O-New: Now Extinct Website

Posts tagged “This Post is Not Actually About What the Title Says It’s About

Worse Larks Online 11

A modern epistolary article, by Mushyrulez.

Dr. Christian F. Clean
Argus Entertainment
666 Gr Ave.
Hell’s Gate, BC

April 1st, 2022

Mr. Mackenzie U. S. H. Zdrojkowski
555 Park St.
Vancouver, BC

Dear End-User Customer:

I am pleased to inform you that your application to be a Beta Tester for Sword Art Online has been approved by our customer services department. This letter summarizes your responsibilities in the implementation of this Beta Test. Attached please find the detailed Terms and Conditions of this Agreement. By creating an account for Sword Art Online, you accept these Terms and Conditions.

As a Beta Tester for Sword Art Online, you will:

1. Participate in Sword Art Online for a minimum of twenty (20) hours every week;
2. Agree to submit all physical/emotional usage statistics to Argus Entertainment, Inc.;
3. Actively search for ‘bugs’ existing in the Beta implementation of Sword Art Online;
4. Swear complete secrecy on all aspects of the Beta Implementation of Sword Art Online;

Argus Entertainment, Inc. waives responsibility for all nervous damage caused by the Beta Implementation of Argus Entertainment, Inc.’s revolutionary NerveGear™ product. By accepting the Terms and Conditions attached, you permanently suspend all prospective emotional damage lawsuits that may be caused by your imminent death by electromagnetic combustion. Argus Entertainment, Inc. permanently reserves all rights related to this Beta Implementation of Sword Art Online.

Sincerely yours,

Christian Felix Clean

There's only one 'i' in 'Yui'!

[BUG REPORT #000023]

SUBMITTER: mzdrojkowski1
DATE: 20220402204022
VERSION: SAO0.000.092b
SUMMARY: Sword Art Online is not letting me be a moè girl with only one eyeball.
DESCRIPTION: I really want to be a moè girl with only one eyeball.
STATUS: WONTFIX
REPLY: You are a fucking retard.

I want to be a moè ball with only one girl»


Sword Art a Lion 10

WARNING: To all who appreciate Shakespeare, proper English grammar, and/or Sword Art Online, I apologize in advance for any permanent emotional/mental damage reading this post may have inflicted upon you. Serves you right for reading O-New.

A Shakespearean re-enaction, by Mushyrulez.

ACT I

SCENE I. The Headquarters of the Knights of Blood.

Enter HEATHCLIFF, KIRITO, and ASUNA

HEATHCLIFF: If thou wishes to elope with Asuna,
Be best to settle it in noble battle.
If thou succeeds, so win you her, but:
If losing thus, thou’dst join the Knights.

KIRITO: In battle fair, so let it be.
This affair, I’ll settle upon my sword.
And be not one to cry ‘Hold, hold!’

Exit HEATHCLIFF

ASUNA: Thou art dull beyond dull,
In fight with valiant Heathcliff, how dost thou
Expect a victory?
It is murder to regard such.

I don't even know what a plum-face would look like...

KIRITO: Dissolve thy fears, for fearing such,
Thy complexion approaches a plum.
A warrior shirks never the call of war,
To bait me thus Heathcliff reigns cunning,
Yet against cold steel what words can show?

ASUNA: Thy abilities extend past mortals’ reach,
But Heathcliff dost have more withal.
His shield is saintly,
His robes sacrosanct,
A Nemean beast; sees none his blood.
Alack! I mourn for thee.

KIRITO: If he merely acts the Lion,
Become it, O sword of mine.

Exeunt

Shakespeare’s rolling in his grave»


The War Draft Line 9

Propaganda, by Mushyrulez.

“You WILL join the army!”

Gary Stu Pirates’s booming voice echoed throughout the Forum. It was an open secret Caesar and the Populares were planning to invade Rome, and Pompey needed all the men he could muster. Yet, Mackenzie Ulysses Svetlana Harjot Zdrojkowski was never much for battle. A scholar at heart, he longed to let the days flow by, immersed in study of the Ancients. But war was nigh, and this was his obligation. For his people, for his country.

IT IS MY DUTY TO SHOUT LIKE AN ASSHOLE

Begrudgingly accepting a heavy nondescript chestplate from the centurion, he trudged out towards the training grounds that would be his home for the next seven months.

Sword Art of the Romans»


WordArt Online 8

A haiku, by Mushyrulez.

Just imagine really bad WordArt for this post and you'll be fine.

This episode sucked.
Speechless but for Comic Sans:
Fall’s WordArt Online.

P.S.
Asuna, with her
Maxed cooking skill, really is
A strong female lead.

P.P.S.
Mood change? SAO?
Have you perhaps forgotten:
Episodics suck.

P.P.P.S.
No, it’s not C-Sans.
Wanted to ‘shop it in, but
Vague joke and :effort:


World of Tawnlign 7

A testament to papers, by Mushyrulez.

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Sword Art Online is ultimately an Expressionist message of intrapersonal angst.
Associated Press, JPG File

IRVINE – The popular online entertainment game, World of Tawnlign (WoT), has been pulled from shelves in several cities across North America amid claims of sexism and related charges.

The decision was made barely a week after the ICPD filed a lawsuit against popular gaming distribution agent, GameStart, as part of an international anti-sexism directive. The decision was supported by Canada’s Standing Committee on the Status of Women (FEWO), but many video gamers were disappointed by GameStart’s actions.

“I expected more from someone like GameStart. They’re supposed to protect gamers’ rights, not kowtow to a lawsuit just to cover their own asses,” said Louisville resident Jim Johnny Jones Wednesday. “It’s just outrageous! The consequences are extraordinarily excessive. Besides, this won’t stop online stores from selling [World of Tawnlign] to us. Completely useless.”

On GameStart’s official forum (external link), users are expressing similar sentiments. From one vidjaweeblard430: “im tired of all these femanests [sic] suing so f***in indescrimenenly [sic]. im a girl and i dont see any problem with WoT. akchualy [sic] i look more smexy there then [sic] i do irl lol.”

ICPD chairperson Mackenzie Ulysses Svetlana Harjot Zdrojkowski defended their decision with a thirty-minute speech on Tuesday. “This discrimination has continued on for far too long. If we are to prevent all discrimination as our organization title goes, we must tackle this problem at its branches,” he had to say about their campaign. However, the ICPD remained silent on whether its reaction to World of Tawnlign’s avatars was appropriate.

UPDATE: Zdrojkowski e-mailed back O-New on Monday, claiming that “Any discrimination in any form based on race, creed, sex, orientation, or anything at all is completely unacceptable, no matter the severity,” and that “[The ICPD] must set an example for all to follow.”

I honestly don't understand how girls can wear those short shorts without catching a cold every week. The last time I wore shorts out of gym class was six years ago during a record heat wave.
NEWS photo, taken by Oné W. Bloggs

The ICPD lawsuit alleges that the developer of World of Tawnlign, Tempest Entertainment, Inc., purposefully “limited female player choice” by forcing them to “only wear skirts throughout the game.” Furthermore, Tempest “excludes hermaphrodites from active sexual participation” because of “arbitrary genital limits”. World of Tawnlign requires a pre-game genital scan to confirm gender, although in-game, all men have identical testicles, and all women genitalia differ only in colour.

Members of infamous ‘hack’ group LolSex claim to have found a workaround. From a blog entry (external link) dated June 24th, “It’s actually quite easy [to wear pants.] […] The exploit here deals with Steel Legplates, Dragonskin Leggings, and Worn Corduroy Pants’s internal sex modifier being unmarked for the Asuna. [Tempest Entertainment] will probably patch this up within the month, but until then, enjoy your newfound pants!” Representatives of Tempest Entertainment could not be reached for comment, but LolSex reports that “the bug still hasn’t been patched.”

The Asuna race “are the smartest sentient beings in World of Tawnlign”, says its official wiki (external link). Their diminutive stature and bitchy tsundere attitude create problems for cross-race equipment, possibly leading to LolSex’s exploit. World of Tawnlign is set in the fantasy world of Tawnlign, and takes place 250 years after the original War of Tawnlign. Players must reunite the estranged members of the legendary guild Fate’s Boundary to save Tawnlign from the five resurrected Chaos Dragons.

Look at me. Look back. The dragon is now crystals.
In-game ‘screenshot’ of the Crystal Dragon Kralkatorrik

World of Tawnlign is currently the world’s sixth most popular online video game.

Representatives of GameStart declined comment.

The Associated Press is entitled exclusively to use for re-publication of all news dispatches credited to it or not otherwise credited in this paper and all local news of spontaneous origin published herein.

Episode Notes:

Crafting:
– Does Liz have to learn how to melt iron into steel, how to balance its carbon composition, how to cast a steel alloy, how to heat the alloy, how to taper the edge, how to normalize the metal, how to anneal the blade, how to temper and coat the sword, how to attach the hilt, how to craft the pommel, how to sharpen the blade, and so on…, or does she just have to do the Virtual Reality equivalent of clicking ‘craft’? You can see the ingot literally morph into a sword (complete with hilt), but then adding all those other steps such as sharpening the final weapon seems unnecessarily complex…
– I wonder if every single combination of metal and crafting technique produces a uniquely named sword, or if only certain combinations work. An adamantine + dirt sword would be PRETTY DAMN AWESOME, but it’d take ages to name and add effects to all of them.
– Perhaps the sword name depends on the way the sword was crafted too… which would make it even more complex. There’s a reason games don’t do this, and it’s because :effort:
– My spellchecker says ‘adamantine’ should become ‘daintiness’.

Dungeons:
– How long does it take the dragon to regenerate its limbs? Or is that an entirely different dragon? How come the limited exp pool plot point from episode one is completely glossed over? Why do monsters still respawn‽
– Is the only way to get that metal from falling inside the pit, or do you get it when you kill the dragon? If you have an insanely high Persuasion stat, can you coax the poop out of the dragon? Is it possible that all monster drops are actually monster droppings? Are you sure you still want to eat that chocolate truffle?
– Are you supposed to be able to run out of that bottomless pit? For that matter, how did Kirito escape the death room where Sachi died?

Girls:
– How come everybody Kirito creates a relationship with is a girl, and how come all of them die/disappear after Kirito meets them? Where’s Klein?
– How come every girl’s hair is differently coloured? How come we’ve never seen any guy with nonstandard hair colours?
– Asuna sucks. ASSuna backwards may be ANUSsa but saying “You just want to possess her!” doesn’t make Asuna a strong female character. Being the Vice-Commander of the Knights of Blood doesn’t make Asuna a strong female character. Having permanently angry eyebrows doesn’t make Asuna a strong female character. The strongest characters aren’t strong because the author tries desperately to persuade you; they’re strong because their actions show it. Asuna’s flippancy/austerity combo doesn’t convince me that she’s a character at all. Read those posts, I can hardly say this better.
– On the other hand, moèblob Liz is almost worse but at least she’s not bipolar. Furthermore, the ending of this episode… c’mon, tell me you didn’t feel for Liz. Sword Art Online is a story of jealousy, cockblock Asuna’s woefully oblivious to Liz’s feelings, and Kirito is a humongous egotistical asshole (sorta like me, but not as cool). Were we supposed to feel that Kirito’s ‘consolation’ was enough to comfort Liz? Don’t give me those droppings


Swore Dalton Line 6

A detective mystery, by Mushyrulez.

Oné W. Bloggs’s body dropped lifelessly to the ground beneath them, a silver dagger glistening red in her back.

“Vice-Commander Mackenzie Ulysses Svetlana Harjot Zdrojkowski of the Knights of the Rhine, you handle the rest!” cried Jim Johnny Jones as he spotted a dark shadow moving in the distance. “I’m going after him!”

“Don’t!”

Of course, nobody listens to Mackenzie’s advice, and so Jim Johnny Jones sped off into the sunset, gun in hand. As he raised his monocle to steady a shot at the cloaked assassin, to his immense surprise…

…the assassin disappeared.

You can tell Kirito's Chinese because his eyes don't take up half his face

Canada’s national animal dams everything»


Sword LARPs on the Rhine 5

An experimental light novel-esque, by Mushyrulez

“We’ll lure the field boss into the village.”

“W-Wait a second. If you do that, the villagers-”

“That’s the idea. While the boss is killing NPCs, we’ll attack and destroy it.”

“NPCs aren’t just mere objects like trees or rocks. They’re-”

“Alive? Is that it? They’re just objects. They’ll simply respawn if they’re killed.”

“I can’t go along with this.”

“I, Vice-Commander Mackenzie Ulysses Svetlana Harjot Zdrojkowski of the Knights of the Rhine, am overseeing this operation. Jim Johnny Jones, you will obey my orders.”

“Man, I mean yo, what the fuck? Is there any need to LARP so seriously, dude? I mean I’ve honestly never seen somebody as retarded obsessed with decorum as you, and I’ve been involved in some pretty sick LARPing back in my day. Yo, I understand acting like some asshole commander in-character and shit but we haven’t even started the game! I mean really we’re just like scouting out venues now, not preparing to kill NPCs or whatever. You disgust me. Get out of my fucking sight.”

Made a glopping sound as...

Two years worth of drool made a glopping sound»->


Sword Mart on Limes 4

A story of maples, by Mushyrulez

“That’ll be 200,000,000 mesos, please.”

“Fuck this shit!”

Kiritoe spat on the ground. Unfortunately, MesoStory was a 2-D side-scrolling platformer, and Kiritoe pressed F6 to activate the emoticon representing ‘spitting on the ground’.

Unfortunately, MesoStory did not have such an emoticon, for it was a shitty Korean game nobody played that had horrible pixellation even though the technology exists to do otherwise. Case in point:

A picture of pixellation. A pixel of picturation.

Instead, Kiritoe spat onto his outstretched naked thigh.

…He soon realized the full ramifications of his act.

“Damn, I should probably wear some clothes now.”

In my defense it is sweltering»


Sword Farts Online 3

Sword Farts Online

A nested loop of dubious quality and dubious nestedness, by Mushyrulez

“”””Get out.”

Mackenzie Ulysses Svetlana Harjot Zdrojkowski, seated comfortably behind a large mahogany table with his legs crossed on top of it, looked up from his erotic volume – if you know what I mean.

What I mean is, he paused his reading of Sword Art Online Chapter 16.5 for two main reasons. Firstly, the work was so depressingly vapid that he couldn’t help but kick it into the incinerator conveniently glued to the ceiling, raining ashes, infernos, and fiery hell onto the poor individual underneath. Secondly, the poor individual underneath the incinerator was so distressingly constipated that he couldn’t help but ogle at the poor member, if you know what I mean.

Exhibit 1: The Onset of a Fart.

“I DON’T CARE WHAT YOU MEAN!” shouted the constipated Christian Felix Clean to the unassuming narrator sitting in the corner, talking with a monotone voice in the third person. “GET OUT OF MY FUCKING OFFICE!”

Tune in next episode for the exciting adventures of fart»


Words Are Unlined 2

Words Are Unlined

A NSFW fapfic, by Mushyrulez

–INCOMING TRANSMISSION–

GOOD MORNING AGENT MACKENZIE ULYSSES SVETLANA HARJOT ZDROJKOWSKI STOP

WE HAVE RECEIVED REPORTS OF AN ENORMOUS FIVE HUNDRED POUND NECKBEARD LOSER LIVING IN HIS PARENTS BASEMENT STOP HOWEVER IT IS NOT HIS SUPERFLUITY THAT IRKS US IT IS THE HORRID FANFICTION THAT HE HAS WRITTEN THAT HAS INFECTED THE HEARTS AND MINDS OF CORRUPT JAPANESE SCHOOLGIRLS WORLDWIDE STOP AND BY WORLDWIDE I MEAN IN JAPAN STOP

THANKFULLY WE HAVE ALREADY ISSUED A RESTRAINING ORDER ON HIM INTENDED TO PROHIBIT THE CONTINUED PROPAGATION OF HIS GLOPPING PROSE STOP THESE RESTRAINING ORDERS PROHIBIT HIM FROM APPROACHING WITHIN THREE METRES OF ANY TYPEWRITER OR LINED PAPER OR ANY OTHER FORM OF ELECTRONIC OR ERECTRONIC DEVICE THAT MAY ENCOURAGE HIS WRITING STOP

THUS YOUR MISSION SHOULD YOU CHOOSE TO ACCEPT IT IS TO STOP HIM FROM WRITING THIS INSIPID FICTION IMMEDIATELY BY SPYING ON HIS PREMISES AND PROMPTLY ARRESTING HIM SHOULD YOU OBSERVE HIS INFRINGEMENT OF THE AFOREMENTIONED RESTRAINING ORDER STOP

AS ALWAYS SHOULD YOU OR ANY MEMBER OF YOUR IM FORCE BE CAUGHT OR KILLED THE SECRET ARES WILL EAT DONUTS WHILE LAUGHING ABOUT THE UNITED STATES NATIONAL DEBT STOP YOUR COMPUTER WILL SELF DESTRUCT IN FIVE SECONDS STOP GOOD LUCK AGENT MACKENZIE ULYSSES SVETLANA HARJOT ZDROJKOWSKI STOP

–TRANSMISSION END–

“Woah, what the well, man?!” screamed Agent Mackenzie Ulysses Svetlana Harjot Zdrojkowski incredulously at his computer monitor. “This computer stores the entire collection of the world’s CP!! What would happen to the economy if it were destroyed?! Wait… how can this self-destruct if this is a telegram delivered by mail? I mean, I just received the package from the mailman, and there’s nothing ins-”

It's like, a picture of light.

That’s supposed to be an explosion»


Words Are Online 1

Words Are Online

A short story, by Mushyrulez

It was a light and sunny day. Birds chirped in the background, tweeters tweeted in Starbucks, and construction workers spread their filth throughout the great city, verdant with colour and mud and Indian curry. Mackenzie Ulysses Svetlana Harjot Zdrojkowski sat morosely in front of his computer, sulking while sucking on a lollipop. Unfortunately, even the poor lollipop recognized Mackenzie Ulysses Svetlana Harjot Zdrojkowski’s suckiness, and proceeded to fall gracefully from his lips like a bulldozer as he gaped in shock at the title plastered in front of his computer in bright, glaring Comic Sans MS.

“Dot Hack Slash Slash… Ragnarok Online?”

Two people talk about how Maplestory sucks.

‘Maplestory’ is taboo at O-New»


Mouretsu Pirates 18

They did, indeed.

I HAVE LOST ALL POSTING MOTIVATION and feel so tired it’s not even funny, even though I just took a nap. Seriously. This will be a post filled with faggotry, incoherence, and trite nonsense. Want to see a glimpse into the great(ly stupid) Mushyrulez’s mind as he rambles on about foreign cartoons? Well, look no further, because hopefully this will be the first and last post that does such a thing…

Marika and the Clone Wars»


Steins;Gate: Boukan no Rebellion 10

Rushing off to some Churchill thing to select courses now. Please be patient, boys are now EASTER LONG WEEKEND YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH your post’ll come later…

…but who said it would be about Steins;Gate?

Actually, I did»


Mouretsu Pirates 13

The final Mouretsu Pirates episode of this season AND IT’S LATE.

Please wait warmly, boys are now running outside in the mud even though it’s sunny and there actually isn’t any mud outside so I can’t make any farm plots to harvest plump helmets which is what I once did for five hours straight yesterday thus explaining the lack of a proper post

That is quite possibly my current face»


Ore no Kouhai ga Konna ni Kawaii Wake ga Nai 7

First, I’d like to get something out there. Something I’ve kept bottled up inside me for the past six months. That’s right, readers of O-New…

…IT’S SPRING BREEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAK!!

No, this is not a post about Ore no Kouhai»


ST&RS 21

Man, so I just spent the past six hours running through all the manga that I DIDN’T READ since I haven’t read manga for like, eight weeks. Why does EVERY MANGA have to end on a cliffhanger this week?! Reborn’s cliffhanger of ‘what the hell is happening’, One Piece’s cliffhanger of ‘what the hell is happening’, Beelzebub’s non-cliffhanger of nothing happening, Kaminomi’s actual cliffhanger of ‘what the hell is Keima going to do’, Bakuman’s actual actual cliffhanger of ‘how the heck is this manga not going to end with Mashiro and Takagi tearfully resigning from their jobs due to fan rage, hate, and attempted murder attempts’, and of course, Bleach’s non-cliffhanger of, ‘Wait, THIS IS BLEACH’S FUCKING FINAL ARC FUCK YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!’ Goddammit Bleach, Bleach should’ve ended like, ten thousand chapters ago.

I didn’t even start TOUCHING children because I’m not a lolicon, and I didn’t even start TOUCHING the non-Jump manga yet because there’s SO MUCH MANGA that I haven’t read, and besides, I’d better finish reading these Jump manga before Red Hawk Scanlations pulls off all its manga becomes of DMCA compla-whoops, they’ve already done that.

Anyways-!! Expecting a ST&RS 21 post? Well, YOU’VE GOT IT! Have fun, do whatever you want with it, I have no more fucks to give out, and even if I had I’m not that nice of a guy to give out things for free.

ああああ~ I’d like so much to stay at home and sleep and put あs in my hair but I can’t because 1) I cut my hair 2) I can’t sleep 3) I wouldn’t like so much to stay at home and sleep and put あs in my hair.

Mural of the story: paint

ms of the paint»


Mouretsu Pirates 7

Remember the last Black★Rock Shooter (TV) post? Probably not, because according to my Site Stats, a grand total of three visitors read that post. One of them didn’t read it, and another one was myself. I guess nobody reads my blog… /emperorj

‘Wait,’ you probably won’t ask, ‘This is a post about Mouretsu Pirates Episode 7. Mouretsu Pirates Episode 7 hasn’t aired yet. According to AnimeCalendar, it’ll air on Sunday, February the 19th – two days from today, Friday, February the 17th.’

Anyways, you see, I, being a significant, important, and influential personage of the anime industry, have received exclusive access to the pre-air of the next episode of Mouretsu Pirates – episode seven – two days before it airs to the general public. The events which occurred this episode were so dramatic as for me to risk relinquishing my position solely to impart this shocking knowledge upon you.

Without further ado, let us move on to the plot. Warning: major spoilers will not follow. Do not read at your own risk. Read at other people’s nonexistent risks.

Yes, her name is ‘Hit-her’»


Black★Rock Shooter (TV) 3

Remember the last Black★Rock Shooter (TV) post? Probably not, seeing as I, uh, didn’t actually write that until now, seeing as the, uh, episode wasn’t released when I first published it. But now, the episode is released, and so here I go.

‘Wait,’ you probably won’t ask, ‘This is a post about Black★Rock Shooter (TV) Episode 3. Black★Rock Shooter (TV) Episode 3 hasn’t aired yet. It’s four days from being aired.’

Well, you see, last Mouretsu Pirates post, I VERY SUBTLY hinted that the next Mouretsu Pirates post would be published before the episode airs. Unfortunately, the episode has already aired, so I can hardly write a post about that before it airs if it’s already aired. Besides, even though I’m not superstitious at all, nope, not at all, don’t you think it would be bad luck to publish a ‘Mouretsu Pirates SIX’ post as my 666th post? …Yeah.

Why is this post currently only 180 words long? Well, you see, I actually… don’t have the time to finish this post, due to my having Chinese school momentarily. I will finish this post, though – and not four days later, but four hours later. So stay tuned!

Anyways, you see, I, being a significant, important, and influential personage of the anime industry, have received exclusive access to the pre-air of the next episode of Black★Rock Shooter (TV) – episode three – four days before it airs to the general public. The events which occurred this episode were so dramatic as for me to risk relinquishing my position solely to impart this shocking knowledge upon you.

Without further ado, let us move on to the plot. Warning: major spoilers will not follow. Do not read at your own risk. Read at other people’s nonexistent risks.

Yes, that was a red line»


Black★Rock Shooter (TV) 2

Then MAKE IT DOUBLE, cause it’s time for MORE SORAMIMI! The funny thing is, these lyrics (thanks, Atashi!) AREN’T MISHEARD, because they’re IN JAPANESE! Thankfully, we’ve provided a timely (read: late) English translation for all you Australians out there seeking to drink a sip of a pint of beer or cheer or fuck this let’s go

BURAKKU★ROKKU SHUUTAA (TV) EPISOODO NI DA, DOKO E ITTA NO? KIKOEMASU KA?

(TL Note: ‘BURAKKU★ROKKU SHUUTAA (TV) EPISOODO NI DA, DOKO E ITTA NO? KIKOEMASU KA?’ means ‘I didn’t finish writing this Black★Rock Shooter (TV) Episode Two post… yet’ in English.)

(Post-Post Edit: Now I realize why this post was late. The episode wasn’t subbed when I published it. I hope you’ll forgive me. Without further ado, I present to you: this post.)

I boast of posts»


Black★Rock Shooter (TV) 1 [Impressions]

Hey, everybody. It’s time for me to INTERACT MORE WITH MY REGULAR READERS by starting a WEEKLY I mean MONTHLY I mean YEARLY competition to see who is the GREATEST FAN OF O-NEW OUT THERE!!

What’s the challenge? Well, the challenge is understanding what I said in these comments. Whoever comments below with the proper translation of my speech, good reasons for thinking that that is the proper translation of my speech, and an excuse for me for saying ‘speech’ when I’m not even talking first will win! Here are example submissions:

Anonymous
Posted 2012/02/30 at 26:71 | Permalink | Reply
‘Wine, art upon sting a genome? So I’m a shoe, tapes a shinto.’ means ‘I sting genomes because I type like shinn87!’
‘Thous, our whiz-wards yew halved. Their butt-eye Kant-creek ate scream; shoots yews. Sing empathy, bee! Cousin thee en-ditch – to mush Worch!’ means ‘I take screenshots because I’m a butt-eye!’
I believe that this is the proper translation of your speech because you are an idiot, I hate you, and you are most definitely also a butt-eye.
An excuse for you saying ‘speech’ when you’re not even talking is because you are a butt-eye and butt-eyes cannot talk, but want to sound like they’re talking.

Sinophile
Posted 2012/12/23 at 23:59 | Permalink | Reply
where are the tits

Anon
Posted 2012/03/00 at 00:00 | Permalink | Reply
your wine and shinto comment mens kyaa~ squee~ Ouma Shu is super hot desu~~~~~<3
your wizards and buteye coment means uguuuu~~ my cousin is super cute desu~~
i believ this is right because ouma shu is supper hot desu~~ and my cousin is also super choo-kawai~
you say spech when your not even talking because you are uugly and grosse and déspicable et méprisable. Aller mourir dans un puits au large de la côte de la Finlande. b-b-baka

FlareIaM
Posted 1949/10/01 at 07:15 | Permalink | Reply
So do all Mushyrulez need to wear 斗笠 when they write bad posts?

Je ne grosse pas»


Steins;Gate: Boukan no Rebellion 4

Back in yesterday’s Mouretsu Pirates post, I actually didn’t talk about Mouretsu Pirates. I talked about 2DT. Basically, that post was not actually about what the title says it was about. And I’ve made a tag to go along with that.

‘What posts would go under this tag?’ you ask.

Well, posts like these, that, well, aren’t actually about what the title says they’re about. The majority of the post cannot be actually about what the title of the post says it’s about, but a minority of the post can be actually about what the title says it’s about. The post length doesn’t matter.

As you can see, this post is also not actually about what the title says it’s about. It’s hard to write a manga post about what the title says it’s about when you haven’t read the chapter. I know there was one Ore no Kouhai post where I also didn’t read the chapter. I forgot which one it was. Maybe it was all of them. See, in this post, I’m talking about three different things: posts which are not actually about what the title says it’s about, writing manga posts without reading the chapter, and Steins;Gate: Boukan no Rebellion. The Steins;Gate: Boukan no Rebellion segment is the shortest.

But here’s a thought that’s actually about what the title says it’s about: is the whole Boukan no Rebellion story in the original Steins;Gate VN as a ‘route’? I can easily see Steins;Gate as a game with different routes, but… you’re Rintarou, right? You never control Suzuha! So how do you know all this backstory (other than her explaining it to you)? I’m guessing this manga is entirely original, and only under the guidance of the original VN creators. There’s no way they put all this inside the game. They certainly didn’t put it inside the anime.

And that’s the end of this post. It wasn’t actually about what the title said it would be about, was it?


Mouretsu Pirates 2

This post is going to be about… wait for it…

…pirates.

Y’know, before the ‘read on»’ link, I’ve never actually told you guys what the post is going to be about, so most of you guys that don’t follow anime that I’m blogging (see: Baka-Raptor) never read my anime posts, even when my anime posts aren’t actually about anime (see: every single Ben-To, Ore no Kouhai, and Majikoi post). Just to clarify, this post isn’t actually about anime. It’s about pirates.

click for pirates»


Steins;Gate: Boukan no Rebellion 3

Apparently there’s some ‘Anime Blog Carnival’ (not known as ‘ABC’) thing going on. The fact that I’ve heard nothing about this until now shows that I’ve been so busy writing those, eh, you know, eleven thousand word season previews, that not only have I not read more than five blog posts in the past two weeks, not read more than four chapters of manga in the past two weeks, and not watched more than three episodes of anime in the past two weeks; but that I’ve not done more than two Chinese final exams in the past two weeks, and neither have I done more than one International Baccalaureate entry exam in the past two weeks!

Which is what I’m doing now, and by now I mean tomorrow, and by tomorrow I mean yesterday. Writing two major exams back-to-back, that is. Yes, this is a Steins;Gate post. Yes, I will post about Steins;Gate later. Yes, later is when I finish my IB entry exam and Chinese final exam. Yes, Chinese New Year is on Monday. Yes, I posted about Steins;Gate. Later. Not on this post.

And yes, today’s yet another #SuicideSaturday. What the heck does that tag even mean?!


Mouretsu Pirates 1 [Impressions]

I don’t think you guys understand what ‘Mouretsu Pirates’ means.

It means, ‘more sue pirates’.

Which is what’s happening.

Pirates are being sued more.

mary sued»