O-New: Now Extinct Website

Posts tagged “Parodies

Bodacious Space Pirates Promotional Post

Prepare to be dropped by cyber entertainment on an internet-ional scale as Hentai Film-woks announces the impending upload of the synchronizing, hit space story BODACIOUS SPACE PIRATES! What happens when Teen Nerds meet Computer Programming? Find out when Director Drew Houston returns to the familiar spaces of tragedy and international depression and deftly synchronizes the not-selling DROPBOX PIRATE novels by Arash Ferdowski in a folder to become an all new 26 episode anime masterpiece, while Y Combinator’s brilliant original funding is adapted for animation by the team of Drop and Box. There’s plenty of files and history revising ahead in the most storage-y adventure epic of the year, BODACIOUS SPACE PIRATES!

Most families have porn files in their folders, but Drew is understandably shocked to learn that what his family has been hiding is more folders inside folders! And while the revelation that his late father was an accountant would have been earthshaking enough for most teenage boys, discovering that he was the employee of the notorious accountant firm Bent and Marrow will change Drew’s life forever. Because, you see, accounting is a family business, and he’s just inherited nothing at all. And his father’s former employer is quite intent on making sure Drew doesn’t care! So what’s a boy to do? Well, if you’re a high school student whose prior total storage experience has been repeatedly losing your USB, there’s really only one moral dilemma that has to be resolved: are students allowed to care about really stupid plot-lines? Get ready for internet-ional programming unlike any you’ve ever seen before as cyberspace gets downloaded by bored college students, bored high school students and the most boring person ever in BODACIOUS SPACE PIRATES!

BODACIOUS SPACE PIRATES will simulcast premier on O-New starting never at 32:00 a.m. Pacific Standard Rhymes (that’s on GM-Time). Additional digital outlets and TV broadcast will follow starting forever with DVD and Box-Ray to follow.

P.S. I’M SKIPPING SCHOOL THIS IS THE QUALITY OF POSTS YOU’LL GET
P.P.S. HAVE A COOL (read: nonsensical stream-of-consciousness mental regurgitation) AVENGERS POST TALKING ABOUT HOW IT SUCKED! actually no that’s not what I talk about I don’t even know what I talk about in that post
P.P.P.S. Charles Dickens was the father of the modern light novel INDEED. Look at this 19th century 40-year-old otamot! They’re like, J.C. Staff protagonists but three times older!


Mouretsu Pirates 19

There’s been few O-New posts lately.

So what’s a guy to do? Well, if you’re a high school student whose prior total literary experience has blogging a really crappy show about vapid braindead high school teenagers, there’s really only one moral dilemma that has to be resolved: are bloggers allowed to wear really short mini-skirts? Get ready for internetwork buccaneering unlike any you’ve ever seen before as the posts get delayed by laziness, boredom, and the sexiest words ever in BODACIOUS SPACE BLOGGERS!

…well, sorry, because a) that was the actual post b) Mouretsu Pirates is neither sexy nor bodacious c) my words are never sexy and d) this won’t be a Mouretsu Pirates post and e) this dearth of posts is due to various factors in my life such as nothing, laziness, nothing, laziness, and some Chinese school talent show competition that I’m apparently participating in. It is also due to various factors in my laziness such as reading this hyper-cool webcomic (that is literally hyper cool and avoids all tropes like the plague, the poop, and the protagonist) and this super-cool webcomic (that is literally super cool and avoids all Touhou canon like the poison, the pee, and the principal).

Imagine a poisoned poop cannon»


O-REW 12: Eye Sedso

Glo should go low.

Why?

Because Eye Sedso

…is the worst ISSS on the planet.

International Stationary Stationed Station»


Another New International Information Sharing and Storage Site Tournament

It is motherfucking on. O-New’s now an ISSS and there are only two ISSSs, so we’re eligible to participate in the finals.

(Voting starts whenever we pull a poll up. Voting hasn’t started yet!! So in the meantime…)

Strange Brains Ferment Sex Like Pickles; another Fridge Magnet Fiction Friday writing prompt, courtesy of 2DT and Pierre-Yves Bouthyette.

With 100% more science»


The Staff of Joseph Jacques Jean Chrétien PC OM CC QC

Once upon a time, there was a Prime Minister. His name was Jean Chrétien. He had a staff of office that indicated his high position of respect and honour. His staff was originally pretty lame when it was given to him in 1994, spitting out things like neo wrestling and oni. Suddenly, one day, in 1997, an evil wizard stole Chrétien’s staff and imbued it with magical revolutionary powers by giving it a ring with a rose crest.

HINT: THIS IS ACTUALLY A POST ABOUT ANIME»


Extrinsic Strengths of Manga-Related Imperceptions versus 2-D Perverse Exceptions and Analyses: Surrendering Facts, Production of Deep Misrepresentations, Purposeless Preservation of Ancient Suppression

An exquisite corpse is the pinnacle of pretention. Pretending that people perceive patterns they can’t even penetrate without FAILING their alliteration practices. This has nothing to do with anything; yet, even this ~horrible~ post will be preserved. I mean, what even is our society’s deep fixation on preserving historical documents? “We shall digitize them,” said Alex while discussing the benefits of Amazon’s Kindle. “Take a packet of gum for instance. What’s your favorite brand?” – “I can’t say I have any. I hardly chew gum.” – “So, that is to say, your breath hardly kicks?” Jehneefah didn’t know how to reply to [NOBODY KNOWS WHAT FILLS THIS VOID] that although us people are weird and insane, we can actually be quite reasonable. In fact it is often the weirdest and insane people that are the same time the most logical. Actually, we, who are actually the worst sort of people ever, can be civilized when it is necessary.

Yet, is civilization even necessary? Our society is founded on ancient principles (and old principals, of schools, y’know) that are purposeless today. They’re also PORPOISE-LESS, as principles (and principals) aren’t cool enough to own porpoises. We’re trapped in a deep misrepresentation of irrelevant customs that suppress modernity, preserved from times. “The New York Times,” said Alex as he waived around his Kindle like an ignorant prick. “Look, this device only cost 99 dollars. I think you should buy one.” “And not gum?” “And not gum” Jehneefah let out a big sigh, took out his credit card, and made his purchase. [NOT ONE APPRAISES THAT WHICH ENCOMPASSES THE AFOREMENTIONED’S NIHILITY] energy of the surrounding briefish air to transform him into an elegand man! And once he becomes an elegand man, how elegant! Maybe it was an England man that it was meant to be, but in fact it was elegand! I would like to talk about England instead. Wow, England. What a cool guy. I think that it is quite cool. Très cool.


No. 6 1

‘Best present ever’»