The rains were a drizzle on the sidewalk. Red, orange, blue; seventeen rainbow colours dotted the streets in increasingly psychedelic displays of unnatural diversity. On the top of my porch, on the top of my wall; there they lay in the mid-autumn day of mid-fall.
There lay I, musing late in the autumn day, gazing off southward. A solitary rake, leaning askew on an old yew, old as you. Perched precariously between the branches it lay and lied and lies. Lies, sharp lies, white lies, bitter lies. How can you not know, rake? How can you?
It began that day in mid-autumn, a lonely thing, leaning and leaning so far she could drop and fall forever and nobody would notice. The swirling colours blinded and dazzled, a reflection of the times to come. Broken, unwanted.
Dust in the wind.
I never wanted her. Sitting cozy at home, wending the shores of the 24 Hours, through distant rains I crossed and checked. 3-Across: Groundbreaking innovation? Womanizer.
Then she started to fall.
Nature has no feelings. Nature does not see our sights, does not breathe our air, does not walk the stairs and talk the bears and balk at rares. In the mass of spinning leaves, my eyes reverting from the south, dropt.
The ground, incarnadine, as she dropt, all purpose-like, as if her destiny were to destroy and destruct and detonate. As she fell and flew and shattered all around her.
The rake, you mowed someone.
You know that really cool guy you want to be when you grow up? The guy with the hair and the teeth and the lips? The guy who does all those things you’d expect really cool guys to do, and more?
Well, I think I’ve met my future.
And the nametag?»
Nadie espera a la Inquisición española. And nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition to represent the Spanish Inquisition, either. Sure, they’re not actually Spanish, and they’re not actually inquiring into anything, but that’s alright…
I think your face is all wrong»
A modern epistolary article, by Mushyrulez.
Dr. Christian F. Clean
666 Gr Ave.
Hell’s Gate, BC
April 1st, 2022
Mr. Mackenzie U. S. H. Zdrojkowski
555 Park St.
Dear End-User Customer:
I am pleased to inform you that your application to be a Beta Tester for Sword Art Online has been approved by our customer services department. This letter summarizes your responsibilities in the implementation of this Beta Test. Attached please find the detailed Terms and Conditions of this Agreement. By creating an account for Sword Art Online, you accept these Terms and Conditions.
As a Beta Tester for Sword Art Online, you will:
1. Participate in Sword Art Online for a minimum of twenty (20) hours every week;
2. Agree to submit all physical/emotional usage statistics to Argus Entertainment, Inc.;
3. Actively search for ‘bugs’ existing in the Beta implementation of Sword Art Online;
4. Swear complete secrecy on all aspects of the Beta Implementation of Sword Art Online;
Argus Entertainment, Inc. waives responsibility for all nervous damage caused by the Beta Implementation of Argus Entertainment, Inc.’s revolutionary NerveGear™ product. By accepting the Terms and Conditions attached, you permanently suspend all prospective emotional damage lawsuits that may be caused by your imminent death by electromagnetic combustion. Argus Entertainment, Inc. permanently reserves all rights related to this Beta Implementation of Sword Art Online.
Christian Felix Clean
[BUG REPORT #000023]
SUMMARY: Sword Art Online is not letting me be a moè girl with only one eyeball.
DESCRIPTION: I really want to be a moè girl with only one eyeball.
REPLY: You are a fucking retard.
I want to be a moè ball with only one girl»
First of all, let me make things clear.
You guys all suck.
Nobody has joined my quest to enlighten the world of the true nature of ~sunglasses~.
Do not worry. I will return next season, stronger than ever, with more sun and more glasses and more tsu pirates. Actually, lesstsu pirates because Mouretsu Pirates is ending next episode. I can’t let this chance slip away, so I will use this post to finally persuade all you ignorant plebeians of the wondrous abilities of ~sunglasses~.
In moètsu Pirates Episode 21: the DINGHY SPACE LEAGE [sic] outwits the Biscuit Company.
P.S. That girl is the moè-est girl in the entire show. FUCK YOU NANOPULP, DROWN IN A WELL OFF THE COAST OF FINLAND