets, but I won’t hold it against him here), and b) difficulty completing puzzles that are not straightforward, as well as c) a somewhat lack of observation skills. He does do shooters well, as well as Mario-like games. Some of his most notable videosets: CoD: Modern Warfare 2 multiplayer (apparently he has a K/D of 3+), his Fallout 3 Walkthrough, and his Super Kaizo World Walkthrough.

95/100:

  • +Variety: 2991 videos and soon to be more, as well as about 226 videos in his original Fallout 3 walkthrough and 100 in his Modern Warfare gameplay.
  • +Commentary: Humourous live recording, not too much swearing (but still some there), nicely humourous with an enjoyable style.
  • +Active posting: SSoHPKC posts about 4-10 videos a day. This leads me to far behind on my subscriptions :/, but I have spare time NOW THAT IT’S SUMMER MUAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAAAAAAAAAA
  • -Puzzles: Often, SSoHPKC will end up spending a frustrating amount of time looking for the solution to an in-game problem, whilst viewers scream the answers at their computer screens, in futile hopes.

Watch his videos. I recommend starting with Fallout 3 Walkthrough (not the redux), or if you don’t like an abundance of gore, stick to either Super Mario Galaxy or New Super Mario Bros. Wii.


O-NEG 5: Battlefield Heroes

Holy hell, a review! And not just any review, it’s a O-NEG review.

“Yay.”

Battlefield Heroes is a game in which you shoot enemies and capture flags that control spawning. BFH is made for the PC platform/computer and is completely free. Download it somewhere, like the BFH website, which you can go Google it up, you completely lazy (All semi-inappropriate words to profane words have been censored with odd sounding rhymes.) [brass] [mole]. (Certain words in this O-NEG are in boldface to indicate that they are bold. No, seriously, they just are all the 1,000,000th visitor to this site.) [Duck] [shoe].

Gameplay: The Part Of The Game Which You Play

BFH is controlled by both mouse and keyboard. There are 7 (or so) maps in BFH, all with weird alliterative names (e.g. Sunset Showdown, Buccaneer Bay, Victory Village, etc.).

In 6 of these maps, the game works by the use of 4 flags (3 on Sunset Showdown) capturable by each team. If your owns a flag, respawning may happen in an area close to your flag, usually a flag that is a) closer to the center of the map, and b) on your team’s (either National [Axis] or Royal [Allied]) side of the map. Capturing the flag is done by standing within a certain radius of the flag, a process sped up by having other friendly units capture the flag simultaneously. Guns and other weapons of that type that can kill people are use to kill people, something accomplished by clicking or holding down LMB (Left Mouse Button). By being killed by the opposition, your team loses tickets, a number shown on the upper end of the screen. When a team reaches zero tickets, they lose (tickets begin at 50).

The other map with different rules is called Midnight Mayhem, in which your team must control the rocket, an object that blast off to (presumably) either Soviet Russia or Somewhere Royalish. Your team must control the rocket for a total of five nerve-breaking, hand-straining, etc. minutes to make it go (presumably) boom in either Soviet Russia or Somewhere Royalish. Gaining control of the rocket is as easy as standing close enough to the rocket and not dying until the colours on the rocket change. 88% out of a 100% O-NEG’S-HARDY-HAR-HAR (O-New’s Newest Egotist Gamers’ Sponsorship- Hourai’s Assortedly Random Derogatory Yttrium-Heaped Armed Red-Handed Appreciative Rating. I made that up on the spot O.o)

Guns: Things You Shoot People With

The guns of BFH are bought from the “store” of the game. This store accepts both in-game money and real money, but you can only use a weapon for a finite amount of time with Valour Points (in-game money earned from playing game). Weapons are all fairly balanced, barring Carl’s Cold Comfort (“That’s what she said!”) or Ludwig’s Loaded, due to the fact that these weapons suck [sock], because (note: both are identical) of both a [witty] damage and a [wucking] small clip of 6 bullets (Long Range pistols [Gerhart’s Greatest and Harry’s Hand Cannon] have 2 extra bullets and function like sniper rifles with improved range and firing speed, making them superior is most respects, while Short Range pistols [Florenz’ Flurry and Garrett Custom] have more bullets, incredible firing speed, and the quickly-unloaded clip of 12 bullets deals insane damage @ very close ranges). Some weapons will repetitively be killing you (and you will be swearing “[duck] you!” a lot), chief among them The Cheeser/The Backscratcher (Short Range MG), Pipsqueak’s Popper/Stephan’s Sharpshooter (High Recoil-High Damage Sniper Rifle), and Royal Super Knife/Konrad’s Uber Knife (knives.) You will also probably be killed by the improved/unimproved versions of these weapons, due to their improvements/unimprovements in power/lack of power.

Because you can’t keep guns without paying real money, the weapon system in this game is kinda lame; weps are temporary unless bought w/ BattleFunds, e.g. THINGS YOU HAVE TO BUY WITH REAL MONEY. EA, you [truckers]! Corporate greed. 73% out of a 100% O-NEG’S-HARDY-HAR-HAR.

Community People and Other Crap

First off, enemies level 1 through 5 are generally idiotic to Away From Keyboard in their skill, but upwards of that, opponents can get hard to beat. Also, there are no in-game moderators, albeit there being people using a “|ccc|” code in front of their username, turning it orange, but due to the fact that there are no admins in-game, they must be false… etc. Swearing is censored in-game, which prevents players from calling each other bleepers or motherbleepers. Smug egotists are expected. 73% out of a 100% O-NEG’S-HARDY-HAR-HAR.

Graphics and Pretty Pictures

Apparently, BFH is aimed at a younger audience, as there is no blood, no clean-slicing-of-people-in-exact-halves-after-being-wingclipped-which-is-really-fun-to-do, and no flat-people-that-have-been-roadkilled-which-is-also-fun-todo-to-other-people; the game’s recommended age is 16 though (I think). Graphics are kinda CARTOONY, but at “high” level of graphics the game looks decent. 70% out of 100%.

Plotline

What plotline? N/A% out of 100%.

OVERALL

Get it if you don’t have any other FPS’ (note that BFH is a third person shooter) and have a decent internet connection. Hell, it’s free.


AN O-NEW CHALLENGER HAZ APPEAR’D and OTHER STUFFZ(ORZ)

[MUSHYHIJACK: I really need to stop micromanaging this blog :< Also, this is already too many 
authors to handle so :< once again. This post is unedited in any form whatsoever, save the next
 picture that he already drew for us. Yay. Also formatting screwed up.]

Hey, this is a new contrib here at O-New. As you will see if you took that effort to scroll down the
page to the bottom of this post, this post is by "houraiguy" (would have been HouraiGuy if WordPress
had let it, altho come to think of it HouraiSaigyouji is pretty cool too).
So, I kinda look like (not rly, but I need an avatar other than the the picture of Heaven's Punishment
"Star of David" (Touhou 6: EoSD Stage 6 Normal Boss: Remilia Scarlet: First Spellcard)

Do not compare me to Hourai, the doll. ):/

...That's a scoped SMG there. Kinda like a chainsaw with a laser pointer =.= I like watching videos on YOUTUBE and on YOUTUBE I watch videos of walkthroughs of games. Specifically, SSoHPKC walkthrus. Mostly I'll be posting things that are not being done by the other ppl. I only have a Wii, and on the Wii I only have 4 games, if you count Wii Sportz as a game. So, addressing the "OTHER STUFFZ(ORZ)" in the title up there, I am ranting about Wii Sportz and how it is considered a game and why it should not be considered a game. WII SPORTS AND WHY IT SHOULD NOT BE CONSIDERED A GAME First off, WS has exactly 7 modes. That's it. Half or MORE of these SUCK. Mode 1: Tennis. Tennis sucks because of rather CRAPPY motion controls. Also, you can't even control the movements of your Mii. They just CALMLY walk their _ _ _ es up to the ball as it goes bouncebouncebounce and such. Motion control is not really a problem until you start facing "pro" rating CPUs. Ridiculous, ridiculous. Basically all of it is "Time your swing right, and swing right", due to the fact that there is one control method: swing Wiimote to swing racket. The timing window is waaaay too big; and I play as controlling both players on my side of the court (O.o), which gives me another freaking chance, which gets lost after the pro CPUs come up. Mode 2: Baseball. Baseball is basically doing two things: Pitching and batting. No running. No catching. BS? Indeed. Batting is pretty much all about timing and angles; it's like tennis with a much smaller window of time and more emphasis for angles. Also, the fielders are REALLY good at catching stuff. Pitching allows you to choose 4 different types of pitches: Fast straight pitch (fastball), slow straight pitch (dropper, I think), medium pitch that curves towards batter, and medium pitch curving away from batter. The hardest part is really only the batting. Your fielders are beast :D Mode 3: Golf. This is actually okay (read: DOESN'T SUCK). The motion sensor, as always, is rather over-sensitive, but this doesn't start affecting gameplay until you reach the area where you need to use the putting thing. Mode 4: Bowling. Also okay for me, although my friends have trouble with the fact that the ball has a tendency to curve. As the motion sensing is more of a gimmick in this mode, positioning is key. Funnily enough, I suck at actual bowling. Mode 5: Boxing. This SUCKS. I used to like it, but that was when I was actually winning when I went all crazed-monkey-on-drugs-doing-spazzification-while-holding-onto-Wii-mote-with-Wii-chuk against the CPU. Jesus, that was funny. Aiming your punches is very difficult, and movement is kinda imprecise. Time ticks away at very fast speeds, and the KO system is really luck-based. I like how if you dodge punches well, there's some slow-mo effects which also appear when you do some powerful punches. Mode 6: Practice. A set of exercises that practice your skills in the above five modes. Some variants. OK. I kinda like the bowling activity where there's like 150 pins in some rounds :D Mode 7: Training. Picks three random exercises from the Practice mode and you do them. Sucks because 3 of the different categories for the practice activities suck., and randomness SUCKS even more. As many will prolly agree, Wii Sports is more of a demonstration of the Wii's abilities (yes I am quoting this out of something, I just don't know where) than an actual game. Twilight Princess is a game. Super Mario Galaxy (2) is a game. Wii Sports is NOT a game. And then, we move onto Wii Sports Resort. -.- I don't own WSR, as it happens, but from what I've seen it IS a game, but it isn't really worth the price. WSR is 50 bucks, but comes with a BONUS ATTACHMENT that uses the nunchuk slot that "helps detect motions". If you ask me, the "motion plus" attachment is just an excuse to jack up the price. Frankly, the price should be $25 to $35. Hell, I don't even know if the motions are INTERPRETTED any better. Although the Lightsaber duelling thing looks cool: I kinda think it sound similar to boxing up there. Heck, Nintendo, here's an idea free of charge (lol Yahtzee style- see Zero Punctuation: Phantom Hourglass): How 'bout you make a "power pack" that includes Wii Fit, Wii Sports, Wii Sports Resort, 2 Wiimotes, 2 Nunchuks, 2 motion plus attachments, the Balance Board, the two plastic coats that go on top of the 'motes (not gonna say the nickname, as it happens to be named after a certain plastic object used by males), and a Wii. Why not throw in a plastic coat for the balance board, anyway? So you stuff that shipt together, and you sell it for $425. Easy peasy. Then you send me that bundle free. =D

Title: AN O-NEW CHALLENGER HAZ APPEAR’D and OTHER STUFFZ(ORZ)

Hey, this is a new contrib here at O-New. As you will see if you took that effort to scroll down the page to the bottom of this post, this post is by “houraiguy” (would have been HouraiGuy if WordPress had let it, altho come to think of it HouraiSaigyouji is pretty cool too).

So, I kinda look like (not rly, but I need an avatar other than the the picture of Heaven’s Punishment “Star of David” (Touhou 6: EoSD Stage 6 Normal Boss: Remilia Scarlet: First Spellcard)

(Onew Self Portrait)

Caption: [i]Do not compare me to Hourai, the doll. ):/[/i]

I like watching videos on YOUTUBE and on YOUTUBE I watch videos of walkthroughs of games. Specifically, SSoHPKC walkthrus. Mostly I’ll be posting things that are not being done by the other ppl.

I only have a Wii, and on the Wii I only have 4 games, if you count Wii Sportz as a game.

So, addressing the “OTHER STUFFZ(ORZ)” in the title up there, I am ranting about Wii Sportz and how it is considered a game and why it should not be considered a game.

WII SPORTS AND WHY IT SHOULD NOT BE CONSIDERED A GAME

First off, WS has exactly 7 modes. That’s it. Half or MORE of these SUCK.

Mode 1: Tennis. Tennis sucks because of rather CRAPPY motion controls. Also, you can’t even control the movements of your Mii. They just CALMLY walk their _ _ _ es up to the ball as it goes bouncebouncebounce and such. Motion control is not really a problem until you start facing “pro” rating CPUs. Ridiculous, ridiculous. Basically all of it is “Time your swing right, and swing right”, due to the fact that there is one control method: swing Wiimote to swing racket. The timing window is waaaay too big; and I play as controlling both players on my side of the court (O.o), which gives me another freaking chance, which gets lost after the pro CPUs come up.

Mode 2: Baseball. Baseball is basically doing two things: Pitching and batting. No running. No catching. BS? Indeed. Batting is pretty much all about timing and angles; it’s like tennis with a much smaller window of time and more emphasis for angles. Also, the fielders are REALLY good at catching stuff. Pitching allows you to choose 4 different types of pitches: Fast straight pitch (fastball), slow straight pitch (dropper, I think), medium pitch that curves towards batter, and medium pitch curving away from batter. The hardest part is really only the batting. Your fielders are beast :D

Mode 3: Golf. This is actually okay (read: DOESN’T SUCK). The motion sensor, as always, is rather over-sensitive, but this doesn’t start affecting gameplay until you reach the area where you need to use the putting thing.

Mode 4: Bowling. Also okay for me, although my friends have trouble with the fact that the ball has a tendency to curve. As the motion sensing is more of a gimmick in this mode, positioning is key. Funnily enough, I suck at actual bowling.

Mode 5: Boxing. This SUCKS. I used to like it, but that was when I was actually winning when I went all crazed-monkey-on-drugs-doing-spazzification-while-holding-onto-Wii-mote-with-Wii-chuk against the CPU. Jesus, that was funny. Aiming your punches is very difficult, and movement is kinda imprecise. Time ticks away at very fast speeds, and the KO system is really luck-based. I like how if you dodge punches well, there’s some slow-mo effects which also appear when you do some powerful punches.

Mode 6: Practice. A set of exercises that practice your skills in the above five modes. Some variants. OK. I kinda like the bowling activity where there’s like 150 pins in some rounds :D

Mode 7: Training. Picks three random exercises from the Practice mode and you do them. Sucks because 3 of the different categories for the practice activities suck., and randomness SUCKS even more.

As many will prolly agree, Wii Sports is more of a demonstration of the Wii’s abilities (yes I am quoting this out of something, I just don’t know where) than an actual game. Twilight Princess is a game. Super Mario Galaxy (2) is a game. Wii Sports is NOT a game.

And then, we move onto Wii Sports Resort. -.-

I don’t own WSR, as it happens, but from what I’ve seen it IS a game, but it isn’t really worth the price. WSR is 50 bucks, but comes with a BONUS ATTACHMENT that uses the nunchuk slot that “helps detect motions”. If you ask me, the “motion plus” attachment is just an excuse to jack up the price. Frankly, the price should be $25 to $35. Hell, I don’t even know if the motions are INTERPRETTED any better. Although the Lightsaber duelling thing looks cool: I kinda think it sound similar to boxing up there.

Heck, Nintendo, here’s an idea free of charge (lol Yahtzee style- see Zero Punctuation: Phantom Hourglass): How ’bout you make a “power pack” that includes Wii Fit, Wii Sports, Wii Sports Resort, 2 Wiimotes, 2 Nunchuks, 2 motion plus attachments, the Balance Board, the two plastic coats that go on top of the ‘motes (not gonna say the nickname, as it happens to be named after a certain plastic object used by males), and a Wii. Why not throw in a plastic coat for the balance board, anyway? So you stuff that shipt together, and you sell it for $425. Easy peasy.