O-New: Now Extinct Website

Posts tagged “Rewrite History

Life is a Bus Ride to Nowhere

I can’t find anything to write about so I guess this is an essay maybe sorta yeah. I haven’t written anything for too long and I don’t know how to write anymore cause all I’ve written is bad high school essays that are boring and bad and nobody will read them. You’ll see the tone change dramatically in this post because I just need to get rid of this writer’s block… I think it was a pretty fun experiment. I feel a lot more in ‘the (blogging) groove’ now.

I will develop it in TRADITIONAL ESSAY FORM; that is, thesis, three body paragraphs, and conclusion. This way I practice the art of Formulaic Essay Writing. Because the structure’s entirely devoid of all creativity, we can use this creativity to… oh, no, you can’t, because you have to follow your outline.

Well, here’s my outline.

Introduction (with !~THESIS STATEMENT~!)
Snow sucks
Buses suck
Crashes suck
everything sucks

I suck lollipops»


ST&RS 30

What a way to start off the new year! The symbolism behind rewriting a ST&RS post for New Year’s is that at O-New, the new year’s going to bring upon us the same fate as ST&RS: a slow, painful death from neglect, disinterest, and creative stagnation!

Here’s a picture of Shirafune farting.

warning: explicit sexual imagery ahead

The symbolism is that I’m an old fart»


Souma of the Food Odyssey 5

Souma is the most badass generic shounen protagonist of all time. His name really fits his stoned nature because souma sounds like soma sounds like somn- and that’s what somnifacient somnolent somnambulists do—sleep, drugs, and smoke weed every day.

seriously in every single frame he is stoned like in Brave New Soma. ten bucks says he doesn’t even know how to cook—he’s doing it all in his sleep. AND HE NEVER WOKE UP

This is how you make a protagonist. He’s not ordinary at all. Nobody can relate to his experiences. But his lower-class background appeals to everybody, and instead of being some untouchable moral model on a pedestal he’s arrogant as hell. WHICH MAKES HIM BADASS.

He’ll probably outgrow his hubris as he goes on ~an odyssey~ of food akin to Toriko’s adventures i-no

uwaan uwaaan ruuuu

P.S. his catchphrase translation makes it really lame. no scratch that the entire translation is really lame. but that only makes the story funnier—it wasn’t much!


Steins;Gate: Boukan no Rebellion 16

The timeline is still really strange in Steins;Gate. How can Rintarou get the IBN5100 if he’s already met Suzuha? Think about it:

Iimeline 1:
1975: nothing happens
2010a: Rintarou doesn’t have the IBN5100
2010b: nothing happens
2012: SERN takes over world
2038: Suzuha goes to 2010b, creating Timeline 2
20XX: world at peace

Timeline 2:
1975: nothing happens
2010a: Rintarou doesn’t have the IBN5100
2010b: Suzuha goes to 1975, creating Timeline 3
2012: SERN takes over world
2038: Suzuha goes to 2010b, creating Timeline 4 (which is the same as Timeline 2)

Timeline 3:
1975: Suzuha gets the IBN5100
2010a: Rintarou has the IBN5100
2010b: nothing happens
2012: nothing happens
2038: nothing happens
20XX: world is free

The key point is that when Suzuha goes back to the past in 2010b and in 2038, her two travels make two different timelines. The line that would lead to their success is created when she travels back to 1975. There’s no reason why her travel back to 2010b takes her to the same timeline. Then again, a story about Timeline 3 would be as boring as watching paint grow on a grassy wall, so it’s forgiven.

mudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamuda

P.S. What is Reading Steiner? If anybody stuck their memories in the time machine, they would be able to retain their memories through world lines—because it’s not their bodies travelling through time, it’s the information. If, say, Mayuri used the time machine to implant Rintarou’s future memories into herself, she’d not only travel through time, but would inherit a different identity! That would’ve been an interesting device for, say, Kokoro Connect…


Souma of the Asian Halberd 4

Ah, competition. It’s funny because this school really isn’t about learning—just like universities. If people didn’t need degrees to get a good job, would any non-academics go to university? It’s all about the prestige of graduating—and the fewer people who graduate from your institute there are, the more prestigious their status becomes.

also it’s the only way to write a shounen manga so

-uma»


Steins;Gate: Boukan no Rebellion 15

The greatest part of Steins;Gate was its climax, when Rintarou did all sorts of crazy shit and it all connected back to the beginning like some bizarre circular argument typical of time-bending tales.

The greatest part of Boukan no Rebellion is its climax, when Daru did all sorts of crazy shit and it all connected back to… things.

What I’m going at is, Boukan no Rebellion focuses on Suzuha and so her most emotional moment was finding her father. Mayuri’s train of logic was executed well and there was no dearth of cheesy/teary goodbyes, so I guess it was a good scene.

That is, IF THE ART WEREN’T SO *~QUALITY~*

HASHIDA ITARU HASHIDA ITARU HASHIDA ITARU HASHIDA ITARU HASHIDA ITARU HASHIDA ITARU HASHIDA ITARU HASHIDA ITARU HASHIDA ITARU HASHIDA ITARU HASHIDA ITARU HASHIDA ITARU HASHIDA ITARU HASHIDA ITARU HASHIDA ITARU HASHIDA ITARU


Goblin Christmas

Goblin Christmas is the wonderful time of the year when a vile force of darkness arrives. All the good little dwarves stay underground while Goblin Claus leaves his treats in the trap-lined entrance to the fortress.

In the morning, when the all-clear is sounded, everyone rushes to the entryway, and gathers up the Goblinite for melting and the silk socks for decorating the magma fireplace.”

It would’ve been such a merry day…

…if I had raised the upper fortress bridge in time.

This nurse actually killed a goblin crossbowman when none of my regulars did, though...

Three words: too much eggnog»


Souma of the LEBEIAN Halberd 3

The fanservice is pretty creative, but Koizumi’s epic mahjong hands are more grandiose and less metaphorical. Really, all you get with Souma’s metaphors is the taster’s feelings, whereas Koizumi’s metaphors are anything he wants. Siberian bullet trains. American freedom bombings. WWII operation re-enactments. The pope, being tempted by a metaphor of ADOLF HITLER AS THE DEVIL INCARNATE.

Nevertheless, Souma’s food explanations are better, namely because Koizumi has dogs to do with food. Better than Toriko’s, though, cause the food is actually real. Reminds me of Addicted to Curry’s actual curry recipes; I guess the writer has to be an actual good chef. Maybe he went to chefing school or something to learn how to chef, or maybe he chefs a chief chefing consultant to chef that everychef’s alchef.

breaking news: scanlators fail grammar

I hope not everybody in the academy’s as spoiled as Nikaidou, though I also hope he reappears if only to randomly shout ‘LEBEIAN’ at important intersections. goddamn lebeians and their UNNATURAL behaviour. they should practice lebeiancy in private, not in the eyes and ears of innocent schoolechildrian. i don’t know what i’m saying but mitt romney opposes homo milk and I drink homo milk every single day

P.S. Erina is mean. tasukete erina


O Hero, Where Art Thou Now?: Odysseus in a Modern Context

[We read the Odyssey in English class, and had to write a variety of assignments (ok, fine, just two) on it. One of these assignments was a comparative essay, in which students could choose their thesis, yet on the criteria sheet, ‘all students must use the same thesis’. The thesis in question was that an old Coen Brothers’ comedy (O Brother, Where Art Thou?), loosely based on the Odyssey, represents Joseph Campbell’s Hero’s Journey.

I thought the Hero’s Journey was just some old man saying that all cultures’ hero stories had a beginning, a middle, and an end. He also claimed that these stories reflected humanity’s ‘collective unconscious’, and that people like to hear stories with beginnings, middles, and ends. Although it seems obvious to us, it is pretty coincidental and influential in studying comparative mythology and evolutionary psychology. Yet, I thought that the Hero’s Journey structure offered no insights into modern ‘heroes’ journeys’.

This jaded me immensely, and like the contrarian hipster I am, I decided to advocate for the Devil. The result is below; formatted, but unedited. If it seems to jump around in places, it’s because I condensed it to one page of 1000 words, ‘for the lulz’. I like it, but I still haven’t gotten my grade back, and I have the feeling that my English teacher won’t like people casting the Hero’s Journey aside…]

In the 1988 PBS documentary The Power of Myth, mythologist Joseph Campbell talks of his theory: a universally archetypal Hero’s Journey originating from the fundamental human psyche. The Hero’s Journey’s plot points, although useful for comparative mythology, are too generic. To differentiate Heroes’ Journeys from regular Journeys, Heroes’ Journeys must star a hero with heroic traits, deeds, and growth.

Ancient poet Homer’s Odyssey is about protagonist Odysseus’s voyage home from the Trojan War. Although contemporary Greeks heroized Odysseus, in a modern/Roman context, he possesses few heroic requirements. The Coen Brothers’ modern film O Brother, Where Art Thou?’s protagonist Ulysses represents Odysseus, and also lacks these requirements.

Neither O Brother, Where Art Thou?, nor its hypotext, the Odyssey, represent the Hero’s Journey.

Click on this hyper-text to read on»


Souma of the PLEBEIAN HALBERD 2

IS THIS HYOUGE MONO REDUX

let’s see:

food porn – check
actual porn – check
awesome faces – check
PLEBEIANS – check
typical generic sexist shounen bakuman protagonist-incentive-object – not quite, she’s a tsundere ojou-sama too, and that takes a lot more creativity tha-

wait a minute hyouge mono didn’t have that

PLEBEIANS

BY ALL COUNTS SOUMA OF THE PLEBEIAN HALBERD IS THE BETTER STORY

P.S. doesn’t beat legend of koizumi in terms of ‘faces teleported to outlandish situations’

P.P.S. ‘god’s tongue’ sounds like a really bad nickname only eroge artists would conjure


ST&RS 28

TWIST ENDING: WORLD ENDS DECEMBER TWENTY-FIRST,

no no no no no no no I wrote ten mouretsu pirates posts on this

in no gravity

hair does not flow down

also the ship can’t possibly be spinning because everybody’s floating

I THOUGHT YOU WERE A SCIENCE, ST&RS

YOUR SOLE SOUL-REDEEMING TRAIT HAS DISAPPEA-hey look moe heads

...never mind


Shokugeki no Souma 1

So… as you might have noticed, we have a dearth of posts at O-New, especially manga posts. In fact, our last manga post was written four months ago.

BACK TO WEEKLY BLOGGING WEEKLY SHOUNEN JUMP’S WEEKLY NEW MANGA that’s bound to fail because I’m blogging it. Unlike previous past preceding prior serialized shounen series, this concept is actually new and may possibly survive past its 26th chapter.

of course there's fanservice in cooking manga cough cough addicted to curry cough cough

Hahahah-no»


Btooom! 6

I KNOW IT'S FIVE MONTHS LATE SHADDUP

Comparing its manga to its anime, the similarities of Btooom! were quite striking. Indeed, it felt as if entire scenes were taken ‘verbatim’ from the manga panels, as all screenshots in this post will show. The pacing, timing, but not sound of Btooom!’s anime were exactly as I envisioned its manga while reading.

THESIS STATEMENT»


ST&RS 27

why japan why

itt: fanservice in my moe manga?! *grumble grumble*

re: gravity
the enemy’s gate is down
also there IS NO GRAVITY IN SPACE WHY DOES THEIR HAIR GRAVIT-right, centrifugal ‘force’


PALINDROME DAY 2012

HI GUYS TODAY IS 12/11/21 THIS IS A PALINDROME AND THIS POST IS NOT A FILLER POST ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALLRIGHT ALL RIGHT NONE LEFT ONE LEFT TWO LEFT SAA YOU MAKE MY TEA

sorry


戸松遥 – Q&A リサイタル! (TV Size) Transcription

I’M A TRANSCRIBER, NOT A PERFORMER

The song here is Q&A Recital!, by Haruka Tomatsu; Tonari no Kaibutsu-kun’s first OP theme.

(Music sheets (.pdf) download link)
(MIDI file download link; what this cover would sound like if I weren’t so shit at playing)
(Makemusic Finale file download link; the only reason I said ‘Makemusic’ is because it starts with ‘m’, like all the other links do)

Sorry for the horrible quality and all those mistakes. They were the product of sleepless school-induced stress and mental delusion that I could transcribe something among mountains of homework. Two words: nope. nope. nope. (I was lying about it being two words. I also apologize in advance for my lack of capitalization.)

I’m also sorry about measure 13. The melody is in the right hand, but the chords obviously glossed it over. Then again, I think the bassline was actually more interesting than the melody so that could be a good thing orz

I could only understand ‘I’m sorry’ from hagure’s ED»


Gangsta 18

No images today. This is purely a promotional message.

Read Gangsta. It’s a good manga. Trust me.

The general plot: in the past, the government drugged soldiers to win a war. Their progeny suffered from genetic anomalies that increased their strength at the cost of severe birth defects and short lifespans. Four crime families semi-peacefully coexist in Ergastulum, a ghetto for the mutants’ quarantine. However, a series of mysterious massacres of mutants threaten to re-ignite the anti-mutant sentiment in the city, and chaos looms near…

That’s it. After 18 chapters, I finally understand just what is happening.

It’s going to be awesome.


Litchi DE Hikari Club Half Season Review

At least I laugh when I watch Teekyuu. There is nothing remotely funny, scary, or emotional about Litchi DE Hikari Club. There is no possible way this show can evoke any sort of reaction from anybody be it joy or sorrow, pride or pity, giving us this indistinct mass of neutrality that can only be expressed by these characters’ emotionless, boring eyes boring into your soul:

Even Newgrounds Flash beginners can make more human art than this.

The original Litchi DE Hikari Subs dropping the show, a ‘CR’ group somehow being involved, and HorribleSubs not uploading its torrents for later episodes does not help to instill anything but indifferent impassivity, either. Do not pick up this show. Even at three minutes long, it is a monumental waste of your time.

P.S. No, you never do find out what happens to their band.


ST&RS 26

TWIST ENDING: NEURONS REPRESENT UNIVERSE, ENTIRE MACROVERSE EXISTS IN MAHO

gotcha moes

itt: 7 month timeskip. THE RACE TO CONCLUDE BEFORE THE AXE AT 39 BEGINS~

P.S. what is characterization ??????


Teekyuu Half Season Review

toronto oilers

I don’t remember how to write these anymore. Good thing we’re starting with a two-minutes/episode show that merits only one misspelled word:

coward

wat

wat


Gangsta 17

Now, I love the scanlators (Easy Going Scans) for scanlating this manga because it’s so bloody awesome, but they really are easy going when you see things like this…

first hints first

Then again, there’s hardly any competition on the manga scene, compared to the autismal levels of fagsubbing, so… quality is based on dedication to the source, not to the legions of adoring imbeciles fans.

The main selling point of Gangsta isn’t in ‘its unique world, where swords and bullets clash!’ (face it, that’s not very unique at all). Gangsta’s strength lies in its characters; each of them has unique motivations, backstories, and relationships. Most importantly, these all change throughout time, especially between Worrick and Nicolas during the flashbacks. How they befriend each other at the end is still unknown…

I’m not even sure if Worrick’s eye really is gone. Maybe he’ll pull a Kenpachi on us and reveal that his eyes have magical abilities that allow him to memorize everything it doesn’t see. Wait a minute…

Another cool thing about Gangsta are that the protagonists are grown men, like in Fate/Zero, except with less stupid motivations. They’re mature. They don’t angst around about the past; they move on, and when their past comes to haunt them back, it’s because holy shit these are really traumatic stuff that’s happening.

The only thing bad are the boob jokes, cause she’s a prostitute and yeah. Dark and edgy.


Tokyo Crazy Paradise and Breaking Through the Genre Box

I recently finished Yoshiki Nakamura’s 1996-2002 shoujo manga Tokyo Crazy Paradise, and it got me thinking about the confines of genre tropes and standards. See, this manga (henceforth TCP) is very much a romantic comedy about highschoolers, much like any other shoujo romance series. What makes it stand out, however, are the other story aspects the series touches upon, even if they never receive full focus. The premise of the story is that in futuristic Tokyo (2020, to be exact), women are scarce and as such are often victimized, to the point that many are openly attacked in broad daylight. In addition, our protagonist ends up as the bodyguard to a mob boss, who is the primary love interest. So, with this context, let me list some of the more standout content present in TCP:

  • Numerous instances of near rape
  • Rape
  • Torture
  • Death
  • Killing
  • Drug dealing
  • Drugging girls on hallucinogens, then forcing them into cage deathmatches and betting on who dies first
  • The love rival getting her right arm sliced off at the elbow
  • Gang wars
  • And an active attempt by supporting characters to get one of the protagonists to cheat on their fiancé

. . .All  wrapped up with a bow of light-hearted comedy and soap-bubbly teen romance. And you thought romcoms were all the same.

(more…)


Gangsta 16

I like Gangsta because it has just the right proportion of cool guys, moe lolis, badass men, and moe lolis

AHHHHHH HIS DAD IS DED

It’s starting to get confusing now. I would write the plot out for you guys but nobody’s reading this and I don’t understand it myself; even marathoning 4 chapters (ok, that’s not a marathon) hasn’t helped. There’s that great Black Lagoon/Roanapur feel again with the four heads actually meeting, so all we can do is pray that the big bad of this arc isn’t some contrived rape survivor again… (not that I remember Black Lagoon having any of those)


Btooom! 5

Himiko’s voice actress sounds like she hasn’t slept for three days and just wants to get this over with so that she can go home. People don’t shout like that, OK.

Imagine what the English dub would sound like.

P.S. ‘rape’ doesn’t count as character development sorry

P.P.S. no she just said ‘get away from me’ in japanese mr. yuu kenot sbeek so shud ab

P.P.P.S. sena, blonde, boobs, etc.