Twilight

Alternative title: America is boring as hell.

Yep, I’m back from my vacation.

Of the time of writing this post, there is about, oh, I don’t know, ONE DAY of 2010 left. I don’t know if many of you know, but Ichigos is having another composition contest. If you’ll remember (you won’t, there was nobody reading then), one of my earliest compositions was prompted by an Ichigos contest (which, I subsequently received 2nd place – also known as last, because only two people entered).

Unfortunately, there are far more competitors this time, and the monetary prizes are no small talk either. And I have one day to submit something.

One day. That’s basically five hours. Why am I still writing this post? I don’t know, I’ll do nothing but compose tomorrow. Why did I read that epic mahjong manga? Which, if I may mention, is awesome? When JAPANESE ROBOTS fight HITLER in MAHJONG on the MOON, I think it’s PRETTY AWESOME. GEORGE BUSH’s power level is OVER EIGHT THOUSAND too (a normal person’s power level is seven, not seven thousand). Of course, that’s nothing to HITLER’s power level of THIRTY TWO THOUSAND.

In other real-world news, Comiket 79 has hit once again, obvious from the flood of Comiket music, PVs, and more hitting the internet (and the many cries of anguished line-waiters). It’s ending tomorrow, too.
Heh, you’d expect me to write some New Year’s post soon, so I won’t keep this any longer. I’m too lazy to even slap any pictures on here. On that note, I’ll delay (once more, once more) the Winter anime preview to next year. Sigh, vacation just seems to pass so quickly (or I wasted half of it in America doing NOTHING AT ALL).

Anyways, back to the title of this post: Twilight.

It does not suck.

What? You didn’t see that?

TWILIGHT DOES NOT SUCK.

As far as I can tell, there is no blatant exhibition of horrible, unpaced writing; no ill-developed main character; no drastically unrealistic plot. Twilight is, for a book, pretty good – you can read it without stopping, given the time necessary. The writing is many times better than even the grammar of many people who claim to have read it; indeed, this is not a book written by a teenager. It’s written by an adult, a very capable adult, whose intelligence vastly surpasses that of many individuals in society.

Book-wise, it’s decent. No – it’s good.

Of course, with the exception of how “Edward’s perfect eyes looked at me from his perfect face as perfect mucus dripped out of his perfect nose.”

Novel-wise, it’s a FUCKING MASTERPIECE. This Stephanie Meyer person is SO SMART THAT ALBERT EINSTEIN WOULD LOOK AT HER AND SHIT BRICKS.

Firstly, let’s look at Bella’s character.

Huh? Character? Where’s that? Bella’s well-developed, sure; but only after the plot kicks in. Before that, EVERYTHING about her can be applied to like EVERYBODY in the world – or at least everybody’s conceptions of themselves. Sure, basically nobody’s smart, but most stupid people think they’re smart, and thus can step into Bella’s shoes.

– Obvious points to her gender are not defined (a.k.a. she’s probably not a girl)
– Tries to fit in at school, but doesn’t work (a.k.a. too stupid to look past society)
– Not popular at school (a.k.a. she wants to do drugs and waste her teenage life)
– Thinks she’s smart (a.k.a. uses man-made tests to gauge her intelligence)
– May be skinny, may be fat – it’s never pointed out in the book, but she doesn’t want to walk two miles to school. So she drives there. Every day. Two miles. 3.2 kilometres. (a.k.a. typical American – fat, rich, and lovin’ it)
– Hates dancing (a.k.a. fat)
…and the like.

Anyways, in summary, all her bad qualities are ones everyone thinks they have (can’t dance, unpopular, etc.), and all her good qualities are qualities people think they have (smart, etc.) – her other good qualities are qualities that come out in the book, so any stupid teenage girl can dream about finding that she tastes good to a vampire, etc.

Meyer is a MASTER of manipulation. She’s a genius! Completely and utterly so.

A genius that would do anything for money, even write a book like this.

But, this makes sense.

This is the difference between the true, literary genius, Kuroneko, and the completely worthless, spoiled, lazy, and opportunative genius, Kirino.

Kuroneko’d write something purely because it’s good. Kirino would write something purely because it sells.

Of course, not everything that sells is written by a genius like Meyer (who we know is a genius, because of her masterfully twisted words). In Kirino’s case, I take back my words – she’s just an idiot who likes little sisters. Luck and intelligence – money comes later.

But Meyer.

She could’ve done something with her life. Not write a book like this, but actually create a piece of literature. Something that actually has meaning. Her vocabulary and education are up to the task. But no – she just chose to go the path of the devil, leading to riches in life, and hell in death.

In fact, according to this dedication, her sister, Emily, practically forced her to finish Twilight (“Without her, this book may still have been unfinished”). A genius cannot create if forced to. She came up with Twilight instead.

Ah, the beauty of twilight. As a novel, brilliant. As a book, good.

500 pages is a lot, you know?

So as a piece of literature, I was afraid that the owner of the book would have caught me ripping it to shreds. There was no content whatsoever.

(except for that one part where Edward’s perfect eyes looked at me from his perfect face as perfect mucus dripped out of his perfect nose, that was very contentful)

2010/12/29 | Categories: Life | Tags: Books, Competition, Debatable, Fiction, Hiatus, Images, Life, Links, Literature, Mushz, Novels, O-NEB, Rants, Rewrite History, Vacation | 8 Comments