The game is not, verbatim, called “hell”.
However, the game is, verbatim, “hell”.
DISCLAIMER: The following contains mentions of really old games. Or maybe not that old. But still. You may suffer from severe pangs of extreme boredom. I can’t think of anything else. Please see your physician if symptoms persist. I mean, symptom.
I understand that the game Super Smash Bros. Brawl was released a WHOLE THREE AND A QUARTER YEARS AGO GOLLY THAT’S SO !#@$#^%&^ OLD.
But it’s still awesome»
A game of greatness
Amorphous+ stars a generic hero with a sword following the tradition of the Generic Stereotypical Odd-Coloured-Hair Japanese Hero Dude (As Seen In Final Fantasy) in that he has a RABIES (Really Antagonizing Big Indestructible Edged Sword) that is like three times longer than your arm span. Holy shi[pwreck fi]t. This sword cannot be broken, even if you 1. Smash it into a) a wall, b) a razor sharp thing held by a Gloople, or c) a boulder Gloople thing, 2. Get murdered by d) a Biter, which noms your face, e) a Fuzzle, which also noms your face, f) a Grinder, which contrary to popular belief does not actually gain levels for running over blue-jumpsuit-wearing GSO-C-HJHD(ASIFF)s, etc.
The Gameplay portion in A+ is very well executed; the controls are simple and easy to use. Most Glooples have a specific manner in which they are to be dispatched, which means that your GSO-C-HJHD(ASIFF) will be running around a Sharp, while pacifist’ing several lunging Biters until the Sharp is vulnerable, which is when you go SLASH. After SLASHing, you are of course mauled to death by the Biters.
Your… Character… follows your mouse wherever it is, and clicking causes him to swing his incredibly over-sized sword in a WHOOSH of destruction relatively quickly. However, the main fun about A+ is the fact that there are 110 achievements, some for doing nothing (Absentee – Leave Pause screen on for 3 minutes [medal picture depicts a toilet]), and some for being
What is particularly
about A+’s “Awards” is that for every 10 “Awards” earned, you will also earn a “Reward Key”, which surprisingly UNLOCK AN
“Reward”. After collecting a grand total of 10 Awards, an “Reward slot” is awarded. Award award award award award award award blah blah blah
Although it is possible to have 5 Rewards unlocked before the awesome arrival of the second Reward slot (@ 55 awards, which is easy peasy to earn :/), it is only possible to equip, at any time, the amount of Rewards on a 1-to-1 correspondence (That’s right, right?) to Reward slots. Or, in more internet-ish terms, one reward for each reward slot. Or, in even more internet terms, 1 R3\/\//-\R|) 4 34c|-| R3\/\//-\R|) $70’|’ (Personally, I think that type of 1337 is plain stupid).
There are essentially 19 characters in A+. 18 are blobs of some sort (Although calling a boulder a blob is pushing it).
In case you are interested, I will proceed to describe these Glooples/blobs in order of Bestiary (AKA official order). However, I will not bother to supply their name.
THE CAST OF AMORPHOUS+
- Green blob that walketh in a straight lineth. This cannot kill you. Bumping into it will stun you, nothing else. Capable of “reverse mitosis” (or combo-ing) with itself. Author’s Notes (AN): Basically cannon fodder/combo point multiplier fodder.
- Yellow squarish blob, also the straight lineth-eer. Also doesn’t kill you. Upon contact with anything (sword, another blob, you), goes FWOOSH and dumps a large pool of yellow crap on you that slows anything down. AN: The Crap Of Yellow also affects any Glooples generally smaller than trucks. To be precise, anything you-sized or smaller, including, naturally, you. Doesn’t affect, of course, boulders.
- Blue fanged blob. It chases you and if it gets close enough, it goes LUNGE I WANT YOUR BLOODDD. Most common thing to kill you. AN: Capable of reverse mitosis as well. You do NOT want that to happen.
- Orange “sqooshy” blob thing. Leaky. Very leaky once killed. Homes in on you, but not very quickly. Fragile as well. It’s not pee lemonade it leaks (not like mister yellow up there), but salsa. Or hot sauce. Very hot sauce apparently, because most things stepping in there melt dissolve. AN: Accidents happen. A lot.
- Light-blue spike-blob thing. It’s like “Roll Roll Roll” (McRoll = -.-) and also “VANT UR BLUD” guy. Must withdraw spikes if you want to kill it, which means getting behind it without slashing until it does so. AN: Get a certain item, and this is made loads easier. If you don’t get the Reward I have in mind, these are annoyinger than hell. Also, slashing at them while they’re spiky and all will still knock them back, and also possibly into other stuff…
- Purple grape. Also a follower. These guys are also annoying. They shoot mini purple grapes at you that slow you down. If you do get hit by them (easily dodgable, but still), spin around a lot to shake them off. These grapes will eventually grow up if not scared off the field (they run away). Also, killing a big grape leaves several baby grapes on the ground behind it, which must then be mopped up :/ AN: If you have too many grapes on you, you will not be able to move.
- Black shadowblobninjasamuraiblob (as shadowninjasamurai as a blob can get, at least). Not invisible, fortunately, but fairly quick and agile. It leaves a black trail in its wake. Also fragile. If killed by contact with anything, it leaves (again) a puddle of inkstuffmaybeitsoilithinkitsoilitsureactslikeoil that is slippery. Flammable, as in it exploders if it runs into a large fire. If what it hits happens to be you, the screen will turn black for several seconds, presumably the character being blinded. The game continues to play while this blindness occurs. AN: Explosions can kill you. Just a thought.
- Boulder. Slightly curves towards you, and also FREAKING HUGE, MAN. Hitting it with your regular sword doesn’t do anything. To make it vulnerable, it must a) be hit by another boulderblobthingnotreallyablobbecauseitsaboulder, b) run into orangeblobgoo, or c) be hit by an explosion (this is rare). Runs over pretty much ANYTHING. AN: Takes 5 hits after vulnerability to kill it, which sucks.
- A grizzly bear blob. It takes three hits to kill. After two hits, it becomes shaved (it’s furry brown) and tries to run away. It regrows its hair after awhile. Also, in fuzzy form, it can survive orangeblobgoo (but it will be shaved afterwards). AN: They act a lot like the blue blobs, but they pause before “Murderous Lunge”. Also, this is starting to look like a Pokedex. “Gotta Kill Em All”, except in Pokemon, they pretend dead Pokemon are “fainted”. Yes, that’s right, those Pokemon Centers have Necromancy Lv. 192804751876. ZOMBIE PIKACHU!
- Big Green Blob. The result of green blob mitosis. Actually follows you, but slowly. Is not able to run over as many things as the boulderblobthatisnotablob, but still pretty wreckingball-esque. Takes three hits to sploosh. AN: Not much to say here, move along. It kills you by rolling onto you, in which case it digests you. Nom.
- Flaming bomb blob (not to be confused with flaming anyothertypeofblobprettymuchblob). If you slash it while alight, it’ll blow the F_ _ _ up on your face and kill you, leaving a large fire (the kind that blows up shadowblob into another explosion, leaving another large fire). It’s flames will eventually recede (they’ll also recede immediately if they run into yellow lemonade pools or hot sauce lava), in which case it can be slashed without the explosion, but they’ll relight after running into a large fire. AN: Kinda annoying because of the “must wait so you don’t die immediately” feature. Kinda. Kinda. A lot. Follows you.
- Icy blob. It can’t kill you, fortunately. Also fragile (“fragile” means bumping into it causes it to a-splode). REALLY FAST AND CURVES WELL TOO. Can’t really outrun it so much as dodge it. If it does explode, most things within a certain radius get frozen. If frozen, move mouse up and down to break out. When frozen, you are “fragile”. Frozen blobs award no points. AN: ANNOYING. Must kill quickly and also must mouse spazz quickly.
- Metal blob with mini tentacles. It hardens quickly when slashed if not done well. When you do slash it well, you’ll have to do it again. And once more. Also chases you. If you’re far enough from it, it’ll extend a tentacle to spear you and then OM NOM NOM NOM NOM. AN: Did I forget to mention that those big green blobs become these through more reverse mitosis with more (small) green blobs? Also, it’s vulnerable while it’s poking it’s spear out (not while withdrawing it).
- Lighter green big blob. It REALLY OMNOMNOMNOMNOMs the heck out of stuff. It takes a lot of hits. With each hit, it shrinks a bit. It eats things smaller than it, making it grow. It’ll also split sometimes. AN: Fast and agile as well. Kinda annoying.
- The “Horror”. This is the actual name of this thing. The Horror. OH THE HORROR, the HORROR. THE HORRORRRR. Gah. It is basically two bluelungeblobsofdeath mitosis’d. It doesn’t lunge. Oh no. It runs you over. It’s a big (big green blob sized, actually) spinning, blue sawblade of DEATH. Like a lawn mower. It occasionally shoots little fatal fangs. Sometimes it’ll shoot four mini blue slicers, leaving a blue core. THIS IS YOUR CHANCE. KILL IT QUICKLY WHILE IT’S VULNERABLE, BECAUSE THOSE THINGS WILL COME BACK SOON AND IT’LL PROBABLY RUN YOU OVER LATER. Also, really annoying. AN: Beware the fangs. Also, it won’t reveal the core unless you’re far enough. The Horror of it all.
- A purple octopus of longer-tentacles and even more shadowninjasamuraiblob awesome. Although it only takes one hit to kill, IT IS DANGER ☢CAUTION!☢ ☢CAUTION!☢ ☢CAUTION!☢ (extreme amounts of awesome detected) OUS. If not performing Attack 3, it will use Attack 1, which is a gravity veil-thing that somewhat pulls you towards its center, and when you are close enough it performs Attack 2, which is to send out a ripplingwaveofdeaththatskindalikeanexplosionbutstill. Attack 1 usually stops after awhile, but do not, under pretty much any circumstances, get anywhere close to this blob while it does this. Also, it is made by r-mitosis between a metalgearsolidblob and a regular small green blob. AN: Attack 3, BTW, is a charged attack. Basically, the purple thing gather matter in front of it and SHOOP DA F_ _ _ ING WHOOP, a laser comes out of nowhere and disintegrates (almost) anything that touches it. This is the only time (while it charges and while it’s shooting) when this thing is vulnerable (e.g. can be attacked without using Attack 2 on your sorry tailless back end). Also note that the laser doesn’t move and that it pulls stuff towards it.
- A red string of blobs with two golden swords. This is a blob that appears near the end of a “nest”. It tries to cleave you into two. It will do this by: a) Lunging towards you with one sword, then another lunge with the other. (Very long ranged attack), b) Half-heartedly swinging one sword at you, c) Jumping backwards and swinging both swords forwards, kinda like safety scissors, except not safe, or d) You walking into one of its blades. The main way to kill it is by slashing while it lunges. AN: The timeframe for killing the blobstringthingblob is very small. This is ridiculously hard.
- A RAZOR QUEEN, ahiddenbossoho (another use of the official name). This will own you. It’ll own you with it’s awesome golden tail that will own you or it’s awesome golden side leg sword things that will own you or it’s pair of golden swords that you will own-* I mean, will own you. It takes 5 good hits to kill it, and they have to be when it lunges, and to it’s head-part-thing-blob-part. It will enter the screen with a lunge (it will spread both it’s main swords and LUNGGGGGGE), which is your cue to dodge to the side of the head and give a good slash. The Razor Queen will also consistenly drop black-blue mini spike things that will walk around randomly. If you get too close to these, they will pause and explode with teethy goodbadness. The R-Queen will also randomly enter Siege Form. This is when it stops moving and starts SHOOTING. This is supremely bad. You must then dodge all the fangs, drill mites, and spiny jacks it then proceeds to blast-, no, shoot-, no, fire-, no, spew** at you at pretty high speed. Fangs are basically just bullets and jacks are basically portable pieces of cover (for the fangs) that it also shoots at you (note: walking into them results in impalement). The drill mites are a different story. These jerks follow you underground at decent speeds, and when they get really close to you, they’ll just go “POP” out of the ground and try to run you through. If the mite misses, it’ll re-enter the ground again and continue chasing you until you destroy it, which you do by swinging while it is out of the ground (e.g. trying to kill you). With luck, the R-Queen will not throw these things at you (With more luck, the R-Queen will not even enter Siege Form, but that’s wishful thinking right there). After several seconds of sieging your face, the R-Queen will start moving again and will be vulnerable all over again. AN: HARDEST>F…ING>BOSS>IN>THE>G>A>M>E. Also appears late in the nest.
- The last character in A+… is the player character. And all his dead clones, just lying in some shallow grave somewhere out there, still wearing their blue jumpsuits.
A+ has some real addicting gameplay up it’s sleeve, but getting every one of the 110 awards is a pain (Hardest Achievement: either “Queensbane“, ““, “Merciless“, “Untouchable“, “Unbelievable Combo“, “Killer Swing“, or “Legend“.****)
This is a description of all the awards in appearance: Gold, Silver, or Bronze medals with a black picture on them and a design of the ribbon part.*****
Rating: 10/10 (Go Play This Game Right Now. Also, Wear An Aluminum Foil Hat, Because Otherwise This Game’s Awesomely Epic Win Leetness And Ownage Will Rock Your Clock And Sock That Rock While Logging That Noggin)
*It’s a reference to this manzai (TH M1, 2nd). Also, you get to have one of its swords if you beat it outside of practice mode.
** (WARNING: Link leads to TVTropes. Houraiguy is not responsible for hours days weeks years spent following up to this one link***. Seriously, the amount of links there is insane.)
*** I suppose you could sue TVTropes…? Nahhh.
**** Queensbane: “Awarded for splatting 3 Queens [the red string of blobs with two golden swords]. Cat-like reflexes, iron concentration, and a healthy dose of luck to boot. Or you’re just that leet.” : “Awarded for splatting a Razor Queen. You are now entitled to boast to your friends that you beat the boss of this game. Ignore confused looks of skepticism.” Merciless: “Awarded for splatting 2 Razor Queens. Anyone can stumble through something impressive once. Consider this proof of your awesomeness.” Untouchable: “Awarded for surviving 10 minutes in Bounty Run mode [survival mode]. I can only assume you’ve reached some sort of ninth-level-zen-state to keep it going for a whole ten minutes. There is no fear- there is only the Force” Unbelievable Combo: “Awarded for splatting 8 Glooples in a single swing. What the… how do you even FIT eight Glooples into one swing arc?? You cheated somehow didn’t you… don’t lie to me.” Killer Swing: “Awarded for splatting 300 bounty worth of Gloople in a single swing. Now that’s how you use a preposterously out of size sword. Cloud who.” Legend: “Awarded for scoring 3000 points in any mode. Holy crap, what are you, a freaking Jedi?!”. Other humourous descriptions of awards: Dedicated: “Awarded for dying 50 times. Somewhere out there, there’s a graveyard full of your failures.” Impressionist: “Awarded for splatting four different types of Glooples in one single swing. Not just instant abstract art, but one of the toughest achievements in the game. Congratulations.” Black Mark: “Awarded for splatting an Inkie [the black shadowblobninjasamuraiblob]. Bonus points if you thought of Rorschach***** and saw a pony.” Sick Combo: “Awarded for slashing 6 Glooples in a single swing. Now that’s a great swing. Opportunity knocked, and you slashed the crap out of it.” Bragging Rights: “Awarded for clearing a Huge Single Nest. Roses are red. Violets are blue. All my base are belong to you.” Academic: “Awarded for spending 10 minutes total in Practice mode. The pen is mightier than the sword. Except in this game. Cuz there’s no pen. And the sword is really big.” Massive Swing: “Awarded for splatting 150 worth of bounty in a single swing. A swing like that shows some pretty deft tactics. Either that or blind luck, but we’ll stick with the tactics thing.” Mad Skills: “Awarded for clearing a Big Single Nest. Your name shall strike terror into the hearts of Glooples for ages to come. If they had hearts. Okay, their goo, then.” Bloodletter: “Awarded for being killed 5 different ways. Variety is the spice of life. Also, apparently, messy bloody death.” Gorehound: “Awarded for being killed in 10 different ways. Burned, bisected, bitten, melted, impaled, shattered, mauled, and beheaded. And your insurance premiums are probably none to pretty either.” Threat Assessment: “Awarded for surviving 10 minutes in Bounty Run mode without dying. Assuming you aren’t a sissy or didn’t have the difficulty ramp set on low, that’s actually pretty good. Otherwise, well… you’re a sissy.”
***** As in the inkblot test. I’ve saved you the trouble of going to Wikipedia. Tips, please.
Alright, this is a game called Colour Theory. When I first read the instructions, I was like, holy crap, what is this? After, I decided to try playing it. The game came to me pretty easily, there were two types of levels. Levels that required skill and levels that required intellect. On the first level, you should encounter an image similar to this. Only without that many rectrangles. Anyways, this is an awesome game, go play it.
After touching one of the crosses, all of the rectangles of the same colour will disappear. In some instances, this is good. In others, it is bad. In the picture below, the robot will die.
The goal, it appears to be a portal. Upon touching it, your robot will disintegrate then all pieces will enter the portal. This is probably because your robot has had too much cake.
In addition to falling off the screen, your robot can die in other ways such as encountering an enemy or impaling himself on some spikes.
Graphics: Really simple, pixel pack actually
Replayability: There is no point, not even the tiniest bit
Gameplay: Some of the levels are purely based on skill, you can spend 20 minutes continuously doing a level, those levels are really annoying, other than that, it’s pretty fun
Concept: It’s new. Like awesome new. Like O-new. I like it.
~Laziness prevails, I’m too lazy to create the rest of this post~
DAVE DAVE DAAAAAAAAAAAAAVE DAVVVVVE DAVEEEEEE D-D-D-D-D-DAVE BREAKER D-D-D-D-D-D-D-DOMBO DREAKER
So yes, I have internet connection while on vacation! I can post! I can be up to date on my one-person video subscriptions[EDIT: Not enough internet to actually do this.]! AND DAAAAAVE
>-Actual O-NEG Begins Here
Inquisitive Dave is a game. Games are this.* ID (cue Koishi danmaku and Freudian quotes) is about a person named Dave. He presumably goes around SAVING THE WORLDDDD-DAVE DAVE DAVE RAVE.
[Some people may notice at this point that I feel all rave-y today RAVE ON DAVE
ID uses the mouse FOR ONLY ONE PURPOSE. This is to regain focus on the Adoozy Falsh control thingamajigger if focus is lost. Otherwise, use WASD/<^>v ** and SPACE AND THE GALAAAAAXYBAR/Enter.
List1: Things Dave Can Do
Dave can JUMP.*** Press W or ^.
Dave can MOVE UPUPDOWNDOWNLEFTRIGHTLEFTRIGHTBASELECTSTART****
Dave can SAVE THE WORLD 
List2: Things Fatal To Dave
- Water: DAVE CAN’T SWIMMMM- blub
- Guns: DAVE HAS NO BULLET TIME
- Crocodiles: ITS SOOPER EFFEKTIV
- Antlions: The ones from Tremors.
- Poisonous-To-Dave Berries: They’re deadly POISON! ALSO ADDICTIVE OR SOMETHING!
- The End Of The World: 2012
- Wizard (EVIL): Shoots an Electric Zap. See Electric Zap.
- Electric Zap: See WIZARD
>–Back To The O-NEG Here
ID: This is like a Point-And-Click game (It’s a Falsh game, remember? KONGREGATE FTW), except without the use of the SACRED MOUSE. And with sarcastic comments.
List3: Sarcastic Quotes From ID:*****
- “It’s a puddle. You’d better hurry up and escape soon because there’s a dripping up in the ceiling; the water level could reach a whole foot in the next millenia or two.”
- (Outside of prison, talking to prison guard for your cell) “Go away. I’m guarding the prisoner.” (You are the prisoner :/)
- “It’s some of that Awesomade. Didn’t they stop making that after that kid’s eyes fell out?”
- (Intro) Dave: “If only there was some sort of guiding player to make decisions for me!”
Thus we see that ID has a sense of humour. ID does seem to have an awful amount of walking back and forth, but the humour is very well implemented (Thus we see ID is more like a humour romp than a game~). The FINAL BOSS is also pretty creatively made (HINT: CAMPING RAVE RAVE RAVE).
By the way, you haven’t learned anything from reading this post. Hurrrrm. Also, the link is here.
FINAL REVIEW: 8.9/10
*Or at least Super Mario Galaxy 2 is that.
***So can Greg~.
****He can’t actually move down w/out gravity. He can’t move selectstartba either :/
*****Not direct quotes.