That’s because.. you need moustaches for a suit.
And in other news, Slug Designer 2 is the worst game ever. They don’t even have a moustache to put on their slugs. However, this is the best game ever. Yes, you’re welcome in advance.
Feeling sluggish today»
The game is not, verbatim, called “hell”.
However, the game is, verbatim, “hell”.
I should add a tag for ‘holy shit this post was supposed to be fucking published three months ago’, but it’ll take too long to type out so I’ll stick with my good ol’ Rewrite History.
Maybe waterpistols weren’t such a good idea»
[Announcement: HOLY SHIT, LOOK AT HOW MANY VIEWS I SUDDENLY GOT. I think for some reason
our YuChoy’s Pedo Bear post, which was actually just an image, which was actually /ripped/ off of someone else (I don’t condone this), got to the top of Google’s Image Search, and a swarm of ‘pedo bear’ searching people decided to click on it. A LOT. It’s like, holy shit what?]
Eh, since they were both so recently released, I figured I would write about both of them in this post.
It’s time for Mushy’s Daily 600-second (that’s not a lot, trust me) Half Season Review with only plot and weird pictures because I just got home from school~!
Dat tears dey tear me up»
[MUSHYHIJACK: Also guiz, happy October the first :V]
I have previously listed several other Kongregate games in O-NEGs and other game-related posts; these should be included in the list, but they’ren’t (That should be proper grammar, “they aren’t”, lol)
And yes, this is kinda an ad. And these games aren’t strictly limited to Kong.
BUT STILL! IT’S WORKING FOR YOU FOR EVERY SECOND! IF YOU NEED ENTERTAINMENT BY SOME CHANCE! YEAH……….
Portal The Flash Version
Achievement Unlocked (and 2)
This is the Only Level (and Too)
Boxhead 2Play Rooms
5. Boxhead 2Play Rooms, by SeanCooper
This is a game with an “unique” art style, where “unique” means “interesting” in the same way a cabbage turnip tomato bittermelon onion tea is interesting. As said in the title, everything has a box for a head*, and there are Rooms and this game can be played by Two Players (not a common feature). So the title doesn’t lie (+1 star). It lists pretty much everything in the game (+0.5 stars)**. And, although there are only 10 weapons, they are vertasile versatile and fun. Really fun. (+1 star)
How To Play This Game: Mode 1
“Single Player Mode”/”Cooperative Mode”
This mode allows you to choose from 18 maps to Battle The Evil Zombie Infestation with Guns and Fun.
Each map is a white, boxy area with several red boxes in it. These red boxes will provide ammunition and health when picked up (e.g. trampled by boxy shoes). Health will not be provided when your health is full, but ammunition may be provided to weapons with full ammunition. Red boxes will routinely respawn after being flattened, always appearing in the spot it was before (respawn times of about a minute).
At the beginning of the game (level 1), you will only be provided with a Pistol, which has infinite ammo. To unlock new things, one must kill zombies to gain Rewards as the following system dictates.
When a undead is killed, your Combo increases. Over time (and actually pretty quickly), your Combo will fall, one multiplier at a time. (The higher the combo, the faster it’ll fall.) By reaching certain levels of Combo, the player character gains improvements to his current weapons (ammunition count, damage, range) as well as New Weapons. You will not lose an upgrade if your Combo falls below the Combo that was required to unlock the upgrade.
Death marks the end of the game.
Co-op mode is slightly different from the Single Player mode. The game will only end when both (remember: 2Play, not 19846931Play) players hath perisheth. :/ Players will respawn after about 15-30 seconds of time of death (with only a Pistol :/), provided the other player manages to stay alive for this duration. Also, there are three optional features of this game (turning off any of these only merits the loss of your ability to submit High Score).
3. Friendly Fire.
The Friendly Fire feature allows both the ability to be run over by your partner’s Rockets/Shotgun spamming and the ability to be killed by your own explosions (Charge Packs, Rocket Launchers, Barrels, Claymores/Mines)
The Collision feature allows you to walk through the undead army (I think) as well as Fake Walls, a type of wall placed by the player (destructable).
Demons are the other enemy of 2Play. These enemies are greatly distinguishable from their zombie underlings in that they hold several characteristics:
1. They can instantly vaporise your Fake Walls.
2. They can shoot FIREBALLS (will only shoot when a player is within a certain radius; also, these fireballs will set off Barrels, damage Fake Walls, damage You, and damage zombies (two hit kill).
3. They are red.
So we see that the demons are actually quite easy to distinguish from zombies. :/
Another miscellaneous bonus of 2Play is the customizable controls. Uncommon and minor as this is, it’s still pretty helpful. Also, you can choose to skip ahead several levels for convenience’s sake (starting from these levels, your player is granted several weapons and some Combo)
“Death Match Mode”
As this is a 2Play game, it is fitting to have a competitive battle mode. Here, all upgrades are initially unlocked and no zombies spawn whatsoever. Players may choose to wall off and barrellify the map as they so please, and it is worth noting that players have low amounts of health (Rockets = instant kill, Uzi = two-hit kill, Shotgun = two-hit kill, etc. Only the Pistol really does any mediocre damage.) This is ridonculously fun for some reason. No online fighting D:
4. This Is The Only Level & This Is The Only Level TOO*** by jmbt02
TITOL and TITOLTOO both revolve around the same concept: Do crap with an elephant to Finish The Level, of which there is only one (Again, the title tells the truth! GASP.). It is worth noting that there are Stages, which basically replaced the concept of levels in these games. TITOLTOO is a fair amount harder than TITOL, be warned. YOU WILL RACK YOUR BRAINS. Also, the “Blind, Deaf, and Dumb” level was kinda vague. It has something to do with “deaf”, hinty hint. There are 30 levels stages in each. Enjoy the wobbly elephant. Also, the wagon means WASD.
Fun: It racks your brains without damaging them (e.g. making you smarter, like games such as “Mario Math” or “Mastur Cheef Does Long Division” would do). 1337.
Music: TITOLTOO has the best music in a game ever, excludes Touhou. Accordions. F. T. W.
Gameplay: Find the gimmick to the level stage. Exit the level. Avoid the spikes. Panic when necessary. Don’t be afraid to go to the main menu; the game autosaves. Simple. Easy. Fun.
3. Kongai by Kongregate
Indeed, this game is exclusive to the site that it’s made by. Go Greg. Anyway, this is the only multiplayer game on this list, mostly because I find Elements has too much luck and Platform Racing 2 has too much lag.
Kongai is like Pokemon. Except you don’t have to deal with all that type effectivity doohickey and doodads.
Here is the game explained in a nutshell.
Kongai In A Nutshell (With Pictures To Go With The Words)
Kongai is, sadly, turn-based, but this does not mean it is like Pokemon (ohwaitdidIsayitwaslikePokemonbefore?ohsh*tIthinkIdid). It’s fun. Dang. I can’t describe it. It’s like Elements, but with more Pokemon, but no RPG parts, and collectibles. Part of the fun is the Items.
The items, as shown by an absence in the above diagram, are a crapload of stuff you can equip onto your characters. This makes for a lot of fun times, because free choice is entertaining (to a point). Mindreader’s Chalice or Healing Salve or Origami Crane or Null Matrix or Hero’s Flagon or Knight’s Emblem or Ring of Curses or Blood Vial or Necronomic Tome or WHATEVER stuff there is. Basically, you can equip your characters with one of 11 choices.
Also psychology and guessing are a major factor.
Yeah, I give up on describing Kongai. It’s fun.
2. Portal, the Flash Version
It’s Portal basically, only in 2-d.
1. Epic Battle Fantasy 3
It’s not just a continuous string of battles like the last two. ITS AN RPG. AND IT’S AWESOME.
I refuse, in the name of sloth, to say anything more.
*If it has a head.
**Short of the weapons.
***Not a typo. Yes, TOO. It’s a pun that I can tolerate. Amazing.
DAVE DAVE DAAAAAAAAAAAAAVE DAVVVVVE DAVEEEEEE D-D-D-D-D-DAVE BREAKER D-D-D-D-D-D-D-DOMBO DREAKER
So yes, I have internet connection while on vacation! I can post! I can be up to date on my one-person video subscriptions[EDIT: Not enough internet to actually do this.]! AND DAAAAAVE
>-Actual O-NEG Begins Here
Inquisitive Dave is a game. Games are this.* ID (cue Koishi danmaku and Freudian quotes) is about a person named Dave. He presumably goes around SAVING THE WORLDDDD-DAVE DAVE DAVE RAVE.
[Some people may notice at this point that I feel all rave-y today RAVE ON DAVE
ID uses the mouse FOR ONLY ONE PURPOSE. This is to regain focus on the Adoozy Falsh control thingamajigger if focus is lost. Otherwise, use WASD/<^>v ** and SPACE AND THE GALAAAAAXYBAR/Enter.
List1: Things Dave Can Do
Dave can JUMP.*** Press W or ^.
Dave can MOVE UPUPDOWNDOWNLEFTRIGHTLEFTRIGHTBASELECTSTART****
Dave can SAVE THE WORLD 
List2: Things Fatal To Dave
- Water: DAVE CAN’T SWIMMMM- blub
- Guns: DAVE HAS NO BULLET TIME
- Crocodiles: ITS SOOPER EFFEKTIV
- Antlions: The ones from Tremors.
- Poisonous-To-Dave Berries: They’re deadly POISON! ALSO ADDICTIVE OR SOMETHING!
- The End Of The World: 2012
- Wizard (EVIL): Shoots an Electric Zap. See Electric Zap.
- Electric Zap: See WIZARD
>–Back To The O-NEG Here
ID: This is like a Point-And-Click game (It’s a Falsh game, remember? KONGREGATE FTW), except without the use of the SACRED MOUSE. And with sarcastic comments.
List3: Sarcastic Quotes From ID:*****
- “It’s a puddle. You’d better hurry up and escape soon because there’s a dripping up in the ceiling; the water level could reach a whole foot in the next millenia or two.”
- (Outside of prison, talking to prison guard for your cell) “Go away. I’m guarding the prisoner.” (You are the prisoner :/)
- “It’s some of that Awesomade. Didn’t they stop making that after that kid’s eyes fell out?”
- (Intro) Dave: “If only there was some sort of guiding player to make decisions for me!”
Thus we see that ID has a sense of humour. ID does seem to have an awful amount of walking back and forth, but the humour is very well implemented (Thus we see ID is more like a humour romp than a game~). The FINAL BOSS is also pretty creatively made (HINT: CAMPING RAVE RAVE RAVE).
By the way, you haven’t learned anything from reading this post. Hurrrrm. Also, the link is here.
FINAL REVIEW: 8.9/10
*Or at least Super Mario Galaxy 2 is that.
***So can Greg~.
****He can’t actually move down w/out gravity. He can’t move selectstartba either :/
*****Not direct quotes.
[Wait, that looks like “one gone gone gone gone gone gone gone goneg…”]
[MUSHYHIJACK: Cause when you start playing this game you know you’re gone gone gone gone gone… to hell (that well off the coast of Finland)]
So, as mushy and darkflareknight (should cough should *expectantlookhere*) know, the Touhou series revolves around a series of characters who shoot stuff and stuff that is shooting at them, which is why they are shooting at the things that are firing (“What? They’ll kill me if I don’t kill them!”). Due to the fact that you have no health bar, you get OHKO’d upon coming in contact with enemy glowy-orbs (read: “Danmaku”, meaning “bullet hell” or “curtain fire” or “HOLY CHRIZZZZ…IZZLE…-O…-IO…-EIEIO…-” etc.
(Houraiguy takes a break here as he goes off to play Frantic 1, (http://www.kongregate.com/games/polymerrabbit/frantic) testing his skills in a hopeless endeavor to acquire an impossible badge. Status: Got hit on the FIRST STAGE. FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU… but I finished Ep. 1 Frantic 2 on Frantic mode)
In Imperishable Night, you are tasked with discovering who committed THE UNPRECEDENTED SERIOUS AFFAIR in this game; namely that SOMEONE has done SOMETHING (Note: This happens for every single Touhou game, but only Imperishable Night does the following), which in this case is that AN UNKNOWN PERSON has DONE SOMETHING to the MOON, e.g. replace it with something false, e.g. a fake moon, on a certain day, e.g. the eve of a festival, e.g. a moon-viewing festival, which might affect it in some way, e.g. make there not be a festival, and so on.
On the path to the place where the person who committed the USA, there is one (1) firefly (weak), one (1) night sparrow (eaten), one (1) teacher (regular), one (1) shrine maiden OR one (1) robber/magician/witch, followed by one (1) moon rabbit (suppos-), and either one (1) genius OR one (1) …person WHO COMMITTED THE USA in co-ordination with the genius and the supp…, er, rabbit.
Basically, you shoot people down while not getting hit by the things the people you are shooting are shooting at you. This is pretty fun.
After completing the “Start” mode on any difficulty with no continues, the …person asks you to assassinate their rival, which you go and do (this mode is called “Extra Start”). Actually, you try and do it, but fail epicly in most examples. Before reaching the assassination target, who is immortal (something the equally immortal …person neglected to tell you), you have to beat the teacher AGAIN, except the teacher is more evil and is a were-something, and is stronger due to the fact that you replaced the real full moon in “Start” mode, so you beat down the teacher and meet the immortal, who fries you to a crisp in about 1 minute to 10 minutes, depending on how many bombs you have and how good you are at evading danmaku. Case in point:
That's one of the easy ones.
That’s one of the easy ones.
AND TO THE REVIEW PART
Gameplay: If you don’t suck, it’s pretty fun: 87/100
Graphics: Pretty good, nice effects. 93/100
Sound: Touhou music is the best music, hands down. SFX are also good. 100/100
Plotline: Just up there with the Mario games; sucks. -/100
Overall, it’s not bad to get: 92/100. At the very least, listen to Immortal Smoke.
And: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Nb5Ohbt1Sg: Extra stage actually finished.
I have to go to sleep because I’m going to sleep soon so I’ll make the review one big, long, run-on sentence. Without any punctuation. All typed in caps.
EPIC WAR 3 IS LIKE A SUPER-DUPER AWESOME GAME WITH EXTREMELY GOOD GRAPHICS- Just kidding. This will be a proper O-neg.
The glorious title screen. Wait. Is that a walkthrough button? Why is it even there? Who uses walkthroughs? That just spoils the game! Remove that button!
When the game starts, you are required to pick a hero. Obviously, you have no clue which hero is the best, and therefore you pick the one with the coolest art. I picked the one with zoooooombies. Then, you are led to a map with several castles, you have to choose a castle and attack it.
You see one unit ready, your hero. You press forward, that’s the only button there is. Yay, you just killed a zombie! You see more units accumulating so you press the forward button about 50 more times.
After pressing it the forward button nearly over 9000 times, all your units have been built and you’re at the end of the field, chopping away at his castle. Good job, you destroyed this castle, it is now yours.
It’s not all that easy though. As your hero levels up, you get more cards. That’s good. You get more mana. That’s good. However, revenge waves are initiated once you start attacking the castle. Usually they are about 50 monsters, this means while you’re chopping away at his castle, 50 units start charging you eliminating all hope of destroying the castle. You continue to grind through these levels, upgrading cards along the way. The last level has a little surprise though. First, the revenge waves send about 50 units, then it send another 50. And another 50. Oh yeah, just to let you know, the AI also sends a titan. Since your hero has already died, nearly all your units are at very low health, you have no choice but to retreat and send a spell.
WOOHOO! After farming, grinding and more grinding, you finish the game! IT’S NOT OVER THOUGH, YOU GET TO DO THAT AGAIN, 5 MORE TIMES UNTIL YOU’VE BEATEN THE GAME WITH ALL 6 HEROS AND ATTAINED ALL THE CARDS. Oh boy. Most normal people don’t even bother completing it a second time let alone a third time. The only reason why I continued griding is cause of the “cave of trials”. These are basically reliving the last level again, except they send a specific titan and after you beat the game, you get the titan. :O
Gameplay, 4 or 9/10 (In the beginning, it’s pretty fun but gets somewhat boring at the end). Art, 5 or 10/10 (Every single castle has a different background. Also the 30 cards/units that were designed are really awesome). Concept, 7/10 (This is the 3rd epic war game, however, they changed the concept quite a bit, not just upgrading everything with better art, etc, etc.). Replayability 4/10 (The cave of trials is enticing but doing the same thing over and over again 6 times is… stupid.)
If you like Epic war 3, then go play epic war 4, it’s coming out in around a month!
Look at that moon, it's too big
Thus begins the first O-New’s Next Entertaining Game (Review/Look/Advertisement) with a… game, Snail…!
“It is said that every full moon on a cloudy night, a small creature is granted a wish…”
And your goal is to make that wish come true, the wish for immortality!
He's grinding his teeth
You guide a small, slow, snail on its quest to NOM SIGN EAT EVERYTHING and in the process, possibly live forever…
It’s really not much of a game, more of an art-slideshow, yet the art isn’t so good either. It’s because of that, that its art isn’t professionally good and the game is basically tape your right arrow key to the keyboard, that it’s brilliant.
MUST. NOM. PLANTS.
I mean, look at this. This is so simple and cartoonish that it’s simply amazing.
Honestly, this can’t even begin to compare with the better games that are released, but we all need to relax once in a while and realize that a game, really is just, a game…
Sound was amazing too, though most likely not original. The ending slideshow was so good that I went through the game twice just to see it again…
All in all, it’s a great game if you just want to relax, but if you want something that you can actually play, I wouldn’t recommend this…
Gameplay, 5 or 9/10 (I mean, it’s so simple even trolls would understand, which is both good and bad). Art, 5 or 8/10 (Simplicity once again is a double-sided blade or whatever). Concept, 9/10 (Well, it’s… new, for me). Replayability 3/10 (The last slideshow is good, but…)
Argh that space it haunts me
Well, I suppose it does have more of a replayability if you just want to collect every last achievement…
On a side note, this is where I just want to smack Kongregate’s players in the face another time. With a spiked baseball bat.
Apparently, they’re ranting about how “Kongregate forced us to play this game”. Well, oh gee it must be the developer’s fault for making his game get badges because totally developers choose whether they get a badge or not. And, oh, I remember now, apparently getting all easy achievements was mandatory or else the Kongregate mafia would hunt you down and kill you. So that must be why you have to play this game.
If you don’t want to play it, just don’t freaking play it. Badges are badges. They are symbols that show you’ve completed something. Before, when you did something like finish the game, nobody would notice, but now they do because of badges. Badges aren’t something to strive towards. It’s a side reward after you do something.
Sure, you can say it’s not a game. But what’s the definition of a game? It’s something that requires user input. This requires user input. You need to press and hold the right button. Sure, you could say that that’s too easy to be a game, but what about sniper games? All you need to do is click the mouse! And tower defence, you only need to click the mouse multiple times as well! Besides, a game is a game, who cares about the definition? It got a badge, you probably got the badge, and if you hate the game keep your comments to yourself, because you probably only got there because of the badge. Honestly, in my opinion people who play games purely for badges should be disallowed to comment, for they are most of the time terribly biased. “Oh this badge is too hard 1/5” Yeah, good for you. The badge isn’t too hard. You just suck too much.
Well, at least the rest of Kong’s community are awesome enough to downrate the trolls who go “1/5” at everything. But still, that doesn’t do anything. Kongregate needs a paradigm shift past this badge-oriented activity and into actual gaming, when we’d play for fun, not rewards. If you play just for badges, that’s basically like a Chinese gold farmer, who plays because he has to. Now, he actually does have to play to survive but if you’re on a flash game site like Kongregate, where you don’t get any monetary rewards for playing, where’s the necessary incentive? What makes you “have” to play? If we cut down the internet connection, would you die because you didn’t get a badge?
Nope, sorry. Unless you were stupid enough to commit suicide.
Anyways, [/rant] and play Snail…! It’s an awesome game, but… well, let’s just say don’t play it if you’re running out of time…
^ Touhou melody remix…!
And then he became god :/
Because I’ve been stressed enough with schoolwork, MapleStory, extracurricular work, MapleStory, forums, and MapleStory, I have decided to quite Heroes of Gaia…
…Thanks for all of you who joined the guild, x1ky2k. The guild will now be turned over to Gota, who is… awesome. I’ll leave all the organizing up to her (him?).
…It’s been nice, but I got the badge, and, well, I farm for badges. If there wasn’t a limit, I’d prolly keep on playing until my eyes died out, but I just have too much work (and it’s getting suspicious anyways)….
…So yeah. Thanks for joining and boosting us up to one of the top 35 guilds in Pandora; keep up the good work, and… well, separate the guilds when you need to :P Don’t say I didn’t tell you…!
(Oh, and check this blog out often, subscribe to my twitter, or add me as a friend on Kong… I’m not going to be inactive, just quitting HoG, that’s all).
It’s been half a decade.
Half a decade since that weird, shiny, glowing box first came into my life.
5 years since I first learned how to “surf” the “Internet”.
115 weeks since I first played a “flash” game.
1800 days since my life started to collapse.
I’ll start with one, very simple statement: I hate my life.
It’s boring. It’s filled with work. It’s monotonous.
That I can deal with. Monotony is easy. Work is easy.
The straw that happened to crush my life was built. Slowly accumulated through the ages. I’m always hiding something from someone. Even as I write this rant (in school, it’s a wonder I’m not caught), I’m also perpetually blocking the sheet of paper out of view from everyone. I can’t tell things to my “friends”, I can’t tell things to my family, I can’t tell things to the Internet. It’s like a satellite in geosynchronous orbit; only one side ever faces each observer. And then, you still never know what’s inside, even if you circle the satellite once.
First of all, school.
I don’t hate school. I like school. I like schoolwork.
I used to hate it; 16 hour days just didn’t cut it for me (I wasn’t in high school yet). Work work work. Reflections. Notes notes notes. Reflections. Create create present. Reflections.
Ah, I remember the good old days with mind-boggling clarity. I didn’t hand in half of my assignments, was always late for class, and skimmed through the grades. And I still somehow got the “Award for Academic Achievement” for three straight years at the end (my teachers really suck at actually critiquing who’s the actual smart person). My parents always forced me to work work work, and I still didn’t complete everything correctly.
I like school now, don’t I? What’s the problem?
Well, now, my parents are discouraging me from schoolwork. It’s fun, goddamn it, don’t you know the meaning of the word?! “Look at the other children” they would say, “they’re all playing with their friends, why don’t you go hang out at some person’s house?”
And do what? Play mindless video games on a console too expensive for me to own? Admire the endless rows of trophies each person has received? Get a ball kicked/thrown straight into my face, 5 times in a row? Yeah, guess what, that isn’t really “fun”.
Also, I don’t really have any “real” friends. Sure, they’re all friendly and stuff, and I return the favour, etc. etc., but does any one of them know what is actually going on inside my head? I’m probably more friends with internet people than them. It’s sad, I know; I have no real social life. But what is the definition of real anyways?
Is the definition of a real social life friends that you can see? People that live near you?
Language was invented for a reason; to convey messages. Read a novel; the people described in the novel aren’t your next-door neighbours, are they? But still, their feelings/actions/emotions/clothes that they’re wearing are conveyed directly to you. Talking with a person living somewhere in China is the same as talking to someone living next door. It’s talking. There is no real and fake; the person on the other end just has to be a human.
Anyways, so my parents basically stopped letting me do my schoolwork, just as it was actually getting /fun/. And what do they tell me to do now?
“Sign up for Skating lessons! Look at how good Yhsum is at Swimming! Sign up for that too! And Tennis! And Chess! And sharpening pencils manually using a kitchen knife because we have money to spare!”
….Yeah, too bad. Is skating really useful in life? Do you seriously need to learn skating to be able to become successful in life? Also, why would anyone even need a tennis coach? Did the first tennis coach have a coach? No. Then how’d he get so good? There’s something called learning by yourself; go look it up.
Also, just because Yhsum is so epically good at all these, does that mean I have to be of equal or greater skill level? Life isn’t a coupon exchange; firstly, I don’t need to be better than Yhsum, and secondly, none of those are necessaries to life. On the other hand, learning is. OH MY GOD REALIZATION MUCH?
Did I mention that I’m already signed up for some horrible lessons? One is Chinese, the infamous reason for my #SuicideSaturdays. You basically pay $600 a year (“because we have money to spare!”) so that the teacher can give you 3 $10 textbooks and teach you how to read them. For 2.5 hours.
How does this go?
Teacher: Hand in your homework!
[hands in homework]
[teacher writes a B on homework without reading]
Teacher: Read your books.
Teacher: Alright, end of class.
..Do I really need to pay for that? Oh, I might be getting a bit exaggerated here. The teachers actually do some work. They create tests. Basically, they tell you to memorize every single lesson ever taught since you were in Kindergarten, write them down, and automatically give you a score between 0 and 80 percent based on how neat your writing is.
That’s not all. The teachers are just lazy, but the classmates are even worse. Everyone, with the exception of several awesome people, are either spoiled brats, extremely perverted (though not to the point of drawing certain images on danbooru), or genius brats. Meaning, super smart 4 year olds who don’t know how to walk without tripping over themselves, but can still get straight As. Did I mention those are the only people who ever get As?
Next activity: Music.
Same as homework: Me hate, mom forces. Me like, mom destroys.
At the start, I hated playing piano. Maybe it was the teacher. Maybe it was my mom. Or maybe, it was just me. It probably was. I must have been so stupid not to balance 7 pennies on one hand while drumming out one of Czerny’s etudes (did I mention I have 200 of these?) or to not be able to fit a mango under my hand (mind you, I was 7 then). Obviously, such stupid mistakes must be punished by my extremely caring mother: Iron clotheshangers and a needle were the ingredients to her therapy. Plural on the clotheshangers, as sometimes, they broke while swung at me. Piano was stupid; I practiced 4 hours a day, of which 3 hours and 50 minutes were Hanon’s (fuck you, Hanon), and 10 minutes were pieces that I had to memorize, one piece a week.
And then I started liking it. I /enjoyed/ playing piano. It wasn’t torture anymore; it was a hobby.
Obviously, my mom turned from stabbing me to “OH GAWD YOUR PLAYING SOUNDS LIKE A WET SNAKE HITTING A MANGO ONTO A BROKEN DRUM”. She then banned me from playing piano because it was too noisy. I passed the exam with the same pieces with 80%. She then blamed me for my low mark because of lack of practice.
Oh, and for the first time, I could actually play piano /pieces/, not etudes. Sure, you might say repetitive 5 note melodies count as masterpieces, but in my opinion, they weren’t. Czerny went from repeated scales to actual, challenging melodies. It was fun. Also, I learned how to improvise and play several anime/game songs. Obviously, these were “noisy”, and so my mom would attack me with more clotheshangers (I have no idea why we never run out of them) whenever I play one. See, here’s one reason why I hide things from a certain party (in this case, my parents).
Finally, right now, she’s considering dropping my piano lessons. Why? Because it’s a waste of money. Oh, and obviously spending $600 on a useless waste of time isn’t. And learning how to skate isn’t either, because you’ll totally need to learn how to skate really fast to escape from an army of frantic Hungarians, if you happen to be teleported to the past when they had no arrows, had a pair of skates on, and were on a solidly frozen lake. On a side note, teleported isn’t in the dictionary.
Oh, my mom can’t get all the blame. I blame the world’s society for this.
We changed piano-playing from a pastime into a competition. I can’t talk to 10 people about piano without 11 saying “LAWL I PASSED 12 EXAMS”. That means you failed one, dumbass. Anyways, you don’t compare piano as a pastime anymore, it’s acompetition. Sure, this is nice and all, but we’re not competing even for skill anymore. We’re competing to see whose parents has more money to afford exams. We’re competing for competitions. What that doesn’t make sense? Exactly.
Adding on to this, music theory is also another part of music. It was interesting, learning new concepts… until my teacher gave me 30 exams to complete. Mind you, each one takes 3 hours. What’s more, she defied everything explained in the official textbook with cheats for exams (not actual cheats, but minimize work cheats). At the end, I passed with 87%, an A. I didn’t learn anything.
Now it’s History I have to learn. Apparently, as long as the answer appears on the textbook, it’s correct. Fun fact: Haydn composed 106 sonatas. According to my teacher, that’s incorrect. Why? Because obviously, the textbook says so. Who cares about what the fucking textbook says? Here are the facts, this is the truth; if you can’t accept it, go rot in a well off the coast of Finland.
Civilization as a whole has evolved to a point where everything revolves around competition, marks, tests, exams, and the like. Actual comparison of skill and knowledge is a thing of the past.
Which brings me to yet another point, the topic of Kongregate badges.
They’ve leeched at least 300 (SPARTA) hours out of my life now. I want to stop; I can’t. They already have Achievement Addicts Anonymous, but that isn’t gonna help me.
These badges are too damn addictive. What’s more, competition in Kong is all about who has more points; people stop playing a game right after they get the badge. N00bz adjust their rating based on badges: “0/5 awesome game but needs badges” consists of 98% of comments on Kong (the other 2% is spam). Yeah, games with higher rating get a higher chance to get badges; obviously, voting 0/5 (which you can’t, it goes on a 1-5 scale) will help it get badges a lot.
And speaking of comments, the world is full of spammers. Full of raters who think their opinion is valued over everyone else’s. Scroll down 30 comments in Kong, you’ll find 31 have a rating in them. Also, 31 of those commentors are under 13 years old. COPPA, folks.
Yep, COPPA. That dreaded demon of a law that apparently forbids underage children from participating in online activities. Thing is, it doesn’t help at all; people over 13 are over 13, yay, and people under 13 don’t know what that shiny checkbox means when it says “I am over 13, and I am smart as well”. Stupid people don’t understand what that checkbox means either. Then, suddenly, some 12 year old gets the urge to spam in Kong chat “I AM TWELVE YEARS OLD YOU ARE ALL N00BS HAHAHAHAHA”, and get insta-banned by the admins. All while 11 year olds are watching in fear of the day when they will suffer the pain of being banned. If those 11 and 12 year olds survive long enough to reach 13, they’ll obviously tell everyone in chat that; thus destroying the point of COPPA, to protect children’s privacy. As soon as they turn 13, everyone knows. Before that, nobody cares. If they didn’t have COPPA, most people wouldn’t even tell everyone their age, but because of it, everyone wants to after they turn legal.
Back to the previous topic, badges and addictiveness.
I just can’t drop something after I begin it; it took me two weeks to stop dreaming about Dream World and how a scoped vindicator graviton discharger of speed + 3 will eventually appear in the shop. This means that I have a massive amount of things to complete on the internet every single day.
Which makes me have almost no time for actual gaming at all. I go home. I finish my dailies (150 new posts in google reader, 15 new chess games, 20000 more tweets, 100 new forum posts, 20 more other forum posts, 500 more other forum posts, 10 more youtube videos, and 50 more games). After this, I have no more time for actually playing a game for the game, not the card, not the alpha, not to test it, not for the badge, not because it’s daily, not for the achievements, not because the developer wanted me to review it, not because a friend recommended it, not because there’s an once-in-a-lifetime event occuring, but for the game itself. Curse you MotK and your active userbase. <3 Gensokyo.org~
But I should still have so much time! Wrong. My parents have no idea what I’m doing on the internet, and thus disallow me to do whatever they think isn’t homework (which they don’t let me do anyways), or helping them type something up. I go by the old rule, ignorance is bliss, so I keep what I do a secret. This has put a ton of pressure on me over the ages; those 2 hours between end of school and mom coming home from work is always a mystery to my parents, as apparently, nothing happens then.
And now, my mom has a financial exam; my total computer time, including homework, has shrunk to 2 hours. It takes me 3 hours to finish my dailies.
My other family members are also annoying. My cousin can scream at at least 18,000 cycles a second at a frequency of once every half hour. The length of his scream is half an hour. His mom is his /slave/. I feel really sorry for my aunt.
Oh, and he cries if you throw some grass at him (at 18,000 hertz), and the wind blows the grass away. Even if you could sense something as minute as grass touching your fucking shirt, IT DIDN’T EVEN TOUCH YOUR SHIRT. Oh, then he tells his mom that I hit him with a lawnmower or something. Obviously, cause there’s no injury on him. I really just want to shove him inside that well off the coast of Finland with the rest of those people I told to go into the well.
My brother isn’t as annoying; he just punches and kicks me every single day. A lot. Thanks to him, I now have an iron head and light-speed defense skills. But before that happened, it fucking hurt. Thankfully, my brother is one of the few people I actually trust, introducing me to flash and gaming. I suppose that’s a bad thing, as because of him, my life is destroyed.
Also, my peers. I’m tired of having someone two year younger than me beat me at chess, homework, tennis, basketball, math, soccer, science, running, projects, socials… and then tell me that every sfive minutes. Oh, he can also takeback his moves in chess.
Not that I’m referring to anyone specific here. Also, facewashing + pen-stabbing my face and ribs, respectively, is a do not want. I really want to spaz out and attack some annoying people, but I won’t do that for another 5 years. I need to hold back my anger.
Finally, I hate my pencil sharpener and how a 10 cm pencil can magically become 1 cm in 3 seconds. This should release massive amounts of energy because of E=mc2, but it doesn’t, which makes me even angrier.
And now, my internet connection is fucking up. I hate how all the computers I have ever used in my life are shared. I hate how my parents stop me from looking at anything that isn’t pure white with black text. And to add on to that, I thus hate those forums (you know which I’m talking about) without a change skin option that uses pure black with white text. What does that even do? It’s unattractive. The text is unreadable. The contrast sucks. You can’t read it at school, at home, or at work without people asking you “Wth are you looking at?” It doesn’t even save energy, for I think the cathode rays emit equal amounts of light regardless of the actual colour. Also, it doesn’t seem professional at all. It just seems like one of those amateur freewebs sites that detail how good Yhsum is at math, and how we all suck at it.
Oh, freewebs. Remind me to make you go bankrupt when I have the power. Not only do you provide a horrible WSIWYG editor, but the skins suck, your websites are all amateur, n00bish creations with a repetitive background obviously copypasted with the wrong software.
The same things applies to youtube and twitter. I’ve seen hundreds of youtube channels/twitter backgrounds that consist of the same image being repeated several hundred times on one page. Not only is it unattractive and annoying, but it also must have used up a lot of your time to find the image. Spend some time. Get a good image. Upload it, make it full size. Or just stick with the default if you’re lazy.
Ah, twitter. The newest form of sucking away my life, slowly. Vampires don’t twitter. They bite.
Around 80% of my tweets consist of announcing I have posted a new post or “g’night” and “g’day”s. Before, I thought twitter was useless. Then, I found it fun and interesting. I’m beginning to think it’s useless again; doesn’t this remind you of ternary form? Even if it was rounded binary, it still ends on the A section.
My life started with me knowing nothing. Right now, I know too much. Will it end with me knowing nothing as well?
No, it will not. I’m not one of Beethoven’s sonatas, and I don’t plan to become one in the near future.
I hate my life. But I won’t change it.
Because this is my life. And I love it.
…It’s #SuicideSaturday, but I survived. Woohoo, chinese essay on anything you want. Chose to write about the possible practical benefits of having an increased understanding in the fields of quantum physics, and how those benefits can be utilized to increase the possibility and practicality of creating a permanent human colony outside of Earth, including the possibility of terraforming a planet, such as Mars.
And about HoG –
I used to play it, way back in December or something, when it first came out. Made a guild back then, x2ky2k, which was mildly successful. Rank 26 or something (out of liek, 1000 guilds). Then I quit, cause the game sucked.
Badges are out now, and thus I’m gonna play it again. This time, the guild is x1ky2k due to my new location.
3 hours have passed since I’ve made the guild.
We now have 13 members.
We had 10 members last time in the old guild.
^ Politics. >_<
^ More politics. >_<
…I promise to add content later…
Oh darn it, Heroes of Gaia has badges, meaning that I will obviously have to grind them once again (life drain life drain)… gonna conduct a R.A.N.D.O.M. tomorrow…
^ hubble 3D is out in theatres…! woohoo…! (that’s the space telescope I’m talking about)
^ Japan is aging; these are some things that are redeveloping to suit the needs of the… old people.
^ The joy of unfollowing people; in real life…
…that’s all, g’night…
School started too quickly, I’m just on the brink of total collapse.
Er, the image didn’t work, I guess; here’s the image link, though this prolly won’t work either: http://i.imgur.com/vf279.gif
The links are halfway done; I won’t work on them until next week, when I can finally get +14 hours of computer tiem :D
…Links for today…
^ 5 types of spammers on twitter. Om nom nom indeed.
^ And related; how to be a good twitter citizen…! Dentists leech your money, BTW.
^ Kong. has zazzzzzzzzzzzzzzzle stuffzzzzzzzzzzz (yes, I’m sleepzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…
^ Wewt, flashes are t3h pwn. This says all.
^ LAZ0R TATTOOS. ’nuff said.
…Yeah, this can’t fit on Twitter. >_<
…off to sleep now, g’nizzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Alright, so, why didn’t I have time for links “yesterday”…?
The answer is simple; my parents finally noticed that 5 hours on the computer a day and sleeping at 1:00 isn’t exactly healthy for me.
…So, they asked me what I did on the computer.
Me, being, me, had no answer.
…In reality, I was merely procrastinating (I’m looking at you, twitterers and kongregators >:O).
…Thus, they decided that this procrastinating was, obviously, bad for me. I got a pretty harsh lecture and was sent off to bed, post unfinished.
…Obviously, to me this was a major blow to my “happiness” and such. Not that I had any to begin with (I’m trying my best to be completely neutral/normal in all aspects)…
While I was sleeping, I had to become philosophical, because I wasn’t philosophical long enough for the past year.
…It all came to me completely and suddenly; this is a turn for the better.
Firstly, I will now finally have the stress and harshness of my parents to support me in getting my homework completed. I’ve never had the pressure of that before (for very long, anyways), and so always got my assignments in late and in horrible quality.
Secondly, I will have to be more efficient in what I do during those vital 2 hours that I have per day while my parents are gone. This is basically squishing my 5-hours worth of time into 2; hard, but it’ll improve my productivity (for yes, I’m thinking of productive procrastination).
Thirdly, my eyesight might come back to me. Completely tentative, however.
And finally, this, where it should actually hinder my goal/dream of becoming a flash game designer (and drinking lots of beer and the like), it’s actually supporting it by strengthening my belief that PROCRASTINATION IS PRODUCTIVE. And thus, I shall focus my non-homeworking energy all on… doing whatever I was doing before.
..Another circle post, I guess. But the main thing now is that I will be online less, and thus will have less links, post less often (maybe), and appear for shorter periods of time on Twitter. D:
Anyways, links for today…!
^ Yep, we’ve all heard of Ribbon Hero. There was another article somewhere saying how it decreases workspace efficiency; I’ll look into that later….
^ Yay, job opening…! Though I doubt any real flash devs. are reading this blog… If you do apply, make sure you can actually code… -_-
^ Hmm, new blog… I feel sorry for these pets. I feel even more sorry for the humans who own these pets; I’m assuming they all have some sort of a mental disorder -_-
Maybe more things tomorrow; maybe not. Thanks for reading…!
…Hahaha, so this post has actual content….
…So, basically, in case any of you were wondering what on earth this blog is for, I have no reasons….
…However, the reason I’m spamming/advertising and posting stuff on here is for solely one purpose:
A school survey.
…I have a school survey to conduct; it’s a term-long project, with a self-chosen topic. The topic that I have chosen to study is… well, how annoying different sounds are to… people. -_-
Which means I need data. I was expecting a bit more than one person to comment, and thus give me an appropriate number of people to expect to complete the basic survey.
Unfortunately, this is not the case, which means.. I WILL HAVE TO SPAM PEOPLE!
…I won’t release the survey until later tomorrow or the day after; but before that, you can entertain yourself with a few pictures that I took today:
Stupid Puzzle Generator -_-
Oh yeah, this was also my 1337th tweet… and this happened too:
…And so, erm, I might add actual content tomorrow or something; but I can’t really think of anything to put onto here T_T help pl0x?