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Posts tagged “O-NEB

O-NEB 5: The Phantom Tollbooth

I don’t read books very often. But when I do, I usually can’t put the book down, whether it’s good or bad.

So, simply because I read through Norton Juster’s the Phantom Tollbooth in one sitting isn’t a good argument for it being a great book.

Thus, this post will give good arguments to convince you that it is, indeed, a great book.

Here, I have created a picture to prove it so, because a picture is worth a thousand words:

‘The Phantom Tollbooth is a great book.’ is a great picture»


O-NEB 4: the Adventure of the Speckled Band

Firstly.

Holmes smokes tobacco.

Secondly.

Snakes do not climb ropes.

THEY CLIMB STAVES

What»


Twilight

Alternative title: America is boring as hell.

Yep, I’m back from my vacation.

Of the time of writing this post, there is about, oh, I don’t know, ONE DAY of 2010 left. I don’t know if many of you know, but Ichigos is having another composition contest. If you’ll remember (you won’t, there was nobody reading then), one of my earliest compositions was prompted by an Ichigos contest (which, I subsequently received 2nd place – also known as last, because only two people entered).

Unfortunately, there are far more competitors this time, and the monetary prizes are no small talk either. And I have one day to submit something.

One day. That’s basically five hours. Why am I still writing this post? I don’t know, I’ll do nothing but compose tomorrow. Why did I read that epic mahjong manga? Which, if I may mention, is awesome? When JAPANESE ROBOTS fight HITLER in MAHJONG on the MOON, I think it’s PRETTY AWESOME. GEORGE BUSH’s power level is OVER EIGHT THOUSAND too (a normal person’s power level is seven, not seven thousand). Of course, that’s nothing to HITLER’s power level of THIRTY TWO THOUSAND.

In other real-world news, Comiket 79 has hit once again, obvious from the flood of Comiket music, PVs, and more hitting the internet (and the many cries of anguished line-waiters). It’s ending tomorrow, too.
Heh, you’d expect me to write some New Year’s post soon, so I won’t keep this any longer. I’m too lazy to even slap any pictures on here. On that note, I’ll delay (once more, once more) the Winter anime preview to next year. Sigh, vacation just seems to pass so quickly (or I wasted half of it in America doing NOTHING AT ALL).

Anyways, back to the title of this post: Twilight.

It does not suck.

What? You didn’t see that?

TWILIGHT DOES NOT SUCK.

As far as I can tell, there is no blatant exhibition of horrible, unpaced writing; no ill-developed main character; no drastically unrealistic plot. Twilight is, for a book, pretty good – you can read it without stopping, given the time necessary. The writing is many times better than even the grammar of many people who claim to have read it; indeed, this is not a book written by a teenager. It’s written by an adult, a very capable adult, whose intelligence vastly surpasses that of many individuals in society.

Book-wise, it’s decent. No – it’s good.

Of course, with the exception of how “Edward’s perfect eyes looked at me from his perfect face as perfect mucus dripped out of his perfect nose.”

Novel-wise, it’s a FUCKING MASTERPIECE. This Stephanie Meyer person is SO SMART THAT ALBERT EINSTEIN WOULD LOOK AT HER AND SHIT BRICKS.

Firstly, let’s look at Bella’s character.

Huh? Character? Where’s that? Bella’s well-developed, sure; but only after the plot kicks in. Before that, EVERYTHING about her can be applied to like EVERYBODY in the world – or at least everybody’s conceptions of themselves. Sure, basically nobody’s smart, but most stupid people think they’re smart, and thus can step into Bella’s shoes.

– Obvious points to her gender are not defined (a.k.a. she’s probably not a girl)
– Tries to fit in at school, but doesn’t work (a.k.a. too stupid to look past society)
– Not popular at school (a.k.a. she wants to do drugs and waste her teenage life)
– Thinks she’s smart (a.k.a. uses man-made tests to gauge her intelligence)
– May be skinny, may be fat – it’s never pointed out in the book, but she doesn’t want to walk two miles to school. So she drives there. Every day. Two miles. 3.2 kilometres. (a.k.a. typical American – fat, rich, and lovin’ it)
– Hates dancing (a.k.a. fat)
…and the like.

Anyways, in summary, all her bad qualities are ones everyone thinks they have (can’t dance, unpopular, etc.), and all her good qualities are qualities people think they have (smart, etc.) – her other good qualities are qualities that come out in the book, so any stupid teenage girl can dream about finding that she tastes good to a vampire, etc.

Meyer is a MASTER of manipulation. She’s a genius! Completely and utterly so.

A genius that would do anything for money, even write a book like this.

But, this makes sense.

This is the difference between the true, literary genius, Kuroneko, and the completely worthless, spoiled, lazy, and opportunative genius, Kirino.

Kuroneko’d write something purely because it’s good. Kirino would write something purely because it sells.

Of course, not everything that sells is written by a genius like Meyer (who we know is a genius, because of her masterfully twisted words). In Kirino’s case, I take back my words – she’s just an idiot who likes little sisters. Luck and intelligence – money comes later.

But Meyer.

She could’ve done something with her life. Not write a book like this, but actually create a piece of literature. Something that actually has meaning. Her vocabulary and education are up to the task. But no – she just chose to go the path of the devil, leading to riches in life, and hell in death.

In fact, according to this dedication, her sister, Emily, practically forced her to finish Twilight (“Without her, this book may still have been unfinished”). A genius cannot create if forced to. She came up with Twilight instead.

Ah, the beauty of twilight. As a novel, brilliant. As a book, good.

500 pages is a lot, you know?

So as a piece of literature, I was afraid that the owner of the book would have caught me ripping it to shreds. There was no content whatsoever.

(except for that one part where Edward’s perfect eyes looked at me from his perfect face as perfect mucus dripped out of his perfect nose, that was very contentful)


O-NEB 3: Next

And yet another O-NEB. Note that I’m merely digging through my old school records now as it’s what, 8 minutes until the end of the day. Also, link at the end.

Imagine a world.

A world, where parrots can do arithmetic.

A world, where drug addiction can be cured.

A world, where your cells are not yours.

Next is a fast moving, action packed thriller by Michael Crichton. 528 pages long, it masterfully incorporates dozens of different beginning scenes into one final ending through a large, complicated web of plot twists and turns.

However, I would not recommend this book for everyone. It contains several scenes possibly inappropriate to this audience, as well as having some disturbing content, such as replacing someone’s bones with metal tubes, suicide from nitrogen inhalation, and the dissection of the vocal chords of an orangutan.

It is also somewhat violent, such as having an ear bit off, police gunfights, and an insane 12-year old skateboarder with a gun.

However, that is not why I would only recommend it to some people. The main reason is because it is quite boring – the book is just one long drawn out court case. At times it can be quite interesting, but sometimes Next is just filled with newspaper articles and talks about chemical patents.

Nevertheless, if you can withstand those things, this book is a definite must-read.

It’s actually not science fiction, or futuristic fiction.

It’s realistic fiction.

Because this is not only the world of Next,

it’s the world of now.

http://zeroharem.blogspot.com/2010/07/puchi-touhou-parte-1.html

^ Actually, a series of videos someone else made up to do with the SDM girls~! Quite cute, and there’s no Japanese so everyone can understand~


O-NEB 2: Running with Scissors

Alright, so this is a serious O-NEB. If you’re looking for humour, you won’t find it here. This is a joint project between “Delby” (and I).

Running With Scissors*

My all-time favourite book is Running with Scissors, a memoir written in 2002 by author Augusten Burroughs. It tells the story of Burrough’s extremely awkward childhood, beginning at the time when his mother had left him to live with her psychiatrist. at age twelve (after a brief overview of his life as a child). The book begins with Burroughs early childhood in a clean and orderly home, obsessing over his clothes, hair, accessories, and having great potential, with his parents constantly fighting in the background. His parents finally divorce, and his decision to leave with his mother leads him to Northampton, Massachusetts, where Dr. Finch, her psychiatrist, lives. Burroughs recalls how the house was always busy, with many people such as Dr. Finch’s biological and adopted children, his wife and often a couple of his patients. There was almost never a time of peace or quiet, as Dr. Finch believed that at the age of 13, anything done by any individual is their own business. In result, the children grew up in an environment where rules did not exist, and consequently,it is in these circumstances that Burroughs learned to mature. The book covers his many ‘feats’, such as having a sexual relationship with a 33 year old man when he was 13, running under a waterfall, and walking in on his mother during (lesbian) sex. Throughout the book, Burroughs learns to adapt and change to his surroundings, and nearing the end of the story, he becomes capable of making his own decisions. The book ends with him and one of Finch’s daughters, Natalie, leaving Massachusetts. The reasons why I say that this is my favourite book is not only because of the humour, but it allows me to take a glimpse of this man’s life and how hard it has been for him, yet he is still alright, even able to write a book about it. It is a fascinating read, and although the content may be more suitable for an older audience, I’d recommend this to everyone.

*Thanks Delby


O-NEB 1: The Worm Book

[Mushyhijack: This is a O-NEB; “O-New’s Endorsed Books”. I made that up on the spot so it sucks. WHATEVER.]

The Worm Book

A worm flashes across the title page. It automatically lures you towards the book. You read the authors’ names: Janet and Allan Ahlberg. You decide that you have to read this book, as both the authors’ last names begin with an “A”. A must stand for Awesome. You have no choice. You are under the spell of The Worm Book, ever since you first saw the cover.

The Worm Book is an incredibly complex book; I mean, just getting the first page open is hard. To help you, I have compiled a complicated, step-by-step walkthrough on how to get the book open.

1. The first thing you needto do is make sure you are not in a warm area. Learn that the book is made out of paper, and that if it gets too hot, the book might spontaneously combust. Remember, Safety First. Smokey the Bear says: Only you can prevent forest fires.

2.  Continuing with the theme of safety, take some gloves and put them on. After that, slowly extend your arm towards the book, making sure you don’t touch the edge of the paper. Doing so could prove fatal; do you know how many people die from paper cuts each year!?! You could BLEED to DEATH!

Moving on, to the subject of the book. Covering a variety of topics, The Worm Book is mostly fictional. However, each page provides so much humour, that it doesn’t matter. Quoting from the book, “All good worms have a beginning, a middle, and an end. Worms with two beginnings, a middle and no end are apt to injure themselves. Worms with no beginning, one middle and two ends get bored.” The book moves from topic to topic each time you flip the page, you will experience great wars all over again, explore new lands and even see the Bertram Worm Circus live!

This book is terrific. Its 118.4 centimeterscubed of paper will keep you glued to the page. It is at the kindergarten vocabulary level. The Worm Book is an epic book. You have to read it.