O-New: Now Extinct Website

Posts tagged “Rants

Avengers of O-New: Some Non-Anime Post

That’s right. Take the capital letters of that title, and what do you get?


Wait, no, that’s not right. That sounds too much like ‘K-On’ to be on a blog like O-New, which is entirely safe-for-moè-haters and quite dangerous to moè. Take out the N, O-New’s supposed to be Onew anyways (but it isn’t, because Onew sucks.)


…Oh snap. Time for an editorial post.

Mouretsu Pirates isn’t anime!»

On the Subject of Cooperative Multiplayer Gaming

(Where there are teams, so will there be enemies.)

I like to think there’s a sort of equilibrium to the internet, or indeed, everything. I’m not going as far to say that there’s some sort of SHADOW HOURAI who goes around making usernames like :.:XxShAd0wH0uR4ixX:.: (this breaks all the tenets of my personal Guideline of Username Creation, btw) who is the Exact Opposite of me and gose aronud misplelign evarything and put1ng r4nd0m numb3r5 in his words and blogs (and by that same token, miraculously have the perseverance and will to blog on daily basis, GASP). However, I would say that as there will be people, in Minecraft, for example, with the divine* patience to build goddarn slot machines WITH REDSTONE, so will there be griefers with the demonic patience to destroy those slot machines (which wouldn’t take very long, so forget I said that and instead substitute “slot machines” for “1:5 scale Great Wall of China”).

In short, everyone on the internet is a jerk, unless they’re not.


Buyuden 16

This post is actually going to be more of a post about cyberbullying and how it affects people rather than cyberboxing and wait, what’s cyberboxing

sidnet top part»

Yumekui Merry Half Season Review [Completed]

This is my face after finishing the anime.

Jay… see…»

Ookami-san to Shichinin no Nakamatachi Half Season Review [Completed]

Oh gosh, this HSR is from the times when I didn’t screencap while watching, so arghblargh I have to go through all those episodes again…


(Also, will be updating some HSR here, so wait for my link!)

Here: Shiki HSR 3. Read it~!

Read and/or Walk On»

Lyric s ared dumbbb

Welp, that’s what I named the post, and that’s what it’ll be about.

Don’t ask what I was thinking when I made this.

Anyways, keeping this short and sweet.


New Camera

[Announcement: Only Rewrote History because… well, check the post time.]

Guess what?

I have a new camera.

As if I’ll show you how good it is»

O-NEB 4: the Adventure of the Speckled Band


Holmes smokes tobacco.


Snakes do not climb ropes.



Pace ~ Walk On

Hope is the fear that keeps us moving.
Just walk on.

Piano Sheets~

This was composed in February…»

2010 Winter Anime

I’m not late! Winter hasn’t started yet! Who cares if I’m writing this in 2011?! Who cares if Scamp’s already posted the Spring chart (oh hey, Steins;Gate and Toriko)?! Who cares if nobody cares whether or not somebody cares? Probably just me, right ._.

And on the note of ‘2010’, not ‘2011’; pah! Winter’s not the first season of the year! It’s the last; everyone knows that! Winter starts on the solstice (the 22nd and 23rd) for us at O-NEW, not on December 1st, so SHUN everything that tells me Angel Beats was part of… er… never mind.

And it definitely isn’t 2011 Winter right now. No siree. See, this publish date says December 30th, at 23:59. Yep. That’s totally when I originally published it. That tag that says Rewrite History? All a sham! Yep, yep, nobody cares about this an-

On to the (totally not late, bec-

2010, Winter, Anime, Se-

…ason, Anime, Pr-»


Alternative title: America is boring as hell.

Yep, I’m back from my vacation.

Of the time of writing this post, there is about, oh, I don’t know, ONE DAY of 2010 left. I don’t know if many of you know, but Ichigos is having another composition contest. If you’ll remember (you won’t, there was nobody reading then), one of my earliest compositions was prompted by an Ichigos contest (which, I subsequently received 2nd place – also known as last, because only two people entered).

Unfortunately, there are far more competitors this time, and the monetary prizes are no small talk either. And I have one day to submit something.

One day. That’s basically five hours. Why am I still writing this post? I don’t know, I’ll do nothing but compose tomorrow. Why did I read that epic mahjong manga? Which, if I may mention, is awesome? When JAPANESE ROBOTS fight HITLER in MAHJONG on the MOON, I think it’s PRETTY AWESOME. GEORGE BUSH’s power level is OVER EIGHT THOUSAND too (a normal person’s power level is seven, not seven thousand). Of course, that’s nothing to HITLER’s power level of THIRTY TWO THOUSAND.

In other real-world news, Comiket 79 has hit once again, obvious from the flood of Comiket music, PVs, and more hitting the internet (and the many cries of anguished line-waiters). It’s ending tomorrow, too.
Heh, you’d expect me to write some New Year’s post soon, so I won’t keep this any longer. I’m too lazy to even slap any pictures on here. On that note, I’ll delay (once more, once more) the Winter anime preview to next year. Sigh, vacation just seems to pass so quickly (or I wasted half of it in America doing NOTHING AT ALL).

Anyways, back to the title of this post: Twilight.

It does not suck.

What? You didn’t see that?


As far as I can tell, there is no blatant exhibition of horrible, unpaced writing; no ill-developed main character; no drastically unrealistic plot. Twilight is, for a book, pretty good – you can read it without stopping, given the time necessary. The writing is many times better than even the grammar of many people who claim to have read it; indeed, this is not a book written by a teenager. It’s written by an adult, a very capable adult, whose intelligence vastly surpasses that of many individuals in society.

Book-wise, it’s decent. No – it’s good.

Of course, with the exception of how “Edward’s perfect eyes looked at me from his perfect face as perfect mucus dripped out of his perfect nose.”


Firstly, let’s look at Bella’s character.

Huh? Character? Where’s that? Bella’s well-developed, sure; but only after the plot kicks in. Before that, EVERYTHING about her can be applied to like EVERYBODY in the world – or at least everybody’s conceptions of themselves. Sure, basically nobody’s smart, but most stupid people think they’re smart, and thus can step into Bella’s shoes.

– Obvious points to her gender are not defined (a.k.a. she’s probably not a girl)
– Tries to fit in at school, but doesn’t work (a.k.a. too stupid to look past society)
– Not popular at school (a.k.a. she wants to do drugs and waste her teenage life)
– Thinks she’s smart (a.k.a. uses man-made tests to gauge her intelligence)
– May be skinny, may be fat – it’s never pointed out in the book, but she doesn’t want to walk two miles to school. So she drives there. Every day. Two miles. 3.2 kilometres. (a.k.a. typical American – fat, rich, and lovin’ it)
– Hates dancing (a.k.a. fat)
…and the like.

Anyways, in summary, all her bad qualities are ones everyone thinks they have (can’t dance, unpopular, etc.), and all her good qualities are qualities people think they have (smart, etc.) – her other good qualities are qualities that come out in the book, so any stupid teenage girl can dream about finding that she tastes good to a vampire, etc.

Meyer is a MASTER of manipulation. She’s a genius! Completely and utterly so.

A genius that would do anything for money, even write a book like this.

But, this makes sense.

This is the difference between the true, literary genius, Kuroneko, and the completely worthless, spoiled, lazy, and opportunative genius, Kirino.

Kuroneko’d write something purely because it’s good. Kirino would write something purely because it sells.

Of course, not everything that sells is written by a genius like Meyer (who we know is a genius, because of her masterfully twisted words). In Kirino’s case, I take back my words – she’s just an idiot who likes little sisters. Luck and intelligence – money comes later.

But Meyer.

She could’ve done something with her life. Not write a book like this, but actually create a piece of literature. Something that actually has meaning. Her vocabulary and education are up to the task. But no – she just chose to go the path of the devil, leading to riches in life, and hell in death.

In fact, according to this dedication, her sister, Emily, practically forced her to finish Twilight (“Without her, this book may still have been unfinished”). A genius cannot create if forced to. She came up with Twilight instead.

Ah, the beauty of twilight. As a novel, brilliant. As a book, good.

500 pages is a lot, you know?

So as a piece of literature, I was afraid that the owner of the book would have caught me ripping it to shreds. There was no content whatsoever.

(except for that one part where Edward’s perfect eyes looked at me from his perfect face as perfect mucus dripped out of his perfect nose, that was very contentful)

An Important Notice on the Overuse of Certain Terms

As published by the Badly-Utilized Language Lunatics (look at the acronym) Society of Highly *nteresting Terminology, better known as the Society of Lying Conmen.

It is come to my attention that there is an overuse of the term, “BOOM! HEADSHOT (!)”. This is not actually unacceptable, but just pretend it is for a moment here. I am beginning to see a cliche* here in these two words. This is bad. This is UNACCEPTABLE. Or, at least, pretend it’s unacceptable.

Whilst browsing through the sea that is the intarwebz, I have noticed that there has been a lot of  “BOOMHEDSHOTTTTT” but not enough “BOOM INSTANTANEOUS AMATEUR CRANIOTOMY/LOBOTOMY/WHATEVER”. This seems to be good evidence suggesting that 50% of the sea of the intarwebz in fact is verbal diarrhea being spouted by teenage boys overdosing on either LSD or testosterone, whichever is worse. The other 50% seems to consist of either godly Asian people with serious talent in using Photoshop or Twilight fanboys/girls. Of course, there are several other little groups out there that don’t fit into either category, but no one cares about them, except for maybe everyone.

I want to see Adoozy Falsh games on (insert game site name here) where shooting a person in the head gives a 5% percent chance of causing severe retardation in the victim! I want to see Newgrounds flashes where bullets can go in one eaer and out the other WITH NO EFFECT! Most of all, I don’t want to see another BOOMHEDSHOTTTT! I’m sick of it! Especially in that 15-minute period I just spent surfing the web in a futile effort to find an instance of BOOMHEDSHOTTTTT! Instead, I want to see a big black rectangle on top of where BOOMHEDSHOTTTTT would be! It would also spare me from the poor spelling of people who don’t know how to spell “CRANIOTOMY”!



/absurd logic

This was not written by Houraiguy. He never posts here. His blog, which posts even less at, is at boredomreturns.wordpress.com.

Troll(0lolol) away down in the comments below! Mock me for my inproper use of grammar (I must have misspelled something.)! Give me another reason to post on a different site! Et cetera! Whatevs! Complain about me never posting… wait, this post wasn’t written by Houraiguy.  You’re seeing things. Go away. Stop overdosing on either LSD or testosterone, whichever is worse.

*(author of post is too lazy to search web for a site with some lettering that has an accented “e” in it, so whatevs)

Toaru Majutsu no Index Half Season Review 2

New tag: Rewrite History. This post was published on November 28th, 2010.

…I’m gonna rewrite history a lot in the next month ._.

Who says I can’t do multiple HSRs? Be thankful I’m not watching Conan.

Index time~



And espers are apparently people who can reject reality and replace it with their own. Somehow, Schrödinger’s cat gets involved right now even though that deals with PROBABILITY and not the REALITY, which is what espers change. How do you CULTIVATE a ‘skill’ of rejecting PROBABILITY and making it REAL? IT DOESN’T FUCKING MAKE SENSE, INDEX DOESN’T FUCKING MAKE SENSE JUST SAY IT’S ALL MAGIC ALRIGHT


I also forgot to explain that ‘Toaru Majutsu no Index’ means ‘A Certain Magical Index’, and ‘Toaru Kagaku no Railgun’ means ‘A Certain Scientific Railgun’. That’s why Tsuchimikado Motoharu (blonde hair) and that other kid (HE DOESN’T HAVE A NAME BUT HAS BLUE HAIR) attend ‘A Certain Highscool’, which only has one teacher (Komoe) and three students during ‘A Certain Class’. Index finds ‘A Certain Cat’ (who she names Sphinx). In ‘A Certain… Box’ ._.

I ‘Am Certainly Taking’ this too far.



Anyways, Touma, Motoharu, Index, and that other kid are eating oil, grease, and sugar at the local MacRonall when they find a magician. Himegami Aisa is the Deep Blood referred to last time – the smell of her blood attracts vampires, who she then kills. Unfortunately, that includes her family because HER FAMILY WAS TOTALLY MADE OUT OF VAMPIRES AND AFTER THE BLOOD BANK RAN OUT OF BLOOD TO LEND THEY STARVED TO DEATH

Stiyl tells Touma of their goal – kill an ‘alchemist’, Aureolus Izzard (apparently a descendent of Paracleses wait what), who is really mean and does really mean stuff to aisa beacuse hes very mean and very mean people are very mean and very bad and very bad people are also very mean so he shouldnt be so mean and shuold be more nice to aisa beacuse bieng mean is very bad

Reimu’s life after the shrine collapsed

At Misawa Cram School, the place Aisa is held hostage (or something), they find a corpse of one of the Thirteen Knights of the Roman Catholic Church. A magical forcefield blocks out all activity from the magical ‘side’ to the public ‘side’ – basically, the Knight is part of the magical ‘side’, and people who are not on the magical ‘side’ cannot see it. People who are on the magical ‘side’ then cannot interact freely with the public ‘side’ – such as pushing an elevator button. Touma, Stiyl, Aisa, and Aureolus are all on the magical side.


Aureolus casts a spell that transports the public students into the magical ‘side’ – however, they’re espers, so they can’t use magic without suffering INTENSE PHYSICAL PAIN

As such the students suffer INTENSE PHYSICAL PAIN

Unfortunately, Aureolus has some suicidal tendencies.

He appears behind Touma and Stiyl and erases their memories because of his special ability. However, after regaining consciousness, Touma negates the effect with the power of his Imagine Breaker.

They appear at the cram school just to see the remnants of the Thirteen Knights attacking the school with a spell that needs three thousand three hundred and thirty-three monks to recite – at the same time.

Obviously it has some devastating effects, completely ripping a building in two – but Aureolus reverses that with his Ars Magna.

Apparently, the ultimate goal of alchemists is to model everything in this world – basically bringing out anything they’re thinking of into reality. DOES THAT MAKE SENSE NO BUT I QUOTED IT FROM THE ANIMU

Aureolus’s magical name is Honos628, and his ability is to bringing out anything he says into the real world.


(He can probably make someone do that too)

Thus, he can erase memories; cause espers to cast magic; glue back buildings; and in general be a total badass.

Index gets captured by Aureolus, who reveals that HE LOVES HER and wanted her to become a vampire cause that’d make it more Twilight-y. In reality, it’s because he thought her memory problem would be overcome if that happened – when Stiyl regrettably informs him that his dad is ded so who was phone Touma beat him to the chase, he gets pretty darn mad, attempting to kill everyone.

Unfortunately, it’s revealed – his true power isn’t in saying, but in /thinking/ – if he doesn’t think of something, and only of that thing, it won’t come to fruition. That’s why he likes to stab himself so much.

Anywho, Touma becomes a total scary zombie by braving the pain of losing his right arm and destroying Aureolus’s mental stability. His power now out of his control, it backfires, turning Touma’s severed right arm into a giant dragon.

…Aureolus’s head gets bitten off, Stiyl mercifully changes his facial structure so as to deceive the Roman Catholic Church, and he loses both his memories of the situation and ability to lose magic, before being released into the REAL WORLD

What’s the point of having triggers to the other eight guns, then

New arc begins as Touma begins to develop his observation skills (Rito’s mastered it, if ya get what I mean…), meeting Mikoto’s sister, who is engaged in a fight with some guy named Accelerator.

So ‘Tree Diagram’ is this giant floating satellite that monitors Academy City and grades all the espers by ranking, but Index destroyed it when she went all zombie-like. Accelerator’s goal (or rather, the scientists controlling him) is to become a Level 6 – he can only achieve this by killing 128 Level 5 espers, but there are only 7 Level 5s. Thus, using Mikoto’s DNA, scientists have mass produced 20,000 clones of her (all Level 3 espers). All the Misakas are connected by mind, BYPASSING THE EINSTEIN-PODOLSKY-ROSEN PARADOX (or imposing it?) because INFORMATION CAN’T TRAVEL INSTANTANEOUSLY

However, they must wear MILITARY GOGGLES so that they can see electro-wait wait what




Mikoto was TRICKED by the evil government, who used her DNA supposedly to cure Duchenne muscular dystrophy, but in reality to produce CLONES CLONES CLONES and MORE CLONES, as she is the only Level 5 who started out as a Level 1 and gradually LEVELED UP

The first Mikoto clone (we’ll refer to the clones as Misaka from now on) was Misaka #10032, who Accelerator try to kill. His ability is changing the vector values of everything he touches – wind, movement, temperature, light, bullets, electricity, even the BLOOD FLOW of a person. You’d wonder why he doesn’t control the vector values of time but that’d make it too hard for Touma to beat him.

Accelerator in his true form (SIDNET)

At the very end, Touma is seen trying to plot a possible solution to Mikoto’s problem, ending with the words “To stop the experiment, I must let them realize that nothing good will come out of the experiment.”


Anywho, bunch of other characters are introduced (or rather, reintroduced), and it’d be weird to insert them into the story cause they DON’T FIT AT ALL STUPID ANIME



Another member of Tokiwadai Middle School (along with Mikoto, who she lives with), Shirai Kuroku (a Level 4) can teleport and is SO AWESOME NORMAL PEOPLE EXPLODE BY SEEING HER

Finally there’s this DOCTOR GUY who must be SORTA IMPORTANT or else he wouldn’t APPEAR TWICE





Seriously though, I still hate it when anime try to be more scientific than they can. Shiki’s a brilliant example of how not being scientific still works (of course, I only watched up to what episode 11; expect HSR) – there’s scientific blasphemy and crap, but they don’t explain how vampires exist. Why? THEY CAN’T THAT’S WHY

In this scenario, having someone being struck by a lightning bolt and thus able to control electricity is about the same as having someone able to control quantum probabilities. Which has nothing to do with actual matter. Though, I suppose it’d be easy to justify Biribiri’s ability, but it’d require some imaginative author to conjure up why Accelerator can control vectors… (maybe he was struck by a vector bolt)

Also, going back to the previous HS, why did Touma lose only his memories? With such a vague description as ‘you’re doomed’, you’d expect his brain to be, y’know, blown out or something. And also, didn’t Komoe say that there are multiple parts of the brain for everything? How did he lose just his short-term, 2-week memory, but not his motary functions, knowledge, understanding of culture, and personality? Doesn’t make sense. Here’s where explaining it /would/ help – just saying ‘oh you’re doomed’ isn’t good enough. Just saying ‘oh you’re healed and only lost your memory of the past two weeks’ isn’t good enough either.

I’d be more eloquent in my schpiel but little Mushy’s past his beddy-bed time. I’ll cover two subjects in a latter HSR – morality of cloning and self-criticism. Yeah, those are pretty big subjects.




Observations on Soft Drinks [A Numerical List!*]

  1. Soft drinks aren’t soft. Pillows, on the other hand…
  2. They always claim that they’re “ice cold”. They can’t be, because they don’t sell huge frozen chunks of Coke-ice/Pepsi-ice in a bottle/can/whatever. That would be ice cold. They’re selling them at like 10 degrees Celsius, because not many people want to buy solid chunks of flavored ice.
  3. The straws they give out for the soft drinks always are crappy.
  4. You can’t get straws for your soft drink (which isn’t soft) if you aren’t in a fast food joint.
  5. The soft drink tastes different in North America than it does in China. I note Coke specifically, and also 7-Up.
  6. Room temperature soft drinks would taste like flavoured water, only it would be sugar-flavoured. Also, flavoured water is usually (to me) water-flavoured water with a bit of indistinguishable random taste that you can’t define. Or, for that matter, you can’t taste. Also, room temp. soft drinks taste bad.
  7. Some idiot will always shake the bottle up like one of those paint bucket-shakers.
  8. And they’re probably doing it in a way that it can’t fail to land on your clothing.
  9. And they’re doing it right now.
  10. The only way to not get any pop on your clothing is to not wear any. This won’t really work, because no one will be remotely near you anyway (which kinda mean it does work) for nudity reasons.
  11. The soft drink spilled on your clothing does not wash off.
  12. If you can’t see them doing it, you’re doing it. Subconsciously. With an invisible bottle.
  13. The bottle will never fizz up after the cap is opened a second time.
  14. The bottle will always over-fizz before initial opening.
  15. The bottle will fizz even if you don’t shake it. Cynical, biased research has shown that this is a conspiracy on the part of WHUUUUUPS’ (We Hate UUUU; UPS) bottle delivering services, aided by the Government Committee Of Making Our Roads Have Potholes In Them and the Government Committee Of Building Speed Bumps The Length And Height Of The Great Wall Of China, and let’s not forget the infamous Government Committee For Failing To Fill In The Potholes The Goverment Committee Of Making Our Road Have Potholes In Them.
  16. Soft drinks must always have at least NIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINE THOUSAND AND ONE ninety grams of sugar. Per sip.
  17. Your older/younger sibling will always never stop drinking from your bottle, even if they were told by yourself to only have a sip, unless the bottle has negative fluid content. They will also be temporarily struck with deafness to pleas along the lines of “STOP”, and cannot choke. They will also always beat you in competitions of chugging large amounts of liquids.
  18. Number 15 will usually happen with your friends. It will always happen if you have no siblings.
  19. Soft drinks should not be called soft drinks (titular inaccuracy, as discussed in Number 1). They should be called “ubersugar liquids”. Also, they should not be called “pop” drinks, because they don’t really pop.
  20. Unless you count the “pop” of the bottle/can/whatever cap opening for the first time.
  21. Or if you count “pop” as a substitute for the expletives you’ll use once the soft drinks soak your clothing when you opened the cap.
  22. Or if “pop” is the substitute for the profanities the person shaking the pop bottle says when they see you without clothing in an attempt to prevent your clothing from being soaked.
  23. Or the “pop” is the sound of WHUUUUUPS’ “security” men/bodyguards coming after you with guns for having pop bottles that don’t fizz. Which are impossible to make, but they’ll still try to frame you anyway.
  24. Or if “pop” is the sound of your brain cells participating in the sport of “synchronized aneurysm-ing” from sugar overdose.
  25. If “ubersugar liquids” disagrees with you, suggest something in the comments below. I would recommend having a name that is Exactly What It Says On The Tin (TvTropes link) or highly straightforward. I personally propose “Teeth Decay Accelerator Molecules++”.

In case you were wondering, I rarely finish any posts in series. I will, however, start a lot of series.

*As if this being a numerical list was good.

PSA: Memes Pt. 1

It has come to my attention that currently there has been a mass overspammage of memery and cliches* over the interwebs. Other such generic bullsh^t has been used improperly and in abundance. Here, in this Public Service Announcement, I have outlined several commonly (mis)used memes and generic (catch)phrases and retarded sentence structures** and how to properly use them.

“AYBABTU”: Abbrev. for All Your Base Are Belong To Us, a phrase used in the opening cinematic*** of the game Zero Wing, made by a random game company called Toaplan. It is ingrammatical in proper English, but because we is on teh intarwebzorz, we doesn’t need no Gram-Mar, yo. Thusly, AYBAYTU is perfectly grammatical in an online society where it is only considered slightly ingrammatical to say “I iz tweeteering like teh dickens” or talk like raocow.

Fun Fact: Toaplan allegedly “revolutionized” top-down shooters. Without them, we would still have bullet hell shooters, because ZUN probably still would have caused the shooter revolution. Go ZUN.

(cont’d) AYBABTU is used to randomly describe a situation where one group controls all of another group. I cannot think of any other situation where you could use it except for in the “Hallucinogenic Rave o’ Random” situation.

Properly Used: [Houraiguy is playing MW2 on Domination (whatever the f^ck the mode with the capturable positions is called) with Yuchoy in private. Houraiguy has just captured the Point A, B, and C points.]
MW2 Announcer Radio Operator Dude (Yuchoy): “The enemy has taken/captured/overrun position C.”
MW2 Annoucer Radio Operator Person (Houraiguy): “We’ve taken position C.”
Yuchoy: F^ck.

Improper Usages:
Houraiguy: I won a game! AYBABTU

Houraiguy: AHAHAHAHA I is a person with no control over anything whatsoever but still AYBABTU

McDonalds Clown Dude (Ronaldo McDonaldo): I like pink rabbit AYBABTU



“Fun Fact”: A term commonly used by books to placate the reader from burning the book into ashes for including the fact that always follows. The fact is never fun. It may****, however, be funny.

Properly Used: [The book is talking about watermelons.] Fun fact: Did you know that it is fun to blow up watermelons with a ten-gauge double barreled sawn-off shotgun such as the Pancor Jackhammer*****.

Improper Usages:

Fun fact: Pi is 3.1415926535 [The list of digits continues for 5469720 pages.]…!


Fun fact: Come to Pedobear’s house for freeeee candy!

*This is how you spell memery, right? …Is memery even a word >.>

**When I say “retarded sentence structures”, I refer to sentence structures used in children’s information books that regard the reader as (it figures) retarded. Examples of Assumed Reader Stupidity include: making a glossary and highlighting all nouns with 3 or more letters, strictly using simple sentences, and refraining from using words with 4 or more syllables. A helpful telltale sign of a book using Assumed Reader Stupidity is that it belongs to a series of books with titles like “Diabetes”, “Kooking for Kids”, and “Why The F^ck Do Bones Look White and Also BTW Why The F^CK Is The Sky F^cking Blue Woohoo”.

***You could technically call it a cinematic if your idea of a movie was watching people play Pong. It was more like an animated GIF with sound.

****Disclaimer: This will probably only happen when the skies are raining fireballs and also when 1 = 0. It might happen in other cases, though.

*****I doubt this is actually a ten gauge double barreled gun. It is a shotgun, at least.

Murphy’s Law and Productivity

(Firstly, check out this YouTube Symphony Orchestra thing~ oh jeez the jealousy it’s boiling up in me now WHY ICHIGOS WHY ARE WE SO SUCKISH)

魔古 ~ to Saw a Tree is finally finished! Check out the previous (updated now) post~ (it has a video too! Sorry for linking everyone to three things)

DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG IT TOOK ME TO CONVERT ALL OF THOSE IMAGES? First .svg in Raven, couldn’t export to .svg so I had to save it as .pdf, then I had to export it to .jpg because Windows Movie Maker accepts NEITHER .svg NOR .pdf, and then I had to RESIZE it because the .pdf exporting from .svg failed. Also ALL OF THOSE STACCATOS AND DYNAMICS AND CRESCENDOS OH MY GOD IT’S AMAZING I’M NOT DEAD YET

I COMPLETELY DELETED MY FLUTE PART! Then I Ctrl+Z’d like three hundred times and it came back :V Also, Thanksgiving’s interfering with my process so it’s two days late ;~; I didn’t post the .midi because IT SOUNDS FRAAKING HORRIBLE Also, the whole thing is 159 measures, so I guess anyone who likes 159159159 a lot gets extra cred. Finally, I’m ‘posting’ this on the 9th so that I don’t seem late, cause I CAN ALTER HISTORY AND WHAT YA GONNA DO BOUT THAT HUH]

Yeah, I typed those beforehand, after the first post but before this one.

Here’s the gist of what happened, leading ultimately to a four-day delay in the completion of my (incredibly silly) project.

By Day T-4ish, I’d already finished the composition (besides the last, modulated part), and was probably just feeling good about myself doing that, so instead of working on it for as much as I could, I decided to watch anime instead on Day T-1.

That was my first mistake.

Perhaps that had to do with setting/saying out your goals? Here’s a TED Talk by Derek Sivers in regards to the problem I had in front of me.

Funny enough, our class had an assignment to search for TED Talks such as this one, and on a separate forum I browse, out of the middle of nowhere someone threw in this TED Talk. Coincidences only become coincidences when they align, right?

Anyways, in brief, the Talk says that you shouldn’t say out your goals, because even though there’s ‘pressure’ from your peers to finish it, you have a sense that what you’re working on already is finished after you state your goal aloud. That obviously means less work done – thus a later finishing time.

That’s what I should’ve done, but instead I think I blurted out that this was for Muffin’s birthday on the 9th.

That one comment just left me psychologically satisfied without any incentive to continue further.

First mistake made.

Second mistake was thinking I could draw forty-seven frames, in vector, of a completely new program I’ve never heard of before, in a day.

It says I’ve spent some seventeen hours on it in total.

Welp, that wasn’t planned for.

I’m not this girl, though sometimes I wish I was (UNLIMITED CHOCOLATE WORKS)

Final mistake was thinking that I had all the programs installed already.

BIG mistake. Took me at least an hour to two hours to find all the programs – drawing, converting to .pdf because converting to .svg or raster bitmap didn’t work, converting from .pdf to bitmap, resizing bitmap, making movie at a 16:9 perspective, uploading movie, etc. etc. etc.

At the end, these three mistakes brought my downfall.

Coupled with these mistakes are things that I might have been able to avoid, but because of Murphy’s Law, just had to happen.

Firstly, I think you all know this, but my blood vessel in my right eye blood vessel popped.

OH WELL, doesn’t hurt at all, didn’t hurt at all, and if it does hurt at all in the future I probably need to go to the hospital. Woke up one day, went to the mirror, and suddenly I saw that my eye was completely red.

V; (that’s my right eye bleeding)

Secondly – I got a virus on my computer. This happened at the very last hour, so of course, I was royally pissed.

Thankfully logging off and logging on again saved it – another lesson learnt, that being rational is always the best solution.

A bunch of other things happened (parents started fighting when I was on the middle of a frame and had to quit, went past my ‘parental controls’ time of 10:00 and had to sleep at 1:00, etc.), but at the end, nothing beats that feeling of… accomplishment at the end of all this.

It’s like I’ve actually done something. Maybe I’ll base another composition just out of this feeling.

In retrospect, it’s really quite sad.

I feel accomplished that I drew some frames of an imaginary flying mushroom girl getting beaten up by loggers, who then realizes that everything’s actually all in a circle and it’ll all begin again while a flying mushroom explodes in her face.

…That’s sad.

Presenting A Historical Fiction

Note: This was something originally intended to be a school assignment, until I was informed it was supposed to be one paragraph long. F***.

The Beginnings of a State

A Short Summary

Of The First Two Pages

Of This Handout

And Now This Is Getting Ridiculously Small, So Maybe I Should Stop Doing This

Disclaimer: Much of this Short Summary consists of Enhanced Truths, Polished Lies, and the occasional Nugget of Truth. Do not take notes from this Summary unless you are studying humour, not Rome.

A long, long, time ago, so long ago we don’t usually remember what the heck it was about after the test on it passes in high school, in a galaxy country, far, far away, so far away we like to mock locals around there with stereotypical accents either mirroring Russian or British accents, someone was building a home. We don’t know who the person was, but we figure that if Rome is a town, it must have had houses in it, and back then there were no real estate companies to go and buy houses from and also get stuck in mortgages, so the people of Rome, which was the place where this guy was building his house, had to build their houses on their own, which, exhausting as it sounds, came with the undeniable benefit that the toilets actually worked. And so, backing up a few years or so, Rome was built somewhere in the 8th century-ish, before Christ and also before telemarketing. Rome was built near hill, river, and sea; each providing protection, travel, and commerce (but no travel agents). Sadly, none of these natural boons provided the Romans with sliced bread, Spam, or working toilets.

Soon after Rome was built, Rome ran into a problem. Rome had no women to marry. Thusly, Rome sent envoys with the proposal that would allow Rome and its neighbours, named the Latins and the Sabines, to intermarry. These envoys were rejected, supposedly on the fact that the neighbours thought they were salespersons. The problem remaining unsolved, the Roman leader, Romulus, hatched a devious plan to take over the world, although he was thwarted in 127 CE, the point of maximal extent of his empire, which was at least a good 127 years after his death. But before Romulus could get to taking over the world, he had to go and get some women for his city. So he hatched a devious scheme.

Romulus invited his neighbours over for a Grand Festival with Games and Stuff, particularly noting in the birthday invitation to bring their wives and daughters. This part was very important, as we shall see. After the guests’ arrival, a large army of men apparently wooed the majority of the unmarried women into marrying them before running like heck. The guests had coincidentially brought absolutely nothing to resist this mass wooing, apart from beer mugs, and thus the wooers escaped unscathed, although some of them had been poorly treated by the more drunk guests.

At this point, the neighbours were very, very angry. They showed this by inventing the “Agnry Faic” emoticon on MSN, although the Microsoft complaints office took several centuries to process this contribution, presumably because the computers back then looked suspiciously like abacuses. In addition to inventing the Agnry Faic, the neighbours began attacking Rome. However, they did not think about attacking in unison, presumably because they were still hung over from drinking more beer than is particularly healthy, if you get our meaning. Anyways, these lone attackers failed in their heroic attempts to beat down the gates of Rome with beer bottles. However, the Sabine king, being particularly enraged, had enough of an army to be more successful than his grog-glugging underlings. The Sabine king, Titus Tatius, went up to Rome and began attacking. While he was taking transit to Rome, the Romans got wind of his plan and began fortifying the walls of Rome, although they failed rather greatly and ended up creating the ruins you see today. However, the Sabines still enlisted the aid of an unknown woman in opening the gates of Rome, which we speculate she accomplished by throwing one of those littered beer bottles at the gates, which had been affected by the drunken builders and thus fell down like London Bridge, or more accurately, the World Trade Center. The Sabines now inside the gates, fighting now actually began. The fighting ended when a squadron of Sabine women marched up to the enemy lines and began pouting for peace. As a result of this noble and selfish action, the Sabines agreed to join the Romans under the joint rule of Romulus and Titus. Titus died soon after of what we think was an overdose of aspirin, which he had invented to prevent his entire army from falling in battle after they had moved to the drinking of fine wine.

Romulus, now alone in his rule, ruled until his death, modifying the modern design of the Roman Ruins™. His successor was a person named Numa, who ruled for 41 or so years, promoting law and religion. Numa’s successor, on the other hand, went by the name of Tullus Hostilius, unlike Numa, who went by the name of Numa. At this time, there existed the city of Alba Longa. It is worth noting that Alba Longa had also existed before this point, although this is not particularly useful in factual value except for providing the fact that Alba Longa was inhabited. Alba had invaded Rome at this point, although their army was driven out of Rome soon after, pursued in dramatic fashion by the Roman army before agreeing to decide the victor through the use of champions. The Romans sent out three Horatius brothers, whilst the Albans opted to go with the three Curiatii brothers, who people were betting on because their name, alphabetically, came before “Horatius”. After several minutes of bloody slicing and dicing that we have chosen to omit for the purpose of keeping this summary at the Teenage-appropriate rating, there was only spotless Horatius against three wounded Curiatii brothers. The story goes that the Horatius defeated the Curiatii by tossing beer bottles at them, and knocking them out while they were drunk and spraying their chests with ketchup. Anyways, the Alban army then belonged to Rome. Later, the Alban army was sent for to deal with the uprising of the Etruscan city of Veii, although they did nothing but continue to drink. For doing this, they killed the Alban general and blew up Hiroshima Alba Longa with a nuclear warhead, but not before transferring the Albans to Rome. Rome’s massive expansion was only beginning. So was their plot for world domination.

Pokemon: A Rant-y Post Of Fun


Pokemon is one of the most well-known (like the most well-known) RPGs out there, like Final Fantasy, except there’s blood in FF and FF characters actually have hair, which also happens to be sticking out at awkward angles, unlike Pokemon, where many Pokemon are bald (e.g. Pikachu, Bulbasaur, Charmander, Baldamon*).

Pokemon’s a great game and all that (this pretty much marks the end of the period where anything positive will be said), but it seems somewhat stupid at times.

Good Points of Pokemon Stupidity

Point 1: On Attacks

Basically, attacks are pathetic, inaccurate, or overpowered. Usually inaccurate. And the AI is even worse/crueller.

Sub-Point 1.1: On Pathetic-icity

At the beginning of the game, you get a PKM (this is the abbreviation for Pokemon I’m using… alternately it can mean PKM, which means either a machine gun of somewhat cheapness in a certain game or “Promised Kanuushi Master” [“Promised Kanuushi” is a card in Magic: the Gathering which costs 1 forest mana to play and has 7 freaking SoulShift [When PK is killed, take a Spirit monster with total converted mana cost of 7 or less and place it in your hand], which means that an untimely destruction of this Creature can mean that your opponent might get his Arashi the Sky Asunder or Jiwari the Earth Aflame back [Both are evil Legendary Creatures. They don’t call them legendary for a reason!], which will almost certainly have you cry some variant of “YOU’VE GOT TO BE [Varying expletive here]ING ME!”, and that would damage your ears, so don’t kill that PK], where the PKMaster has like 4 Promised Kanuushis on the field as well as two Briarknit Kamis and both aforementioned Legendaries in his graveyard AND your opponent’s deck happens to be a Spirit-based deck, or PKMaster as in PsychoKinetic [e.g. Ness or Lucas in SSBBrawl] Midget.) that is Fire/Water/Grass type. Right after you pick your PKM, your MAIN rival appears and says “want battle you battle battle battle battle hahahaha I has effective type PKM hahahahaha u sux-” (At this point Professor [species of tree] would ideally smash this doofus in the head with the remaining Pokeball (that stays there forever) and shut him/her up, with the uber cool exclamation of “BOOM! Overkill Extermination!”** ***, but because PKM is naturally child-oriented, there is no major violence (Yes, there is Mega Punch, but that doesn’t count because the animation for that is basically a random fist-like thing changing size.) after which the Epic Rival Battle Happens.

It’s worth noting that your starter PKM has two attacks. One is a variant of Scratch (e.g. Tackle, Pound, etc.), the other is a buff or a debuff (Growl, Tail Whip, Howl, Harden, Defense Curl, Get Better, Make Worse, etc.). So basically, you win by SPAMMING your attack (buffing is not an attack), oh, and maybe once or twice using the (de?)buff move. If you’re unlucky, you will miss/your opponent will crit alot. Usually you win. :/.


That’s how easy it is (Note: in Emerald/Sapphire/Ruby edition, you got the chance to grind up on some Pokemanz a bit before the First Epic Rival Battle. You didn’t get any good experience off of this, because all of them were level 2-3 and your PKM is level 5 =,=). I recall another incident of patheticity (Most of the PKManz I played were Emerald/Sapphire/Ruby edition- mostly Emerald): I went over to Rustboro…er… something… City, where you fight your FATHER, Anakin Skywalker Darth Vader Norman, who interestingly and totally unguessably deals in (you guessed it) Normal PKManz (Lt. Surge = Electric [An old cranky soldier], Flannery**** = Fire [PERFECTLY SANE teenager], Roxanne = Rock [Keine’s other identity], Brawly = Fighting [Martial Artist], etc.). So I was pretty paranoid and went and GRINDED my PKMs into Killer Awesome Killers and entered The Gym Of Norman. I killed defeated one trainer, left the gym, used the PKMCenter, went back in, defeated another trainer, etc. until EVERY TRAINER BUT THAT EVIL BOSS WAS DEFEATED HAHAHAHAHA

Then I ground (that’s the past tense of grind, right?) some more.

So then I come back to Norman’s Gym, walk through all those doors, and reach him. I pull out my Combusken, and I don’t have to switch out any of my PKM. Combusken does not faint. Combusken beats the crap out of the Vigoroth, Spinda, and Linoone without trouble apart from the annoying Totter Dance that really sucked. Combusken beats them up in one/two hits using Double Kick. Slakoth is slightly harder because of more health and the move Facade. BUT HE STILL GETS OWNED EASILY.

Fail on my part. Anticipation fail. But still.


Sub-Point 1.2: On Enemy AI

It’s stupid. For one, this is a more-or-less direct quote from a Walkthrough of Pokemon FireRed:

“Oh no. My Charmeleon’s Electric power has been weakened. However will I beat this Geodude? My electric attacks will be useless! Oh wait, I thought for a second there that Charmeleon was a Fire-type. My bad.” -SSoHPKC

This is regarding the move “Mud Sport”. Sure, Mud Sport might be useful in the battle with Lt. Surge, as it halves all Electric Attack power during the battle, but is that really helpful anywhere else? Even if I don’t have a Manectric on me, every single Geodude will go “MudSportMudSportMudSportMudSportMudSport” in a frenzied fashion. Likewise, Water Sport.

Then, there’s Harden and company. These moves get SPAMMED by the Bug-Pokemon-of-the-Edition-that-evolve-at-like-level-8-or-so, because wild Kakunas/Metapods/Cascoons/etc. only know Harden. Thus, it is a PAIN IN THE HIZZOUSE to faintify these Pokemon, because they’ll keep hardening and hardening until their Defense can’t go any higher. *****

Again, the “Harden” principle applies to Sand-Attack and Mud-Slap. If you get hit by one of these, your accuracy is bad enough, but doing it from 2 hits is plain ridiculous. Then, the PKM always does it at least 4 times, so you have to switch to another Pokemon, who gets sand in their eyes, and so on… (“At least it doesn’t do damage…” and then you come to Mud-Slap, which actually does do damage [at least not much damage…]), but only has 15 PP, which means NOT MUCH SPAMMING OPPORTUNITY FOR YOU but because of the unlimited spawning of wild PKMs, plenty of spamming for them.

Also, certain PKM (e.g. Plusle, Minum) like to use “Helping Hand”. This does nothing unless in a “dual” battle, but these idiots use it outside of said type of battles. Really? REALLY?

In addition to this, opponent Trainers tend to have repeats of a single type of Pokemon. This would be understandable, if, say, it was an Eevee or a Mew (cannot be caught under regular circumstances ahem), because THEY BE AWESOME, but you’ll see 4 Caterpies (Lv. 21) go into the Grinder in a Battle With The Charmeleon Of Doom, apparently due to the reasoning that “Hmm, the first Caterpie didn’t beat him. There must be something wrong with it. Oh well, time to send in the next Caterpie.”****** This reasoning would work if not for several important main facts:

  1. The Caterpie is they send out next is the same level OR LOWER.
  2. The Caterpie is usually what is called a “One Hitter Quitter”, A. K. A. Dead Caterpie, leading to the fact that
  3. The previous Caterpie did no damage whatsoever. A Nidoran would be acceptable, because at least it has the Poison Point ability (certain attacks done by enemy may cause enemy’s poisoning). But still.

Maybe it’s just more PKM obsession purposes. But in that case, the Trainer would be a PokeManiac.

Also, Murphy’s Law is more powerful than the PKM Police force in Pokemon. The Police force must be pretty weak in PKM to be beaten by Team Rocket/Aqua/Magma/Galactic/Boogaloo/WhateverTheDarnItIsIDon’tKnow,Jeez, especially when Rocket’s members tend to have RATTATAS. RATTATAS, I tell you! These may be Lv. 21 Rattatas, but that doesn’t stop them from getting splooshed by a Lv. 28 Charmeleon Of Doom. (This was fixed in Aqua’s/Magma’s case.) So how does the Police Force get owned by a fleet of Rattatas?

Methinks that the Rocketeers use the large amounts of laughter caused through the Rattatas to smash the Police on the head with a crowbar.

After all, the AI is bad.

Pokemon’s still fun as The Ultimate Grinding RPG That’s Below Maplestory With Evolution.

*No, there is no actual Pokemon named Baldamon. But: (Yes, that’s a poorly drawn Agnry Faic combined with a Caterpie. Yes, it is.)

**Haha, I bet you thought I was going to say “Headshot!”

***Incidentally, the initials of this exclamation spell “Boke”. Make what you will of that.

****I am not making this up.

*****Not that this stops them.

******Also, why the [EXPLETIVE] would you keep a Caterpie and not evolve it? Butterfree is an improvement, by far.


If any of you don’t know, I’m a competitive swimmer. The final meet is coming up, a variety of poems, speeches and monologues have been created to psych us up for the swim meet. Enjoy.

Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
I’m good at freestyle,
So no more 32’s.

This means no more than 31 seconds to swim 50 meters of freestyle.

My cap is Red
Your cap is Blue
I’m sure it’s for *hores
So no K for you
God made me fast
what happened to you?
i saw you dive in the water
and as u broke out
i watched you get slaughtered
because michael sinclair
beyond any doubt
had touched the wall fair
you had swam fast
but not fast enough
because you clearly now know
that his speed is no bluff
but as you came last
for the race you just lost
was one “i beat you”
so suck on my a**
I am a Kigoo
who none can surpass

My club is called the Kigoos by the way, Michael Sinclair is just a particularly fast swimmer.

V, V, I, I, K, K, I, I, N, N, G, G, S, S! WHAT DOES THAT SPELL? NOBODY CARES! Kigoos Kigoos Kigoos Kigoos Kigoos Kigoos
The Vikings are a rival team

OK EVERYONE. we are going to have a talk. it’s about swimming. you see that water? you see those swimmers racing right now? these little kids are the generation of the future, as you were when you were younger. between that time and now, we have changed. physically and mentally. we have raced a thousand races, we have swum a million miles, yet here we are still, at this same meet and you feel like you have not moved an inch from where you stood before. but do not falter. I know. We all sometimes ask ourselves: “Is this really worth it?” Is this what I really want? Everyone feels the same. Everyone has been in that position, that state of mind. We get frustrated and sad when we lose or came short of our expectations. But through hard and bitter experiences, we gradually better. By going through those hard times, finishing those sets and races, we become FASTER. Look back and reflect on your past. If you didn’t try as hard as you did, if you didn’t go to as many practices as you did, if you did not unwillingly go through that stage of pain, would you be as fast or as confident as you are now? There always comes a time when that improvement, that speed is not nearly enough and our competition is much faster than us. We will wonder if we should just sit back and watch in sadness as our hard work is put to shame. That would be one of the paths we could take. BUT IF WE REALLY WANT IT AND WE WORK VERY HARD FOR IT….our efforts, our sweat, our pain, our suffering will pay off in the end. And if you still do not come first, if that medal you have been aiming for is grasped by someone else, remember one thing: you have tried your best. and NO I will not say that that was the best you could do, but it is the best for NOW. And if you still feel like your efforts are still not worth it, you are wrong.

I am the youngest in division 4. That does not stop me from swimming fast though. I am a good swimmer, I will go to provincials. Currently, there are some swimmers stopping me from doing so. Those particular swimmers can either fu**ing die in a well off the coast of Finland or they can watch as swim faster than them. One of these swimmers doesn’t swim much with our group. If he were to go into the “A” relay, we would be slower. Why? It’s because it is the team spirit that bonds us and propels us to swim faster. If I was to swim with somebody I hardly knew, I wouldn’t swim fast. Eric, Mark, Frankie, Ryan, Matthew, Brandon, Silas and Delbert are real Kigoos. They actually train with me and the team, I know them. They are people I can trust.

The following speech may contain certain profanity. Viewer discretion is advised.

hi guyz. im in div 4 but im like u noe a year olda than all of you so ur kinda all like OMFG IM RACING A GRADE 8?! DUDE WTF (*^&^%^&&(*!! but get used to it cuz IMMA PWN U IN … BREASTROKE YAAAH! imma beat frankie and place 1st in our region even if hes a better sprinter than i am that doesnt stop me from beatin him. i dont wanna go to provincials feelin like a fucking loser thinking that *oh im only here cuz frankie cant come to provincials. hes waaay faster than me.* i wanna be going to kamloops feelin proud of myself. fastest in FRASER SOUTH. at provincials i will beat roderick, kenneth, and daniel and be 3rd in the province. even if i am technically slower than all of them i will work harder and eventually beat them in finals. i will get a medal but even if i dont ill leave the pool feeling all PROUD and shit cuz i did my best. FUCK BEING SLOW, FUCK CRAMPS, FUCK ACHES, FUCK SORES IN THE MORNING WHEN U WAKE UP. I DONT NEED U. GTFO.

right nao i might not even be in provincial finals. even though i hate to admit i will do badly in regionals. i havent had a chance yet to swim 100 breast this weekend and this may become my undoing DUN DUN DUN. BUT STILL FRANKIE WILL NOT BEAT ME. HIS BEST TIME MAY BUT IF HE CANNOT SWIM HIS BEST TIME…THEN ITS BULL. we dont need no other DAVID DO here. be consistent with ur times. i dont wanna race u thinking im so fast yay im beating frankie. if i look up at that fucking clock and it says i have anything slower than 1:20 ill SPAZZ OUT LIKE A FUCKING (*&*(@q&#(*@&)#e!!!

personly i believe that i have no right going to provincials coming anything worse than first. 200 IM? 50 fly? FUCK THOSE EVENTS. BREASTSTROKE FOR LIFE BITCHEZZZ! haha but seriously (the above). i noe i suck at free. thanks guys. i was never a freestyler and ive always been sorta like the 3rd wheel in a free relay. BUT SHIT. my spots not gonna be takin without us fightin. we r gonna go to provincials. cuz thats JUST HOW OUR SHIT ROLLS BITCHEZZZ

TO ALL MOTHAFITCHES: if ur not gonna work hard and ur even gonna try hard and ur thinking of going to provincials instead of someone who frickin EARNED HIS SPOT THERE for going to HARD PRACTICES, NOT SO SATISFYING MEETS and shit. forget it. i would forgive u mudafkers if u did try hard. if uve ever been dqed for a stupid reason. if u ever left a race feeling like god just picked u out of the crowd and shat on u. if u ever fucking felt like dying after a race. if uve ever felt like all ur work was meaningless. if uve ever had to keep ur head up even through the disappointment. BUT NOOOO U HAVENT. SO FUCK U. UP THE ASS. NO PROTECTION FO U BITCHES. WE GONNA SHITKICK PPL IN OUR WAY. THATS JUST HOW WE ROLL :)



David is a kid that doesn’t come to any practices, he just shows up and gets a fast time because he trains with another team. Because of that, the relays now have to be moved around. All twelve of us who train hard are pissed at him. So yeah…

Arbitrary Definition: “Mario” IN HD

In HD. Inn Aych-Dee (adj.) As in, lots of talking.

Mario. Mah-ri-o (p. n.) “Mario” is a word used in conjunction with the existence of a particular plumber who enjoys wearing red-hued garments or large overalls and dealing out justice to the evil scum that clogs up pipes, most notably toilet pipes. This (“) dictionary (“) assumes this confidently, going on the fact that Mario is a plumber, and that plumbers clean pipes with their trusty plumber plungers, and that in the junior editor’s experience, the only pipe that seriously needs unclogging is the toilet pipe. “Mario”, in conjunction with the word “game(s)”, can also refer to a (series of) game(s) in which the aforementioned character goes all “Terminator” or,  in other circles, “Mokou” (Mokou is just SLIGHTLY more evil than Youmu <.>) on a variety of evil characters, most of them being turtles or mushrooms. As Mushy, the senior editor of this dictionary, likes mushrooms, and the junior editor says, quote on quote,


this is occasionally seen as BLOODY GRAPHIC VIOLENCE by several members of the gaming community (See The Armory: Mario’s Feet on IGN). The aforementioned plumber, in these games, does not seem to actually do any plumbing in this game; if you think about this, this is odd; why else would you put a freaking plumber into a game; I mean you could totally go for a prince or say a junior editor; and instead of this weird-sounding name like “Mario”, you could very possibly change it to something more fancy, such as “Houraiguy” or “Houraiguy”; and instead of having ABSOLUTELY NO [action that main character does for his main job, which is not saving princesses D:<], the main character could actually do his job, which would be to DELETE THE HECK OUT OF paragraphs like these;





semi-colons. :P

At this point, several readers of the Encyclopedia Arbitraria et Stupidia et Onewica may question the use of the occupation “junior editor”, seeing that this occupation would not exactly “fit the bill” in many readers’ minds. However, the direct lack of an abundance of occupations where the, to be somewhat direct/blunt, repeated SQUASHING and FLATTENING of various animated mushrooms with tusks and over-sized eyes as well as the kicking of various rainbow-coloured shells belonging to frightened bipedal turtles that, as of late, perform a jig right out of the blue, means that frankly any occupation is open for this position. If the Terminator had gone “You must beh TURMINAYTED” and flew thirty bajillion feet up in the air before zooming down at speeds in excess of 31415926 bajillion kilometres a second to “TURMINAYT” its target, then the Terminator, as a job, would be choice for this job, seeing as the junior editor would rather not induce the wrath of demented dive-bombing steel hunks with red eyes.

In early installations of so-called “Mario” games, the plumber from a place known as the “Mushroom Kingdom”. Why Mario is not plumbing happily in some godforsaken corner of this area is unclear. If we study the storyline, a typical and generally unvarying thing amongst these “games”, it seems that a “Princess Peach” has been kidnapped by the “evil” Bowser. This may help clear up the question of how why Mario was chasing Princess Peach. Perhaps Mario had a relationship with the Princess. It is becoming, with increasing amounts of confirmation by renowned “scientists” (A.K.A Junior editors Me, Myself, I, and Houraiguy), that a possible alternate theory may have been the cause of all this “OH SH*T THE PRINCESS-A CAN STOLERD-A BY A BIG TURTLE WITH SPIKES NOW I HAVE TO RUN-A AFTER THE PRINCESS-A”. This theory is as follows:

“Mario, using the more illegal services of Princess Peach, is behind on his payments to her for her services. After the Princess is dragged away by the spikey turtle, Mario futilely hopes to be redeemed from his debts. After 7 mysterious AND TOTALLY NOT AT ALL REPETITIVE NO NOT AT ALL cryptic messages from mushroom-headed beings with short legs and blue shirts in several Evil Turtle TM castles and a CONFRONTATION with the TURTLE OF SPIKEY DOOM, Mario thinks, stupidly, that the Princess will eradicate his debts to her. She doesn’t. Then, two seconds after the Princess arrives back in her castle, she is stolen by a clone of the EVIL SPIKEY TURTLE. Repeat.”

After the robbery of his Princess, the plumber of Kingdom Hearts a la Mushroom sets off on a JOURNEY. This plumber, in addition to having unprotected *** episodes, also takes drugs. Along his journey to slide down about 30 flagpoles, he encounters four different types of drugs. The first one of these drugs is a large mushroom the size of Mario. This mushroom, when taken, appears to act like instant steroids, doubling his height. The second drug, which oddly only seems to appear when the plumber is at a “two head proportion” (See: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-D1Gr7fM_2w), creates a puffball explosion in which the plumber’s colour palette appears to have been swapped. The third type of drug is a bouncing star. You can tell this star is a “good” guy because it is running away from Mario, who is obviously bad. Another sneaky sign of the drugginess of this star is that is bouncing. This strar will never stop bouncing unless it falls down a pit or is eaten by Mario, who then turns into a Shiny Mario, who is then sought after eagerly by Ash Ketchum, or at least until Mario stops shining ten seconds later. Oddly, whilst the plumber of sparkly overalls bounces off to the next flagpole/toad with the message of “YOU PRINCESS IS OVAR THAIR HUR HUR GO AHED”, he tends to fall in bottomless pits increasingly often, probably because Shiny Mario is increasingly cocky during the duration of this drug. A final drug is another member of the “OH SHOOT MARIO IS COMING TO EAT ME RUN AWAYYY –omnomnommed” family, the One Upius Mushroomius Fungus Thingamajigger. This mushroom seems to carry the detrimental message of “GET A LIFE, MARIO”, or so it’s oddly green soul claims (“1UP”).

At this point, it seems like a good idea to note that Mario, unlike most proper plumbers, uses two sorts of weapons. Unlike conventional Italian plumbers, who would normally attack bipedal mushrooms and turtles with colourful language, chlorela infected waters, and their Trusty Plunger Of Emptying That Toilet Pipe TM, Mario primarily uses a pair of boots and a pair of gloves. These boots must be the same as the ones used by Link (See: “Link”), as few other objects would allow the user to flatten a mushroom with legs into a brown/blue blur with the only memento of this evil gore fest being a white series of letters/numbers rising from where the mushroom once stood, presumably the soul of the “Goomba”. Oddly, these “souls” seem to be either a multiple of 100 or the message “1UP“. Goombas, therefore the Junior Editor concludes, must be weird.

After conquering a number of these enemies, the plumber inevitably stumbles into a grand castle with a lot of white bricks. After dodging a number of fatal oranges smudges, the plumber will always encounter Bowser, who can only be defeated by touching an axe-like lever that causes the bridge, in a Megaman-like effect, disappear into what was thought to be a pit of lava, but has now been revealed to be a portal to the next castle, where Bowser waits through several levels, randomly breathing fiery smudges of doom across his next castle while trying  not to touch the axe-lever.

For more information, see the “Super Mario Galaxy” entry.

Discussion Questions

1. Why is Mario’s mustache so dumb-looking? Cite examples.

2. Why does Bowser want Princess Peach? Is he under her debt too? Explain.

3. Isn’t Lakitu a freaking annoying *******************? Why or why not?

Ke$ha “Tik Tok” Commentary

Welcome to the second “Commentary on Music”. A better name will be resolved in the near future.

Wake up in the morning feeling like P Diddy
Alright, we know P Diddy is a man. Ke$ha wakes up feeling like a man, good to know.

Put my glasses on, Im out the door – Im gonna hit this city
Cities are usually pretty big, you’re gonna need a pretty big object.

Before I leave, brush my teeth with a bottle of Jack
Woah, spaz. You brush your teeth with alcohol? Well, at least you don’t do plastic surgery.

Cause when I leave for the night, I aint coming back
Summary of song so far: She wakes up feeling like a man, then puts her glasses on while brushing her teeth with alcohol because she isn’t coming back.

Im talking – pedicure on our toes, toes
Oh wow, not even four lines into the song and she already starts repeating stuff.

Trying on all our clothes, clothes
Considering the quality of your clothes in the music video, I doubt you have very many.

Boys blowing up our phones, phones
Where do these boys get there explosives? I need to know.

Drop-toping, playing our favorite cds
Drop-toping is something to do with convertibles, what the hell does that have to do with cd’s. Wait, she’s drunk, nevermind.

Pulling up to the parties
Ke$ha? Instead of pulling up to the parties, you should be pulling your self up the bar doing chin-ups. Seriously.

Trying to get a little bit tipsy
You don’t need no alcohol, all you need to do is run around in circles for at least 3 minutes and 14 seconds, only then will you be truly dizzy.

Dont stop, make it pop
Popping balloons of course, I would suggest using bomb towers. When they’re fully upgraded, they’re deadly.

DJ, blow my speakers up
Woah, first blowing up phones. Now blowing up explosives.

Tonight, Imma fight
The DJ  and the “boys” have explosives, save your energy, let them throw a cherry bomb or two.

Til we see the sunlight
Fighting till you see the sunlight. Sounds like a vampire to me…

Tick tock, on the clock
Ke$ha, I have a digital watch, mine doesn’t go “Tik Tok”

But the party don’t stop
Basically, you fight during the party and once you see the sunlight, you stop fighting and actually begin to party.

Woah-oh oh oh
Woah-oh oh oh
Repetitive-ness. Wonderful.

Dont stop, make it pop
DJ, blow my speakers up
Tonight, Imma fight
Til we see the sunlight
Tick tock, on the click
But the party dont stop
Woah-oh oh oh
Woah-oh oh oh
You just said something, now you repeat it again.

Aint got a care in world, but got plenty of beer

Aint got no money in my pocket, but Im already here
You never said anything about purses, etc.

Now, the dudes are lining up cause they hear we got swagger
Groovy clothes? Look at your music videos, you’re wearing half a rag!

But we kick em to the curb unless they look like Mick Jagger

Im talking about – everybody getting crunk, crunk
Everybody getting “high” and “drunk” at the same time. Ke$ha, you seriously have some serious special abilities, go talk to Ash and Pikachu or something, they can help you master your ability

Boys trying to touch my junk, junk
Go to the landfill.

Gonna smack him if he getting too drunk, drunk
“Ke$ha” smacked “ArandomguynamedBartholemew”! The attack was super effective!

Now, now – we going til they kick us out, out
Or the police shut us down, down
Aren’t these the same thing, pretty much?

Police shut us down, down
“Ke$ha” repeats things a lot to “awesomebananadancer”. The attack was super effective. awesomebananadancer faints.
Po-po shut us –
Popo the younger– Very fast person compared to other people, IMO.

Dont stop, make it pop
DJ, blow my speakers up
Tonight, Imma fight
Til we see the sunlight
Tick tock, on the click
But the party dont stop
Woah-oh oh oh
Woah-oh oh oh

Dont stop, make it pop
DJ, blow my speakers up
Tonight, Imma fight
Til we see the sunlight
Tick tock, on the click
But the party dont stop
Woah-oh oh oh
Woah-oh oh oh
Holy crap. That was just the same thing repeating right after each other. And we already heard that freaking twice already.

DJ, you build me up
You break me down
Oxymoron, much?

My heart, it pounds
What do you think it does? Explodes?

Yeah, you got me
With my hands up
And how does this prove anything?

You got me now
You got that sound
Is this DJ secretly part of the sound clan?

Yea, you got me
DJ, you build me up
You break me down
My heart, it pounds
Yeah, you got me
Note: awesomebananadancer will cease to do commentary’s on things this repetitive in the future.

With my hands up
Get your hands up
Put your hands up

Now, the party dont start until I walk in
Ke$ha, you ain’t invited too my birthday party, then I don’t need to wait for some mutated Pokemon that attacks by repeating stuff over and over again to come.

Dont stop, make it pop
DJ, blow my speakers up
Tonight, Imma fight
Til we see the sunlight
Tick tock, on the click
But the party dont stop
Woah-oh oh oh
Woah-oh oh oh

Dont stop, make it pop
DJ, blow my speakers up
Tonight, Imma fight
Til we see the sunlight
Tick tock, on the click
But the party dont stop
Woah-oh oh oh
Woah-oh oh oh

Alright, we’ve heard that 6 times. You’ve mastered one of your Pokemon abilities. Now do something else.

Song summary: Ke$ha is a special Pokemon with the ability to repeat things over and over to the opponent to cause damage to them. However, in order to do this, she must contact boys and DJ’s with explosives to get alcohol from them. Without her beer, she is a useless Pokemon.

Rant on Today

Today was something that rhymes with Ducking Full Bit. A list of what happened today.

1. When I wake up, I realize that my shirt is covered in blood and there’s still blood coming out of my nose. I literally can’t breathe until I completely wash my face and rinse out my mouth.  Then, my dad tells me to brush my teeth. I do, and it starts bleeding again,

2. Because of this, I missed warm-up for my swim meet. I got to swim a little bit in the extra lane. For 5 minutes. That really helped me get accustomed to the pool, I mean 5 minutes.

3. Great, I’m not in 200 Individual Medley. I won’t be tired for my Freestyle event. Well guess what? It took (ducking) 3 hours to get through all the people, even if I was swimming IM, I could go back home, watch an episode of anime and then go back in time for Freestyle event.

4. It’s time for my freestyle race, yay. In marshalling, the benches are so small, there’s only enough room for like 5 people. The other 3 have to try and squish in as much as they can. Obviously, since Im a year younger than everybody, I get kicked onto the ground. Terrific.

5. I take off 1 and a half seconds (which is a lot). I expect like a placing of around 15. Out of the 58 people that swam 50 free, I came in 24th. What. The. Duck.

6. Next event, Butterfly. This is my best event, I’m hoping I get into finals. When the time comes, my race sucked, my arms didn’t even move with a proper rhythm. I was sure I was gonna fail. Turns out, I got 11th. That is ducking the worst spot. If my arms moved in rhythm, I would have gotten into finals, no prob. But instead, I get 11th. Half of it is the timers fault, the time it takes to push down a button after seeing them touch is 20 milliseconds. I was 18 milliseconds away from getting in finals. Oh well, what can i say? BULL PIT!

7. Next, the relay. My team has a “Provincial Qualifying Time”, basically, we’re really fast. However, some genius forgot to put our card in marshalling. The coaches literally didn’t care. There just like “You guys were so fast, I didn’t even see you in the pool” or “Do you want to do a pretend one in the warm-up pool?” Duck, no.

8. Since I’m not allowed to bus home, I need to hitch a ride with somebody. Turns out that somebody had finals, because of that, I needed to wait f-ing 5 hours till I got home.

9. When my dad finally comes to f-ing pick me up, he does this huge loop so I run after a car going at like 20km an hour for 5 minutes. Damn!

10. I finally arrive home. It’s boiling. Damn it.

[Rant] Talking about Anger

I had to write about things that made me angry (along with some of my friends) and how I should deal with them. Enjoy.

I get angry when I’ve been playing the last boss level for Epic war 2 and I’m 1000 HP from beating him ,then I die. If I lose my temper i might spaz and destroy my computer. The right thing to do is use a walkthrough.

(Note: Idea by Isaac) I also get angry when I can’t force the poop out of my butt (and it gets stuck halfway). If I lose my temper I could get constipation or I might get stuck in the toilet. the right thing to do is to use Pepto Bismo.

JUSTIN BIEBER MAKES ME MAD!!! If lose my temper, the world will end. The right thing to do is to capture him in a Pokeball and never let him see the light of day again.

Osama Bin Laden is scary, he makes me mad.If I lose my temper, DEAD PEOPLE. Burn pictures of him then bomb his home, then everything will be rainbows and sunshine and happiness again.

Lady Gaga isn’t human, she’s scary. AND SHE MAKES ME MADDDDDD!!! If I lose my temper she might make more music videos *shudders* The right thing to do is censor everything she does.

Last one, overly fat people. More McDonalds resturants might appear *faints*. THE RIGHT THING TO DO IS TO EAT EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THOSE FAT PEOPLE. Like a man.

Rant on Workbooks

Alright, so recently, I looked at textbooks for “harmony 4”. They were the freaking size of a dictionary. I hate workbooks. I hate textbooks. I pretty much hate any sort of giant book that contains repeated information. I mean, if you look at one of these harmony 4 books, they teach the concept on the first page, they give some exercises to you on the second. The other 20 pages in the section are to torture you with repeated questions that don’t mean the slightest thing to you any more.

Also, the week before your exam, all your parents do is tell you to go study. “Why are you playing computer games? Go study!” The dreaded day before your exam, everything is living hell, there’s no internet. The moment you step out of your room, “what are you doing out here, go back to your room and study!” One more thing, they’re so fricken heavy, especially when you have one for every subject.

However, there’s still one reason why I still use them.

They’re useful.