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Posts tagged “Disclaimers

2012 Winter Anime First Impressions Part One

Oh, hey. Welcome to February. Note that the first anime of this season aired nearly a month ago (Natsume, on January 3rd). Back in my day, they called me the lATEM@STER. Because I write posts. That are late. Hahaha. That’s not even a pun what am I typing

Here, read my season previews. They’re decent. And by decent I mean they’re not horrible. That is to say, they’re merely bad and/or mediocre. Just read those god-damned posts and come back here and read this god-damned post and like, just, damn yourself, god

Before anyone accuses me of espousing anime as an entertaining, interesting, and fun medium of communication, let me disclaim myself with a disclaimer that I believe fully fits the mood of this post.

[Disclaimer: ANIME SUCKS]

I wear anime sucks in my anime shoes»

2012 Winter Anime Part Three

So, what did I learn from writing season previews?

Rule 1 of writing season previews: Don’t write season previews after everybody else does.

Rule 2 of writing season previews: Do not write season previews after the previous season has already ended.

Rule 3 of writing season previews: DO NOT write season previews after the season’s shows have already started.

Rule 4 of writing season previews: DO NOT WRITE SEASON PREVIEWS after all the season’s shows have already started.


Rule 6 of writing season previews: Do not talk about writing season previews»

2012 Winter Anime Part Two

[Suspicious Announcement: It’s a very special day tomorrow; bonus special crackers to anybody who can guess what that day is…]

Woah, woah, woah. You didn’t think that that was the end, did you? Did you miss that ‘2012 Winter Anime PART ONE’ at the end of the post title? Or are you wondering why I’m using rhetorical questions in a post about anime previews? Let me first tell you that I am a master at rhetoric. Some people can’t even toric normally, but I toric over and over and over again.


A Generic Super Smash Bros. Brawl Review with A Generic Title (O-NEG 12)

DISCLAIMER: The following contains mentions of really old games. Or maybe not that old. But still. You may suffer from severe pangs of extreme boredom. I can’t think of anything else. Please see your physician if symptoms persist. I mean, symptom.

I understand that the game Super Smash Bros. Brawl was released a WHOLE THREE AND A QUARTER YEARS AGO GOLLY THAT’S SO !#@$#^%&^ OLD.

But it’s still awesome»

The God’s Spell of Tatsuya, Chapters Thirteen to Sixteen [Completed]

DISCLAIMER: O-NEW is not responsible for any tears received from Madokaists at the ascension of Madoka or from Christians at my defilement of holy scripture. If you are either, please refrain from reading the rest of this post, as it may elicit tears. (I am not writing this to defile holy scripture, but rather merely due to the fandom surrounding Mahou Shoujo Madoka Magica.)

That said, let’s end the beginning.


The God’s Spell of Tatsuya, Chapters Nine to Twelve

DISCLAIMER: Any semblance to any religious scripture in any religion that may be present throughout this post is probably a coincidence. Probably. Yes.

Continue reading»

The God’s Spell of Tatsuya, Chapters Five to Eight

DISCLAIMER: Don’t be offended, and also by entered, I mean food, not… those other things that enter girls.

These chapters tell of Madoka and the many miracles she hath performed.

Read on»

The God’s Spell of Tatsuya, Chapters One to Four

DISCLAIMER: So let us pray, never to forget… Don’t be offended, blah blah blah. I got five times as many views today from Bible-posting and leeching off of other people. Yay. There will be no defiling of images in such a holy writ; also, I deleted the episodes. Oops. Finally, many things sound very wrong once turned feminine. I apologize. Finally, this is alt-universe Mami, who knows of the evi-


The Decalogue of Madoka

And Madoka spake all these words, saying,

I am the LORD thy Kaname, which have brought thee out of the land of grief, out of the planet of sadness.

And the others»

Mahou Shoujo Madoka★Magica Half Season Review [Completed]

Oremus et pro magas. Ut Deus et Dominus noster illuminet animarum; ut agnoscant Kaname Madoka, Salvator omnium puellarum.

Flectamus genua.

Omnipotens sempiterne Deus, qui vis ut omnes salvi fiant puellas et ad agnitionem veritatis veniant, concede propitius, ut plenitudine gentium in Ecclesiam Tuam intrante omnis Incubones salvus fiat.
Per Dominum nostrum Madoka.


PSA: Memes Pt. 1

It has come to my attention that currently there has been a mass overspammage of memery and cliches* over the interwebs. Other such generic bullsh^t has been used improperly and in abundance. Here, in this Public Service Announcement, I have outlined several commonly (mis)used memes and generic (catch)phrases and retarded sentence structures** and how to properly use them.

“AYBABTU”: Abbrev. for All Your Base Are Belong To Us, a phrase used in the opening cinematic*** of the game Zero Wing, made by a random game company called Toaplan. It is ingrammatical in proper English, but because we is on teh intarwebzorz, we doesn’t need no Gram-Mar, yo. Thusly, AYBAYTU is perfectly grammatical in an online society where it is only considered slightly ingrammatical to say “I iz tweeteering like teh dickens” or talk like raocow.

Fun Fact: Toaplan allegedly “revolutionized” top-down shooters. Without them, we would still have bullet hell shooters, because ZUN probably still would have caused the shooter revolution. Go ZUN.

(cont’d) AYBABTU is used to randomly describe a situation where one group controls all of another group. I cannot think of any other situation where you could use it except for in the “Hallucinogenic Rave o’ Random” situation.

Properly Used: [Houraiguy is playing MW2 on Domination (whatever the f^ck the mode with the capturable positions is called) with Yuchoy in private. Houraiguy has just captured the Point A, B, and C points.]
MW2 Announcer Radio Operator Dude (Yuchoy): “The enemy has taken/captured/overrun position C.”
MW2 Annoucer Radio Operator Person (Houraiguy): “We’ve taken position C.”
Yuchoy: F^ck.

Improper Usages:
Houraiguy: I won a game! AYBABTU

Houraiguy: AHAHAHAHA I is a person with no control over anything whatsoever but still AYBABTU

McDonalds Clown Dude (Ronaldo McDonaldo): I like pink rabbit AYBABTU



“Fun Fact”: A term commonly used by books to placate the reader from burning the book into ashes for including the fact that always follows. The fact is never fun. It may****, however, be funny.

Properly Used: [The book is talking about watermelons.] Fun fact: Did you know that it is fun to blow up watermelons with a ten-gauge double barreled sawn-off shotgun such as the Pancor Jackhammer*****.

Improper Usages:

Fun fact: Pi is 3.1415926535 [The list of digits continues for 5469720 pages.]…!


Fun fact: Come to Pedobear’s house for freeeee candy!

*This is how you spell memery, right? …Is memery even a word >.>

**When I say “retarded sentence structures”, I refer to sentence structures used in children’s information books that regard the reader as (it figures) retarded. Examples of Assumed Reader Stupidity include: making a glossary and highlighting all nouns with 3 or more letters, strictly using simple sentences, and refraining from using words with 4 or more syllables. A helpful telltale sign of a book using Assumed Reader Stupidity is that it belongs to a series of books with titles like “Diabetes”, “Kooking for Kids”, and “Why The F^ck Do Bones Look White and Also BTW Why The F^CK Is The Sky F^cking Blue Woohoo”.

***You could technically call it a cinematic if your idea of a movie was watching people play Pong. It was more like an animated GIF with sound.

****Disclaimer: This will probably only happen when the skies are raining fireballs and also when 1 = 0. It might happen in other cases, though.

*****I doubt this is actually a ten gauge double barreled gun. It is a shotgun, at least.

Presenting A Historical Fiction

Note: This was something originally intended to be a school assignment, until I was informed it was supposed to be one paragraph long. F***.

The Beginnings of a State

A Short Summary

Of The First Two Pages

Of This Handout

And Now This Is Getting Ridiculously Small, So Maybe I Should Stop Doing This

Disclaimer: Much of this Short Summary consists of Enhanced Truths, Polished Lies, and the occasional Nugget of Truth. Do not take notes from this Summary unless you are studying humour, not Rome.

A long, long, time ago, so long ago we don’t usually remember what the heck it was about after the test on it passes in high school, in a galaxy country, far, far away, so far away we like to mock locals around there with stereotypical accents either mirroring Russian or British accents, someone was building a home. We don’t know who the person was, but we figure that if Rome is a town, it must have had houses in it, and back then there were no real estate companies to go and buy houses from and also get stuck in mortgages, so the people of Rome, which was the place where this guy was building his house, had to build their houses on their own, which, exhausting as it sounds, came with the undeniable benefit that the toilets actually worked. And so, backing up a few years or so, Rome was built somewhere in the 8th century-ish, before Christ and also before telemarketing. Rome was built near hill, river, and sea; each providing protection, travel, and commerce (but no travel agents). Sadly, none of these natural boons provided the Romans with sliced bread, Spam, or working toilets.

Soon after Rome was built, Rome ran into a problem. Rome had no women to marry. Thusly, Rome sent envoys with the proposal that would allow Rome and its neighbours, named the Latins and the Sabines, to intermarry. These envoys were rejected, supposedly on the fact that the neighbours thought they were salespersons. The problem remaining unsolved, the Roman leader, Romulus, hatched a devious plan to take over the world, although he was thwarted in 127 CE, the point of maximal extent of his empire, which was at least a good 127 years after his death. But before Romulus could get to taking over the world, he had to go and get some women for his city. So he hatched a devious scheme.

Romulus invited his neighbours over for a Grand Festival with Games and Stuff, particularly noting in the birthday invitation to bring their wives and daughters. This part was very important, as we shall see. After the guests’ arrival, a large army of men apparently wooed the majority of the unmarried women into marrying them before running like heck. The guests had coincidentially brought absolutely nothing to resist this mass wooing, apart from beer mugs, and thus the wooers escaped unscathed, although some of them had been poorly treated by the more drunk guests.

At this point, the neighbours were very, very angry. They showed this by inventing the “Agnry Faic” emoticon on MSN, although the Microsoft complaints office took several centuries to process this contribution, presumably because the computers back then looked suspiciously like abacuses. In addition to inventing the Agnry Faic, the neighbours began attacking Rome. However, they did not think about attacking in unison, presumably because they were still hung over from drinking more beer than is particularly healthy, if you get our meaning. Anyways, these lone attackers failed in their heroic attempts to beat down the gates of Rome with beer bottles. However, the Sabine king, being particularly enraged, had enough of an army to be more successful than his grog-glugging underlings. The Sabine king, Titus Tatius, went up to Rome and began attacking. While he was taking transit to Rome, the Romans got wind of his plan and began fortifying the walls of Rome, although they failed rather greatly and ended up creating the ruins you see today. However, the Sabines still enlisted the aid of an unknown woman in opening the gates of Rome, which we speculate she accomplished by throwing one of those littered beer bottles at the gates, which had been affected by the drunken builders and thus fell down like London Bridge, or more accurately, the World Trade Center. The Sabines now inside the gates, fighting now actually began. The fighting ended when a squadron of Sabine women marched up to the enemy lines and began pouting for peace. As a result of this noble and selfish action, the Sabines agreed to join the Romans under the joint rule of Romulus and Titus. Titus died soon after of what we think was an overdose of aspirin, which he had invented to prevent his entire army from falling in battle after they had moved to the drinking of fine wine.

Romulus, now alone in his rule, ruled until his death, modifying the modern design of the Roman Ruins™. His successor was a person named Numa, who ruled for 41 or so years, promoting law and religion. Numa’s successor, on the other hand, went by the name of Tullus Hostilius, unlike Numa, who went by the name of Numa. At this time, there existed the city of Alba Longa. It is worth noting that Alba Longa had also existed before this point, although this is not particularly useful in factual value except for providing the fact that Alba Longa was inhabited. Alba had invaded Rome at this point, although their army was driven out of Rome soon after, pursued in dramatic fashion by the Roman army before agreeing to decide the victor through the use of champions. The Romans sent out three Horatius brothers, whilst the Albans opted to go with the three Curiatii brothers, who people were betting on because their name, alphabetically, came before “Horatius”. After several minutes of bloody slicing and dicing that we have chosen to omit for the purpose of keeping this summary at the Teenage-appropriate rating, there was only spotless Horatius against three wounded Curiatii brothers. The story goes that the Horatius defeated the Curiatii by tossing beer bottles at them, and knocking them out while they were drunk and spraying their chests with ketchup. Anyways, the Alban army then belonged to Rome. Later, the Alban army was sent for to deal with the uprising of the Etruscan city of Veii, although they did nothing but continue to drink. For doing this, they killed the Alban general and blew up Hiroshima Alba Longa with a nuclear warhead, but not before transferring the Albans to Rome. Rome’s massive expansion was only beginning. So was their plot for world domination.